View Full Version : For the long-term unemployed only; please read
Some of you may have read my post on cashing in my retirement fund. I've been unemployed for over two years and my husband is out of work as well.
Instead of concentrating on money at the moment, I want to address all of you who have been dealing with long-term unemployment. Can you help me? I need to know what coping skills you are using to get you through this time. Because I sure could use some help.
Do you, perhaps, have a deep spiritual side? A pet that you dote on? Family that makes you smile? Friends that make your day?
What is working for you?
Looking forward to hearing from you. And thanks! :)
I've been trying to take advantage of activities I can't do while I'm working, and really appreciate the "time off". For example, I started hiking once or twice during the week with a local hiking club. It gets me physically active, and out of my head for a few hours. And its free.
During the summer, I take advantage of free concerts and the like. We do a lot of picnics. I meet friends for lunch (though this one can get expensive, its still cheaper than meeting them for dinner). We have a local historical museum which is free for my town's residents, and visiting there.
I've been learning some new methods of food preservation, so in addition to it being a hobby, it also saves money and provides some additional security in the event of severe weather. I've read a lot of books, which I normally don't have much time for.
I've kind of taken the attitude that I'm taking some of my retirement time and enjoying it now, rather than waiting until 67 to do so. :)
Dear herbgeek, thanks for replying! I never did much in the way of food preservation except for making my own pesto sauce in summer and freezing it, then giving it away for Xmas gifts. Reading is also one of my passions! Plus we watch a movie just about every night--the library is a great source for free films.
Your attitude re: early retirement time is good--my dad died at age 50 and obviously never got to enjoy retirement.
Anyone else? There must be more of you out there!
ApatheticNoMore
8-28-11, 2:56am
A change of perspective for you:
"stay unemployed
the longer you stay unemployed
the less production the less production the less consumption the less pollution
the longer you don't cut down trees
the longer we'll all breathe
the less you drive to work
the slower the global warming
the slower the tidal rising
every day you can keep from working
is another day your grandchildren
will live to enjoy
give yourself a silver star for every day you don't work
a gold star for every week"
part of this poem:
http://www.eclectica.org/v2n4/little.html
This was merely for a change of perspective, not to trivialize being unemployed. I do of course understand that whatever the social benefits, not being able to find work is about personal financial survival and worrying about what will become of you long term financially. It is nearly impossible to live in this society without an income of some sort. The uncertainty of it all is the hardest part, not just that it might take forever to find work, but the wondering: "will I ever find work?".
When lacking hope of ever getting work I did think of Buckminster Fuller and how he just basically decided: to heck with earning an income I'm going to see how I can best be of benefit to the world (regardless of whether it pays off)! He did say "you can either make money or make sense, the two are mutually exclusive", afterall :). Now, I'm far from being a genius like Bucky Fuller, and so don't necessarily have what he had to give, but I still found it a powerful way of retaining dignity even if you couldn't take traditional paths (ie find a job!).
I'm not long term unemployed, but I am unemployed. I am currently quite hopeful of finding work. But we shall see ...
Indeed, something to think about. Believe me, if I could stay home, and somehow get an income without being in the Rat Race, I would. I surely would...I hope I figure it out someday.
I've been unemployed for 2 1/2 years and have been unable to get another full-time job, or even a part-time traditional job. I'm finally getting some freelance work, and of course have the 8-hour/week contract with NRM, but most weeks I still have to rely on unemployment as well.
I went back to school for a career change, and I've been spending a lot of time working toward making that changea reality. I decided to use the break as a doorway to doing what I've always wanted to do, creative work. I'm still not making any money at it, but I've gotten a lot of the setup done for a couple of online stores to sell my photos and other products. I don't have enough freelance work yet to really get by on, but what I am getting pays so well that I'll be able to more than replace my lost wages with less than half time work. I just lost my house and moved in with my son, so now that it's done (we had a lot of construction to finish and a lot of hassling with the bank), that will free up quite a bit of time from home maintenance and financial wrangling to continue to work on it. I spend a lot of time going to local places to just walk around and exercise my camera: the nurseries, the local arboretum (free), the marina, the master gardener demo garden at the local park, the beach, the p-patch, my back yard. I try to remember to appreciate the fact that being unemployed allows me the freedom to visit these places during the day without having to worry about schedule. When I can, I hit a mantinee, sometimes at the discount theater. I'm trying to cook more and eat healthier, and I'm reviewing my recipe collection for that. I'm looking forward to being able to cook some things that weren't practical for one, since there are three of us here now. (Plus the parrot.) I quite seriously don't have enough hours in the day: I feel far busier than when I was working full time.
I try to spend some time playing with my bird, catching up on some long-delayed projects ("try" being the operative word) like finishing my new bedspread, and I spent a lot of time going through stuff in preparation for downsizing. I actually like doing that and find it cathartic, so it was a coping mechanism as much as a neccessity. (And now playing "now where did I pack that and where should it actually be?") I also started a blog to cope with a family issue (very helpful). I had to make myself start taking some time to just read for enjoyment (which I used to do fanatically until the rats started racing so hard), but now I'm doing much more of it, and next up is getting my exercise routine re-established and getting back to my martial art. I'm also trying to get back to plinking around on the piano and doing my colored pencil artwork. I do tend to get to feeling frantic if I'm not working on something that might become paying work every minute, so I have to keep telling myself that a paycheck is not my only value to the world. (Funny, that one seems to be in the ex's voice...) Sometimes I log my time so that I can see that I'm not wasting a lot of time, I really am working on one thing or another most of the time. My retirement fund (such as it was), and pretty much everything else, is long gone to pay legal bills. My biggest worry is being disabled with no access to medical care at the moment.
And I take lots of walks! The one thing I really miss about moving into town is the ability to walk less than a minute and be on a quiet side road with an incredible view, or drive for two minutes and be able to walk half a mile or more of beach.
cow-hi
HKPassey, it sounds like you live in a lovely area! I would love to be near the sea (except, of course, during things like Hurricane Irene). I like your term "exercising your camera."
I am glad you addressed some emotional concerns in your response. I probably should have been more clear that I was seeking help with that side of "coping" in my original post. I was doing much better dealing with being unemployed before the UC benefits ran out. I cry a lot and wonder if there is a bottom to the pool of tears in my body. I have had screaming fights with the hubby, which just isn't right--he has been on my side for 20+ years.
If you want to talk more about selling your photos etc. (I'm guessing through Etsy?) please feel free to private message me. Would love to "chat." I am trying to get an Etsy shop (or two) off the ground but I'm really scared.
I used to enjoy cooking during the last round of unemployment, during which I worked part time at an indie bookstore (that is now out of business). I too was far busier than when I worked full time, as I was also writing a novel and doing a genealogy newsletter and project. Somehow, this time, the depression has gotten the better of me. I guess it's time to kick its rump, huh?
Also, I'm starting to make peace with the idea that there are worse things than not having a retirement fund. My father died of cancer at age 50; he had 3 or 4 months from diagnosis to death. My grandmother on my mom's side died in her early 60s (diabetic complications; I am also diabetic but controlling it very well).
I am off to check out Bucky Fuller on Google, in the meantime.
rosarugosa
9-3-11, 11:05pm
I will apologize in advance, because I was definitely not invited to this thread. But I feel compelled to jump in anyway, so here goes. I work for a large corp in the Boston area, and I am the hiring manager for my small work group. I made one hire earlier this year. I interviewed 3 young, newish college grads, and another candidate who was an older worker who had been unemployed or unemployed for the past few years. And I chose the latter because she seemed compassionate, smart, hard-working, and she really needed the job! We have an interesting little niche group, and I have since learned that some of her life's experience brought some good stuff to the table that the college newbies would not have had. I had the opportunity to hire another person later in the year, and I hired one of the young grads. That has actually also worked out very well. So just saying, this isn't the first time, nor will it be the last time, that I'll make this type of hiring decision. And I can't be the only one out there. It can happen, don't give up!
rosarugosa, no need to apologize! I found your post rather inspiring, actually. I've heard of the young and the newly graduated being hired at bargain prices, and yep, it's discouraging. Happened to a friend of mine who has a master's in graphic design, a degree from an Ivy League school, 10+ years of experience at a college--and she interviewed at a local school here, and they hired--guess who--the intern!
Thanks for a perspective from the "other side of the desk."
P.S. to Rosarugosa, I saw an article in the paper saying that 18-24 year olds have a higher unemployment rate than the rest of the unemployed. So much for that strange rumor floating around that says they're only hiring the young because they are "cheaper!"
We had two periods of long term unemployment while we had small kids still at home. Hated it. For me, the depression was paralyzing.
But that was before computers and the internet, now it would be a little easier with so much information available. Please take some time every day to research different things and see if you can suddenly develop a passion for something that can be income producing.
After a series of really lousy jobs, I decided that I wasn't going back to work and would focus on being more self sufficient and enjoy the simple things in life. And there's adopting the 'attitude of gratitude'. For some reason, truly being thankful for the things I have tends to bring more needed things into my life.
Best of luck!
Your post resonates with me, Marianne.
I do list five things I am grateful for before I go to bed every night. I've actually been grateful these two years that I don't have to go to the job I had most recently. I was actually happy to be "let go." If I can find a way not to return to the rat race, I will.
P.S. Your blog is not lame.
We had two periods of long term unemployment while we had small kids still at home. Hated it. For me, the depression was paralyzing.
But that was before computers and the internet, now it would be a little easier with so much information available. Please take some time every day to research different things and see if you can suddenly develop a passion for something that can be income producing.
After a series of really lousy jobs, I decided that I wasn't going back to work and would focus on being more self sufficient and enjoy the simple things in life. And there's adopting the 'attitude of gratitude'. For some reason, truly being thankful for the things I have tends to bring more needed things into my life.
Best of luck!
:) First of all, thanks for visiting my blog!
During a bout of depression years ago, I read that the best way to help yourself is to do something for someone else. I took it to heart, called a young couple we barely knew and asked if they needed help remodeling a big ol' house they were trying to fix up before they could move in to it. Found out that it was an answer to their prayers for help! We worked every weekend there for a long time, ended up with good feelings and new friends. She was a realtor and later sold our house in one day - without charging us her fee.
Another thing I did was tell myself 'today I choose to be happy'. Sometimes you have to fake it, though...
You're welcome! I am working on happiness as a choice. It ain't easy, as I'm sure you know.
I spent a long time fighting a sense of devaluation because I was no longer working corporate fulltime. I felt less than a complete member of society. I really could not find any validation that my situation really was okay.
I'm reasonably close to FI3, so intermittent parttime work is good enough. Thus, I don't have a good answer on handling the fortune telling of a dismal financial future, except to see how you can live on just social security benefits.
For the rest of the my attitude, "Everyday Zen", by Charlotte "Joko" Beck has provided me a thought foundation for allowing me to seperate myself from my previous perspectives on how I should fit in with the world.
"Healing the Shame that Binds You" John Bradshaw is another take on how I got trapped into believing the world image of what I should think of myself.
I spent a long time fighting a sense of devaluation because I was no longer working corporate fulltime. I felt less than a complete member of society. I really could not find any validation that my situation really was okay.
I'm reasonably close to FI3, so intermittent parttime work is good enough. Thus, I don't have a good answer on handling the fortune telling of a dismal financial future, except to see how you can live on just social security benefits.
For the rest of the my attitude, "Everyday Zen", by Charlotte "Joko" Beck has provided me a thought foundation for allowing me to seperate myself from my previous perspectives on how I should fit in with the world.
"Healing the Shame that Binds You" John Bradshaw is another take on how I got trapped into believing the world image of what I should think of myself.
Please enlighten me. What's F13?
I think one of the worst things we can do is to compare ourselves to others. Thanks for the book leads.
shadowmoss
9-28-11, 11:18am
Financial Independence, the 3rd of the FI's in Your Money or Your Life, the book this website started from. Let's see, from memory, Financial Intelligence, can't remember the other one. Guess it's time to re-read the book. :)
Aqua Blue
9-28-11, 12:41pm
FI3 is the third, which is financial independance.
Financial Independence, the 3rd of the FI's in Your Money or Your Life, the book this website started from. Let's see, from memory, Financial Intelligence, can't remember the other one. Guess it's time to re-read the book. :)
Financial Intelligence (awareness)
Financial Integrity (practise)
Financial Independance (end goal)
to ladyinblack1964 and others,
Related to this thread is the question of how to help our family and friends who are in your situation. I have a friend who has just experienced her 3rd layoff in as many years, and as a single-income household it's really taking a toll financially, not to mention emotionally and otherwise.
I'd appreciate feedback on how your friends and family best supported you in practical ways short of actually finding you another job. Did they provide a respite by going to the movies, having a drink and shooting the breeze, or was it more of helping you search the internet, networking advice, etc.? What kind of help did you find most useful and most appreciated?
frugalone
10-16-11, 3:31pm
The best support I've received has been: 1) People offering to let me come and stay and visit for a while and get away from it all. 2) Those who just post little notes on my Facebook wall telling me to hang in there. 3) My mom, actually giving me some cash, and reassuring me we would never be homeless 4) Those who just listened to me rant (and that includes you guys here!).
What hasn't helped: networking advice, where to look for a job (I pretty much know all the web sites and little tricks).
I am sorry for what has happened to your friend. I hope things turn around for her (and the rest of us) soon.
to ladyinblack1964 and others,
Related to this thread is the question of how to help our family and friends who are in your situation. I have a friend who has just experienced her 3rd layoff in as many years, and as a single-income household it's really taking a toll financially, not to mention emotionally and otherwise.
I'd appreciate feedback on how your friends and family best supported you in practical ways short of actually finding you another job. Did they provide a respite by going to the movies, having a drink and shooting the breeze, or was it more of helping you search the internet, networking advice, etc.? What kind of help did you find most useful and most appreciated?
What I most appreciate is when people recognize that I have both job skills and job hunting skills, and refrain from acting like I haven't already thought of whatever it is they're saying. What is least helpful is telling me how smart and talented I am and a long list of all the things I am qualified to do. I know all that.
Most useful would be some way to entertain me without it costing me anything or seeming like pity.
What I find most helpful is friends who allow me to vent my frustrations. Least helpful, as several others have mentioned, is specific job hunting advice.
Two things I've done: volunteer, e.g. here! (volunteering for too many places, actually! Should have taken those "time off" leisurely tips from herbgeek. :D) #1: it just may lead to a job -- that's why interns tend to be hired over outsiders with more experience but who aren't a known entity. #2: it builds or maintains skills #3: it's usually doing good things in the world, or helping people who are even less fortunate. #4: it builds community, probably the best antidote to hard times. Really, it just makes me feel better, like I'm being productive even if I'm not filling the bank account. Go "Occupy" in your nearest city, for example! Change the dominant paradigm that is sucking the life force out of the average persons resources. I find it inspiring to be among these young folks trying to be-the-change and bear witness to what they're seeing as the root causes of suffering.
The other thing I did in 2007 when I saw the roller coaster peaking on the tip of the big crash: read about the Great Depression. I know this is counter-intuitive regarding staving off depression, so maybe it's just me, but it worked. I read "The Worst Hard Time" which was a very readable, if devastating, narrative that also lays out all the big reasons WHY the characters (real stories) were suffering. No matter how bad it may be right now, at least our houses aren't being buried by dust! Also, it reminds us just how resourceful we can be when push really comes to shove. Along those lines, talking to older people who lived then about what their life was like. My grandparents lived in the northern dust bowl, and in 2008 I got some more stories from my uncle before he passed... bleak. It made me understand just how bad people had it before all these "welfare" programs, and how fortunate I am to be living now, able to learn from that past and contribute to the future.
iris lily
10-17-11, 9:06pm
Lainey, lately my sister has been texting me photos of ads that appear in the newspaper in her town, 20 miles away. Not very helpful.
I don't understand--you won't take a job 20 miles from where you are? Or you already know about those jobs?
frugalone
10-18-11, 4:39pm
I should have mentioned: the newspaper in her city also owns one of the two papers in my city. So the same ads usually run in each paper.
I don't understand--you won't take a job 20 miles from where you are? Or you already know about those jobs?
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