Latest Mom Adventures

[rosarugosa]

The other morning my mother called me up because she was "freezing," and it was "ice cold in this house." I had her check the thermostat, which she said was on 80, her radiators were cold to the touch but since it was possible something was wrong with her furnace, I went over to her house. (I should also mention that it was a pretty mild day, but she is always cold). She must have turned the heat up when checking the thermostat, because when I got there, the heat was on high, radiators were hot, and thermostat was on 85. I fed her breakfast, we did her medications and I went home.
Later in the afternoon, she called me again. "It is so hot in my house, I can't even breathe!" LOL, because sometimes you have to laugh because it beats crying.
I try not to think too hard about all the fossil fuels being consumed by senior citizens living alone in single family houses that are being heated to 80 degrees or more.
Next up is her phone service. I jumped through a lot of hoops and went through a bit of frustration to get her phone service changed from Verizon to Comcast earlier in the year. I did this because she was paying for a "triple play" from Comcast, so phone service would not cost anything extra, and she was paying about $90 per month to Verizon. I was trying to be prudent with her resources. Well the Comcast service has flat-out sucked. She has lost service at least 4 times (it seems to correlate with rainy, windy weather, although that could be a coincidence). So then my 87-year-old mother with Alzheimer's who lives alone, has no phone. I have to go to her house, do a modem restart, spend a hour on the phone with Comcast agents, etc. etc. So long story short, Mom currently has no phone service, Comcast is going out there today, and Verizon is going out there on Friday to switch her phone service back to Verizon. Maybe not the most frugal move, but who can put a price on sanity?
We can theoretically communicate via Alexa, but Mom doesn't seem able to learn how to do this. I gave her a cheat sheet with the following Magic Words:
Alexa, call Rosa
Alexa, answer the phone
We practiced for awhile, but I have no confidence that she can do it without me there to prompt her.

[Tybee]

This sounds like my mom, I remember getting her a jitterbug phone and preprogramming it to call me and then explaining to her what buttons to push and just hoping she could remember how to do it.
Dementia is so terrible. Would she be open to moving to assisted living? My mom became a danger to herself--would melt things on the stove, put weird things in the microwave, tried to mow the lawn with a new zero turn mower and threw herself off it into the side of the barn.

[herbgeek]

My mom was doing similar before we moved her to assisted living. I'd come for a visit and the stove in the kitchen would be blasting and she'd be sleeping in a room down the hall. She'd forgotten she had a thermostat and was using the stove to heat up the 2200 square foot house. Conversely, it was hotter than hell one day in the summer. Because the air conditioner had membrane switches and not the physical buttons she associates with controls, she couldn't turn on the AC.

My sister set up Alexa in my mother's apartment because my mom can't turn the tv on and off. When she gets frustrated, she first hits random keys on the remote and then unplugs the TV, the cable box etc and then of course nothing works. She swears she didn't do anything! Even though there are prompts next to the TV, my sister still has to get on the phone and have my mom repeat the phrases. Sometimes at least the staff can do the Alexa part to get the TV on, and to her favorite channel.

[Yppej]

Is she not willing to move, or has no one broached the subject with her?

[iris lilies]

Ah yes, the 90 degree Fahrenheit rooms of our parents,

I remember finally learning to smile and nod when my mother fussed around my visits to her, worrying that I would be too cold. When I got into her guest room I closed the bedroom door, and then opened the windows. That was in January in Northern Iowa. That was easier than talking rationally about heat.

When the old people move to a group setting where they are always cold, they co exist with staff who are not cold because the staff run around all the time and also are often overweight.

so who controls the temperature in those places? The staff. And the poor seniors are still cold.

My mother stopped complaining about the cold when she was well into dementia-land. I always wondered if she was still cold but didn’t notice or what, exactly.

[rosarugosa]

I think we can keep Mom chugging along at home for another year or two, and of course being at home is her preference. In the big scheme of things, the phone and the heat are manageable annoyances that I can live with (although I still need to vent occasionally, lol). Fortunately, she has no inclination to turn on the stove (we're a lot alike in that regard!), and she has no tendency to wander (it's COLD out there!).

[iris lilies]

I think we can keep Mom chugging along at home for another year or two, and of course being at home is her preference. In the big scheme of things, the phone and the heat are manageable annoyances that I can live with (although I still need to vent occasionally, lol). Fortunately, she has no inclination to turn on the stove (we're a lot alike in that regard!), and she has no tendency to wander (it's COLD out there!).


The problem comes when your mother has a critical incident and cannot live by herself any more. When you have to drop everything in your life and scurry around to find an emergency placement, that is a huge challenge.

I hope you are working with her, or your sister, to identify the next step for her living arrangement. Having that lined up when the chit hits the fan is key.

[Tybee]

The problem comes when your mother has a critical incident and cannot live by herself any more. When you have to drop everything in your life and scurry around to find an emergency placement, that is a huge challenge.

I hope you are working with her, or your sister, to identify the next step for her living arrangement. Having that lined up when the chit hits the fan is key.

That's a really good point. Have you been able to look around and see what you would want to do next for her, if it came to that point? I think that is how a lot of assisted living/memory care admissions come about, when someone falls or gets sick. That was what happened to my parents. They could not go from the hospital back home.

Looking back, I would have seen what was out there if we needed it down the road. I have toured six or seven places and they are all different, and you will get some good ideas for the future.

[iris lilies]

That's a really good point. Have you been able to look around and see what you would want to do next for her, if it came to that point? I think that is how a lot of assisted living/memory care admissions come about, when someone falls or gets sick. That was what happened to my parents. They could not go from the hospital back home.

Looking back, I would have seen what was out there if we needed it down the road. I have toured six or seven places and they are all different, and you will get some good ideas for the future.

My mom’s nursing home placement took place somewhat seamlessly without tons of drama, well from my point of iew anyway because I’m six hours away. She was hospitalized for ongoing severe leg pain. We never figured out what it was, but she was transferred to a nursing home while the health insurance would pay for it to do further care and analysis, and after a while we just said she needs to stay here. Of course she was unhappy and complaining about it, but she did not make efforts to leave.

My brother and sister-in-law spent some time shopping around for nursing homes and they ended choosing one that was not the closest, but was fairly close, and seemed pretty nice to me all things considered.

[rosarugosa]

That is good advice, IL and Tybee, and something I know, but have not yet acted on. It is just such crappy stuff to think about, which makes it very easy to procrastinate. She keeps saying "I wish god would take me," and I certainly wish she could shuffle off her mortal coil before next steps become necessary. However, I realize that hoping for death is as much of a non-plan as those who wish to win the lottery to fund their retirements. She does not have a lot of money in the bank, not even enough to fund a year of assisted living or nursing home, so it would be a matter of selling her house - another fun endeavor.

[rosarugosa]

As Flowers just said on another thread " the time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining." I need to take that one to heart!

[iris lilies]

That is good advice, IL and Tybee, and something I know, but have not yet acted on. It is just such crappy stuff to think about, which makes it very easy to procrastinate. She keeps saying "I wish god would take me," and I certainly wish she could shuffle off her mortal coil before next steps become necessary. However, I realize that hoping for death is as much of a non-plan as those who wish to win the lottery to fund their retirements. She does not have a lot of money in the bank, not even enough to fund a year of assisted living or nursing home, so it would be a matter of selling her house - another fun endeavor.

having money certainly helps. My mom had a decent income as well as nursing home insurance, so we didn’t have to sell her house until we chose to do it. Between her nursing home insurance and her income that covered the first few years of nursing home care. When the insurance ran out she still had enough financial assets to close the gap. We didn’t have any problem with selling the house, we just didn’t need do it right away so we rented it out to a relative for a couple of years and then he eventually bought it.

You are going to have to sell her house anyway regardless of what happens.

[Yppej]

I would think there are other intermediate steps between single family home and nursing home/assisted living such as:

1. Downsize to an apartment
2. Have someone live with her - in today's housing market someone might be happy to have free rent in exchange for staying there overnight
3. Live with a family member - probably the most challenging option

[beckyliz]

On Thursdays, I work at our main branch in a town about an hour away. This past Thursday, I could see through the Ring doorbell that my husband's friend had dropped him off from taking him to lunch. DH was ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door. I tried calling his cell - no answer (learned later it was in the house). I talked to him through the Ring. I tried to talk him through opening the screen door (sometimes you have to push it in a bit before turning the handle down). No go. I tried to explain to him how to use the garage door keypad. He ended up taking it completely off the door frame. I ended up calling his friend who came back to help him. Turns out, DH had actually locked the doors behind him this time (he never does this anymore). They struggled and got the doors open and DH got in the house. I tried later and no problem with any of our keys working in the doors.

When I got home about 6:00 that evening, he had no memory of this entire episode. I went into our bedroom to change and found the shower going full bore. Who knows how long that had been running, because DH certainly didn't. The water was still hot, so probably not more than a couple of hours. Can't wait to see that water bill. Kind of ironic that he actually took a shower that afternoon - I call it a win if he showers twice a week.

I've started the process of applying for medicaid to get him into a local PACE program. It's $5K a month private pay, which we don't have. Management will let me start WFH 2 days a week, also. Good times.

[iris lilies]

I would think there are other intermediate steps between single family home and nursing home/assisted living such as:

1. Downsize to an apartment
2. Have someone live with her - in today's housing market someone might be happy to have free rent in exchange for staying there overnight
3. Live with a family member - probably the most challenging option

sure, but FINDING those reliable, reasonable non-criminally intended or not-thieves to stay around and monitor an oldster is a huge ongoing challenge. And while it is somewhat easier to live with a senior you’re not related to like your mother, it would always be her house, her rules, her idiocyncracies, her control of the thermostat.

You are romanticizing this.

[iris lilies]

I would think there are other intermediate steps between single family home and nursing home/assisted living such as:

1. Downsize to an apartment
2. Have someone live with her - in today's housing market someone might be happy to have free rent in exchange for staying there overnight
3. Live with a family member - probably the most challenging option

Teacher Terri would know about this, but there is apparently a program where needy adults can live as foster residents in the home of a family.

I saw this in one of the videos I watched about romance scammers. In it a young family had in their house a middle-aged woman who is intellectually challenged. The middle-aged woman was sending all of her money to a Nigerian scammer.

That situation has to be tricky to navigate because it’s certainly very foolish to waste all your money doing that, on the other hand the foster family needs to respect the autonomy of their adult foster person. They handled it well I think when the mom the family took the approach “she can’t live here anymore if she’s going to put this family in danger with a money laundering and possible criminal involvement. She needs to stop because she’s endangering us. “

I thought that was a smart approach because in no way was she saying the middle-age woman needed to stop throwing all of her money away.

Anyway, that’s my off-topic comment for the day.

[iris lilies]

On Thursdays, I work at our main branch in a town about an hour away. This past Thursday, I could see through the Ring doorbell that my husband's friend had dropped him off from taking him to lunch. DH was ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door. I tried calling his cell - no answer (learned later it was in the house). I talked to him through the Ring. I tried to talk him through opening the screen door (sometimes you have to push it in a bit before turning the handle down). No go. I tried to explain to him how to use the garage door keypad. He ended up taking it completely off the door frame. I ended up calling his friend who came back to help him. Turns out, DH had actually locked the doors behind him this time (he never does this anymore). They struggled and got the doors open and DH got in the house. I tried later and no problem with any of our keys working in the doors.

When I got home about 6:00 that evening, he had no memory of this entire episode. I went into our bedroom to change and found the shower going full bore. Who knows how long that had been running, because DH certainly didn't. The water was still hot, so probably not more than a couple of hours. Can't wait to see that water bill. Kind of ironic that he actually took a shower that afternoon - I call it a win if he showers twice a week.

I've started the process of applying for medicaid to get him into a local PACE program. It's $5K a month private pay, which we don't have. Management will let me start WFH 2 days a week, also. Good times.

i am so sorry to hear of this place in your life.

[pinkytoe]

When my MIL was still at home as a new widow, she was increasingly unable to navigate her house. One morning she went out to get the newspaper (she refused to use the internet), tripped on a step and lay on the front porch for hours unable to get up until a neighbor found her. She would not allow "strangers" in her house to help. Fast forward after five years in assisted living, life is still very problematic for her. It isn't mentioned a lot, but finding help at these places is next to impossible these days. At least once a week, she will call and say there was no dinner because another cook quit or didn't show up. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich one more time. And this sort of eroding service is costing her thousands a month. I ponder this situation quite a bit and hope, hope, hope I go quickly when that day comes.

[sweetana3]

Pinkytoe, Mominlaw was in an independent apartment next to assisted living. It got so hard for the company to hire kitchen and nursing staff, that they finally closed the assisted living portion and reconverted the apartments back to independent living units. I always felt sorry for those who depended on that help and the crap that they often got. Mom tried eating at the dining room (she could pay for it) and it was often bad so she stopped going.

Mominlaw is currently not speaking to me. So her son has taken over any communications with his mother. Knowing her grudge holding capabilities, this could be a long time.

[herbgeek]

I would think there are other intermediate steps between single family home and nursing home/assisted living such as:

1. Downsize to an apartment
2. Have someone live with her - in today's housing market someone might be happy to have free rent in exchange for staying there overnight
3. Live with a family member - probably the most challenging option

I'm glad for you that you have a family situation where you think these options might be possible!

My mother absolutely refused any other options. No strangers in the house, because they'll steal her stuff don't ya know. An apartment was out because then people would think she was poor and could no longer afford a house. It was always huge for her that other people think that she is wealthy, and its the hardest thing for her to swallow that we sold her house (she doesn't understand banks anymore and that she still has the assets, if it isn't something she can hold or point to, it doesn't exist). And living with my sister, nope. Mom is scary, turn-on-a-dime nasty- I swear there's been mental illness her whole life from other events but now with the dementia, she's hard pressed to ever pull out the nice facade she used to use with neighbors. Any minor thing, like asking her to change her clothes, puts her in an angry vitriolic mood for the rest of the day, along with hitting my sister and calling her names and accusing her of heinous things.

Assisted living is the best thing for all involved, including my mother, in my family's case. She has her privacy when she wants it, and has neighbors to talk to when she wants that and doesn't have to be embarrassed about not remembering. My sister does have to follow up with management fairly frequently for things that aren't done but we are paying for but is still able to continue to work, which would not otherwise be possible.

[frugal-one]

On Thursdays, I work at our main branch in a town about an hour away. This past Thursday, I could see through the Ring doorbell that my husband's friend had dropped him off from taking him to lunch. DH was ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door. I tried calling his cell - no answer (learned later it was in the house). I talked to him through the Ring. I tried to talk him through opening the screen door (sometimes you have to push it in a bit before turning the handle down). No go. I tried to explain to him how to use the garage door keypad. He ended up taking it completely off the door frame. I ended up calling his friend who came back to help him. Turns out, DH had actually locked the doors behind him this time (he never does this anymore). They struggled and got the doors open and DH got in the house. I tried later and no problem with any of our keys working in the doors.

When I got home about 6:00 that evening, he had no memory of this entire episode. I went into our bedroom to change and found the shower going full bore. Who knows how long that had been running, because DH certainly didn't. The water was still hot, so probably not more than a couple of hours. Can't wait to see that water bill. Kind of ironic that he actually took a shower that afternoon - I call it a win if he showers twice a week.

I've started the process of applying for medicaid to get him into a local PACE program. It's $5K a month private pay, which we don't have. Management will let me start WFH 2 days a week, also. Good times.

Very sorry to hear all this beckyliz... a very stressful situation to be sure.

[early morning]

This sounds like my mom, I remember getting her a jitterbug phone and preprogramming it to call me and then explaining to her what buttons to push and just hoping she could remember how to do it. Dementia is so terrible. Would she be open to moving to assisted living? My mom became a danger to herself--would melt things on the stove, put weird things in the microwave, tried to mow the lawn with a new zero turn mower and threw herself off it into the side of the barn.

I understand these problems!! We really had to think outside the box with my mom, who refused to consider moving from her home until she fell and had no choice. We turned off the breaker for the stove after finding it left on, and told her it didn't work right. As she was too frugal to want to pay for repairs or another stove, she switched to her microwave - much safer. We took all her metal pans that would FIT into the microwave and moved them to the basement, where she would/could not venture, to avoid that problem. We took out the toaster oven after finding melted plastic in it. We took the car keys. We took the spark plug out of the mower and hid it. We bought her a coffee pot with an auto shut off - which now is pretty standard. We bought her a phone with large buttons and programmed every one of them to call one of us three kids, so whatever buttons she pushed, she got one of us. Her neighbors on both sides had a key to her house and all of our phone numbers. One of us - or spouses, or grandkids - stopped in every day, and had a rotation of calls also. And one day a week, we all met up there and either brought take out, or turned on the stove and cooked. She never asked why the stove worked for us and not her, lol. And we were very lucky in that she never wanted to go out for a walk alone!! I feel for everyone who goes thru this with loved ones- and that's a LOT of us, isn't it?

[iris lilies]

My brother did something to our mother’s car, maybe remove the alternator cap? Then it wouldn’t start when she tried it. Hmmm, that is so odd the car is not working right! We all shook our heads about it.After a few months she forgot about getting it fixed.

[Simplemind]

These stories remind me so much of our caregiving times. Both my dad and MIL got the phone mixed up with the TV remote. No matter how we tried to simplify with a new device, it was new and couldn't be learned. It was frustrating and sad to try to help them keep some independence only to continue to lose ground.

[Teacher Terry]

I tried to mark my friend’s tv remote with different colors. It didn’t work. Diane lost her ability to use her flip phone. Fortune she could be left alone during the day so her husband could work. Locally assisted living facilities won’t take people with dementia.

My friend that recently died was in a very nice AL apartment but it cost 8k/month. They always got decent meals in the dining room. The aides really cared and when my other friend and I couldn’t sit with him while he was dying they took turns. It took 10 days for him to die and my friend and I split the days and the night aides rotated. When it became evident he wouldn’t live more than a few hours they called us in the middle of the night to come. They are having their challenges keeping people but wow they were awesome. We gave all his new furniture to the aides.

[early morning]

Both my dad and MIL got the phone mixed up with the TV remote. Yeah Mom did this too, and it seems to be a common issue. Our solution was to replace the newer, small cordless phones with great big honkin' things with big buttons and a wired handset that looked more like an old-style phone to her, and marked the TV remote with "TV" with bright red nail polish. She never had cable or satellite so only one, fairly simple remote, TG. She only found channels by hitting random buttons but she had much patience with that (?!?) and only got three channels anyway. We bought her two phones, and put one right by the chair where she sat, and one on the bureau where the phone had always been. She/we were lucky in that even with her dementia she still formed new memories, she just couldn't usually access any particular memories when she wanted them. One never knew, from day to day, what she was going to remember. As it progressed, it got harder and harder for her to make sense of her world. I so hope I go more like my grandmother, who announced to a somewhat mystified family gathering that she was going to bed, and they would most likely not see her in the morning. And then she went to sleep, and that was that.

[pinkytoe]

The scary thing is that my 88yo MIL has all of her faculties. I am starting to ponder what happens when the money runs out as no one expected her to live this long with so many physical ailments.

[Tradd]

An Apple Watch with cellular phone service (don’t need an iPhone to call) might be an option for some seniors. The new model has fall detection and maybe will call someone if a fall is detected - best check on that as I may have that wrong. If a senior will wear a watch, might be something to look into.

[Tybee]

Beckyliz, how scary. I am so sorry this is happening to you both.

[lmerullo]

To the OP and the original concern - how about a thermostat that is WiFi enabled? I've got one at my home and one for mom. She can handle the up one degree, down one situation but not changing from heating to cooling. The WiFi is the answer, so either my brother or I can set it for her . Some even interface with Alexa for voice commands.

[Simone]

Beckyliz, sorry to read this. Hope he is eligible for Medicaid so that you have some help. Good luck!

[rosarugosa]

I apologize for starting this thread and then not interacting with any of the thoughtful responses. I honestly kind of just didn't want to think about the situation for a bit. I think I'm going to go with IL's idea and move 6 hours away and just let my sister deal with everything. Haha, just kidding.
Beckyliz: I too am so sorry for what you are dealing with. It is tough enough with a parent, but going through this with a spouse sounds like its own special level of hell.
Herb: At least my mom is loving and so very grateful for anything we do for her. It would be so much harder to be a good daughter if she was unpleasant and ungrateful. When I am with her, I always get to hear about how beautiful I am, and my shirt is so pretty, and my earrings are pretty, and I'm so smart (because I know what day it is or something), and she loves me so much.
Lmerullo: I was thinking that something like this might be helpful if I could control the temp in her house via the Alexa app or similar. I realize that this becomes a non-issue once the weather gets a bit colder and she'll just have the heat on full blast all the time. It's an issue in the spring and fall when the temperatures are fluctuating so much.

[iris lilies]

You laugh, but the six hour thing, you think that’s not deliberate? Ha ha.

I will tell you that it saves a lot of minor tussles that result in too much angst. My sister-in-law and my mom tussled about dumb things that I just thought were… A waste of time on the part of my sister-in-law. I mean who cares if my mother gets mixed up in her mind about something, it isn’t “lying” sis.

To add: My sis in law got hot under the collar when the nursing home staff dressed my mother in inappropriate, not-her-style clothes. Don’t ask me where these things came from. Think of leopard print vs. LL Bean. My mom was more of an LL Bean person.

Some people would say this does matter because it preserves the essential being of our mother, but I see it as tiny assaults on resources of whoever is watching over our mother. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

[Tybee]

Do you think you would be up to looking at assisted living places in case she has an event and is hospitalized and can't go home?

[Teacher Terry]

IL, I am with you on choosing which hill to die on. My friend went into memory care with beautiful clothes and once she got bad what she was wearing was ridiculous. She was 6ft tall and always had pants that were too short. I was more concerned about the quality of care.

[rosarugosa]

Do you think you would be up to looking at assisted living places in case she has an event and is hospitalized and can't go home?

Yes, I think there are a few places I should visit. I'm already familiar with several in the area from experiences with my in-laws.

[rosarugosa]

We got one of these for Mom for her birthday, and she absolutely loves it!
https://www.alzstore.com/alzheimers-companion-pet-therapy-p/0604.htm?utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Campaign%20-%20PLA%20Shopping&utm_medium=pla
We presented it as not being real but something we thought she would get a kick out of, the perfect dog that doesn't need to be walked or fed, and wouldn't bother her allergies. At first she was a bit disparaging about her "fake dog." Then she said it confused her a little, and I think this was in terms of it seeming somewhat real although she knew it wasn't. Now she totally loves it, carries it around, pets it and talks to it. She hears it call her "Mrs. Rugosa," which is a bit weird since it only says "woof woof," but the important thing is that she loves it and it seems to be bringing her a lot of joy.
We also got her a Viewclix device with more mixed results:
https://www.viewclix.com/
She enjoys seeing the pictures we post to it, but she doesn't like leaving it on all the time, and my theory is that the constant visual stimulation is distracting for her. Unfortunately, if she turns it off or unplugs it, I cannot use the "drop in" video call feature, which I was hoping to have as a backup if she leaves the phone off the hook, which happens sometimes. I also noticed that she has Alexa unplugged too. So in terms of assistive technology, we have one clear winner, one mixed, and Alexa is a complete failure.

[iris lilies]

We got one of these for Mom for her birthday, and she absolutely loves it!
https://www.alzstore.com/alzheimers-companion-pet-therapy-p/0604.htm?utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Campaign%20-%20PLA%20Shopping&utm_medium=pla
We presented it as not being real but something we thought she would get a kick out of, the perfect dog that doesn't need to be walked or fed, and wouldn't bother her allergies. At first she was a bit disparaging about her "fake dog." Then she said it confused her a little, and I think this was in terms of it seeming somewhat real although she knew it wasn't. Now she totally loves it, carries it around, pets it and talks to it. She hears it call her "Mrs. Rugosa," which is a bit weird since it only says "woof woof," but the important thing is that she loves it and it seems to be bringing her a lot of joy.
We also got her a Viewclix device with more mixed results:
https://www.viewclix.com/
She enjoys seeing the pictures we post to it, but she doesn't like leaving it on all the time, and my theory is that the constant visual stimulation is distracting for her. Unfortunately, if she turns it off or unplugs it, I cannot use the "drop in" video call feature, which I was hoping to have as a backup if she leaves the phone off the hook, which happens sometimes. I also noticed that she has Alexa unplugged too. So in terms of assistive technology, we have one clear winner, one mixed, and Alexa is a complete failure.

These tech solutions are very interesting!

[early morning]

When my mom was in care, the facility had several of the robotic cats. The staff got really tired of washing them, as everyone wanted to "feed" them. They ended up with a "no cats in the dining room" rule, which seemed to help, lol. And for what it's worth, I'd unplug Alexia too! The director where I volunteer has one in his office, and she's always interjecting advice when she's not been asked. Freaks me ouit. Glad the doggie seems to be a joy for your mom. Joy in the moment is what it's all about for our loved ones with memory problems.

[iris lilies]

When my mom was in care, the facility had several of the robotic cats. The staff got really tired of washing them, as everyone wanted to "feed" them. They ended up with a "no cats in the dining room" rule, which seemed to help, lol. And for what it's worth, I'd unplug Alexia too! The director where I volunteer has one in his office, and she's always interjecting advice when she's not been asked. Freaks me ouit. Glad the doggie seems to be a joy for your mom. Joy in the moment is what it's all about for our loved ones with memory problems.

I immediately thought about how to keep the robotic dog clean.

[Teacher Terry]

I have heard of the fake pets and glad it’s helping your mom.

[rosarugosa]

Thankfully, Mom doesn't seem inclined to feed him. I never even thought about that!

[Teacher Terry]

I wouldn’t have thought of that either.

[rosarugosa]

So in our latest adventure:
Apparently "the person in the mirror" is a common thing with dementia. They don't recognize the person as themselves and often become upset and angry at this uninvited intruder. Luckily, Mom's lady in the mirror is very nice, and amazing coincidence, she even has some of the very same outfits that my mother has!
Our problem is more when Mom knows it is her own image in the mirror, which is most of the time. She'll point at her reflection and say, "That's me? That's me? Oh my god, I am so ugly and old!" She really kind of obsesses about how ugly she looks, which is so sad to witness.
Anyhow, I had a bright idea and it was a big success! I ordered these static decals on Amazon, and Mom is absolutely enchanted with her new garden. I'm going to order some more to do the rest of the mirrors in her house. The picture doesn't even do them justice; they are vibrant and beautiful - and irises are her favorite flower!

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On another note, she is indeed feeding her dog cookies and chocolates on occasion. Apparently he specifically asks for macaroons, lol. Luckily the mouth and tongue are hard plastic and easy to clean, and Dawn dishwashing liquid gets the chocolate out of the fur very easily. I think the manufacturer should make a model that you can feed some type of plastic treats, since this feeding behavior is a common problem. Of course my Italian mother doesn't want to let her beloved dog go hungry!

[Tybee]

What a cool idea about the flowers on the mirror!
My mom did not recognize photos of herself from when she was young, and said, "Who is that woman? I don't like her, she looks shifty."
Dementia can be funny and horrifying all the same time.

I wonder if there is a brain function that recognizes ourself, and has to keep shifting as we age and change, and for a dementia patient, they can't shift anymore.

[catherine]

What a fantastic idea, rosa!!

[iris lilies]

The mirror idea is nice, rosa.It’s very pretty. I can see where she would like that.

[Tradd]

Love the mirror idea.

[rosarugosa]

This is a funny Mom story that I have to share. One day last week, I could hear her talking away upstairs when I arrived at her house. This is usually a good sign and means she is awake and perky. I went up to her room, and she held out an AARP magazine to me, saying, "Do you know this nice, handsome man?" I said, "I don't know him personally, but I do know who he is. He's a musician." Mom said, "Yes, Jon Bon Jovi. He is so nice! We've been having a wonderful visit, talking and sharing a lot of laughs!" So Mom was in a very good mood, and who among us can claim to have had such a pleasant encounter with Jon?

She has also taken up the practice of trying to feed pictures of loved ones. There is now a lot of wiping of chocolate from things. There is also the ever fun guessing game of "Is it chocolate? Or is it, um, you know - - - not chocolate?" :laff:

[catherine]

Haha! What a good, happy place to be in! I'd like to feed chocolate to Sir Paul!

[happystuff]

I agree, she sounds happy. Hope you are as well, rr.

[iris lilies]

Rosa, thinking of you during these difficult if entertaining mom years.

[rosarugosa]

Thanks. I think I am one of those people with a pretty high happiness "set point," and I tend to be pretty cheerful and optimistic even under adverse circumstances.
That being said, I will certainly be relieved when this ordeal is over.