What Are You Doing With Your Money? [Archive]

kib

1-16-26, 11:27am

This is a good old fashioned simple living question, and I hope it's not offensive to anyone who's just trying to make ends meet. If you have more than enough to care for your daily needs, what are you doing with it?

I've turned over many ideas, from shoring up my own infrastructure, to donating, to trying for community outreach that seems to go nowhere, to socking it away as cash in the bank for the apparent deluge on the horizon, to investing it in things that, if I'm honest, are successful but feel morally dubious, to burying it within the walls of my house, to buying gold, to saying I'm old, I'll just spend it on whatever entertains me. Most of these ideas wind up feeling either paranoid, selfish, or just risky in one way or another.

What are you doing, and how did you decide?

iris lilies

1-16-26, 11:47am

Most of our wealth, with the exception of money tied up in our dwellings, is in financial instruments. We have large interest in an Iowa farm. Also, we keep a healthy batch of cash around too

Don’t ask me what those financial instruments are, the allocation, etc. because I don’t know. For my own IRA I don’t even remember although part of it is in a CD. I remember throwing a dart at a Vanguard fund for the rest of it. No one should ever take investment advice from me other than put away money early and regularly.

I do not think about nor care about the morality of my investment vehicles.

Now for the fun part: we have a pretty nice stash of cash. In my head, I keep enough for seven-ish years in a nursing home for me. Keep in mind that my own income is pretty healthy, so it’s going to pay half of a annual cost of a nursing home and the other half of that bill would be covered by money. I’m setting aside.

The rest of it, honestly, I’m spending like crazy. It’s just so hedonistic. For instance I’m actually buying real clothes at a real store, no longer going to Goodwill thrift store exclusively.

One challenge in my marriage is that DH operates the throttle on our spending. This is a role I respected, and I actually would not have married him if he wasn’t financially conservative. OK he’s frugal as ****, let’s be honest. But now it is time to let loose of some of this money and he’s having a hard time.

So, the past couple of years I’ve issued the ultimatum that we WILL give away $30,000 to qualified charities and other efforts.

as a new giveaway effort, I want us to give $5000 to a nephew who’s getting married in China. yes I think big weddings are stupid and etc., but hey – this is China! I’ve read that the groom’s family pays for the wedding. I think it’s cool to contribute to this cultural event.

so in a nutshell

don’t worry about the morality of your investments, keep money back to take care of you in your old age, other wise spend spend spend! and donate of course.

nswef

1-16-26, 11:49am

kib, how nice to see you here again. You had a different screen name I think, but I was intriqued by Bisbee...I understand your question. We never thought- being public school teachers- that we would ever have a lot of money. But we have more than we need. I have made 2 on line accounts at Ally and Captial One high interest, CDs and I must get some more of those before the lowering of rates. We've invested in some stocks, have a stock broker as financial stuff makes me nuts and confused, then angry. We donate our RMD from the stock to local charities, one Habitat, one for domestic violence and one for human needs.I plan to meet with both the stockbroker and the Community Foundation as they have methods of helping in the community and seems to be very well run. I also think about having a big stash in the house...mainly due to the current situation . Good luck.

iris lilies

1-16-26, 11:49am

I have enormous fun donating because I’m plugged into communities and I know who’s running the little organizations that make a big difference.

I don’t bother with the big dumb national organizations like Red Cross and National trust for historic preservation and etc.

I have targeted charitable interests, and those are: old buildings, parks, animal welfare.

early morning

1-16-26, 11:53am

Well, we have very little extra money but I'm not offended, although I do think it nice that you added that. :) I've fantasized about what we'd do with, say, a lottery win (we don't buy tickets so this is highly unlikely, lol). I'd like to make large donations to causes we care about, (and currently support with very small donations), fix some on-going house issues (roof, ceilings, that sort of stuff), perhaps buy a new(er) car, set some aside for our older-age, and make sure our adult children - who struggle- are comfortably well off. If there was anything left, we'd probably make more donations. I can see the importance of investing but if we had pots of money, I'd be very concerned about the social impact of the things we'd be investing in, and frankly, vetting stocks for social and environmental issues feels too daunting to me. I'm aware this is all easy to say when I have no actual money and will be making no real decisions, but it is something I think about.

Klunick

1-16-26, 4:20pm

Husband has started buying gold and silver. Started a few months ago. When he started, silver was about $40 an ounce and now it's up to almost $100 an ounce. Good for what he already has as it's worth more but bad because it's expensive now to buy more.

bae

1-16-26, 4:27pm

iris lilies

1-16-26, 5:54pm

This reminds me to ask if anyone has creative ideas for this donation:

I want to donate a sizable amount to a specific building fund in the UK, Scotland, to be more precise. It is not a United States 501(c)(3) charity.

does anyone know any trick that would allow me to pull money out of my IRA untaxed to donate here?

edited to add: I put my query to ChatGPT and it told me there is a US base charitable organization that feeds money to the historic trust for Scotland. I’m gonna write to them to see if they will put money directly toward one building.

pinkytoe

1-16-26, 7:15pm

Frugality is hard-wired into me. I struggle with spending money joyously even though that is probably its best use after meeting basic needs. We probably have 50% cash in Vanguard and the rest invested in their ETFs or individual stocks. Also have an Ally account for emergency savings or whatever.

happystuff

1-17-26, 9:34am

I believe frugality is hard-wired into me as well. We are doing okay and are currently stashing extra cash into savings. Plan is to find the 'perfect house' to downsize into and pay cash for it. Then whatever we get from the current house will go back into emergency fund, savings, maybe travel... not sure. LOL

As for spending, I think I've eased up on grocery shopping a little bit. Sounds strange, but getting an extra little something/treat was always hard when money was tight. Now I do it, but it's still hard. LOL

Rogar

1-17-26, 9:38am

I'm following a program similar to Iris'.

I'm slowly rewiring my brain to accept that I can actually spend money without angst. I'm no longer dithering about hiring other people or procuring equipment to simplify my life, buy-back my own time, and eliminate bother - I've only got a few decades left, and I'd rather spend my time on more engaging activities than home repair.

Basically, ditto. When I was doing my early retirement planning I did a rough forecast of expenses and income for different financial returns on investments. I actually don't know how much it helped, but since I left employment during the last big financial meltdown I've had years of frugality, but decent returns. I now have enough of a nest egg for most long term care possibilities, although that's sort of a wild card, and have enough left over after normal expenses to afford hiring people for most home repairs, etc and still make charitable donations. I'm thinking on donating all of my 2026 IRA withdrawal to a favorite non-profit or two.

Trump has cut or threatened to cut multiple environmental, water supply, social service programs and business development projects in my state as part of his revenge tour. Meantime squanders away useless billions on the military. I hope to minimize federal taxes as much as legally allowed without regret. Donating IRA withdrawals is one small way. Donating to non-political non-profits is another way to resist like the ACLU. Not mine but I do have some similar choices. Maybe it was mentioned, but you can donate to many qualified non-profits, so it could include a variety of issues.l

Tybee

1-17-26, 12:41pm

What I am working on is looking at all of my resources as one unified portfolio, since I have had a few different sources of money and I tend to treat them very differently. So I am trying to put together the big picture as to how much is in which instrument, and how I structure things. I wonder about Roth conversions but years ago Schwab told me it didn't make sense for me, now they are telling me it makes sense, so am pondering that.

My portfolio is probably about 50% fixed and cash, 50% etfs and individual stocks but I need to look at this, too, because I have been looking at the portfolios separately, and not as one unified whole. I can't bring myself to go all in in index funds and not stocks but I am trying to simplify, and probably by the time I die, will have more in index funds and less in individual stocks. I think a lot about what my kids could inherit and try to arrange things well for that. We may sell this house and get something simpler in a better for us location, and that will exhaust some of my cash. Which I am not crazy about. I can't see us becoming renters unless it's a long term care situation like independent apartment somewhere.

I also started a DAF and love it, so that has been really successful for me. I put a certain amount in there to start and then tithe on any money I earn and spend it down to a certain number, then wait for it to get up to above that number and grant it somewhere. It really works for me.

Tradd

1-17-26, 12:51pm

Just for context, I'm single, no kids, and 56. I have more than enough to save. I've got $17K for savings currently. I keep $5K in the savings account connected to my Chase checking account. I want easily accessible cash if needed. I have a HYSA with Vanguard (Cash Plus account) with the remaining $12K. I have a traditional IRA (rollover 401K from a job 20+ years ago) with Vanguard. I've never added anything more to it, just let it grow. It's in a target date fund. I also have a Vanguard brokerage account with a couple hundred in VOO (S&P 500). I also have a 401K with current company, also in a target date fund.

I have been stuffing 401K, but I reduced contribution a bit so I'd have more to put into savings. I feel the need for cash currently. My only debt is a car loan on my 2024 Crosstrek.

My goddaughter is set to get everything, except one account, which my church is beneficiary for. Yes, I have a will in progress, almost done.

I rent. It's too expensive in the Chicago area for me to buy. I've only been making better money the past few years, but I have a low rent and I'll stay as long as I can.

I donate regularly to my church and to a local food pantry, with small amounts to local PBS station and classical radio station.

iris lilies

1-17-26, 1:10pm

Tybee please talk more about Roth conversions at our age. Or even new Roth – can I make Roth contributions now? You know my stats,: retired, etc.

frugal-one

1-17-26, 1:11pm

What is DAF?

Tybee

1-17-26, 1:16pm

DAF is donor advised fund, frugal. So I gave Schwab and opening sum and then I choose to grant money to different charities, and Schwab sends them the money. They approve the grant, then send the money. So the tax part is when I contribute the money, not when they donate it to the charity. Here's the Vanguard version:
Giving with Vanguard Charitable

Vanguard Charitable supports thoughtful, strategic philanthropy. As a donor-advised fund (https://www.vanguardcharitable.org/what-is-a-donor-advised-fund) leader since 1997, we have the resources and expertise necessary to help you maximize the benefits and the impact of giving.
Whether you’re looking to donate complex assets, grant for the maximum impact, or anything in between, partner with Vanguard Charitable to ensure that the time you spend on philanthropy is time well spent to reach your goals.

What sets us aparthttps://www.vanguardcharitable.org/sites/default/files/2025-11/2025_pw_icons_lowerfees.png
Lower fees:

Lower all-in fee ensures your donations make the greatest impact
Vanguard-backed, at-cost investments
Tiered fee schedule
A history of lowering fees over time and passing savings on to you

https://www.vanguardcharitable.org/sites/default/files/2025-11/2025_pw_icons_flexibility.png
Flexibility:

Investments to fit your individual investing style and charitable timeframe,
Support and options when considering legacy planning
Optional anonymity when you make a grant
Easy online account management

https://www.vanguardcharitable.org/sites/default/files/2025-11/2025_pw_icons_convenience.png
Convenience:

Consolidated charitable giving makes tax time easier
We take charity due diligence and administrative tasks off your plate
You have 24/7 access to your account
Set recurring grant schedules to offer ongoing support

Tybee

1-17-26, 1:18pm

Iris, you can't make a contribution to a new Roth because you have to earn the money, like from wages. Investment income can't be used.

frugal-one

1-17-26, 1:35pm

You can convert traditional IRA to a ROTH though. This is beneficial when there is a gap between standard deduction and adjusted income … that money is not taxed. Or beneficial if you are in a low tax rate now and project to be in a higher tax rate later.

frugal-one

1-17-26, 1:39pm

THANKS FOR THE INFO on DAF, Tybee! Is this the same as Qualified Charitable Contributions? … explained below..

https://legalclarity.org/can-a-qcd-go-to-a-donor-advised-fund/

Other Charitable Giving Options

Individuals interested in both tax-efficient giving from their IRAs and flexible charitable planning have distinct options. They can make direct Qualified Charitable Distributions (QCDs) to eligible public charities. Separately, donors can contribute appreciated stock to a Donor-Advised Fund (DAF) for an immediate income tax deduction. These two strategies can be utilized in parallel, allowing for direct support to charities from an IRA and flexible, long-term charitable planning through a DAF.

Tybee

1-17-26, 1:41pm

Sure thing, I really like mine!

iris lilies

1-17-26, 1:45pm

Iris, you can't make a contribution to a new Roth because you have to earn the money, like from wages. Investment income can't be used.
OK, that’s what I was thinking but wanted to check. So all of my income at this point, 100%, is “unearned” I guess, meeting, not only RMD money but Social Security and pension and etc.

kib

1-18-26, 11:47am

I understand the struggle to spend, completely. My old YMOYL habits have served me well, I have a relatively stable setup now that doesn't - and won't - require a mandatory drawdown, and I currently live on about 25% of my post-tax income. Kinda hard to let go of those numbers and convince myself some luxury is appropriate.

I've gone in the opposite direction (from Lhamo's house remodel). We moved to Indy for DH job in a bit of a whirlwind and bought the least expensive house in an acceptable neighborhood that I could find on short notice, sight unseen. Not a forever space, but I've been living with zero personal upgrades to a 1941 "starter" house for four years now, except for a fireplace insert that allows us to burn some of all the hardwood that's falling out of our old trees, and frankly, it's quite relaxing. So the ancient parquet floor looks like crap and the rear french doors are more like having a hole in the wall. The last set of someone's "upgrades" were a cheapo flip that lets me know what I will never want in a house again - doors that won't shut, wooden countertops, peel n stick floor in the kitchen.

I realized that for years I'd just been substituting "necessary" renovation spending for other spending addiction behaviors. This house could use help but it's not really worth doing. One of these days I'll either move or roll up my sleeves, but personally, life's rather short to spend staring at drape swatches.

I guess my conundrum is that I've maybe painted myself into a corner - figuratively. (Literally I've barely touched a paintbrush in five years.) Everything I haven't chosen that I might like in terms of a living arrangement seems to have the potential to upend my stability. It wouldn't today, but given the current political instability, I question how much of my comfort zone and cushion is simply going to disappear at some point. Will muni bond income continue to be tax free? Will it continue to exist? How long will annuity companies be able to shell out payments ... etc. etc.

I'm a little too attached to my security, maybe.

iris lilies

1-18-26, 12:18pm

kib

1-18-26, 1:32pm

Kib! my house in Hermann is from 1941! It is adorable.

It was cute but rough when we bought it, and we sunk several hundred thousand dollars into it and now it’s cute and nice.

We like fixing up old houses, and I feel that it’s kind of a “rescue “mission. We just prefer old houses. Every piece of property we have purchased in Missouri has left our hands better off than when we acquired it, and so far that is 6 pieces of real estate either gone or better after we sell.

I've been a rescuer of old houses for a long time, too, and it has definitely helped my bottom line. This one's got me stuck, though. It's badly laid out and the cost of a gut and remodel would be ridiculous, considering I can't see the input it needs ever paying for itself, and we don't want to stay in the area after DH retires in a couple of years. I grabbed it in a panic to have a place to live, an impulsive mistake for a flipper, but it's serving that purpose reasonably well.

That leaves me a bit unplugged, though. I am big on Having A Plan and then rolling up my sleeves and doing, and this seems to be a season of waiting and breath holding. I get in my head about what else to do, finances, aging, relationship, interim plans, diet, ideal community or like-minded place, exercise, travel, and a lot of other crap. A big circle, really. The money's fine if I stay and sit tight. The money's maybe not always going to be so fine, and if I leave, that might happen sooner than later. :treadmill:

pinkytoe

1-18-26, 4:53pm

a season of waiting and breath holding.
We are in a similar conundrum with getting old added to the basket. The constant chaos of the past few years makes one unsure on how to proceed. We bought this house sight unseen nine years ago and put about $50K into remodeling the kitchen, cosmetic stuff, landscape etc. But it was never a house we LOVED - it was just what we could find and afford at the time. Do we stay because its comfortable and familiar and give up the search for the next one? Sometime I will lay out the pros, cons and choices to see what the simple folks here advise from afar.

iris lilies

1-18-26, 5:24pm

I've been a rescuer of old houses for a long time, too, and it has definitely helped my bottom line. This one's got me stuck, though. It's badly laid out and the cost of a gut and remodel would be ridiculous, considering I can't see the input it needs ever paying for itself, and we don't want to stay in the area after DH retires in a couple of years. I grabbed it in a panic to have a place to live, an impulsive mistake for a flipper, but it's serving that purpose reasonably well.

That leaves me a bit unplugged, though. I am big on Having A Plan and then rolling up my sleeves and doing, and this seems to be a season of waiting and breath holding. I get in my head about what else to do, finances, aging, relationship, interim plans, diet, ideal community or like-minded place, exercise, travel, and a lot of other crap. A big circle, really. The money's fine if I stay and sit tight. The money's maybe not always going to be so fine, and if I leave, that might happen sooner than later. :treadmill:

what is “badly laid out “though? I think of the little street of 1941 houses I know in St. Louis, pre-war houses, and they are really NICE. They are upscale compared to our 1941 country cottage built by country folk which did have its oddities “layout” mainly because the front of the house was situated toward the direction they thought the road would go in.

the road later went into what they built as the back of the house. so that made entry staircase weird.

rosarugosa

1-19-26, 7:50am

To answer the original question, most of my money is still in my former employer's 401k account. It's with a well-regarded financial institution with good investment options and low fees, so I've never seen any reason to move it. Most of DH's money is in a Vanguard account. We also keep a much smaller amount in an online high-yield savings account.

kib

1-19-26, 10:38am

We are in a similar conundrum with getting old added to the basket. The constant chaos of the past few years makes one unsure on how to proceed. We bought this house sight unseen nine years ago and put about $50K into remodeling the kitchen, cosmetic stuff, landscape etc. But it was never a house we LOVED - it was just what we could find and afford at the time. Do we stay because its comfortable and familiar and give up the search for the next one? Sometime I will lay out the pros, cons and choices to see what the simple folks here advise from afar. I'd love it if you would! This is more or less exactly what we're facing. The way it comes back around to money, subject of the thread, is that I do have cash available to cash out of this house, throw a bit more into the pot and move on to something more suitable, but the timing's wrong, and inflation has me nervous too - do I really want to double the amount of equity I have in real estate, and then watch the property tax increase price me out?

kib

1-19-26, 10:51am

Well that was weird, I was replying to Iris and instead of the post I was creating, it put Pinkytoe's in twice.

kib

1-19-26, 10:59am

Tybee

1-19-26, 11:32am

Badly laid out: This house has been a rental for a long time. Someone who maybe didn't know what they were doing converted the attic to a bedroom and put in a staircase, taking up precious real estate on the first floor and creating a not particularly pleasant or usable room upstairs. This little neighborhood in the middle of the city is on well and septic, god knows what's in our water. We really need a second bathroom. The "dining room" taking up more precious real estate is basically a foyer between the kitchen, living room and backyard, there's no practical space for a table. There is both a coal chute and an old oil burner in the basement along with the current inefficient gas furnace.

There are some sweet features like these old french doors, brick patio and paths, built in shelves and nooks, but on the whole the cheap reno's and the actual location of the property within the city weigh heavily against upgrading. Probably the biggest factor is just that I don't want to be here - i.e. in a bigger city, and especially not Indianapolis. The feel is "suburban, with inner city prices". Putting sweat and money into this til I love it makes it that much harder to get out.

Put me in the can't figure out what to do because house is in wrong location, bought it unseen, doesn't really work great for us camp. We have not done a thing indoors, although we've done some great things outdoors. Can't bring myself to spend money when I know I want to leave.

From what you are saying about dissatisfaction with the location, I wouldn't put any money into your house, but rather just bide time until I figured out where I wanted to be. We are at age now we'd prefer to have our forever house and make changes that we love, in a house we love, in a place we love that works for our fading bodies.

kib

1-19-26, 1:12pm

Put me in the can't figure out what to do because house is in wrong location, bought it unseen, doesn't really work great for us camp. We have not done a thing indoors, although we've done some great things outdoors. Can't bring myself to spend money when I know I want to leave.

From what you are saying about dissatisfaction with the location, I wouldn't put any money into your house, but rather just bide time until I figured out where I wanted to be. We are at age now we'd prefer to have our forever house and make changes that we love, in a house we love, in a place we love that works for our fading bodies.

Exactly where I'm leaning, I just wish I were there now! It makes me a little sick to my stomach when I think of 20 years of potentially laying down roots and community and nest space wasted, and starting all that Now like closing the barn door after the horse has left. Or, more precisely, looking at the barn door wondering how, if or whether it can move at all.

And, lol, because I'm apparently bathing in entitled self pity this morning, I am the sole living relative of a 96 year old woman who is dependent on me, who can't / won't be moved from her Pennsylvania "independent" living arrangement, and married to someone who is excitedly applying to be a contestant on "Traitors" at this very moment. So, uh ... there's that.

Rachel

2-11-26, 10:24am

Hey kib, I read your posts and the replies with interest. As humans I think we are not wired for an extended state of liminality -- being neither here nor there, "stuck" in a situation that we aren't committed to. I think I can see why this is not a situation for flourishing. Can you go ahead and sell now and move? Or are you waiting for DH to retire so you can move to a whole new area? I think it is unhealthy both mentally and physically to be in an uncomfortable home. Failing that, you might try Radical Gratitude? I try it off and on and it helps me. I hope this situation gets better soon for you and for everyone else who finds themselves in one similar.

Rachel

2-11-26, 10:37am

I read every one of these replies, so interesting. There are some rock star givers on this list, good for you! And I include the people who give small amounts as well as their entire RMDs.

I woke up one day a few years after retirement and realized we had quite a lot of money. After meeting several times over the course of a year with our financial advisor we decided to purchase outright and give properties to some family members who are struggling. Properties are solely owned by them and they are responsible for the taxes, upkeep, everything. And we made sure that they would be able to carry them going forward as we wanted these gifts to be a blessing not a disaster.

Beyond that, we are traveling a lot and we are staying in nicer lodgings. We are very aware that these bodies won't be doing trips indefinitely. And like other commenters here, we spend money on services that save us time and stress.

Still living in our longterm very small home! Would love to have more space but prefer to have that money for experiences.

I have suspended church donations for this year (another whole story) and instead have made some donations to other places. Still trying to figure this out.

Tybee

2-11-26, 11:14am

Rachel, I like your idea of giving houses very much!

I have just given my fourth stove to the Navajo reservation foundation that I give to; they buy the stoves in bulk and then install them for free for people; it really feels wonderful to know some new "neighbors" will be warm this winter, especially children. I give to the Southwest Indian Foundation for the stoves.

iris lilies

2-12-26, 10:33am

You all may or may not remember the saga of our farm ownership. We are part owners of a family farm, still in the family because, after sibling strife that resulted in estrangement from one sibling, the remaining owners were hanging onto it for the main reason the youngest sibling could work the farm.

I was not in favor of hanging onto the farm, but I don’t have an active voice although I do have some sort of legal ownership in it. But I became resigned to the fact that I’m partial owner of a farm, and perhaps in the big picture it is wise to have some diversification in our assets. Ok, I can accept that.

The farming sibling recently died. So, I expected the famiy farm to be sold, right? You know, before ownership becomes more complicated with succeeding generations as heirs to the parts, needing more signatures to sell, more people involved in making decisions, etc.

Well! Boy was I wrong!

now it appears we have a lease that goes at least two years with the new farmer who is farming it. Gee, within two years, another sibling could die, causing that sibling’s portion to be divided among heirs adding even MORE names to the ownership list.

meanwhile, our share is generating significantly less than the same amount invested in the financial markets. And who knows how much farmland will be valued in two years. Its value does not always go up.

catherine

2-12-26, 12:07pm

You all may or may not remember the saga of our farm ownership. We are part owners of a family farm, still in the family because, after sibling strife that resulted in estrangement from one sibling, the remaining owners were hanging onto it for the main reason the youngest sibling could work the farm.

I was not in of hanging onto the farm, but I don’t have an active voice although I do have some sort of legal ownership in it. But I became resigned to the fact that I’m partial owner of a farm, and perhaps in the big picture it is wise to have some diversification in our assets. Ok, I can accept that.

The farming sibling recently died. So, I expected the famiy farm to be sold, right? You know, before ownership becomes more complicated with succeeding generations as heirs to the parts, needing more signatures to sell, more people involved in making decisions, etc.

Well! Boy was I wrong!

now it appears we have a lease that goes at least two years with the new farmer who is farming it. Gee, within two years, another sibling could die, causing that sibling’s portion to be divided among heirs adding even MORE names to the ownership list.

meanwhile, our share is generating significantly less than the same amount invested in the financial markets. And who knows how much farmland will be valued in two years. Its value does not always go up.

I know that's frustrating for you, and I agree that financially you would be better off if the family divested itself of it. But, in principle, it's nice that it will stay a family farm for a while, rather than get taken over by a major corporation for either large-scale industrial farming or solar farms. That's probably very little consolation for you, I realize.

iris lilies

2-12-26, 12:27pm

I know that's frustrating for you, and I agree that financially you would be better off if the family divested itself of it. But, in principle, it's nice that it will stay a family farm for a while, rather than get taken over by a major corporation for either large-scale industrial farming or solar farms. That's probably very little consolation for you, I realize.

I will tell you that if there is legal wrangling over who gets the dead sibling’s portion, I am going to …be upset. :(. I’m not saying that’s gonna happen, but there’s already a hint of it, something about an incomplete will. Oh joy, we have been there/done that.

Romanticization of “the family farm” does not do me any good, you are right. None of the remaining family even lives on the farm let alone in the state where it is located.

Most generational farmers are legally incorporated, anyway. Does that make them an evil corporate farmer? Hmmmm.

frugal-one

2-12-26, 12:59pm

Just talked to our tax guy. When you sell your primary residence make sure you talk to a tax person. There are ways to avoid major taxes on the sale and repurchase.

Tybee

2-12-26, 2:47pm

iris lilies

2-13-26, 12:14pm

If they do end up selling the family farm, be prepared for a lot of grief and loss. We sold my granddad's commercial property before my cousin died as none of us wanted to own commercial property in another state with the children of our cousin, or with my brothers, for that matter, but it still felt really bad to lose it, after a hundred years in the family.

But it would feel worse to continue to own anything with my brother, whose way of handling things struck me as really problematic. I never wanted to be in business with my family.

There may be grieving & loss, but it’s not coming from me, that’s for sure. The Homestead itself with 11 acres, old creaky house, and decent outbuildings is not something I have legal interest in, it was partitioned off and sold to the sibling who recently died. I’m not involved in that parcel of real estate in any way. But the sibling who died also owned 19 acres of the LLC farm that I am a part of.

Apparently there’s going to be drama over the 19 acres because dead sibling had a 2nd wife and dead sibling wanted to leave the 19 acres to his son by 1st marriage, but 2nd wife would not sign off on her legal rights to that land. So perhaps the dead sibling’s wishes are in limbo, I don’t know the current status. DH revealed this all to me late yesterday. DH knew more than he was saying earlier but was silent because he knew I would be surly about it.

19 acres doesn’t sound like much, but this is prime Iowa farmland which goes for at least $15,000 an acre.

I told DH since we cannot affect what happens in that particular family drama, he needs to be aware that not one dime of the Iris Lily household funds will go towards any kind of lawsuit to appease 2nd wife or solve that drama. It ain’t my circus and my monkeys will not be involved.

And those of you who are hell bent on leaving real estate to multiple parties not of the same household, be aware of the complexities of it all. It is often the spouses and 2nd generation that create the ruckus.

Tybee

2-13-26, 1:33pm

Definitely, the grieving is for the children and the siblings, and the problems are because the inheritance ends up affecting more than the children and siblings. Spouses don't share in the emotional loss, and then there are conflicts of loyalty. Like it was totally unfair to involve my husband in my inheritance drama, but decisions my brother was making were affecting him and his financial life. Enraging.

pinkytoe

2-13-26, 5:15pm

Whenever I read about families and estate issues, I am relieved we have an only child and only two grandchildren. DHs sibs are not close so when his mother died, there was little communication though we suspect his sister, the caregiver and POA most likely skimmed funds here and there. She deserved it though for all she endured.

Rachel

2-14-26, 8:58am