View Full Version : Hugs ...
"We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth." ~~Virginia Satir
I believe this. I usually get four hugs every day ... and I get more than twelve hugs a day at church. Hugs are good for the soul.
I know a woman who gives the best hugs. She always makes you feel like you are the only person on Earth. My DH is a real hugger, too. I love it. I believe your stats could be correct!!
I don't like hugs. I hate the hug culture. Unless it is an intimate family member, please stay away from me. Thank you.
Just puttin' it out there, ya know. for those of you who think that you should be hugging more in order to get hugs. We don't all like it. The title of this thread IS "Hugs" not "I love hugs" ha ha.
Give me a good laugh any day, and I will forever love you for that.
Press your body on me and I just want you to go away.
well I am dead then. i don't get 4 a day and don;t really want them. I want a hug now and then.
Count me in as a happy hug recipient, but a reluctant hug giver. I LOVE getting hugs, but I'm quite reticent by nature, so I'm never the first to initiate one. One of my most embarrassing moments was running into a brand new client at an airport (an executive at a pharmaceutical company--she was very, very German--might have been OK if she had been Brazilian or Italian)--for some odd reason I was so surprised to see her out of context that I gave her a hug. In the middle of the embrace I remember thinking to myself, "What the heck am I doing??"
I had to learn to hug. I was raised in a "no touchy" family. Extended, too. I now see the weirdness of it all. I make sure that the kids and grandbabies get hugs and kisses coming and going and just because. DH is a huggy bear, so I think I get plenty, lol!
I'm a big hug type person IRL. (In fact I'm a super touchy-feely type person). Sometimes I catch myself touching someone (on their leg or arm if I'm sitting beside them, or placing my hand on their shoulder or giving them a gentle pat or rub on the back) and I'll think, "stop it Margaret, not everyone is receptive to that sort of thing", but I can't help it. It just seems to come from nowhere (out of nowhere), so automatic like, and without notice. Like a reflex of sorts, but everyone who knows me knows the way I am, so all is well in that department.
I've been thinking about hugs, and honestly, I don't remember this hugging thing until about the 80's. I don't remember that our extended family hugged, and certainly we didn't hug strangers. I think that hugging custom started in the 70's or 60's with hippies. I remember a boss at work in the 80's who was huggy and I thought at the time "oh, that's so last decade."
And after hugging came in, people started getting kissy kissy like the Europeans/ Well, specifically like the French sinc eI doubt that Germanic peoples kissed near-strangers much. But it's not midwestern, I don't like it, cut it out!
"I don't like hugs. I hate the hug culture. Unless it is an intimate family member, please stay away from me. Thank you."
Hahaha! I think I said once along those lines (maybe here) "Unless I am related to you or sleeping with you, don't touch me." And yes, all this hugging and squealing and air-kissing is a fairly recent phenomenon. From my innate Germanic/Celtic perspective, the appropriate response is the old stiff arm.
"I don't like hugs. I hate the hug culture. Unless it is an intimate family member, please stay away from me. Thank you."
Hahaha! I think I said once along those lines (maybe here) "Unless I am related to you or sleeping with you, don't touch me." And yes, all this hugging and squealing and air-kissing is a fairly recent phenomenon. From my innate Germanic/Celtic perspective, the appropriate response is the old stiff arm.
aha! Glad I'm not the only one.
Mighty Frugal
9-6-11, 3:09pm
I hate hugs too! All my girlfriends know this and tease me and come in for big hugs-ick! I grew up in a very non-touchy family -unless it was to inflict pain (yeeouch) I was never touched.
Now as an adult I hug my dh-he is very huggy. And we are both always hugging our two boys. So I get my quota from that. But when I was single without kids-never had a hug and very happy about that!
I'm with Iris lily-make me laugh if you want me to stay healthy...keep your hugs to your kids/spouse
Having said that, I really don't mind the casual stroke or arm squeeze that Mrs. M. mentions. That really does make me feel more connected to a person. I remember they did a study once where they had the waitress put her hand on the diner's shoulder very briefly before presenting the bill-and that tended to subconsciously make the diner tip more-haha
You know, I think if I didn't like hugs, I would just stay out of this thread. Party poopers! :~)
Mighty Frugal
9-6-11, 4:13pm
Let me rephrase this...I like hugs from a selected few. for the rest, there is no reason my body needs to be pressed up against yours-unless you buy me dinner and a movie
I love hugs from people (and animals) I am close to. All others can keep their arms to themselves. My first hug each work day is a big long one with my dog, Enzo. He lets me hug him as long as I need to, depending on how my day went. Then I hug my DH, too, if he's home. Then I quickly hug my crazy-girl-dog Mandy, if she's calmed down enough, and finally, I pick up my cat Angelo for a cuddle. My cat Ophelia will not allow herself to be picked up or hugged.
Between my husband and my pets, I get in at least 10 hugs a day, so I'm good.
Oh and how do people feel about kisses (other than from ones children and spouses)? My DH's family (father-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins) all kiss each other on the lips to say hello and goodbye. Ugh, I really hate that. I avoid it now, usually (offer a hug and turn my head at the same time), but sometimes I can't seem to manage it. This is all generations, so it can't be blamed on the 1980s, either.
Kara
"I don't like hugs. I hate the hug culture. Unless it is an intimate family member, please stay away from me. Thank you."
Hahaha! I think I said once along those lines (maybe here) "Unless I am related to you or sleeping with you, don't touch me." And yes, all this hugging and squealing and air-kissing is a fairly recent phenomenon. From my innate Germanic/Celtic perspective, the appropriate response is the old stiff arm.
Sisters after my own heart! I'm Not a hugger unless it family, lover, and very close friends - and even that is rare. No way I'd hug aquantiences or (GASP!) strangers! Fortunately most people don't ever try to hug me either. Someone told me I give off the "touch me and die" kind of vibe - probably because I've said that too often :-) so most people I meet just say a stiff but polite hello and run away :-)! But like Treehugger, I will happily accept many hugs from my pups. Kisses too. Humans aren't allowed to kiss me either - even air kisses - without risking a horrible and painful death :-)!
Having said that, I really don't mind the casual stroke or arm squeeze that Mrs. M. mentions. That really does make me feel more connected to a person. I remember they did a study once where they had the waitress put her hand on the diner's shoulder very briefly before presenting the bill-and that tended to subconsciously make the diner tip more-haha
Oh I hate that myself - maybe even more than being hugged and kissed. That would probably warrant severe torture before the painful death just for irratating me so badly with gentle touching :-)!. UGH! OK, just teasing of course but I guess I don't like to be touched by people I don't know in any intimate way. I do find it irritating and too personal. But I am very huggy with BF's and ex-dh and I were sort of sickeningly huggy and kissy.
I grew up in a very reserved family--hugs and emotions were in bad taste. My mother could express virtually every emotion on earth with her left eyebrow, never a raised voice. I'm a bit less reserved but hugs, kisses, and emotional outbursts don't come naturally except with DH and DD.
If we non-huggers hadn't weighed in, how would you know there are so many of us among you? Would you assume any random stranger was fairly atremble with giddy anticipation of your embrace?:devil: Just a thought...
If we non-huggers hadn't weighed in, how would you know there are so many of us among you? Would you assume any random stranger was fairly atremble with giddy anticipation of your embrace?:devil: Just a thought...
I wish I could show this thread to DH, who hugs anyone, anytime. He hugs diner waitresses, people he passes in WalMart that he has a passing conversation with, our kids' new boyfriends/girlfriends, the minister, the organist, the maitre'd--I think they wrote Love Potion Number 9 about him.
I try to tell him that not everyone wants to be hugged, and I try to tell him that some women are offended when he calls them "Babe" but he'll just go ahead and do it anyway! So far he hasn't been rebuffed enough to catch on.
Of course not everyone wants to be hugged, and hugs should definitely NOT be "forced" on anyone. If it's someone I don't know, I always ask first. I've been refused once, by a man at church, who said he doesn't like hugs. No problem, he's still a nice guy and we get along fine. A well-known-here Islamic gentleman came to our church to present part of a service, and afterwards I got great hugs from the other two presenters (Christian and Jewish), but he hesitated when I asked him. I said, I understand, that's why I asked first. We talked about how some Islamic men don't even touch a woman other than their wife. He said his wife really loves hugs and hugs people all the time. So we had a nice conversation, and then we shared a hug, and he said "now I have to introduce you to my wife", and he did, and she is such a cool lady and we hugged too and we laughed and laughed. She said, "he's an engineer; you know how they are" and he blushed a little. Great people. He gave an amazing presentation, which I need to get a copy of ...
So while I do love hugs, I totally understand that not everyone does. I wouldn't want the kissie-kisses, tho. I have had a couple of cheek-kisses, actually while sharing a hug, and it's not my favorite thing, but oh well. It could be worse ... :-D
I absolutely love hugs! That quote was shared with us in my massage school and I love it.....there are so many people out there who don't have the safe touch necessary to thrive (the ones that love hugs but are not able to get any due to not having a family etc.).
Originally posted by Catherine.
I try to tell him that some women are offended when he calls them "Babe"For sure. "Dear" would be a far better choice, especially when used with integrity. (Thank you my dear).
Every time we talk about Hugging here, I have to tell my death story that includes both hugs and laughs.
When my father was dying, comotose in his hosptial bed, I was waiting for everyone to go away so that I could spend time with him. I was tired. I'd driven 8 hours. I wanted everyone to go away and leave me in peace. One newby health professional kept hanging around and she made small talk and then, horror of horrors, she wanted to hug me. So I acquiesced, hating it all, but hoping that would just get her outta there. Fortunately, it did. But I couldn't help but think that whole interaction was all about her and it was draining for me.
After he died and at his funeral, something very funny happened. A high school classmate of mine came by the funeral home with her parents. They had lived right behind my dad. We made small talk and she asked about various uncles and and cousins of mine. Then she said "And you dad? How's he?"
Thud.
ha ha ha it really was extremely funny!
Both incidents were carried out by well meaning but clueless people. I suppose some people would have loved the hug and would have recoiled in horror at my classmate's insensitivity. But me, I love having a great funeral story! I still laugh about that many many years later. I can only guess that my clueless classmate was confused about which man was dead, because my father had several brothers, they all looked alike and they lived in the same area.
That must have been an awkward moment, indeed. My "dead father" story came when I ran into a long-lost friend of the family who offered his condolences on the loss of my father, and when I responded with puzzlement that my parents were very much alive, he actually argued with me! Vigorously. Good God, man! (Apparently he had read my grandfather's obituary--if he had read it just a little more closely, he might have noticed the "survived by" part.) Father went on to live another thirty years or so, despite rumors of his demise.
IL I would like to see a thread on funny funeral stories someday. That could be a good laugh.
I like hugs and I get tons and tons of them from my kids, my husband and my friends. One thing I do not get is snuggling between friends who are not dating or married. I have friends who when they are bummed out will snuggle and watch TV and sometimes sleep in the same bed. It's just a friendly thing, apparently. That would wierd me out a bit. I have a husband and babies for snuggling and the only person I want to share a bed with is DH. Sometimes I make an exception for a kid with a bad dream, but even that makes me feel crowded.
IL I would like to see a thread on funny funeral stories someday. That could be a good laugh.
I like hugs and I get tons and tons of them from my kids, my husband and my friends. One thing I do not get is snuggling between friends who are not dating or married. I have friends who when they are bummed out will snuggle and watch TV and sometimes sleep in the same bed. It's just a friendly thing, apparently. That would wierd me out a bit. I have a husband and babies for snuggling and the only person I want to share a bed with is DH. Sometimes I make an exception for a kid with a bad dream, but even that makes me feel crowded.
That's funny because even though I don't like to be hugged or kissed, I love to snuggle! Lots of times with friends or my sis we will sit shoulder to shoulder sort of leaning into each other while watching TV, sharing a blanket. It seems very companionable. Although I wouldn't do this with a stranger. I wonder why that doesn't bother me when hugging and kissing do? Maybe it's the face to face nature of hugging and kissing. I know I am always much more comfortable sitting side by side when having a conversation rather than face to face. DH and I had our best "heart to hearts" when we would sit in the car - each staring out the windshield.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.