In-laws 50th anniversary?? [Archive]

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pinkytoe

8-14-25, 11:29pm

We are friendly/cordial with DD's in-laws but only see them a couple of times a year when we visit DD. DH and I were completely surprised to hear that they are celebrating their 50th anniversary this coming weekend with a party and dinner. However, we did not receive an invitation to the festivities and don't know what to make of it. It kind of hurts to be excluded. Whad'ya think? Are we being too sensitive about this?

catherine

8-15-25, 6:21am

They may not have wanted to impose on you by inviting you to something that will cost you time and money. Frankly, I don't get invited to, nor do I invite, my kids' in-laws to much of anything. My DD's SIL is getting married, and we weren't invited to the wedding shower, and that's fine with me. We are on a Christmas-card relationship with all of the kids' in-laws. But your relationship may be different. Do you feel that the relationship you have with them should warrant an invite to their anniversary celebration? What does your DD think?

happystuff

8-15-25, 8:05am

Do they have other married children who's in-law were invited? I might be a little put out if that happened, but again as catherine said it would depend on the nature of your own relationship with them. Sorry if you were actually hurt by being left out.

ToomuchStuff

8-15-25, 8:08am

Whose paying for it, and do they have everyone's contact information? It took all three of us kids to be to get a hold of everyone for my mom's surprise birthday years ago, and we barely managed that as mom was trying to make plans with one of her friends for the day, when we got in touch and said say you have plans.
Two reason's right there you may have not been invited.

iris lilies

8-15-25, 8:21am

I have been under the impression you don’t especially like these people. Is that inaccurate?

Tybee

8-15-25, 8:44am

Maybe they didn't want you to feel obligated to make the trip?

pinkytoe

8-15-25, 1:41pm

I have been under the impression you don’t especially like these people. Is that inaccurate?
We do have some unresolved feelings because they moved close to and "took over" DD's little family IMO. MIL plans their annual family getaway and all of their holidays but we have never been included in any of it except for T'Giving as the invite comes from DD. Now she is planning their big family trip to Europe. She always says "family is everything" but somehow excludes us from any of it. All of this plays into our decision on where to move to so it muddies that choice.

frugal-one

8-15-25, 4:00pm

iris lilies

8-15-25, 4:03pm

We do have some unresolved feelings because they moved close to and "took over" DD's little family IMO. MIL plans their annual family getaway and all of their holidays but we have never been included in any of it except for T'Giving as the invite comes from DD. Now she is planning their big family trip to Europe. She always says "family is everything" but somehow excludes us from any of it. All of this plays into our decision on where to move to so it muddies that choice.

Sure, I get that you don’t entirely approve of the way they interact with your daughter. I would probably be protective of my daughter in that situation as well, but on the other hand she’s a grown-up professional woman and can fend off an overbearing mother-in-law if she really wants to.

Have you talked honestly and openly with your daughter about how she feels with all the close family interaction with her in-laws? I thought she enjoyed it, but I could be wrong about that as well.

I would suggest you sincerely examine your feelings and motivations and decide what you want to happen in the future. if you truly want to be included in more of this pushy woman’s family events, you could speak directly to her. But would you actually enjoy these big events if the MIL is in charge of everything?

What would happen if you invite your daughter and her family to your home for a week? Would they come? Are the twins getting old enough they could travel for a longer period?

Do you honestly expect an invitation to Europe with them? That seems a little excessive. For family events held that your daughter’s house I would think your daughter has complete freedom to invite you. How many of these family events are held at your daughters house?

To address your original question: in my family unit, my mother’s parents and my father’s parents did not socialize even though they lived in the same town. When my grandmothers became quite old and widowed, my mother commonly invited both of them to family dinners, but prior to that stage in their life no, they did not participate in joint family events.

In my husband’s family unit,ONE of his sisters married very young and produced a kid, and both sets of those parents were very close. They lived in the same town and we’re both farmers and they did chores for each other when needed. Probably part of that closeness was the mutual support provided to the 17-year-olds who had the baby, and later several other children.

so, it varies

KayLR

8-15-25, 5:28pm

Seems pretty natural to be somewhat stymied about being excluded, but I'd probably give them some grace since you're not that close and only see them rarely. Why don't you send them a nice card and see what happens? You might feel more able to put it behind you then.

pinkytoe

8-15-25, 6:47pm

Thankfully, I am mostly over it today:) I will do the obligatory FB congrats when the MIL posts all of the photos. I haven't ever brought it up with DD as I don't want to put that weight on her. My problem, not hers. Honestly, they are very nice people but we have little in common and going on a trip with the whole clan that always goes (mother, father, daughter, grandson, uncle) would not be enjoyable at all. Kind of funny - but DD always schedules an annual week-long trip by herself - this year, Costa Rica. I like to think she needs the getaway from all of that.