View Full Version : My father's diary
For whatever reason, my father was driven to record his innermost thoughts as a young man. I came across his diary from 1947 while cleaning out a chest of family things today. Although I enjoyed his college diaries from the late 1930s,I had never really read this particular one in depth but today I did so. I learned that his mother died when he was barely a year old and that another woman showed up, felt sorry for his father and married him so he was raised by that woman. I learned many of the details of how he met and fell in love with a woman other than my mother and was tortured by the decision to leave his young family. The diary goes into great detail of their trysts throughout the ensuing years. Ramblings about his unhappiness with his medical career. He left when I was eight so I never really heard from him other than birthday cards and infrequent visits. There are a lot of interesting things about his travels and thoughts during his young life - things I didn't know - but it is also sad to read. So now I wonder...do I burn this book and let it go? Or leave for others to read? These are the things that are so hard to let go of but is there any value n keeping them? I feel a bit of guilt at just letting his life evaporate if I get rid of the diary.
iris lilies
11-9-24, 9:28pm
oh for sure keep them for your daughter and her children, and their children. absolutely do not destroy that!
Those are the sorts of things you keep as family heirlooms.
The other kinds of things that people keep like rooms full of old furniture and knickknacks and stuff like that, that’s the stuff you can throw away.
keep the things that are personalized!
catherine
11-9-24, 10:13pm
I completely agree with IL!!
I have kept an intimate journal since I was 12 years old. It has all my rants and raves about every aspect of my life. I've always wished that I could give them to a disinterested third party when I die, to be released to grandchildren after a certain amount of time, just so I wouldn't upset my kids, although there truly isn't anything salacious in them. (I didn't have a secret life as a pole dancer, for instance).
Also, being a memory keeper is a responsibility. I do a lot on Ancestry, and I get sick of the census information, the draft cards, the marriage licenses. What I truly want are the stories. I plan on writing a story about the childless aunt that partly raised me and posting it on Ancestry, just so she won't completely disappear to the world.
Keep the diary. If you choose not to share it right away, that's fine.
iris lilies
11-9-24, 11:03pm
I completely agree with IL!!
I have kept an intimate journal since I was 12 years old. It has all my rants and raves about every aspect of my life. I've always wished that I could give them to a disinterested third party when I die, to be released to grandchildren after a certain amount of time, just so I wouldn't upset my kids, although there truly isn't anything salacious in them. (I didn't have a secret life as a pole dancer, for instance).
Also, being a memory keeper is a responsibility. I do a lot on Ancestry, and I get sick of the census information, the draft cards, the marriage licenses. What I truly want are the stories. I plan on writing a story about the childless aunt that partly raised me and posting it on Ancestry, just so she won't completely disappear to the world.
Keep the diary. If you choose not to share it right away, that's fine.
We, me and my cousins and aunts (don’t know about uncles) are SO BUMMED that our immigrant ancestor shared not one damn thing about his heritage. We barely know anything about HIM.
keep the stuff that tells a story!
I get where you are coming from, pinkytoe. I had similar issues with papers my dad left. I have kept a lot of them, all the letters home from WWII and college, etc. A couple of love letters I had cremated with them. A couple of things I burned because I think he absolutely would have wanted that, and there was no one coming after me who cared, and it was all deeply personal and not great. No one is writing his biography, and sometimes you want your loved ones to clean up after you a bit. I used the principle of what would I have wanted done by my sons if they found this letter.
My brothers made it clear they wanted none of his papers or letter and did not want photos, etc. so I felt no compunction towards them but did mail them photos that included themselves and any letters they had written so they can deal with them as they wish.
I feel his presence and personality so much when I read them I that it is immensely hard to burn them so I don't know what will happen to this trove after I am gone. It seems like you usually get a grandchild who is interested and I will watch for that. My one son who is interested is who tends to get things so I'm sure he'll take them when I am gone, but I did clean up a bit because I don't think he was entitled to see things that were never meant for me, either.
I did find a hidden stash of photos of a woman he was in love with for years and was engaged to, according to the letters. I never knew that they were engaged. I found her family in a really bizarre coincidence (I don't think it was coincidental, at all, I think Dad and she arranged it) and sent them the photos of their Mom and they were astonished and grateful. I did not tell them about the engagement or how close they were because they had never heard of Dad.
Anyway, I feel for you, it's emotionally difficult, but I feel when we are doing it, we are doing them a great service, to sort out these papers they left.
happystuff
11-10-24, 9:46am
There are so many motivations to journaling one's life that I can see each side to both burning and keeping. I burned all my journals from way back when. Have some from later years, but not sure they will not go down in flames as well. I like remembering the actual interactions and person-to-person contacts, verbal stories handed down through the family, not necessarily the written word. (I think verbal stories have more a personal connection via the person telling the story.) Some people care about ancestors and some don't.
Anyway, good luck with your decision.
I have a wedding album from my first marriage. The photos are beautiful, but knowing the heartbreak that eventually came after that wedding makes them hard to look at. I am contemplating getting rid of it, but I also feel such love for all those people in that special moment. Can't quite do it yet.
pinkytoe
12-20-24, 11:00am
wedding album
While cleaning up a fixer-upper home years ago, I found an album full of wedding photos on the top shelf of a closet. The previous occupant had divorced while living there so I assume it was hers. I suppose that's one way of getting rid of memories.
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