View Full Version : Is anything missing from life for you these days that was once there?
gimmethesimplelife
7-23-11, 5:01pm
Just a quick question I would like to throw out there - Is anything missing from life for you these days that was once there? I will go first as I have been thinking of this a lot lately - I remember when I was in college from 1985 -1990, I had this wonderfully beautiful feeling of security that provided I made halfway decent grades and some effort I would be rewarded at the end with a halfway decent job providing a halfway decent standard of living. It was almost like there was a road map in place, I just had to get on the highway and follow directions - Now that sense of security is totally shattered and non existent for me and I am afraid many others out there. I don't know if this is just the economy, or partly getting older, but I look back and wonder - Why did I buy into things being that simple to begin with????? Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else out there is missing something in life that they once had? Rob of the North Rim
Sad Eyed Lady
7-23-11, 7:04pm
I think of all things that I miss, that is outside of people that I have lost, is innocence. When you didn't know about so much of the bad in the world, when eating out meant McDonalds, when knowledge in someways was limited but in a good sort of way. Now, we know too much sometimes, and it gets depressing. Rambling thoughts, but yes gimmethesimpleife there are a lot of things missing from my life that were once there and thought they always would be.
What's lost is that feeling of "firsts": first job, first apartment, first serious love, first house, first time doing or seeing x. A lot of things in middle age seem same old, same old. Its a lot harder to get that sort of excitement going anymore.
I'm also nervous/scared about the job market. When I was laid off 4 years ago, I took some time to explore other avenues (self employment) thinking it would be easy to jump back in to what I had been doing- who wouldn't want an engineer who also had client facing skills? But its been tougher than I thought, I've had some contract work but not full time. Its like I'm tainted, once I've had that taste of freedom of 60+ hour weeks.
Something I have been missing is a close relationship with God. I have had some not so pleasant life experiences and bad relationships. I have let bitterness and anger dwell in my heart so long that there doesn't seem to be a place for God anymore.
I miss being certain of things. Everything is up for grabs now, from the economy to theology. However, I get bored easily, so I also enjoy the rapid change that is just part of our society anymore. So it's not all bad.
Simplemind
7-24-11, 12:01am
Herbgeek you have captured it perfectly!
[QUOTE=herbgeek;34860]What's lost is that feeling of "firsts": first job, first apartment, first serious love, first house, first time doing or seeing x. A lot of things in middle age seem same old, same old. Its a lot harder to get that sort of excitement going anymore.
QUOTE]
Good points. Maybe that is why life isn't as exciting as it once was. And I think the wisdom of knowing the apartment, the house, the job.....none of them really are the answer to elusive happiness.
ApatheticNoMore
7-24-11, 3:47am
I've always been one to feel more economic insecurity than is warranted, so I've never really felt secure. What I see more in adulthood is how random it all is and how little anyone cares.
But none of that is what I miss (do miss the economic security of being a child, but that came with a great sense of emotional trappedness). What I really miss is the sense of potential and aliveness I felt as a teenager!
Maxamillion
7-24-11, 5:18am
Over the years I've grown more cynical and bitter despite my best efforts not too. I also have far less faith in people than I used to.
I think of all things that I miss, that is outside of people that I have lost, is innocence. When you didn't know about so much of the bad in the world, when eating out meant McDonalds, when knowledge in someways was limited but in a good sort of way. Now, we know too much sometimes, and it gets depressing.
I second this! I wouldn't rather not know, but I do wish things were simpler and that the international mantra was not "profit before people & planet"...
Sad Eyed Lady
7-24-11, 10:36am
I second this! I wouldn't rather not know, but I do wish things were simpler and that the international mantra was not "profit before people & planet"...
I often think of the Bob Seeger line "Wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then". Sums it up perfectly.
Also herbgeek, I have expressed the very thing you have said here. When you are young and starting out, everything is in front of you, decisions - where to live, what job to take, things like that. Then the years go by quickly and most of those things are behind us. I know there are still choices out there and hopefully in this later time of life we will be open to them, but not the innocent "firsts" as you have pointed out.
ApatheticNoMore
7-24-11, 1:35pm
I don't know, don't think I ever believed the world was that way. When my father was still in good enough shape to argue, I might talk about the world being in such uniquely bad shape these days, and he'd be like 'oh yea and it was so good when Hitler was threatening to take over the world'. Has has a point, ALTHOUGH I do think the problems these days (environmental and resource) problems are far more intractable.
@Shalom-Poet- you said it better than I did.
When I was young, the world was full of possibilities. I could be, do, live or go anywhere. So many paths to pick from, all with wonderful surprises along the way. But by the time I was 30, I realized I'd never be a famous athlete, or a movie star, or a ballerina, or (most likely) rich and famous. There is some ability to re-invent yourself along the way, to be sure, but what I am now is just a more refined version of who I was then, not different in any way. I'm also more comfortable with who I am, but I recognize the results of my choices along the way, and how they have limited what I can choose to be, do, live or go from here. The possibilities are not limitless anymore, because I recognize that with my interests, skills, energy level and money, there are only certain things that would be do-able.
ApatheticNoMore
7-25-11, 12:59pm
I do feel a very deep craving for .... what? ... parental guidance? I feel like I have no way of knowing which approach will even lead to getting a decent job. So if the end goal is I want a decent job, should I try doing this stuff I have done before, should I change directions and do this, should I?
If we're young and raised in some kind of middle class or better home we may rigidly follow the rules we were given on how to succeed in the world. But I never entirely did. And anyway rules are breaking down. And my parents couldn't possibly guide me from where I've gotten myself into now (papa can you hear me?), our parents actually knew very little afterall. And I don't know who possibly could. Yes, I feel deeply alone.
And I'm sorry if this appears childish, it's not actually about my parents per se whom I expect very little of in reality (perhaps taking me into their horribly unsanitary hoarder home if the alternative is the streets?), as wanting some kind of guidance from the world that just does not exist. Because the cultural fiction that if you just do x, y, z you will succeed sinks in deep. And accepting that the economic world contains great elements of random and unfathomable is harder.
There is what is called the brute force approach to solving problems, we just figure out what works by pure trial and error. Just keep trying one approach after another. This is costly in terms of time etc.., but it is kind of where I am. It is afterall AN approach!
HappyHiker
7-25-11, 1:31pm
Up until a few weeks ago I would have said that yes, life seems somewhat empty and unexciting for me at this time of my life. I wasn't depressed, just not fully engaged, being a semi-retired writer getting her first novel edited and finding magazine and business clients not much in need of my services these days. So I've been under-employed and not doing much writing.
However, all that changed when a large bullying corporation attempted to sneak in a smoke stack toxin polluting factory into our pristine little coastal town. A project so not compatible with our tourism and eco-tourism economy that it ignited our town.
Vive la difference!! Now I'm super-charged in writing articles, press releases, letters to editors, coining slogans and joining protests. The emails and phone calls are flying--and I feel very much engaged as part of our community.
I think that's what was missing from my life-the feeling of being a part of something larger, contributing to making a difference...and I so enjoy the other activists taking a part in this battle--so many of us all working for common cause.
Maybe this is what we need--to feel worthwhile and to make a difference. Is there any way you can make positive change where you live? It just might add the spice that seasons your life. Did for me, but your mileage may vary.
ApatheticNoMore
7-25-11, 2:17pm
Some of us always have been born to fight a great cause. Meanwhile we bide time, waiting for the revolutionary moment :). Waiting for the switch to be thrown.
Less rhetorically, more down to earth, I love nothing more than being involved in those things that are building more cooperative problem solving groups in the community etc. - building a better world and this is the moment. It's a great thrill. I think I still suffer from low level depression though.
Yes and no. When a person is young and starting out, everything seems fresh and new and not yet navigated or explored. i.e. New jobs, meeting ones mate (relationship), time passing by slower (as it does when we are younger), that sort of thing. Then, for a lot of us, marriage ensues, which usually marks a first home purchase, followed by filling the empty spare bedrooms with babies/children. There's just so much newness in the beginning. So much newness in fact, certain things (at times) are missed or overlooked.
Then, as time progresses, things begin to slow. No more babies, a set/established day to day routine, a marriage you are settled into, comfortable with, and at ease with, and, for many of us, few other new things. i.e. Standard home-life, work and maintenance around the home, the typical hum-drum sort of schedule that fills our days. It is during this time and point where people (I think) tend to feel low points.
But then comes independence. Our children grow, and age, and mature, then the process begins where they slowly start venturing out and making a life for themselves, and that's always exciting and new and fresh, to actually witness the events unfold. It is at this point in time where working careers usually tend to reach maturity, then suddenly (as parents/adults), we find ourselves staring down retirement street! A time when no more schedules and dates and times dog our way of life. You've reached freedom and have control! Vacations, trips, relaxation, so many new things grace ones life (all over again). Like a circle, everything coming around again.
Indeed, I do find myself navigating around that circle of life more than ever these days, however if I had to answer the OP question using either a yes or a no, I'd have to answer no, because when I take into consideration all the highs along with the lows, it ends up being a perfectly balanced act the seldom fails to remind me of the fact, I'm alive!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
I am missing too many people from my life that are gone, and too many that are missing their health and will be too soon. Sorry to be morbid....
Agree with almost all of you above especially KayLR I use this one a lot...hehe
What's lost is that feeling of "firsts": first job, first apartment, first serious love, first house, first time doing or seeing x. A lot of things in middle age seem same old, same old. Its a lot harder to get that sort of excitement going anymore.
I'm also nervous/scared about the job market. When I was laid off 4 years ago, I took some time to explore other avenues (self employment) thinking it would be easy to jump back in to what I had been doing- who wouldn't want an engineer who also had client facing skills? But its been tougher than I thought, I've had some contract work but not full time. Its like I'm tainted, once I've had that taste of freedom of 60+ hour weeks.
This isn't going to sound right at first, but I'm glad to hear an engineer has the same problem I do. Makes me feel less like I should have made different career choices to avoid the unemployment I face now. Engineer is right at the top of my list of highly employable skills, so I feel less like it's ME and more like it's how things are right now.
In January of 2009 I left my decent clerical job to look after my husband, who was dying of throat cancer. He died December 7, 2009. Since then I have looked for work, and occasionally given up looking for work in discouragement, then looked again. Because I left the job on my own and was not available to work, I wasn't eligible for unemployment compensation. Because I have assets (taking premature withdrawals from my IRA), I'm not eleigible for any social programs. And rightly so - the social safety net should be for people who don't have assets, not people who have them and just prefer to keep them. OTOH, when I give in to fear I realize that my IRA will only last 2.5 years, at which time I will be even older and even longer-unemployed than I am now, even less attractive to employers.
There was a time when I could get most any office job because I have a resume that shows I can LEARN. Now, employers are running so lean there's no one to train new people, so they are demanding direct, on-point experience. And they can demand that because so many people are looking for work.
flowerseverywhere
7-25-11, 9:14pm
I miss quiet and solitude and privacy.
Recently I had ten days with no internet, no TV and only a pay as you go phone to check in on my elderly MIL every few days. I loved being so disconnected.
Reder99, sorry to read of your troubles and I hope that things turn around for you. when bad things happen to good people it is hard to understand.
I have taken some time to think about this thread.
Because I was so poor but had opportunities for education with my limited finances for which I have been eternally grateful, my youthful expectations were limited at the outset. I had goals and dreams but was not sure that I could achieve them. Lack of money impacts many things.
As life unfolded, things worked out so well that I seemed to go from one state of gratitude to the next state of gratitude. I did/achieved almost everything that I had hoped and more. At age 67, I would still like to see the Arctic and Newfoundland but I love the life that I have led and am very comfortable at present.
Gimme, your question actually is a generational one. As one gets older, the questions change. Now I wonder how long I can stay in our home and farm which was my dream as a young teenager. I do wonder what lies ahead in housing moves, personal activity etc.
While I have gone through severe anxiety as I retired, I am now relaxing and waiting to see what unfolds with some degree of confidence.
I think this is a very interesting question.
I do miss one thing: easy come joy. Hormonal changes have made a difference in my overall life view and it's harder to find strong joy in life's events, so I have to work harder for it. However, I still find lots of things very interesting, there's just a more quiet kind of enjoyment. I still don't have enough time in the day to pursue everything I want to pursue. I still go off on tangents and chase things of interest that, weeks or months later, I've forgotten about--so I'm still finding joy or happiness, I guess you'd say, in that.
flowerseverywhere
7-25-11, 11:33pm
At age 67, I would still like to see the Arctic and Newfoundland but I love the life that I have led and am very comfortable at present.
the only thing standing between you and your dreams is yourself. Figure out how you can make this possible.
I miss thinking I'd have the security of a full time job with one company for many years. I wish I had the self esteem and people skills that I have now when I was younger, when there were so many opportunities out there.
Seeing all the waste, greed and corruption in the world makes me mourn my innocence. Also, most of the horrible things that go on (murders, abuse, crime) doesn't even shock me anymore.
Most of all, I miss the big family get togethers we used to have. Now most of my relatives are gone or live far away and holidays are now just another day off from work.
Wildflower
7-26-11, 4:01am
A few years ago I thought our retirement years were financially secure. Now due to many different circumstances they simply are not. Learning to live with the unknown on a small fixed income, thanks to unexpected health problems and the bankruptcy of DH's company. But, of course, it could be worse and we treasure all of the good moments which are plenty these days.
I remember walking across the stage, receiving my high school diploma and that wonderful feeling I had my whole life in front of me. I remember feeling so excited about all of the possibilities that day. I miss that feeling of youth and that anything is possible....
I miss my sister and nephew. That's the biggest one. I have seen them once, for a day in the last four years or so. We are going out to visit them at Christmas and I am so excited. My sister had inflammatory breast cancer a year ago and I realize how precious time with my loved ones is.
I think the next biggest thing I miss is sleep. :) I've been getting up with DH at 4AM and I'm having trouble falling back asleep, so I'm pretty tired.
Most things in my life are at least as good as they've always been and most things are better.
goldensmom
7-26-11, 6:49am
OP question, ‘Is anything missing from life for you these days that was once there?’ Yes, lots of things are missing that were an important part of my youth but they’ve been replaced by mature things because that’s the way life should be. Life revs up in youth then slows down in maturity. I don’t miss those things (been there, done that) nor do I want them back because I like where I am and I am content where I am because this is where I should be in life.
Yes there are things missing from my life - parents and siblings, the ex-dh and many many pets amongst many other less important things. But I don't miss alot of the things that are missing. In a way letting go of old things has freed up time for new things. I find I'm always striving for some new and exciting personal goal in my life. They opens up so many new and untried things now that I didn't have time for before. I actually feel that I might be "missing" things that I haven't had a chance to do yet because there just isn't enough time in life to do, see, and take part in all the things I want. I need to borrow a few more lives :-)!
Editted to add that I am probably the least sentimental person on the planet. I rarely, if ever, miss anything or look back on what I miss (would make myself crazy that way) so usually look forward and almost never miss anything unless I am talking about the "good old days" here or with friends. So I think people who are more sentimental will miss more things.
I miss not being in pain, and having knees that functioned without having to think about it. Ah well. Hopefully some exercise will help.
Other than that - not much! I like aging in general, and feeling calmer and more reflective. I've dropped the intense reactivity I had to life's vagaries, and feel much better about my relationships and life's situations.
I miss people not being in the present. They are so busy and distracted by the speed of life/lifestyle that they dont enjoy the present.
When did it become a hysterical moment to miss a cell phone call or a note on a screen? When was it more important to talk to the people on the phone or email than to the person in front of you? Is it fear?
Our technology has not provided peace, stability or comfort in many cases.
Sad Eyed Lady
7-28-11, 9:09am
I miss people not being in the present. They are so busy and distracted by the speed of life/lifestyle that they dont enjoy the present.
When did it become a hysterical moment to miss a cell phone call or a note on a screen? When was it more important to talk to the people on the phone or email than to the person in front of you? Is it fear?
Our technology has not provided peace, stability or comfort in many cases.sweetana3 I had a whole thread about this very thing a few months ago at a time when I was VERY down and discouraged by all the cyber contact that seemed to replace human contact. I still don't get the concept of having to be continually connected. As you pointed out, when did it become a big deal to miss a call or text? Sorry, don't even want to get started again!
Gardenarian
7-28-11, 3:56pm
I love my husband, but I do miss the giddiness of falling, and being intensely, in love. I was reminded of this by the song "Hey There Delilah" on the radio the other day. I love these lyrics:
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way.
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way...
I remember feeling that way. It is so beautiful while it lasts.
I miss sitting with friends, smoking a doobie, and listening to a new album. These days I seriously doubt anyone would be interested enough to listen, really listen, to a whole album together.
I miss the 70's. After returning from Vietnam everyone seem to really believe that we could change the world. Then came Reagan.
I miss not having to be responsible. I was responsible for 35 years while I worked. Now that I am retired, why do I have to be so damn responsible? Oop's, better erase that - it would be irresponsible!
I miss the feeling of immortality in my youth. I realize that I am on the downhill side of things and time is going much too fast.
Peace
Here lately, I miss the easy rhythm of what my job used to be. I am now doing the work of 2-3 people and the stress is unbearable some days. I miss being the cute girl that attracted boys like flies - although it is also nice to be invisble sometimes. I miss the easier feel of past decades - everything is so speeded up and non-stop now. I miss rain and mountains - a lot.
goldensmom
7-29-11, 11:21am
I love my husband, but I do miss the giddiness of falling, and being intensely, in love.......
I remember feeling that way. It is so beautiful while it lasts.
Every now and then something will trigger a memory of the excitement and intensity of new love - a scent or a song; the title of the first movie my husband and I saw together; fireworks, literally as our first date was to the local 4th of July fireworks display. Reminiscing is fun and nostalgic but over the years our love has deepened so much, something I could never have experienced way back when. I am so much more satisfied today to sit quietly with my husband than to watch fireworks or go to a movie. We still do those things but they are not necessary. In my case, the youthful excitement and thrill has been replaced with an inexplicable deepness that I would not trade for anything. I like the commercial (don’t even know what is for) where the young couple walking briskly, part and pass the old couple holding hands sauntering though the park.
rodeosweetheart
7-29-11, 12:57pm
I miss having fun. I miss laughing. Not sure what is going on--don't seem to laugh so much anymore.
I miss sitting with friends, smoking a doobie, and listening to a new album. These days I seriously doubt anyone would be interested enough to listen, really listen, to a whole album together.
I miss the 70's. After returning from Vietnam everyone seem to really believe that we could change the world. Then came Reagan.
I miss not having to be responsible. I was responsible for 35 years while I worked. Now that I am retired, why do I have to be so damn responsible? Oop's, better erase that - it would be irresponsible!
I miss the feeling of immortality in my youth. I realize that I am on the downhill side of things and time is going much too fast.
Peace
Now that I'm pretty much deaf and can't listen to music anymore (don't even own a CD player or a stereo) I guess I miss that the most - along with just the normal things like conversationss and birdsong. Otherwise I'd join you in listening to the whole album. As long as it wasn't Iron Butterfly :-)! Even too long for me! But skip the dobbie and make it a rum instead. I like polluting my body the legal way :-)!
Now that I'm pretty much deaf and can't listen to music anymore (don't even own a CD player or a stereo) I guess I miss that the most - along with just the normal things like conversationss and birdsong. Otherwise I'd join you in listening to the whole album. As long as it wasn't Iron Butterfly :-)! Even too long for me! But skip the dobbie and make it a rum instead. I like polluting my body the legal way :-)!
How about some Blind Faith (Clapton and Winwood) with some Cruzan Rum and coke!! This weekend is looking better all the time! I always "Bogart" anyway so no problem with the doobie!!
Peace
How about some Blind Faith (Clapton and Winwood) with some Cruzan Rum and coke!! This weekend is looking better all the time! I always "Bogart" anyway so no problem with the doobie!!
Peace
Throw in the Velvet Underground (and add some closed captioning too - you do mime don't you?) and you got a deal. Ah for the old bands! I grew up in that mid-70's era after the great music and (fortunately) before disco (UGH UGH UGH) but still like tat old late '60s rock the best!
I miss sitting with friends, smoking a doobie, and listening to a new album. These days I seriously doubt anyone would be interested enough to listen, really listen, to a whole album together.
A young guy at work had a RadioHead party just to listen to the whole new album. So yes, some young people *are* interested in really listening to a whole album at once and with others. Just to give you a glimmer of optimism about the younger generation ;)
What I miss is a sense of optimism. I guess I had this attitude until about 3 or so years ago that whatever happened, stuff would work out. Yes, it does often happen that things work out one way or another but there's a proportion of time when it doesn't. People die. Relationships sever in ways impossible to repair. Illness and injuries limit abilities for the rest of one's life. Money is lost, never to be regained.
I would like to turn this new sense into the ability to savor what is, but that's still a work in progress. I miss the sense of optimism though, and I am not sure I'll really ever get that back. Maybe it's part of maturing, I'm not sure.
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