View Full Version : The old lady next door - is missing...
I've mentioned our next door neighbor here a few times. She's an older woman (I'd thought maybe mid-80's but learned today that she's actually a very feisty 93.) She grows really pretty roses and other flowers/plants and delicious tomatoes. And used to have a little old man dog named Max who passed away about a year ago. We see her all the time because the quantity of plants she has means that she spends a lot of time outside taking care of them. Plus she never goes anywhere except things like the grocery store. The entire three years we've lived here I don't think she's ever been gone overnight and we've never seen guests of any sort other than a social worker that comes about once a month. And she's never mentioned family to us or any of our neighbors.
About a week ago I realized it'd been a few days since I'd seen her, and her car wasn't in her driveway. On Sunday she still hadn't made an appearance so one of our neighbors who has been a "stop and chat with her whenever she's outside" kind of acquaintance for the last ten years, rang our doorbell and asked if we knew anything because she was worried. I started watering her plants that day (everything was super dry and the tomato plants are pretty seriously wilted although the tomatoes are still growing fine). Neighbor apparently called all the hospitals in the county and didn't find her. Two other neighbors have also come by, worried. One of them apparently called the police because they were poking around this morning. SO went out and talked to them and also brought them through our house so they could poke around neighbor's backyard and peer in the windows. Apparently she's not in any hospital in the area, and there aren't any unidentified bodies at the morgue.
So I dug through the last 10 days of ring camera video and the last time she had been out watering plants was last Monday evening, ten days ago. I'm terribly worried about her and wish there were more I could do than worry.
I don't blame you. I'd be really worried too! How odd. Nothing seems awry at her house? Not broken into? I hope she shows soon. And that she shares any family contact info with you in case of emergency.
So clue if her car is in the garage or if she’s even home? Can you tell if any mail or newspapers have been picked up or do you have mail boxes where you can’t see that?
She always parks in the driveway. I’ve only seen glimpses in the garage but it’s obviously way too full of ‘stuff’ for her to park in. Mailboxes are the group type and have random numbers so we wouldn’t be able to tell from that. And no, the cops inspected all the windows, doors, etc of her unit and nothing seemed amiss.
I’d assumed she drove herself to the ER at first since that would be her style but apparently that’s not the case.
Based on the street numbers it makes sense that our mailbox is number 12, which means that neighbor would be 13. I got the mail today and there’s nothing sticking out of her box. I suppose I could try and go there while the mail delivery person is there tomorrow and peer into her box to see how full it is.
iris lilies
8-24-23, 9:23pm
Weird. Honestly, I find it strange that a 93 old woman is living there and none of you know any contact information for her relatives, that is, unless she has zero relatives. But usually people have someone – a nephew, a cousin, someone.
Our 90+ year old neighbor took herself off to assisted-living last year,
after her little dog died. She was familiar with the place because she played bingo with them so she already knew many people who live there.
The old guy across the street who died at 102 years old had no children, but his next-door neighbor checked on him daily. In fact, that neighbor was just waiting for the really old guy to die and once the old guy did die, that neighbor up and moved away.
If there is contact info for someone the HOA knows. Once a year the management company sends out a form about that. I just filled it out a couple of weeks ago. For us they know to contact my sister or SO’s sister in the event of something like this. One of the neighbors who has gotten involved in this is on the board so I’m sure she’s on it figuring out if neighbor had given any contact info.
early morning
8-25-23, 10:35am
Hope she turns up soon, and ok, jp1! Reminds me that I don't know our neighbors at all now - everyone who lived close when we moved here 33 years ago has moved on, one way or another, and we've just not connected with any of the "new" (past 15 yrs or so) people. About 25 yrs ago we met our rather reclusive elderly neighbor lady across the road when her personal alarm company called us to go check on her. We had no idea who she was, or that she'd put us down as her emergency contact - or that she even knew our names! After we broke into her home, feeling really strange about it, and got her up and moving- she told us that she'd seen us in the yard, and as we were by far the youngest neighboring family, figured we'd still be around if she needed help (she was estranged from her own family). She asked her visiting nurse who we were, and she asked another neighbor, and they looked us up in the phone book. Which was fine, we were happy to help - but a word of warning and a hint as to where her spare key was would have been really useful!
Our little block composed mostly of folks over 60 has an annual potluck dinner and holiday open house. Everyone seems to know what everyone else is up to and inquires if something seems off. It's funny but the few younger folks who have moved in want nothing to do with all these old people so never show up. I would think it might be time to do a well check on your elderly neighbor one more time - she may have passed away inside.
I think her car is gone? So maybe she did not pass away inside? I hear you about the younger people--we are pretty reclusive but it is because when we came here, I was so overwhelmed with my parents I could not take care of another soul.
iris lilies
8-25-23, 11:07am
I know our immediate neighbors, the two across the street the two on either side and now, the new couple kitty corner across the street because she is our veterinarian. The household directly across the street from us as our architect so we talked to him regularly and now that his work is done in our house here, he and DH go out to lunch now and then..
But I’m getting to know neighbors down the block because of this alcohol recovery house that’s going in next to them. They are raising a ruckus and want us neighbors further away from it to know about it and support their cause, which I do, but I do not believe there’s anything we can do to keep the alcohol recovery place out.
In my former city neighborhood we knew everyone on the block and we had parties with a few of them, and worked with them in the community garden. When you work with people, you really get to know them.
I was block captain so I was keeper of contact information for everyone on two blocks. It’s funny that a couple weeks ago someone from my old block contacted me because they needed to know how to contact a family member for someone who is living on the block. They hadn’t seen that old guy for several weeks and they wanted to know what was going on. I was the only one who knew his daughter and how to reach her.
early morning
8-25-23, 11:08am
Our little block composed mostly of folks over 60 has an annual potluck dinner and holiday open house pinkytoe, that sounds lovely! While I don't want to be besties with the neighbors, we really should make an effort to know who they are! One just assumes that they will always be there, until they aren't.
Teacher Terry
8-25-23, 11:26am
Locally if the police are called for a wellness check they break in if no one answers the door. I hope no one murdered her and stole her car. It doesn’t seem like she would leave her plants for a long period of time and not ask you to water them. My best friend and my son have a key to my house. Plus my dog sitter lives here and has a key and I have a key to her condo since her son lives out of town.
iris lilies
8-25-23, 11:31am
For my condo, the condo board has a key and they can and do go into my unit if something is amiss. I welcome that, and I purposely bought in a building with other units because I wanted someone on site who had eyes on the place because I am away from it so much.
Teacher Terry
8-25-23, 11:38am
I have owned 3 condos and no one had keys in any of them. I wouldn’t buy one where it was required. IL, I find it strange that the hoa would take on the liability that they could incur.
iris lilies
8-25-23, 12:28pm
I have owned 3 condos and no one had keys in any of them. I wouldn’t buy one where it was required. IL, I find it strange that the hoa would take on the liability that they could incur.
it is a 100 year old building. We have plumbing problems. These are not faceless anonymous people who go in, last time was a fellow condo dweller who keeps his eye on the place and is the board member in charge of “maintenance.” And at this time last year I was getting my place ready for someone else to come in and live in it for six weeks, and two members of the board prepared my unit. All I had to do was put a few things in the closet
I guess I’ve never had the sense of “invading my space” that other people have. When perps broke into our house many years ago, I never had feeling of fear and shock because my space was invaded. I was pissed because they seemed to be ready to do harm to my small dogs, and then, of course, I was annoyed because they broke down our back door, and that required a fix of nearly $1000, and that was with DH doing all the work. They stole a tv which barely made a blip in my circle of concern.
iris lilies
8-25-23, 1:32pm
And then, speaking of neighbors, we have a 51 year old neighbor I will call “ D” who has an intellectual disability who now lives alone after his mother died of Covid 3 years ago. This guy is quite independent and neighbors look after him.a He has two part time jobs and does not drive. He is a garbageman, and the garbage truck comes to pick him up on his work days and drops him off when his shift is over.
His other job is mowing lawns for people. My next door neighbor runs a shop fixing small motored vehicles and he keeps D’s equipment running. D drives his riding lawn mower to get groceries and for misc. errands.
It is not all rosy, though, because D keeps junk in his yard ( his mother kept the place immaculate) and he has signs all over about trespassing and etc, we donated a shed to him, hoping some of the front yard crap would go into it but so far…nope.
One of the concerned neighbors has a key because neighbor had gone to the ER years ago and had to stay at the hospital for a week and needed clothes, toothbrush etc. I’ll see if she’s is willing to go in and make sure she isn’t there. I’m guessing she’s not since the car isn’t there but who knows.
Teacher Terry
8-26-23, 9:37am
It doesn’t matter if it’s board members or not and I am on the board. In your case since you don’t live there full time it’s a different situation. I have 2 little dogs and someone could not notice them slipping out the front door, could claim my dog bite them, forget to lock my door, steal my jewelry, be nosy and look through my stuff, etc.
After their husbands died my mom and her sister rented apartments across the hall from each other in a new senior apartment building. They were paying full market rent yet management had the right to come in when they weren’t home and did. Because they were both immaculate they could tell if someone left footprints. They left as soon as their leases were done and moved into an adult only apartment complex.
iris lilies
8-26-23, 10:28am
I thought it was common in rental situations for the landlord to have access with reasonable notice.
In my condo building, many of the units are occupied part time because the owners have houses elsewhere. I welcome Nosey Parkers paying attention to everything going on.
Not just rental situations. I rent a condo. There is a mix of apartment style and townhouse units, about 300ish total. The complex management company has keys to units for such situations as broken pipes and that sort of thing.
Neighbor has been found! She's at the Kaiser hospital in the county north of here. She's doing fine.
Neighbor has been found! She's at the Kaiser hospital in the county north of here. She's doing fine.
Oh yay!
early morning
8-26-23, 2:43pm
Good news!
Teacher Terry
8-26-23, 4:15pm
Great news about your neighbor! IL, renters have to be given notice so that they can be home if they want to. The company was coming unannounced when people weren’t home.
iris lilies
8-26-23, 4:51pm
Great news about your neighbor! IL, renters have to be given notice so that they can be home if they want to. The company was coming unannounced when people weren’t home.
Good to hear about the neighbor that she’s found.
happystuff
8-26-23, 7:35pm
Have not posted, but have been following. So glad she has been found!!!
frugal-one
8-26-23, 7:41pm
ditto
The police said it may be weeks before she comes home since she likely needs to go to a rehab facility to regain strength etc. SO is already putting together a plan to get her car home, and arrange that someone checks in on her every day for a while once she is home, and contact info so that next time she needs help she doesn’t drive herself to the ER. There were three other neighbors besides us who were worried so it shouldn’t be too much of a burden for anyone. Old lady may resist but hopefully she’ll understand that we all care and want the best for her.
In the meantime one of the other neighbors is taking care of the plants out front and we’ve been watering the ones in her backyard. The tomato plants in back are seriously wilted from multiple days with no water. Any suggestions from the gardeners here other than removing the dead parts of the plants? The tomatoes themselves seem to still be ok and growing fine.
The police said it may be weeks before she comes home since she likely needs to go to a rehab facility to regain strength etc. SO is already putting together a plan to get her car home, and arrange that someone checks in on her every day for a while once she is home, and contact info so that next time she needs help she doesn’t drive herself to the ER. There were three other neighbors besides us who were worried so it shouldn’t be too much of a burden for anyone. Old lady may resist but hopefully she’ll understand that we all care and want the best for her.
So kind of all of you to build this support system for her! I am more and more aware of how many older people are alone and vulnerable. The governmental agencies funded to help them are simply inadequate.
I'm betting you'll all learn her boundaries and respect them.
I'm glad she's been found. I'm sure she will be so grateful you all have been caring for her plants. She'll probably feel mortified about worrying you all.
I’ve gotten to know two of the other three folks on my floor. They smoke outside and we chat. One was worried when I was gone last December and I had Amazon packages come. They put them in front of my door. The one gal told me to text here when I’m going out of town so I did that when I was asus for a long weekend in June.
Just met old lady neighbor’s friend Sue. She brought her car back. Neighbor had gone to a regular doctor appointment and he said ‘you need a pacemaker. Now!’ Santa Rosa was the first hospital in the area that could do the procedure. But she’s fine.
Just met old lady neighbor’s friend Sue. She brought her car back. Neighbor had gone to a regular doctor appointment and he said ‘you need a pacemaker. Now!’ Santa Rosa was the first hospital in the area that could do the procedure. But she’s fine.
So glad to hear that she has been under good care! She's lucky to have a neighbor like you who cares. (Tell her to keep you in the loop next time!)
So glad to hear she is fine!!
SO went to the rehab this afternoon and brought neighbor chocolates and flowers. She’s doing great. The only reason she’s there is because she’s a fall risk due to the change in her blood pressure meds to accommodate the pace maker. Once they trust that she is used to the new meds they will send her home. And apparently she was super happy to hear that her beloved plants are all surviving.
SO went to the rehab this afternoon and brought neighbor chocolates and flowers. She’s doing great. The only reason she’s there is because she’s a fall risk due to the change in her blood pressure meds to accommodate the pace maker. Once they trust that she is used to the new meds they will send her home. And apparently she was super happy to hear that her beloved plants are all surviving.
Good,news! How nice of your SO to visit.
Teacher Terry
8-28-23, 10:37am
JP, so nice of your husband to go see her. It really is the little things we do for others that make a huge difference!
Neighbor is supposed to be coming home sunday. I'll water all the plants that morning so she doesn't feel the need to immediately do that. Some are doing great. Some need some love. But none are dead, which I hope will make her happy. I've also noticed that her license plate light is falling off her car (early 2000's scion) so I've tried to find a replacement part on Rockauto.com but they don't seem to have it or at least I can't figure out what it's called, so I'll swing by autozone tomorrow and see if they can help at least with what it might be called, if not sell me the part itself. Plants aren't really in my wheelhouse but minor car repairs totally are so hopefully I can fix this for her.
Thanks for the update, jp1. Glad she will be coming home soon. And that is so sweet of you to be taking care of all these things for her!!
Teacher Terry
9-8-23, 9:53am
You are a wonderful neighbor!!
Ditto what Terry said! Your neighbor will be so touched at your kindness and concern!
That’s so nice of you, jp!
Aside from wanting to help her out she’s a sweetheart so I don’t mind doing all this. And I’ve confirmed that any sort of large scale gardening is not likely to be one my retirement projects. I just don’t particularly enjoy doing it. Even with an established garden like hers I just don’t particularly enjoy it. Although we HAVE been enjoying her tomatoes! They are amazing.
littlebittybobby
11-2-23, 6:38pm
Okay---I'd like take be the Official HOA Block Captain of the Neatness Police. Jah. Catch a perp with a yard that does not meet our standards, take em, cuff em and jail em. Jah.
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