Mini-attachments

[catherine]

This could have easily gone in the Simple Spirituality thread, but I didn't want to turn off anyone, because it's really just about... attachments.

This past weekend, I went with my two brothers and one sister-in-law (and DH of course) to see my third brother in MN. My MN brother is experiencing failing heath--nothing acute, but seeing him slowly lose mobility and spending a week in the hospital recently facilitated one of those "We're not getting any younger and we should all get together" realizations, so we decided to go. First time since my wedding in 1977 that all four of us siblings were together. DH, with the disarming way in which he can cut to the chase with things that most of us leave unsaid, had told my brother, "Hey, M, we're not coming out because you're on your deathbed or anything." (cringe).

So that's the context, not really relevant for this topic, but here's why I'm writing..

My SIL is a person who on one hand has a pure heart of gold but OTOH is the most annoying person you'd ever want to share space with. She has a way of constantly complaining and making mountains out of molehills all day long. She has weird quirks. She goes on and on about her knees, back, tinnitus. She's a combination of Eeyore and Goldilocks, wandering around with head down, not happy with this--wishing she had that. Never comfortable.

One of her little quirks is this--everywhere she goes she has to have her "stuff"--a collection of things she keeps at her side like her plastic McDonald's fountain drink cup (no other soda will do). So when we would leave the house, she'd call for my forbearing brother to get her a bag so she can gather her creature comforts and take them with her, no matter how short the trip.

This need for her "stuff" around her all the time made me wonder what I might cling to unnecessarily--what are my little cravings that, without them, I'd be just a tiny bit more free? I truly don't think I have too many--but before I get holier-than-thou vs my SIL, I really want to examine what those mini-attachments are.

My cell phone
My iWatch
My morning coffee
My quiet 20 minutes after waking up
My pencils that I use to write in my bullet journal
My bullet journal.

Those are a few of mine. What are yours?

[catherine]

Actually, here is a sidebar to my post... Coincidentally, this Ann Patchett New Yorker article just showed up somewhere in my inbox.. A very sweet story about attachments. Hopefully no paywalls.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/03/08/how-to-practice

[meri]

Strangely enough I have been thinking of this recently as I am preparing to move - I have to downsize significantly and will have to amend my daily schedule too.


My daily run
My morning tea / coffe
My knife
My necklace with a tiny star pendant
My first harmonica
Family Bible handed down since 19th century

I am attached to those. Quite happily. I cannot say if I would be more free without my attachments. Perhaps in some sense. But a lot of the freedom I find comes from also being grounded and belonging and knowing where that is.

[iris lilies]

I hate my phone and barely use it, But am seldom without an IPad Mini in my hand.

Must. Have. Morning.Coffee.

[Rogar]

I just watched a modern period piece movie movie of the 1950's that portrayed all the women carrying purses the size of small luggage. I suppose those days are mostly gone but not completely. I am trying to take my cell phone where ever I go, but like IL, I have a distaste for being immediately availably regardless of where I'm at or what I'm doing. It does come in handy for certain things. Morning coffee is pretty much a requirement. I could do without the morning news, but I do weather check with weather underground every morning since most days I'm outside at least part of the time. If the day has a walk or bike ride I usually take binoculars and water bottle at the least. Otherwise, I can't think of must have mini items to take everywhere, but the mini-attachments in my home are a long list I'm working on.

[iris lilies]

Roger…guess you do not know about the mystique of The Birkin Bag. Like a small suitcase. Coveted by thousands of gullible women. Costs thousands and thousands of dollars, you will not believe how much. One needs special access to buy such a bag, you can’t just waltz into a store to buy one.

5643


edited to add: there is a Birkin bag for sale right now on eBay for $295,000. I am not kidding. It is crocodile skin.

The plain vanilla Birkin bags are in the $10,000 to $20,000 range.

[nswef]

Catherine, That article was beautiful. It might motivate me...I get stuck on where to get rid of things, wanting them to have a good home when I could easily just send them to Good will. I liked her idea of getting them all in one place. But where in this crowded house? What i take with me when i go out...a satchel -old cloth tote- that has another little tote..my purse which has wallet, reading glasses, sunglasses and phone. Also in the larger bag is a book, just in case I have to wait somewhere.

[iris lilies]

To elaborate, this was brought home to me when we were doing the major construction on our house in Hermann and I needed to be in Hermann a few times overnight.

In the morning I need:

Coffee
a toilet
Wifi

At times our Hermann house had a useable toilet, sometimes not, but it always had wifi and I could throw together instant coffee easily enough.

The local cheap hotel did not have functional wifi, ‘tho it had a toilet and coffee.

so, a couple of times I stayed in the nice little Bed and Breakfast Inn down the block from our Hermann house which had all 3.

[pinkytoe]

My attachments are things that bring me comfort including morning coffee with 30-45 minutes of checking websites, daily fresh brewed iced tea with lemon, reading glasses, my one pair of favorite earrings and my talalay foam rubber pillow. One way I think of these things is what do I bring on road trips. I could live without the phone but since texting is the only way certain people communicate it stays with me. Internet is an evil addiction so I try to limit myself to daily access.

[Rogar]

Roger…guess you do not know about the mystique of The Birkin Bag...


Some time ago I was talked into buying stock in "Coach". It opened my eyes to a world of women's accessories I'd not know to exist outside of high society.

I really enjoyed the New Yorker article. I had to clear my browser to read it. I actually have lived part of it somewhat recently. When they mention opening a drawer that contained not just a few dish towels, but 50. And shelves filled with obscure glassware never used. It brough back recent memories or stuffed drawers and closets with huge multiples of everything and all had to be cleared out.

[iris lilies]

Everyone needs to move every 10 years to get rid of things like obscure glassware, and etc. Yet this week I had to go to the thrift store to get a particular kind of dish that I had jettisoned in our last move. I needed one dish, not six of them. I need one for a Table display in a flower show.

But make no mistake, I have no regret in getting rid of those plates and if I really cared about it, it is easy enough to find six from eBay. .

[catherine]

Some time ago I was talked into buying stock in "Coach". It opened my eyes to a world of women's accessories I'd not know to exist outside of high society.

I really enjoyed the New Yorker article. I had to clear my browser to read it. I actually have lived part of it somewhat recently. When they mention opening a drawer that contained not just a few dish towels, but 50. And shelves filled with obscure glassware never used. It brough back recent memories or stuffed drawers and closets with huge multiples of everything and all had to be cleared out.

What I liked about that article was how she talked about how we go through stages choosing possessions that we think might define us. The description of Kevin was priceless... I think many of us could relate to the many costumes we use to identify ourselves. I think that's why I'm comfortable with my purge. I'm old enough to have a better sense of who I am, and I was able to fairly easily get rid of the material symbols that I thought rep represented me at one time or another.

I'm trying to determine if I have an analogue to her typewriter as personal icon, but I don't think there's one. (I have to say, I chuckled when I read that because when my mother asked what I wanted for a HS graduation gift, I told her I wanted a typewriter and we both ultimately decided on a Hermes--the same kind the author talks about.). I think maybe my personal "icons" that represent me are some of the homemade gifts my kids have given me throughout the years. I think that as generic and uninteresting as it sounds, I think being a mother has defined me.

[early morning]

Loved that article. But I'm still keeping my stuff, lol. It does get waded through off and on; some things leave, others arrive. And I AM trying to not buy more dishcloths.... but they are pretty! and useful! and they wear out! and they make great lightweight souvenirs!

If our possessions - ours are many, and varied- define us, we are in deep trouble..... :|(

[pinkytoe]

I decided to let it go, because who in the world would understand its meaning once I was gone?
This sentence in the article is how I think about my possessions. If I look at the things I kept when my parents died, they really are about their lives and not mine but they are all I have other than memories and photos. Since DD never really knew them, they will mean nothing to her.

[iris lilies]

This sentence in the article is how I think about my possessions. If I look at the things I kept when my parents died, they really are about their lives and not mine but they are all I have other than memories and photos. Since DD never really knew them, they will mean nothing to her.

It can be nice, tho, to have a thing or two from the ancient ones we never met. I don't mean rooms of heavy furniture, I mean a small tchothke or useful item. But you ( the general you) have to actually LIKE the thing or else it is just annoying clutter.

My sister in law has an entire bedroom with crap from my mom, her mom, her aunt, her grandmother. When she opened the drawer to show me porcelain cat figures my mother collected, I recognized them but do not care about them.

[Alan]

I don't have many everyday attachments, a few items that go into my pocket every morning and come out again at night, a small pen knife that I'm always finding a use for, my wallet and phone. I also always have a drink in hand or at least within reach, Mt Dew Zero, I'm a slow sipper so only have a few each day but there's always one nearby.

As for sentimental things, I have a jewelry box on my bedroom chest with no jewelry in it, just a hockey puck and Grover (Sesame Street) finger puppet which were the first silly gifts my wife bought for me while we were dating in 1976. When the grand boys were small I had to keep them hidden so they didn't disappear but now that they're 26 and 21 those treasures are probably safe.

Oh, and a pony shoe which she bought for me in those dating days as well. There's significance in the puck and puppet but we've both forgotten what it may be for the little horseshoe. That's ok, I'll still keep it forever.

[Rogar]

If I ever had to totally declutter, like say assisted living or seeking refuge in a tiny home in the PNW, my small family reminders would be the hardest to get rid of. I've been careful not to be an accumulator, but have some nice reminders of generations passed. Value and utility are irrelevant.

Dad's war memorabilia and trumpet, grandmother's hand made quilts, great uncle's plain's tribe bow and arrow set and another's console tube radio, etc.

[rosarugosa]

Great article, Catherine. I love Ann Patchett, and she has a new book out (Tom Lake) that is on my list.
I don't know that I've ever given much thought to the idea of possessions that define who I am or was. If pressed, I suppose I would say it's my house overall and my garden. Then again, I have to wonder if I'm really being honest with myself here. When you come in my front door, surely I'm making some type of statement with the large wasp's nest and the coyote skull and the bat encased in Lucite, along with the houseplants and books.
On the other hand, we just came back from 8 nights in the Berkshires, and I had brought 10 bags with us! I must always have my percolator and pillows, and of course, along with the percolator, I need coffee, mugs, a small bottle of cinnamon with a tiny spoon, some handy wipes and a little bottle of Dawn, and of course a couple of dishtowels (and I gather from you all that I'm not alone in having a rather vast collection).

[Tradd]

iPhone
Apple Watch
iPad
Morning coffee and sausage McMuffin from McD
Small tins of Nivea crèam in my purse
Pilot G-2 gel pens in blue (.7 fine point)
Nice letter paper
Hydro Flask water bottle and coffee travel mug

[gmiller]

There are four everyday carry essentials that I have in my possession at nearly all times: my mobile phone, eyeglasses, keys, and a slim cardholder wallet.