View Full Version : Would you date/marry someone who is a dwarf (unsure if politically correct)?
Ultralight
2-12-22, 10:14am
Hi, question... and no, this isn't a minimalist joke. Would you date/marry someone who is a dwarf?
I don't know if dwarf is the politically correct term for someone who is legally/medically a dwarf because they have dwarfism. Correct me if there is a newer, more proper term.
Thoughts?
iris lilies
2-12-22, 11:05am
When Peter Dinklage sends me that email saying he has dumped his wife and he’s now ready to take me out on the town, you bet I’m going to be there. His hotness cannot be overstated.
The general correct term is “little people “and “little person “although that doesn’t define the type of differently abled.
Chicken lady
2-12-22, 11:10am
“Person with dwarfism” is medically and socially correct, but excludes a few people who are of very short stature for non-dwarfism related reasons.
Depending on the social group or individual, both “dwarf” and “little person” may be considered preferred or offensive.
are you looking for reassurance that there is no downside to dating a particular woman, confirmation that your preferences are shared, or surveying thus group for bias? Oh. Wait, it’s UL - D: bored and hoping to create controversy ;)
I would not date anyone. I am happily married.
happystuff
2-12-22, 11:10am
If I met them, liked them, enjoyed their company, etc - establishing a growing relationship would definitely be a possibility. Jerks come in all shapes and sizes, but fortunately, nice people do, too.
catherine
2-12-22, 12:29pm
Yeah, it's a personal decision, but I can't think of any blanket reason that their physical stature alone would rule them out as good friends, companions, partners or spouses.
Teacher Terry
2-12-22, 1:58pm
People’s smaller size can cause limitations such as going up steps, being able to walk long distances, drive a car, etc so in some ways similar to asking if you would date someone in a wheelchair or that was mobility impaired. It depends on lifestyle and if that person would fit in.
iris lilies
2-12-22, 2:09pm
People’s smaller size can cause limitations such as going up steps, being able to walk long distances, drive a car, etc so in some ways similar to asking if you would date someone in a wheelchair or that was mobility impaired. It depends on lifestyle and if that person would fit in.
Sure, and orthopedic problems for many.
The ghetto culture here is purposely breeding bulldogs with dwarfism. Always such a responsible crowd (not.) We had one of their dogs in my house for fostering last year, turned over to bulldog rescue by the money grubbing
Humane Society of Missouri that determined her skeletal system was more than they wanted to deal with.
she had a couple of health issues that need to be resolved but they were typical bulldog things not related to her dwarfism. She actually had very strong muscles which will help her skeletal challenges. Her new family must watch her for joint pain developing. She was just a little doll, Cutest little thing ever, and surprisingly well socialized considering she was probably kept in a cage much of her early life.
I confess to being attracted to dwarf bulldogs but would never of course actually BUY one from a breeder. We have another dwarf bulldog in our group, a naturally occurring one, turned over to rescue because her family’s vet scared them with recommendations of completely unnecessary surgeries in upcoming bills of $5,000+. Utterly ridiculous. She lives with one of our volunteers and is perfectly fine—they just have to limit her exposure to stairs, and watch her for joint pain making an appearance.
No, because I’d want a “normal” partner. I tend to weigh the positives and negatives of someone before even beginning to date them.
Ultralight
2-12-22, 5:07pm
Sure, and orthopedic problems for many.
The ghetto culture here is purposely breeding bulldogs with dwarfism. Always such a responsible crowd (not.) We had one of their dogs in my house for fostering last year, turned over to bulldog rescue by the money grubbing
Humane Society of Missouri that determined her skeletal system was more than they wanted to deal with.
she had a couple of health issues that need to be resolved but they were typical bulldog things not related to her dwarfism. She actually had very strong muscles which will help her skeletal challenges. Her new family must watch her for joint pain developing. She was just a little doll, Cutest little thing ever, and surprisingly well socialized considering she was probably kept in a cage much of her early life.
I confess to being attracted to dwarf bulldogs but would never of course actually BUY one from a breeder. We have another dwarf bulldog in our group, a naturally occurring one, turned over to rescue because her family’s vet scared them with recommendations of completely unnecessary surgeries in upcoming bills of $5,000+. Utterly ridiculous. She lives with one of our volunteers and is perfectly fine—they just have to limit her exposure to stairs, and watch her for joint pain making an appearance.
Ghetto culture?
Ultralight
2-12-22, 5:09pm
So I am talking to a woman who is a dwarf. She is on the taller side of little people, as their average height is 4 feet, but she is 4 feet 9 inches.
She seems nice, eager to please, caring, and cooperative. She is cute too.
Downside is she is very religious -- Goes to mass every week.
So I am talking to a woman who is a dwarf. She is on the taller side of little people, as their average height is 4 feet, but she is 4 feet 9 inches.
She seems nice, eager to please, caring, and cooperative. She is cute too.
Downside is she is very religious -- Goes to mass every week.
If she’s very religious then leave her alone. You’re not going to be happy with her religious observance and I highly doubt she would stop going to church because you want her to
If she’s very religious then leave her alone. You’re not going to be happy with her religious observance and I highly doubt she would stop going to church because you want her to
Indeed.
"Very religious" is an immediate disqualifier for my own algorithm.
ApatheticNoMore
2-12-22, 6:23pm
4"9' is within normal height for a woman IMO, on the short side of course. But I guess dwarfism has to do with proportions as well, if normal proportioned, that's not a dwarf, just short.
ToomuchStuff
2-12-22, 6:50pm
4"9' is within normal height for a woman IMO, on the short side of course. But I guess dwarfism has to do with proportions as well, if normal proportioned, that's not a dwarf, just short.
I believe that is correct, but don't know for sure. I remember some discussion on dwarfism, verses a little person as there was a gal, that I used to work with, who described herself as a "Mexican midget with an Irish name". She thought of herself as one, but had stated medically she wasn't (4' even). She also thought she was Irish (last name) and found out about her real father in high school.
If she would have been single, as there was an attraction, then yes.
Now the religious verses an atheist thing, that tends not to work.
iris lilies
2-12-22, 6:55pm
Ghetto culture?
Thanks for playing. Thought you would respond.
yes. In my city the peeps who have fighting pitbulls dogs and shorty bulls (dwarf bulldogs) are heavily weighted toward the population that is African American persons of lower socioeconomic status.
Out in rural MO it might the same might be popular with white persons of lower socioeconomic status but I dont know since I dont live in out state MO.
Teacher Terry
2-12-22, 8:08pm
My second husband was a atheist and I believed when we were married. It didn’t cause any issues. We went to church occasionally. When he married it was to someone quite religious and they go to church every Sunday. He views it as a social activity and thinks the people are very nice. They stay for coffee afterwards. He was always upfront about his beliefs. They have many interests in common and have been married 22 years. If you can respect each other’s beliefs it’s fine.
UL has been rather militant about the religion thing in the past. Someone like that would likely not be a good fit with a very religious person.
I chuckle when I think about suggesting a SLF group wish list for the perfect partner for UL and all the key points that he should consider.
How many of us that did find a long-term partner actually followed any wish list.
My key points re DH were not appearance (although he was cute) so much but the qualities of intelligence, kindness, curiosity, thoughtfulness, humour, humility that went along with his blue eyes and calmness under all circumstances. He was a treasured friend as well as partner in all our adventures.
How many of us that did find a long-term partner actually followed any wish list.
I have had good success using a list containing traits, both good and bad, to use to winnow the field. And to monitor the progress of a relationship.
Height wasn't on any of the lists however. Not sure how that bears on the matter.
happystuff
2-12-22, 10:58pm
When I was younger and single, I had a guy tell me that height didn't matter when you were laying down. (And, hence, didn't matter when standing.) He was right. ;)
When I was younger and single, I had a guy tell me that height didn't matter when you were laying down. (And, hence, didn't matter when standing.) He was right. ;)
In both my amateur and professional experience, height matters in a sense when you are laying down, in that simple geometry allows/prohibits certain things based on the relative heights of the people involved. That's not saying any given arrangement is "bad", just "different", and you proceed from there.
happystuff
2-12-22, 11:07pm
In both my amateur and professional experience, height matters in a sense when you are laying down, in that simple geometry allows/prohibits certain things based on the relative heights of the people involved. That's not saying any given arrangement is "bad", just "different", and you proceed from there.
And that, I believe, was the point. LOL.
rosarugosa
2-13-22, 8:54am
I think the religion thing would be more of an issue than the dwarfism, but then again, physical attraction does tend to be important, whether we like the idea intellectually or not. I would not choose someone who was deeply religious to be my life partner. A reality-based worldview is a must for me. That being said, I believe IL is not religious and her DH is, and their relationship seems to work, so one size does not fit all.
ETA: Pun was not intended!
Ultralight
2-13-22, 9:45am
I have had good success using a list containing traits, both good and bad, to use to winnow the field. And to monitor the progress of a relationship.
Height wasn't on any of the lists however. Not sure how that bears on the matter.
Women have strong preferences for tall men. So it may not be on your list, but its on the wish list for 96% of women.
Ultralight
2-13-22, 9:50am
UL has been rather militant about the religion thing in the past. Someone like that would likely not be a good fit with a very religious person.
I am a bit of a firebrand atheist. Very true!
But the numbers are bad. 66% of atheists are men. Even agnostics are mostly men.
So unless I become significantly more attractive -- like I grow another 6 inches taller or my salary goes north of 6 figs or I become a successful comedian (All of which are either impossible or extremely unlikely) then I probably need to date religious women. Otherwise this, uh, dry spell, goes on for a looooooooooooooong time.
iris lilies
2-13-22, 10:25am
I chuckle when I think about suggesting a SLF group wish list for the perfect partner for UL and all the key points that he should consider.
How many of us that did find a long-term partner actually followed any wish list.
My key points re DH were not appearance (although he was cute) so much but the qualities of intelligence, kindness, curiosity, thoughtfulness, humour, humility that went along with his blue eyes and calmness under all circumstances. He was a treasured friend as well as partner in all our adventures.
My non-negotiable was financial responsibility. My requirement wasn’t “ make a lot of money” because I was more interested in how much they KEPT of their income than how much they made. Even back then I was a tightwad.
Also, they had to make me laugh.
Women have strong preferences for tall men.
Not sure where you are getting your statistics from. I will agree many women prefer men taller than /them/.
iris lilies
2-13-22, 10:30am
I am a bit of a firebrand atheist. Very true!
But the numbers are bad. 66% of atheists are men. Even agnostics are mostly men.
So unless I become significantly more attractive -- like I grow another 6 inches taller or my salary goes north of 6 figs or I become a successful comedian (All of which are either impossible or extremely unlikely) then I probably need to date religious women. Otherwise this, uh, dry spell, goes on for a looooooooooooooong time.
if you sincerely and in your heart cannot respect a woman who has a sincere religious life, then please stay away from such women.
On the other hand, if you can sincerely and in your heart accept that we human beings are different from one another, and some people will have a bent for faith and others will not, and you respect that difference, then go forth.
Such a good point about respect. If you cannot sincerely respect someone, then the relationship is not going to work.
iris lilies
2-13-22, 10:36am
I think the religion thing would be more of an issue than the dwarfism, but then again, physical attraction does tend to be important, whether we like the idea intellectually or not. I would not choose someone who was deeply religious to be my life partner. A reality-based worldview is a must for me. That being said, I believe IL is not religious and her DH is, and their relationship seems to work, so one size does not fit all.
ETA: Pun was not intended!
DH says he is a believer yet he doesn’t go to church and I’m not sure he’s been in church in 30 years other than the times when he visited his mother and they went to church. He doesn’t do anything churchie voluntarily. But if he did, that would be fine with me. He Does send checks periodically to his childhood parish, and that is with my encouragement. The Catholic Church has grown on me over the years since I live in the urban core where there’s an old Victorian Catholic church seemingly on every corner. Can’t beat the architecture.
When we move to Hermann I plan to write checks to the Catholic Church there because their big turn of the century church steeple forms such an important part of my gorgeous view. I want that building maintained.
Ultralight
2-13-22, 10:39am
Not sure where you are getting your statistics from. I will agree many women prefer men taller than /them/.
Give it a google.
Ultralight
2-13-22, 10:41am
Such a good point about respect. If you cannot sincerely respect someone, then the relationship is not going to work.
Can you respect certain aspects of someone and not respect (but not necessarily disrespect) some other aspect of someone?
If I was in love with an atheist woman, but her favorite music was boy bands, could I withhold respect about her taste in music?
iris lilies
2-13-22, 11:00am
Can you respect certain aspects of someone and not respect (but not necessarily disrespect) some other aspect of someone?
If I was in love with an atheist woman, but her favorite music was boy bands, could I withhold respect about her taste in music?
I dunno, can YOU?
Can you respect certain aspects of someone and not respect (but not necessarily disrespect) some other aspect of someone?
If I was in love with an atheist woman, but her favourite music was boy bands, could I withhold respect about her taste in music?
Why would you? Each of us is an independent whole complete being with unique qualities and values. Do they have to coincide with each other? It would be better for the relationship. DH loved country music and I love classical so we each found some music that the other could tolerate and enjoyed it.
Respect is:
transitive verb
To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem or admire.
To avoid interfering with or intruding upon.
To avoid violating.
ToomuchStuff
2-13-22, 11:05am
I dunno, can YOU?
Exactly, it is a personal thing.
UL, you have seemed pretty militant about your viewpoint on Religion.
DH says he is a believer yet he doesn’t go to church and I’m not sure he’s been in church in 30 years other than the times when he visited his mother and they went to church. He doesn’t do anything churchie voluntarily. But if he did, that would be fine with me. He Does send checks periodically to his childhood parish, and that is with my encouragement. The Catholic Church has grown on me over the years since I live in the urban core where there’s an old Victorian Catholic church seemingly on every corner. Can’t beat the architecture.
When we move to Hermann I plan to write checks to the Catholic Church there because their big turn of the century church steeple forms such an important part of my gorgeous view. I want that building maintained.
Thank you for doing that! I love the old gothic renewal architecture or whatever you call it. They’re expensive to maintain.
Can you respect certain aspects of someone and not respect (but not necessarily disrespect) some other aspect of someone?
If I was in love with an atheist woman, but her favorite music was boy bands, could I withhold respect about her taste in music?
As I've often said, DH and I are opposites, as are many couples. It's hard to find a carbon copy of oneself. I've often said I would never marry someone like me. Not that I don't like myself, but it would be a pretty boring life. Part of what I love about DH is his gregarious personality. He's Republican, I'm Democrat. We were both raised Christian but I had to get married in a Presbyterian charch, giving up my Catholic practices, because his family wouldn't have gone to the wedding. He loves to fish, I hate it. He loves to golf, I hate it. I'm not particularly fond of all the music he plays, but we do have some common ground there.
However, if you find it difficult to compromise on tolerating differences in the other person, it's better to steer clear. Those little slivers of minor annoyance while you're dating will quickly become painfully infected with resentment and distaste once you are committed to each other.
rosarugosa
2-13-22, 7:03pm
I think there will be a lot of variation on differences we can tolerate and those we cannot. I consider myself a pretty militant atheist, so that's not something I would consider negotiable in a partner.
This thread reminded me of this key point from a 2005 commencement speech by David Foster Wallace.
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”
"You choose what you worship".
This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship. In the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship."
There are four more key points in the Time's summary of this commencement address.
https://time.com/collection-post/3894477/david-foster-wallace-commencement-speech/
I love David Foster Wallace. Frankly, I hadn't known much, if anything, about him before my son gave me the speech-turned-book This is Water as a gift. Thanks for the reference and the reminder, razz.
iris lilies
2-14-22, 9:38am
Can you respect certain aspects of someone and not respect (but not necessarily disrespect) some other aspect of someone?
If I was in love with an atheist woman, but her favorite music was boy bands, could I withhold respect about her taste in music?
I am not saying this is you because I realize you MAY be using use boy bands only as example, but there really are people who think taste in music must be a way to mate select. Things that make me go hmmmmm.
i remember my neighbor made this statement decades ago. Not much later she and her husband got a divorce. They liked the same kind of music. Hmmmmm.
I can’t see that as a mate selection tool. DH has most “awful” taste in video entertainment, but he hets to watch what he want. He doesnt make me watch it. Once in a while I will find a tv show like Justified or The Leftovers that we watch together, but it isnt often. And usually by the time I have sussed out a production we both would like, I have already watched it.
I love David Foster Wallace. Frankly, I hadn't known much, if anything, about him before my son gave me the speech-turned-book This is Water as a gift. Thanks for the reference and the reminder, razz.
This Youtube graphic is fun to watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsAd4HGJS4o&ab_channel=AfterSkool
happystuff
2-14-22, 10:49am
This thread reminded me of this key point from a 2005 commencement speech by David Foster Wallace.
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”
"You choose what you worship".
This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship. In the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship."
There are four more key points in the Time's summary of this commencement address.
https://time.com/collection-post/3894477/david-foster-wallace-commencement-speech/
Thank you so much for the link! I'm off to try to find the whole commencement speech. I especially love #4:
4. Real freedom is sacrifice
The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day. That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.
Edited to add: Found if. If anyone else is interested in the whole thing: https://fs.blog/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/
catherine
2-14-22, 12:15pm
Thank you, happystuff: And here's the video (of the audio)! It's cool to listen to him giving the speech. It's about 20 minutes long,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI
I'll just keep my opinion to myself here. >8)
Ultralight
2-14-22, 5:41pm
I think there will be a lot of variation on differences we can tolerate and those we cannot. I consider myself a pretty militant atheist, so that's not something I would consider negotiable in a partner.
But the numbers are on your side.
But the numbers are on your side.
You’re desperate and reek of it, UL.
Say you get together with this religious gal. Say she’s willing to sleep with you even though she’s really religious. It’s Sunday morning, she goes to get out of bed to go to Mass and you want more nookie. She says no, and off to church she goes. You going to rail against her religion because it kept you from getting it on?
Ultralight
2-14-22, 9:21pm
You’re desperate and reek of it, UL.
Say you get together with this religious gal. Say she’s willing to sleep with you even though she’s really religious. It’s Sunday morning, she goes to get out of bed to go to Mass and you want more nookie. She says no, and off to church she goes. You going to rail against her religion because it kept you from getting it on?
All of this comment is really harsh, rude, and presumptuous. How would you feel of someone said harsh, rude, and presumptuous things about you or someone who cared about?
All of this comment is really harsh, rude, and presumptuous. How would you feel of someone said harsh, rude, and presumptuous things about you or someone who cared about?
I get shit all the time from male asshats both online and in person who don’t like female divers much. Here I can at least stand up for myself. If you think that’s rude or harsh, you’re way off base. It was trying to make you see that you appear to be settling (or attempting to settle for) someone that very well might not be a good fit for you.
You’re in a university town. Surely there are women who are more in line with your belief system.
You’ve been a very militant atheist on here. You’re complaining the numbers aren’t in your favor. You’ve had a rather restrictive list of wants in a partner. Given how you’ve been in the past, it’s pretty obvious a very religious woman would likely not be a good match for you.
Ultralight
2-14-22, 10:13pm
I get shit all the time from male asshats both online and in person who don’t like female divers much. Here I can at least stand up for myself. If you think that’s rude or harsh, you’re way off base. It was trying to make you see that you appear to be settling (or attempting to settle for) someone that very well might not be a good fit for you.
You’re in a university town. Surely there are women who are more in line with your belief system.
You’ve been a very militant atheist on here. You’re complaining the numbers aren’t in your favor. You’ve had a rather restrictive list of wants in a partner. Given how you’ve been in the past, it’s pretty obvious a very religious woman would likely not be a good match for you.
Standing up for yourself against who? I am not a diver, I just happen to be male. And I don't think I came at you or insulted you or done anything to warrant you "standing up for yourself" against me.
rosarugosa
2-15-22, 7:41am
This thread reminded me of this key point from a 2005 commencement speech by David Foster Wallace.
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”
"You choose what you worship".
This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship. In the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship."
There are four more key points in the Time's summary of this commencement address.
https://time.com/collection-post/3894477/david-foster-wallace-commencement-speech/
What he said about atheism isn't even intelligent, isn't even true.
Atheist definition (Merriam-Webster) - "a person who does not believe in the existence of a god or any gods." Now if one wants to make up one's own definition of atheist and then claim there is no such thing, well have at it, I guess, but I will not be impressed with your profundity.
iris lilies
2-15-22, 10:37am
What he said about atheism isn't even intelligent, isn't even true.
Atheist definition (Merriam-Webster) - "a person who does not believe in the existence of a god or any gods." Now if one wants to make up one's own definition of atheist and then claim there is no such thing, well have at it, I guess, but I will not be impressed with your profundity.
oooo girl, dissing David Foster Wallace is a brave act few on the interwebs take on.
oooo girl, dissing David Foster Wallace is a brave act few on the interwebs take on.
I'd only heard of him in passing, and I persisted in getting him confused with Michael Clarke Duncan, erstwhile fiancé of Omarosa, (who is also dead).
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