I think my mom has early stage dementia.

[Ultralight]

My sis, BIL, and I are discussing if we want to talk to her about it.

I know if it was me, I'd want to be diagnosed as early as possible.

This way I'd have more options and enough wherewithal to exercise those options.


Thoughts?

[Tybee]

It's a good idea to educate yourself as much as possible. The Alzheimer's Association website is a good place to begin:

https://www.alz.org/

[herbgeek]

I know if it was me, I'd want to be diagnosed as early as possible.

Me too, but not everyone feels this way. My mom is still in denial that there is anything wrong with her, even though she's in the memory care unit of an assisted living facility.

How do you think your mom will react? Is she normally open to health interventions? Will she want to pretend this isn't happening?

If she's open to it, I highly recommend she has a conservator agreement in place so that you/siblings can make decisions on her behalf when she gets to the point where she is not making good decisions herself. We had to go to court because my mother was vigorously opposed to anyone else making her decisions, and it was stressful all around. All make sure there are medical POA's and that you ask her what she wants for end of life care.

[early morning]

Please remember that not all dementia is Alzheimer's. And I think for most people, how an evaluation is approached is really important. Can you make it her idea, in any way? Does she have a doctor she trusts? And honestly, we are so quick to think "old people" = losing their minds - when sometimes, it's a simple thing. Like a UTI. Really.

My mother developed dementia, not Alzheimer's, in her mid 80s. After much discussion, she agreed to medication that - at least in her case - stabilized her memory loss and allowed her another 10 years of functioning well enough to live on her own (her goal). Of course we provided much support and monitoring. My mom was very hard-headed with strong opinions about not going into care, not being a burden, and not living "beyond knowing about it", as she put it. Her neurologist was great, and put the use of medication to her clearly - would you take an aspirin for a bad headache? Have surgery for a broken arm? Because those things allow you to continue to live your life, and this memory drug will, also. And, for her, it did. At first we saw a marked improvement, then a plateau, then a long, gradual decline. By the time she needed to go into care, she had fallen, hit her head, and understood she could no longer make it on her own. And she was 96 at that point, and was ok with going to a residential facility that catered to dementia patients.

Talk, and LISTEN, to your mom. She may surprise you.

[iris lilies]

Your father will be the chief caretaker and decision-maker in this, so going forward without understanding he will influence 75% of what happens here is mostly an intellectual exercise. But I understand you’re starting the conversation, so that’s good.

[ToomuchStuff]

How do you know she hasn't been diagnosed, and told already?
Who has medical access?

[Teacher Terry]

Someone I know had her mom diagnosed with dementia when really her pituitary gland quit working. Once she started medications she was fine. Many things mimic dementia.

[rosarugosa]

Have you talked to your dad about it yet, and if so, what does he think? I agree with what others have said about ruling out other conditions like UTI or a vitamin B deficiency.

[Ultralight]

Have you talked to your dad about it yet, and if so, what does he think? I agree with what others have said about ruling out other conditions like UTI or a vitamin B deficiency.

My dad and I don't speak. He is MAGA.

[Ultralight]

Your father will be the chief caretaker and decision-maker in this, so going forward without understanding he will influence 75% of what happens here is mostly an intellectual exercise. But I understand you’re starting the conversation, so that’s good.

Then this is essentially out of my hands. My dad and I don't speak. He is MAGA.

[iris lilies]

Then this is essentially out of my hands. My dad and I don't speak. He is MAGA.
Yes. And if your sister gets along better with your father, perhaps she can raise the issue to end of life planning documents such as POA and all of the medical stuff. Your mother would likely name your father in those roles.

[Tybee]

Your dad will be the one they consult with respect to your mom's medical care. So you will either have to express your concerns to your father or if he does not take care of her, then report your concerns to Adult Protective Services if she is over 65.

You can't bypass the person's spouse unless you go to court. And it does not sound like you are anywhere near that state of affairs.

[Teacher Terry]

My stepson quit speaking to his dad because of what he did to me. I encouraged him to reconcile because you only have one parent and once they are gone it’s too late. Thankfully he took my advice.

[Ultralight]

My stepson quit speaking to his dad because of what he did to me. I encouraged him to reconcile because you only have one parent and once they are gone it’s too late. Thankfully he took my advice.

What did he do to you?

[Ultralight]

Your dad will be the one they consult with respect to your mom's medical care. So you will either have to express your concerns to your father or if he does not take care of her, then report your concerns to Adult Protective Services if she is over 65.

You can't bypass the person's spouse unless you go to court. And it does not sound like you are anywhere near that state of affairs.

I am okay with this not being any responsibility of mine.

[Ultralight]

Yes. And if your sister gets along better with your father, perhaps she can raise the issue to end of life planning documents such as POA and all of the medical stuff. Your mother would likely name your father in those roles.
I will no longer be concerned with this.

[herbgeek]

I will no longer be concerned with this.

Why?