View Full Version : Can you exhaust your capacity to romantically love?
Ultralight
1-31-22, 5:44pm
Over the pasrt several years I have tried to date and to find a life partner. I have not been successful.
But I often wonder if maybe the pool of emotion that we draw from for such relationships was just totally drained from previous, unsuccessful relationships.
What are your thoughts?
I would imagine this period of time (pandemically speaking) is not optimal for finding a mate, UL. Must be hard. I can't even make friendships easily with women in my peer group right now. There isn't much opportunity. I'm feeling pretty isolated my own self, I can imagine your feelings.
I believe there is someone out there. Maybe you're trying too hard? Just let them come?
ApatheticNoMore
1-31-22, 9:48pm
I can't even make friendships easily with women in my peer group right now. There isn't much opportunity. I'm feeling pretty isolated my own self.
i hear you, not the best time to meet new people :\
Teacher Terry
1-31-22, 11:30pm
I don’t think the ability to love is a limited supply but some people get tired of being in a romantic relationship. My life is so easy without my lazy ex. Taking care of him and everything else was a lot of work. I have been on a few dates in the past year but I never intend to live with anyone again. Many older men feel the opposite. However, being married 3xs I have spent most of my life married and am having a great time being single.
I think one can get weary of an unsuccessful search for the right person, and I recall that you had a pretty stringent list of requirements that was probably not making things easier.
On the other hand, I guess it makes sense to screen out people that could never be a successful match. My sister is currently in a rather bizarre relationship with a guy she doesn't even much like, who is living with her and seems like a real jerk, the takeaway being that it's good to have some standards and there are worse things than being single.
I can't remember if this was discussed before, but did you ever consider getting involved in a dog rescue group? That might be a place to find kindred spirits.
PS: I finally got around to reading Alas, Babylon recently based on a thread you started a few years ago and I loved it!
I think one can get weary of an unsuccessful search for the right person, and I recall that you had a pretty stringent list of requirements that was probably not making things easier.
On the other hand, I guess it makes sense to screen out people that could never be a successful match. My sister is currently in a rather bizarre relationship with a guy she doesn't even much like, who is living with her and seems like a real jerk, the takeaway being that it's good to have some standards and there are worse things than being single.
I can't remember if this was discussed before, but did you ever consider getting involved in a dog rescue group? That might be a place to find kindred spirits.
PS: I finally got around to reading Alas, Babylon recently based on a thread you started a few years ago and I loved it!
I have reduced my list of requirements to:
-Not crazy
-Can pay half the rent
-TNK
Before the pandemic I was volunteering at the dog shelter as a walker.
It’s one of those mysteries of life that I doubt anyone can speak to definitively.
I don’t think, however, that it is a matter of capacity. I was already pretty long in the tooth when I met my wife. Like most things in human affairs, blind luck plays a major role. As does being open to opportunity as it presents itself.
iris lilies
2-1-22, 9:46am
I have reduced my list of requirements to:
-Not crazy
-Can pay half the rent
-TNK
Before the pandemic I was volunteering at the dog shelter as a walker.
you know we are going to ask about TNK. So…what is that
rosarugosa
2-1-22, 10:08am
I have reduced my list of requirements to:
-Not crazy
-Can pay half the rent
-TNK
Before the pandemic I was volunteering at the dog shelter as a walker.
Maybe you need to settle for "not too crazy." Just kidding, but I do hope you find your partner. You seem like a good guy and I hate to think of anyone being alone who doesn't want to be. Covid has definitely made life more challenging for those looking to meet other people, whether romantically or otherwise.
happystuff
2-1-22, 11:01am
I agree with the capacity to love not being limited - but really believe it is unlimited. As for "finding someone", I like the old idea of finding/loving yourself before you try to find/love someone else. Go and do things you want to do and visit places you want to visit and try things you want to try. If you like hiking - go! You never know who you may meet on the trail!
Chicken lady
2-1-22, 11:25am
Tan, No Kids?
Tan, No Kids?
Team No Kids.
I have been on a few dates in the past year but I never intend to live with anyone again. Many older men feel the opposite.
I do not believe I will ever marry again, or even live full-time with someone. I now value my own time, quiet, and space too much. I need "a room of my own".
My ideal situation would be living *near* a partner, and seeing each other perhaps 50% of the time at most. Occasional periods of traveling together for weeks/months at a time, interspersed on occasion with weeks of "alone-time" to focus on my work/interests. Luckily I have come across such a situation.
I have reduced my list of requirements to:
-Not crazy
-Can pay half the rent
-TNK
Before the pandemic I was volunteering at the dog shelter as a walker.
First you have the taxpayers cover your student loans, now you want someone to pay half your rent and not have any children she has to spend money on.
And the women aren't lining up to meet you?
First you have the taxpayers cover your student loans, now you want someone to pay half your rent and not have any children she has to spend money on.
And the women aren't lining up to meet you?
For those playing, I think several of your Yppej-Ultralight deadpool entries just won. Your winnings will be sent along shortly.
ApatheticNoMore
2-1-22, 7:09pm
First you have the taxpayers cover your student loans, now you want someone to pay half your rent and not have any children she has to spend money on.
weren't you married? Talk about sharing finances. Hypocrite. Unless you were the only breadwinner.
And kicking out a roommate if not married tends to be a lot easier than divorce too.
weren't you married? Talk about sharing finances. Hypocrite. Unless you were the only breadwinner.
And kicking out a roommate if not married tends to be a lot easier than divorce too.
I was the only breadwinner.
ApatheticNoMore
2-1-22, 7:19pm
Ok so no wonder you think men don't contribute anything financially and only take :). But UL is just looking to split rents with someone. I like my own place some.
For those playing, I think several of your Yppej-Ultralight deadpool entries just won. Your winnings will be sent along shortly.
Watch what I am about to do:
iris lilies
2-1-22, 7:26pm
Team No Kids.
oh. I knew it as CBC.
oh. I knew it as CBC.
I definitely had "no minor-aged children" on my checklist. Which was helpful.
oh. I knew it as CBC.
I have a super close friend in her 20s -- she is young and hip. I heard her use TNK. So I started using it. haha
Watch what I am about to do:
You could just put her on ignore. That's a popular strategy around here.
You could just put her on ignore. That's a popular strategy around here.
Put who on ignore?
IL: What does CBC stand for?
Put who on ignore?
Cold :-)
https://www.meme-arsenal.com/memes/fca5d585c747a8e808b4b7d6c7222524.jpg
Chicken lady
2-1-22, 8:01pm
Rosa - childless/child free by choice
so UL, can she have grown kids?
and how fo you define “not crazy” are you ruling out mental illness that is under control, or do you just mean “won’t slash my tires”?
Rosa - childless/child free by choice
so UL, can she have grown kids?
and how fo you define “not crazy” are you ruling out mental illness that is under control, or do you just mean “won’t slash my tires”?
I would prefer she not have adult kids. But I would approach that on a case by case basis.
The main mental illnesses I cannot deal with are the harsh ones like BPD.
iris lilies
2-1-22, 8:05pm
IL: What does CBC stand for?
Childless by choice.
Childless by choice.
Ah, and that is how I actually describe myself. I should have been able to guess it!
It always means complete blood count to me.
It always means complete blood count to me.
My first guess was Canadian Broadcasting Corporation
ApatheticNoMore
2-1-22, 8:40pm
I read it as constant birth control.
Childfree by choice is my term.
happystuff
2-2-22, 10:48am
I am hungry so my first thought was Chicken Bacon Croissant. :|(
Like Tybee, Complete Blood Count
I love Katharine Hepburn's take on this...she has some great quotes on relationships:
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and th (https://www.azquotes.com/quote/130409)en."
I love Katharine Hepburn's take on this...she has some great quotes on relationships:
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and th (https://www.azquotes.com/quote/130409)en."
That would be my preferred situation, no matter what the gender of my partner. That is, I don't think it is a male/female sorta issue.
I love Katharine Hepburn's take on this...she has some great quotes on relationships:
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and th (https://www.azquotes.com/quote/130409)en."
If I were to be single, that would be my boundary as well. It took DH and I 45 years to "season" each other to the point where we can coexist peacefully. I don't have that time anymore.
If I were to be single, that would be my boundary as well. It took DH and I 45 years to "season" each other to the point where we can coexist peacefully. I don't have that time anymore.
After our 47 years before DH passed, marriage had its major highs as well as significant challenges like so many others. That said, I don't believe that I would have understood what was so wonderfully possible without that 'seasoning'. Neat phrase;)
I knew for the next stage of my life, I had no desire to start over, a good friend maybe, but I really like my own space, control of my day to day activities and finances. I have no interest in negotiating my freedom in political, spiritual, medical etc different points of view.
That said, I don't believe that I would have understood what was so wonderfully possible without that 'seasoning'. Neat phrase;)
I'm pretty sure I had rosarugosa's thread about cookware in the back of my mind when I thought of that. :)
I'm pretty sure I had rosarugosa's thread about cookware in the back of my mind when I thought of that. :)
Lol, maybe someone here who is more lyrical than I can work with the notion that true love is like a cast iron frying pan . . .
Lol, maybe someone here who is more lyrical than I can work with the notion that true love is like a cast iron frying pan . . .
Haha! Well, here's a try, with a apologies to Robert Burns,
Oh, my luv is like a cast iron pan
Sitting on the stove
Seasoned with the finest oils
like sesame and clove.
iris lilies
2-3-22, 10:15am
Haha! Well, here's a try, with a apologies to Robert Burns,
Oh, my luv is like a cast iron pan
Sitting on the stove
Seasoned with the finest oils
like sesame and clove.
Nice! Rabbie would be proud!
rosarugosa
2-3-22, 10:22am
Good job, Catherine!
I think you can learn to tolerate being alone more than taking the chance of complicating your life. I am 65 and hubby 69. If I were left alone I would be in no hurry for a romantic involvement. People can hide so many things. Crazy family, crazy ex wives and girlfriends, well you get the idea.
I would definitely NOT remarry, but wouldn't mind finding love again.
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