What have you given up...

[catherine]

A. ... for something better?

B. ... for something that didn't pan out as you had hoped?

Life is a series of compromises... some are worth it, some are not. I'd like to hear some stories. What do you wish you had NOT compromised on? OTOH, what has been totally worth the sacrifice?

[sweetana3]

Leaving Alaska in 77 for the better job opportunities in Indiana was a totally spontaneous and successful decision. No planning of any kind prior. We were very young. Good place to settle and worked out for the absolute best. Gave up the state I wanted to stay in for the rest of my life.

Company transfer for 3 years to NC good and bad. Good for husband's job advancement. Bad for me and suburbs. But still a great learning experience. Lesson = hate suburbs with a passion. Gave up my career and the house we would still be living in if we had stayed.

New job as an admin assistant to one person. Found out it was not a good fit personality wise between the 2 of us and not a good fit for my own job satisfaction. Wish I had stayed with the job I was in before it even if boring. Retired from this so it was not a long term soul sucking position but hated it by the time I retired.

The big issue is to not have bitter regrets. Decisions are made in the past for various reasons, actions taken, things happen. Learn lessons and go on. Do better or different next time.

[Yppej]

For better - Gave up a job closer to home for a better job.

For worse - Gave up my singleness to partner with men who were not worth it. Wish I had not made compromises with them.

Worth the sacrifice - being a single parent. Even though DS is estranged from me, he is a good person and I am glad he is on this earth.

[Rogar]

I gave up a significant amount of corporate retirement benefits to retire early. Absolutely no regrets. I'll have to think about item b.

[Teacher Terry]

Best move I made was moving to Reno for a job with the state. I interviewed by phone and had 10 job offers all in different states. I had never been out west or wanted to live there but my mom had been to Reno many times and encouraged me to go there. I love it here, my kids followed me although only one stayed permanently and I have the deepest friendships of my life. Having lived in 5 states this is the absolute best!

[ApatheticNoMore]

I kind of wish I never had any job ambitions at all (or had vastly more, maybe that would work, but one or the other, not something in between). Because leaving a dead end job for another job in the hope of something better (some ambition), when that didn't work out (because I ended up working for a personality disordered person really), started off several years of unemployment and precarious employment, for which I am permanently scarred.

But my job situation has been fine for awhile now. But I have no clarity at all about when one should leave a job (unless it's terrible), and that way also lies potential ruin, even with the best intentions.

[rosarugosa]

Rogar: That's a good one. I would have done better financially to keep working longer, but the joys of early retirement cannot be overstated, and nobody knows how long they have on the planet. I am so much happier reading, walking, gardening and making pottery than I was sitting through interminable meetings and just living with day to day corporate bullshit in general.
I am currently giving up my hope of restoring Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard and having it remain a permanent part of our kitchen. I realize that has been the main sticking point to us having a proper functional kitchen, so I'm letting it go and we now have a nice design drawn up by a kitchen designer. The kitchen as it is now is pretty horrible and depressing and we're both looking forward to improving that situation. I'm ready to let go of my old cupboard.

[iris lilies]

Rosa, you will love your new kitchen and will also miss the old cupboard. You’ve shown us a photo of it. The sweet old thing needs to give way for betterment.

but…new kitchen! Worth the regret.

[catherine]

Thanks for your responses! Rosa, I don't remember seeing the picture of Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard! I'd love to see a re-post.

I'm not surprised at the responses of giving up corporate jobs/more money/benefit for more time in retirement! After all, we are all YMOLer's! My version of that is being glad I gave up corporate life for the life of a freelancer. I get almost the same benefits--in fact it's kind of the best of both worlds because I can refuse projects if I wish to.

In terms of compromises I wish I had not compromised on, there are situations in my life where I should have done a better job of protecting my own interests, and I won't be specific... many of you will be able to guess what I mean. Now that I'm older, I see more clearly the importance of fighting for holding on to what you value. Being flexible and accommodating is a worthy idea, but there is a downside to feeling that at times you didn't hold true to personal principles.

As sweetana said, no regrets really. I just want to slap myself upside the head and move on.

[iris lilies]

I was always pretty career oriented and moved 3 times for better jobs.

I remember in 2000 when I would have been at my job for 11 years thinking “ it is time to move on for challanges and advancement.” I was not getting the automation experience I wanted in my work.

I came to the decision, after about a year of thinking about this, that I liked my life situation in my beautiful neighborhood. Even though my house wasn’t nearly renovated yet then, I still liked it. Loved my garden. So that was a point where I gave up chasing a career for a lifestyle advantage. I would’ve been around 45 years old.

[pinkytoe]

A. Gave up a cute little retro house in Austin with a massive yard and massive property taxes for a very comfy house with a better climate and much lower property taxes in another state.
B. That same decision has put a great distance between us and our grandchildren who were born as surprises after we moved. A profound sadness there...

[rosarugosa]

Thanks for your responses! Rosa, I don't remember seeing the picture of Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard! I'd love to see a re-post.

I'm not surprised at the responses of giving up corporate jobs/more money/benefit for more time in retirement! After all, we are all YMOLer's! My version of that is being glad I gave up corporate life for the life of a freelancer. I get almost the same benefits--in fact it's kind of the best of both worlds because I can refuse projects if I wish to.

In terms of compromises I wish I had not compromised on, there are situations in my life where I should have done a better job of protecting my own interests, and I won't be specific... many of you will be able to guess what I mean. Now that I'm older, I see more clearly the importance of fighting for holding on to what you value. Being flexible and accommodating is a worthy idea, but there is a downside to feeling that at times you didn't hold true to personal principles.

As sweetana said, no regrets really. I just want to slap myself upside the head and move on.

Catherine: let's see if this works: http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?15715-A-decor-question-kitchen-cabinets&p=288781&highlight=cupboard#post288781

[iris lilies]

Catherine: let's see if this works: http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?15715-A-decor-question-kitchen-cabinets&p=288781&highlight=cupboard#post288781

rosa, what will go on the wall where the cabinet now sits?

I won’t yell at you about getting rid of that cabinet because I know you’ve thought long and hard about it. And I got rid of all of my 1941 cabinets in this house, so who am I to talk? we moved our kitchen from one side of the house to the other, cabinets were not nice and couldnt be moved anyway.

But that old cupboard is nice and it’s beautiful in its white paint.

[catherine]

Catherine: let's see if this works: http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?15715-A-decor-question-kitchen-cabinets&p=288781&highlight=cupboard#post288781

Edited... I misunderstood your intentions!! Very exciting-- I am sure you have come up with a beautiful design for your kitchen! Can't wait to see a picture of the result!

[iris lilies]

Well, I think you know me well enough to know that I'm happy that you have decided to peacefully co-exist with it! It has a lot of character and probably goes well with your home (I love what I can see in the rest of the picture--the sink and the blue gingham). It looks practical, too, with the combination of cupboards and drawers. Please don't trade it in for greige or black shaker cabinets!!! Don't get me wrong--I like shaker cabinets, but I love character and well-loved and lived-in patina more!
She’s not keeping the cupboard.

[catherine]

She’s not keeping the cupboard.

Oops...

[happystuff]

Hmmm... I don't know that I like the terms "given up". I've made "choices" throughout my life. Some good and some bad, but always the best I could personally make at the time I needed to make them. It's always so much easier to look at things in retrospect and declare a "good or bad", but the good thing about making choices is that - if you make what turns out to be a bad one, you usually have the opportunity to make another one to fix or change the results of the previous. Cause and effect.... it's all pretty continuous.

[catherine]

Hmmm... I don't know that I like the terms "given up". I've made "choices" throughout my life. Some good and some bad, but always the best I could personally make at the time I needed to make them. It's always so much easier to look at things in retrospect and declare a "good or bad", but the good thing about making choices is that - if you make what turns out to be a bad one, you usually have the opportunity to make another one to fix or change the results of the previous. Cause and effect.... it's all pretty continuous.

Thanks, happystuff... with all due respect, almost every choice we makes involves a "giving up"--you decide to get married, you give up total independence. You decide to work for "the man" and you give up following a creative passion. I think it's all about compromise. The question is, how do determine how to compromise? it's kind of a question of values.

[happystuff]

Thanks, happystuff... with all due respect, almost every choice we makes involves a "giving up"--you decide to get married, you give up total independence. You decide to work for "the man" and you give up following a creative passion. I think it's all about compromise. The question is, how do determine how to compromise? it's kind of a question of values.

I understand what you are saying. I guess it can be a matter of perspective and definitely a matter of timing.

I'm not viewing giving something up as a permanent/forever condition. One can get married and not have total independence during that marriage (keeping it simple here), but can then get divorced or widowed or whatever and end up having total independence. One can work for "the man" and still put effort into following a creative passion... it may not be followed with 100% time, effort, resources, etc. but can still be followed. And even that could change as one's financial situation changes or time constraints change. (i.e. winning the lottery or retirement)

I guess I see the making of these life choices as not necessarily totally "giving up" something, but instead as choosing one thing over another at this particular point in time. The choice not selected may end up being obtained later or one may determine it wasn't that important after all and simply let it go.

(sorry, don't know if this makes sense or not. Definitely food for thought as far as past life choices made and future life choices still to be made).

[iris lilies]

I remember one huge turning point in my life, a fork in the road of life.

I was sitting with my then boyfriend on a beautiful sunset lit terrace in Taos, New Mexico, very picturesque as you can imagine. The food, the wine, the company was wonderful. We had a great relationship, I was happy and in love. And as I was enjoying it all, a voice inside my head said, clearly, simultaneously, “… this is not enough. “ That voice expressing that sentiment was crystal clear.

Within the year I moved across states to a new job that was more challenging than the one I had. I was ready for more adventure, because I reached the apotheosis of life in that former place. So I gave up a boyfriend for work and you know what, it was the right decision, but I certainly gave up one thing to gain another thing.

as I look back across decades on the decision, I see that it was made with the optimism of youth. I sat there in Taos with the confidence that I could achieve another phase of life that was just as good, if not better. And I did, so that is good, but also lucky.

[catherine]

Great story... It's amazing what that inner voice can do for you!! I LOVE that your voice was so clear in telling you "this is not enough." Too bad more people don't listen to that particular message when they are stuck.

I dodged a similar bullet. I had a very, very close friend of the opposite sex. When I was in high school, he was my best friend. We kept in touch all through college. When he got a steady girlfriend, I was a little jealous. So my last year of college I felt our relationship shifting and apparently he felt it, too. The week after I graduated he took me out in his '48 Plymouth, and told me "I have a friend I went to for advice, and he said 'sometimes the fence has to come to an end.'"

My knees were shaking... and as Fate would have it, I had just met DH a week and half earlier, and we had had a first date, but I moved back home after graduating, an hour away from where DH lived. I had no assurance I would have a second date with him.

But my instinct told me to say to my good friend, "I'm sorry, but I feel like I still have some wild oats to sow." He was disappointed (and so was my mother, frankly), but I have never regretted trusting my gut that DH and I would somehow be together.