saguaro
8-1-11, 1:16pm
Hi all,
DH has a pretty small family namely between the fact that his parents are only children and lot of the other family members are not partcularly close. He has a couple of second cousins (their dad and MIL are first cousins) that are considerably younger (like 20 years) than him that he hasn't really seen much or been in contact with. But a few years back, when these cousins started getting married, having kids, etc., we (along with several other members of his family) started getting invites for weddings, showers, baby showers, etc. Part of what is driving this was that the cousin's dad experienced the death of closer family members and now, we are pretty much all they have, so there has been more contact. OK, so that is pretty understandable.
However, our income situation as far as gift giving has changed. Two years ago, DH lost his job to the economic downturn and my pay was cut by 20%. My pay has been restored, and DH just started a new job :) , but he had to take a 40% paycut. DH's car had to be replaced as the old one was about to throw a rod, plus there is work on the house we put off during his unemployment that we really need to get to. So, we are still having to be as frugal as when he wasn't working.
Well, we got an invite from one of the cousins who just had a baby and our family didn't even know she was expecting until a few weeks ago. I opened the envelope and it contains not one invite but two: the new baby's baptism and the 2nd birthday of the first child. That was a first for me...a "two for one" invite. :confused:
Anyway, we can't afford showing up with two gifts which would be expected. One maybe, but two? Plus, with both of these cousins married with kids, we thought we were through with the weddings, showers and all, but now we are getting invites to every single kid's birthday (there are 3 now). While we are relatives, we really don't know them and there's not much contact except at these events. I feel like we are like a "gift source". We can't afford to keep shelling out $$$ for gifts, but at the same time, we feel bad because it's a small family.
We are leaning toward declining stating we have other plans. We don't want to get into the "we can't afford it" issue as most of his family are spendthrifts so it's an alien concept. Plus his family didn't know DH was unemployed, with good reason, so they aren't aware of the reduced circumstances. I know some folks may not agree with that, we didn't want to go there, trust me.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and any feedback is welcome!
DH has a pretty small family namely between the fact that his parents are only children and lot of the other family members are not partcularly close. He has a couple of second cousins (their dad and MIL are first cousins) that are considerably younger (like 20 years) than him that he hasn't really seen much or been in contact with. But a few years back, when these cousins started getting married, having kids, etc., we (along with several other members of his family) started getting invites for weddings, showers, baby showers, etc. Part of what is driving this was that the cousin's dad experienced the death of closer family members and now, we are pretty much all they have, so there has been more contact. OK, so that is pretty understandable.
However, our income situation as far as gift giving has changed. Two years ago, DH lost his job to the economic downturn and my pay was cut by 20%. My pay has been restored, and DH just started a new job :) , but he had to take a 40% paycut. DH's car had to be replaced as the old one was about to throw a rod, plus there is work on the house we put off during his unemployment that we really need to get to. So, we are still having to be as frugal as when he wasn't working.
Well, we got an invite from one of the cousins who just had a baby and our family didn't even know she was expecting until a few weeks ago. I opened the envelope and it contains not one invite but two: the new baby's baptism and the 2nd birthday of the first child. That was a first for me...a "two for one" invite. :confused:
Anyway, we can't afford showing up with two gifts which would be expected. One maybe, but two? Plus, with both of these cousins married with kids, we thought we were through with the weddings, showers and all, but now we are getting invites to every single kid's birthday (there are 3 now). While we are relatives, we really don't know them and there's not much contact except at these events. I feel like we are like a "gift source". We can't afford to keep shelling out $$$ for gifts, but at the same time, we feel bad because it's a small family.
We are leaning toward declining stating we have other plans. We don't want to get into the "we can't afford it" issue as most of his family are spendthrifts so it's an alien concept. Plus his family didn't know DH was unemployed, with good reason, so they aren't aware of the reduced circumstances. I know some folks may not agree with that, we didn't want to go there, trust me.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and any feedback is welcome!