View Full Version : Governed by guilt
Before Christmas, some large size bars of Lindt chocolate were on sale for less than half price. I bought 6 bars to give a group of friends at our Christmas luncheon. Omicron/Covid caused the luncheon to be cancelled so I was stuck with 6 bars of chocolate. I eventually ate 2 of them which was far too much and found homes for the remainder.
This past week, some Ferraro Rocher chocolates were on an amazing special and much as I love them, I wasn't tempted. It was so clear that if I bought even one pkg, I would eat too much and regret buying it. I felt guilt for my lack of self-control in my eating in my earlier purchase and I had no desire to repeat the experience.
How much does regret or guilt from past actions govern your buying decisions today?
Simplemind
1-16-22, 9:19pm
"I was stuck with 6 bars of chocolate." Words that will never cross my lips but the chocolate would :laff:
DH and I both love it and eat a square every night, usually the very dark stuff. I have no guilt. I have no shame......
Guilt over chocolate? That’s not a thing here. :)
How much does regret or guilt from past actions govern your buying decisions today?
Oh, yes. A lot.
But too much chocolate would be the least of it.
iris lilies
1-16-22, 11:29pm
Lindt chocolate is always worth the calories! But razz, it’s good that you gave the other four bars away, you know your limitations.
ApatheticNoMore
1-17-22, 1:37am
I think a lot about whether I will regret buying something, and do research on any purchase etc. unless it's just thrift-ed, I have little worry about something not working out and re-donating it to the thrift.
But I don't obsess about a food purchase that much, yes I shop with a grocery list, but chocolate is always on it. I have sometimes thrown away food if I was out of control with it, so it's not like I don't ocassionally have to. But chocolate, nah, I'm somewhat controlled :) - honestly a lot more than I am with other desserts, so for me, it's a reasonable way to have some sweets in life if one must. I like dark chocolate about 55-72% dark (so not real sweet but not real bitter either), sometimes with almonds or mint etc..
Once got almost 10 pounds of Lindt truffles that a grocery clerk has mistakenly marked over 90% off. (70 cents per pound). Did not even clean out the clearance section. Told another customer and her smile said it all.
Husband allowed himself one piece each time he did his routine on the rower. He kept them in the basement and I stayed away from them. No more. It was just too good to pass up.
I feel guilty when I buy new clothes or pay more than $15 for a haircut. Rarely feel guilty about grocery purchases including a chocolate bar once in a while. Now I am feeling guilty about wanting to buy more seeds as I already have enough...but I can't resist:(
How much does regret or guilt from past actions govern your buying decisions today?
One of the advantages of a career in a deeply spiritual profession like accounting and finance is that you internalize the concept of “sunk costs”.
Past expenditures are irrelevant to present decisions, so no guilt or regret need attach.
One of the advantages of a career in a deeply spiritual profession like accounting and finance is that you internalize the concept of “sunk costs”.
Past expenditures are irrelevant to present decisions, so no guilt or regret need attach.
I like that. Sunk costs. Definitely spiritually up there with "non-attachment"--the economic equivalent of "Let it Be." I'll have to meditate on it, and then go rip up the little piece of paper I have where I've accounted for the 6-figure list of lifetime sunk costs and burn it in my votives along with a little incense.
I like that. Sunk costs. Definitely spiritually up there with "non-attachment"--the economic equivalent of "Let it Be." I'll have to meditate on it, and then go rip up the little piece of paper I have where I've accounted for the 6-figure list of lifetime sunk costs and burn it in my votives along with a little incense.
An accountant might refer to that action as a “hard close”, where you can no longer adjust the accounts of prior periods.
It’s all in my unsold manuscript, “The Unaudited Life is not Worth Living”.
One of the advantages of a career in a deeply spiritual profession like accounting and finance is that you internalize the concept of “sunk costs”.
Past expenditures are irrelevant to present decisions, so no guilt or regret need attach.
Never thought about accounting and finance as being a spiritual profession (tongue in cheek or otherwise) but numbers are not made of matter so cannot disagree. Sunk costs is a bit more of a challenge. i think.;)
Never thought about accounting and finance as being a spiritual profession (tongue in cheek or otherwise) but numbers are not made of matter so cannot disagree. Sunk costs is a bit more of a challenge. i think.;)
Accounting and finance are full of important philosophical and spiritual concepts: the importance of balance, moral hazard, contingent liability, honest disclosure, action and consequence, value and worth, goodwill, present and future value, the inevitable amortization of assets. I could go on for days.
It’s a model of human actions and aspirations that may well be the greatest gift of the Renaissance to mankind.
iris lilies
1-17-22, 2:08pm
Once got almost 10 pounds of Lindt truffles that a grocery clerk has mistakenly marked over 90% off. (70 cents per pound). Did not even clean out the clearance section. Told another customer and her smile said it all.
Husband allowed himself one piece each time he did his routine on the rower. He kept them in the basement and I stayed away from them. No more. It was just too good to pass up.
Long before Lindt could be found easily in our local stores, we packed suitcases with Lindt bars when visiting Switzerland to bring home. The Swiss relatives would visit and open their own suitcases with the wonderful chocolate spilling out, house gifts for us.
Now Lindt is easy to get, so they are not so special. But still the best chocolate.
iris lilies
1-17-22, 2:10pm
An accountant might refer to that action as a “hard close”, where you can no longer adjust the accounts of prior periods.
It’s all in my unsold manuscript, “The Unaudited Life is not Worth Living”.
I will order 5 copies of that, pre-pub.
iris lilies
1-17-22, 2:12pm
Accounting and finance are full of important philosophical and spiritual concepts: the importance of balance, moral hazard, contingent liability, honest disclosure, action and consequence, value and worth, goodwill, present and future value, the inevitable amortization of assets. I could go on for days.
It’s a model of human actions and aspirations that may well be the greatest gift of the Renaissance to mankind.
oh my Gd, write it! You are whetting our interest!
rosarugosa
1-18-22, 6:52am
I can't say that I ever really feel guilty about what I spend or what I eat. There have certainly been times I've felt regretful over imprudent use of financial resources, but that's not the same as feeling guilty.
I try not to feel guilt and other forms of self-flagellation, but I regularly succumb to regret.
iris lilies
1-18-22, 11:34am
Please articulate the difference between guilt and regret.
I’ll start: I have guilt when I’m responsible for something I didn’t want to happen, Causes negativity for others.
I have regret when I wish I didn’t do something that cost an outcome affecting only me.???…???
Someone else can do a better job than I did.
catherine
1-18-22, 12:29pm
Guilt and regret are both forms of remorse, but guilt is your conscience telling you you shouldn't have done something, and regret is "guilt-lite". I think it's more driven by melancholy and thwarted desire.
I also think of guilt being outer-directed (you have internalized someone else's standards of behavior) while regret is more inner-directed, that you have lost something that was of value to you.
Please articulate the difference between guilt and regret.
I’ll start: I have guilt when I’m responsible for something I didn’t want to happen, Causes negativity for others.
I have regret when I wish I didn’t do something that cost an outcome affecting only me.???…???
Someone else can do a better job than I did.
I think that’s true. Guilt comes from transgressing against some moral code: i.e. I shouldn’t have embezzled that money. People try exploiting this when they attempt to shame others (which generally requires some assumption of moral authority).
Regret comes from making a bad judgment call: i.e. I wish I hadn’t sold those Microsoft shares when I did. People can mock your stupidity, but there isn’t an element of shame involved.
rosarugosa
1-18-22, 2:57pm
I think LDAHL articulated the closest to what I was thinking. Guilt is what I feel when I have not lived up to my own standards of what I expect from myself as a decent human being. We recently spent over $2000 on dental work for Oggie. I feel some guilt that we did not address his dental issues sooner, since his mouth was surely causing him pain, and the idea that we let him suffer unnecessarily makes me feel pretty terrible.
Regret is all those coulda-shoulda-wouldas, ha, too many to count. One example is not having taken maximum advantage of my company's 401k plan from the very beginning. I ended up doing OK, but I could have done so much better.
For both types of scenarios, I do my best to learn from them and then move on. Raymond will always have the best dental care imaginable.
I try to avoid all forms of self blame for past events. I suppose by nature it's unavoidable, but not something that is healthy to dwell upon. I suppose the formal act of confession and absolution of sins has a similar function.
IMHO, Regret is something that cannot usually be undone. Guilt is when I knew better and still did it. Both help to direct the way ahead, something learned and avoided in future.
That is why chocolate is such a challenge - once eaten, that is it. I still didn't learn and repeated with the second bar until guilt took over. We are talking serious issues here.;)
IMHO, Regret is something that cannot usually be undone. Guilt is when I knew better and still did it. Both help to direct the way ahead, something learned and avoided in future.
That is why chocolate is such a challenge - once eaten, that is it. I still didn't learn and repeated with the second bar until guilt took over. We are talking serious issues here.;)
I would have frozen the chocolate bars for later, and eaten them a portion at a time, and considered myself frugal. Maybe I am too guilt-free. But no regret, either if you kept them for later.
I would have eaten all of them, belched delicately, and moved along. :D
rosarugosa
1-19-22, 6:47am
LOL, Jane.
If they were dark chocolate, you could tell yourself that you were just doing it for the antioxidants.
That's it--antioxidants! And magnesium!
catherine
1-19-22, 12:44pm
I would have frozen the chocolate bars for later, and eaten them a portion at a time, and considered myself frugal. Maybe I am too guilt-free. But no regret, either if you kept them for later.
Never thought of freezing chocolate bars. But my favorite aunt used to have a box of Russell Stover chocolates in the drawer in the living room. She would have one every night, and she called it her "little black pill."
I like that prescription! I always admired her willpower in not going back for seconds or thirds. But she never did.
confession and absolution of sins
I still can recall as a child the weight I felt lifted after going to confession. Ironically, I had to think hard to come up with a list of "sins" beforehand.
I still can recall as a child the weight I felt lifted after going to confession. Ironically, I had to think hard to come up with a list of "sins" beforehand.
I had a traumatic experience in the confessional once. I was probably about 10-12 and had a couple of friends and I had done some exploration of our anatomy as it were in the neighbor's garage. Of course after that I knew I had to confess it. I went into the dark confessional, the window slid open and I struggled with how to actually say what I had done, so I chalked is up to "13 impure acts."
The priest asked, "Are you married?" I was a bit aghast, since I had hardly even hit puberty, so I simply said, "No, Father."
So he said, "For your penance, I want you to say a rosary and never see this person again."
I sat I the back of the church, my head spinning. A ROSARY!! The most I had ever gotten was 1 Our Father and 3 Hail Mary's. That was humiliating enough but my biggest concern was, how was I going to explain to my mother why I wasn't playing with my best friend Joannie anymore?
So, yeah, I felt guilty for a short time. But I didn't regret my noncompliance with the priest's penance. Joannie and I remained good friends. And no regrets, since I know it was just a misunderstanding on the priest's end.
iris lilies
1-20-22, 3:08pm
Guilt. I have lots of it, always. That is what keeps me from thinking I’m a sociopath. I may not have much empathy with other people since I nearly always get annoyed when they lead with their feeeeeelings in any discussion, but I have shit tons of guilt. I’m always feeling guilt about something, but the severity varies.
At the moment I feel very light guilt about a rescue dog situation. We will see how that plays out.
ApatheticNoMore
1-20-22, 3:38pm
I don't consider myself particularly empathetic. I can have guilt. I try to be a decent person by my own lights. I often care as much about plants as people.
It may be as legitimate to lead a discussion with feelings as facts if you are dealing with 1) dishonest debaters who will throw every trick in the book at you and don't really care about getting at the truth of the matter anyway. it's pointless (not to mention pointlessly exhausting) to debate honestly at that point. one should not try 2) questions of values which can never entirely be resolved by pure facts anyway.
Teacher Terry
1-20-22, 3:55pm
I grew up Lutheran which is really Catholic light version. I have plenty of guilt and probably too much empathy.
Guilt and regret are both forms of remorse, but guilt is your conscience telling you you shouldn't have done something, and regret is "guilt-lite". I think it's more driven by melancholy and thwarted desire.
Off the top of my head guilt is ‘I did this and harmed someone else and wish I hadn’t’. Regret is ‘I did this and harmed myself’.
Ldahl and Rosa seem to have expanded on similar thoughts on the topic.
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