View Full Version : To those of you who are single, a ?
gimmethesimplelife
9-18-11, 1:16am
Just curious, to those single posters, are you single by choice? I ask this as I am getting to an age being single where I am wondering if I am going through this life alone, and I am not put off at all by this prospect. I see so much drama in many of those I know who are in relationships and I wonder if this is really for me, anyway? Just wondering if anyone else here has reached similar conclusions, and do you feel life is simpler being single, too? Thanks for your input! Rob
I too am single, mostly by choice. I knew that I never wanted biological children (bad genetics on my part), but never found anyone to go through life with. At 51, I probably won't, as I tend towards solitude anyway. What I've found over time is that life is calmer being single, and that I am much more financially secure because I call all the shots and don't have to negotiate. If I want to put save 30% or more of my salary, then I just do it and get used to the sacrifice. It is, at times, a bit lonely, but I have built up a network of very good friends over the years (albeit a small number - that whole solitude/introvert thing) and am content. Plus now I have 2 small dogs to care for and who give me company/something to care for, and life is good. I'll also be able to retire much sooner than my friends who are married and/or who have a lot of debt.
Hi Rob! I've been single all my life. I know there were times in my 20's and 30's where I was open to being married but really it wasn't a goal for me. I was firm on never wanting to have children so I believe that really changed my dating choices (ie: dating people who weren't necessarily looking at dating as a pathway to marriage). Over time being single has just become who I am and I am fine with that. Would I like to have someone in my life as a partner? Yes, that would be nice but it just isn't a priority so I have to be honest with myself and say I don't spend much, if any, time pursuing it.
Yes, I do feel it's easier to have a simpler life as a single (I get to make my own choices with no negotiation) but I still feel there are people out in the world with simple lifestyles that would blend in well with mine, I just haven't met them yet.
Unmarried by choice? Absolutely. I like having a partner, but I'm a solitary type and like having my own place and life as well.
I enjoyed being single, was never lonely, and could go back to it easily at any time if need be. Though I'm now married, I couldn't be here if I didn't "feel single" most of the time - free to come and go as I choose, free to live my own values, never feel trapped or taken for granted, etc. The only difference, really, is that I don't have other sexual partners, and of course the usual coordination that comes with a shared household. But since we're of one mind on 99.9% of things, even that doesn't feel imprisoning.
Enjoy your single life - it's wonderful to be a complete person in & of one's self!
goldensmom
9-18-11, 1:27pm
I was single by choice until 30. I was a little concerned at 25 when my friends were marrying I hadn't found anyone I wanted to be married to. I became happy with my single life then I met the man whom I would marry and there was no doubt he was the one. I think I could have been content, happy, fulfilled, etc. being forever single but now I can't imagine a life without him. I know many older single adults who do just fine single and am happy for them. By the way, single is simpler and less complicated but it's a choice either way.
Maxamillion
9-18-11, 3:45pm
I've had the opportunity to not be single but haven't found anyone who would be a good match for me. As much as I hate being single, I prefer that to being with the wrong person.
I've been married twice, and I'm like harmony, in that now I'm single by choice since I divorced my ex. Would I like someone to share my life with? Well, sometimes I would. But they'd have to be a really good match.
I've been spending part of my single time contemplating what went wrong in both marriages - my part as well as theirs - and have come to the conclusion that in each relationship I compromised way too much in some ways. And in the last marriage, put up with stuff almost from the beginning of the relationship that now would raise red flags to me. I almost got into a relationship with someone recently who, looking back, exhibited behavior that should have been raising red flags to me all along. I just found out this weekend what a bullet I dodged by not being involved with this man, and today I am profoundly grateful to be single.
So I'm working on that in myself. Learning to listen better to myself, trust my intuition, and value myself. And not put up with **** from guys who won't honor and value who I really am. I'm finally learning to be content by myself. Being able to just be yourself all the time is a really precious gift. I won't give that up again, so if I ever were with anyone in more than a casual dating relationship, they'd have to accept me as I am, warts and all. As I would do my best to accept them.
I've been married and divorced twice, and nearly did it again a third time, breaking the engagement after discovering some crucial information about my fiance that he had withheld, namely that he had a history of manic-depression which was not controlled because he repeatedly quit taking his medication. Imagine my surprise when he started going through a manic phase, which is something I've never experienced up close and personal. I felt like I'd fallen through a crack into the Twilight Zone until his parents contacted me and confessed all. I stood by him until the crisis was over, but we lived in a small community where psychiatrists were scarce, and I could tell that the one he was seeing was really screwing up his medication. (I was a psychotherapist for thirteen years and quite familiar with psychotropic drugs.) I might have been able to cope with the illness (although I doubt it), but not the deceit. After he was out of the hospital and back to work, I broke the engagement and never looked back.
None of these experiences were happy ones for any length of time, and while I learned from them, I wish I had never gone through them at all. Fortunately, there were no children, so no reason to stay involved and definitely no desire to do so on my part.
I am WAY happier single. I have no close blood relatives living either, and while some people think that's sad, quite a few have confided that they envy me, especially around the holidays, or when Little Brother Bubba gets fired for the sixth time and needs a place to crash.
Holidays were lonely at first, but now I enjoy NOT having to engage in Christmas shopping madness or preparing a whomping big Thanksgiving dinner. There are any number of alternative ways to celebrate that are far more enjoyable than being groped by hubby's drunken Cousin Bruce or having to listen to a loud football game while I attempt to do "girl talk" in the kitchen, a strain for me.
There certainly have been opportunities for romantic relationships since the distastrous engagement, but I'm no longer interested. I've never regretted not having children.
I have both men and women friends who are truly good friends, a wonderful church family, great neighbors, and a feisty but adorable Tuxedo cat who keeps me both humble and warm at night. Who could ask for anything more? :D
Yep, single and loving it! :)
There's noooo way I would get married in this day and age.
Plus it's much easier to only have my own schedule to accomodate, and my own way of keeping house. Reading simplicity/minimalism forums, it seems that a great deal of stress occurs with spouses who are not on the same page with each other.
Just curious, to those single posters, are you single by choice? I ask this as I am getting to an age being single where I am wondering if I am going through this life alone, and I am not put off at all by this prospect. I see so much drama in many of those I know who are in relationships and I wonder if this is really for me, anyway? Just wondering if anyone else here has reached similar conclusions, and do you feel life is simpler being single, too? Thanks for your input! Rob
By choice? Heck, no!
I have a low tolerance for cr*p, which is pretty much why I'm still single at 42. I'm a responsible sort, and I have my cr*p together, so I see little reason, especially at this age, why I should put up with someone who doesn't have his together. I'm not someone's mommy.
Despite what many may think, not all married relationships are full of drama -- in fact, if mine were, I wouldn't be here. It's just that you don't hear about people like us because we're not the ones complaining & suffering (just like you don't hear about all the people who are happy with a restaurant/business/etc., you just hear about the complaints) But we exist.
My order of preference would be:
1) be in a good, free, drama-less committed relationship
2) be single
3) there is no number 3, because I'm not willing to "settle" just to have someone in my life.
:)
I, like some others, am single because I left my ex. We remain connected, as we are both good people and have children together, but I am saner and healthier caring for 'just' my self and children now. (He has good qualities, but is not able to manage every day life well - or lend strength or support to me - because of some unaddressed issues.)
Looking back on all past relationships, I now believe that I haven't ever had a truly strong, equal partner. Although I have no desire to marry again, I would like to experience that strong, soul-ful partnership some day. In the meantime, I am content as a single person, and feel no urgency to seek out this person. (It would also need to be someone who accepted not only me, but my children and vocation.)
Great post to reflect upon. My advice is - never say never; remain open; that partner may still cross your path. I know single people who aren't content despite having lots of independence....and contented married people who feel they have created enough space and independence for their strong spirits. I believe single or 'in relationship' can both be fulfilling - but only if you are grounded in who you are and what you believe. Best to you :)
ApatheticNoMore
9-19-11, 1:15am
By choice? Well more childhood emotional scars have made relationships very rough going for me. Simpler? Well I think provided one's partner is not a financial trainwreck, there are HUGE financial advantages to two incomes and the security that comes with them. Oh well, I can provide for myself (though I fear unemployment of course). I also spend money sometimes to compensate for lonliness because I do get lonely. I don't like it when unhappiness becomes the driver of consumerism (which I think it is socially too), but I'm sometimes low on joy.
My sister was single her whole life 50 years old. I say was because she passed away last spring. She was not willing to settle for anyone. She did have a 27 year old daughter who she raised with no help from her daughters father. Which she had said in some ways was easier then having to deal with fighting with an ex. There was one guy she would have married but that didn't work out. She had friends male and female. Her family was very important to her us and cousins. She took a special interested in all her nieces and nephews. Had she been married I don't think she would left such a void in so many lives. Yes I think she got lonely at times but for the most part I think she was happy. I think it would be easier to be single if everyone else didn't feel the need to be partnered up.
I've been single since my divorce 19 years ago. I always thought I'd remarry. I loved being married. There are things I miss terribly about being married or being in a committed relationship. Having someone to travel with, have coffee with in the morning, read the paper with, to cook for, the sound of someone in the house, kind of like that comforting feeling I get when I can hear my heat pipes clang, only something I can talk to.
I've had some long term relationships along the way. One was embarked upon shortly after my husband left me for his best friend's wife and I was not in a good place mentally. It was a horrible relationship and I am grateful to this day I never married him. Another was with someone that I slowly came to realize saw women as a means to cut costs. He ate dinner at my house at least 4 days a week. I drew the line when he started showing up to lunch everyday.
I no longer look for anyone. I'm at a place where like others who have posted, I don't want to take care of someone else. If I met someone who was willing to bring equal attributes to the relationship I would welcome it. But in my experience the men my age in my community who aren't married either never wanted to be, were and got burned in some way, or are financially irresponsible and want a partner so they can have added income or stability while jeapordising mine.
That being said, I sure could have used a man this weekend while I was tearing out my living room carpeting. Sigh.
goldensmom
9-19-11, 12:54pm
That being said, I sure could have used a man this weekend while I was tearing out my living room carpeting. Sigh.
Charity, your carpet comment struck a chord. I am happily married but more than once my husband has come home from work to find carpet pulled, cut, rolled up and ready for the trash or counter tops or walls removed. His response ‘Oh, no…now what are we doing?’ After all, ‘I AM WOMAN’.
... Simpler? Well I think provided one's partner is not a financial trainwreck, there are HUGE financial advantages to two incomes and the security that comes with them. Oh well, I can provide for myself (though I fear unemployment of course). I also spend money sometimes to compensate for lonliness because I do get lonely. I don't like it when unhappiness becomes the driver of consumerism (which I think it is socially too), but I'm sometimes low on joy.
I have to disagree about there being financial advantages to being a couple. I've known two income couples who spend like there's no tomorrow. I worked with the wife in one of these couples. She and hubby both LOVE to spend money and have expensive hobbies like golf. They are in their fifties and haven't got a dime saved for retirement. She is currently in serious danger of dying from cancer and they don't seem to have considered what hubby will do without her income. She is not a stupid woman at all, just can't hang onto a dollar for long.
A long-time woman friend was forced into early retirement and discovered, upon being home most of the time, that her ten-years-older retired hubby had taken up serious drinking while she was busy earning a living. He sobered up for a while after he hit bottom by passing out in front of his children at a family Christmas party. However, he eventually developed a serious illness (either Parkinson's or the aftermath of a stroke, diagnosis still uncertain) and immediately began comforting himself with booze again. My friend, who was determined not to divorce because of the loss of income and having to divide the assets 50/50, finally threw up her hands, got hubby into assisted living, and filed for divorce, which included having to buy out his share of the house. She is now watching every penny and is miserable about it. She did all the supposedly right things, working first for the Fed and then for a large well-known corporation with a good pension program and retiree health benefits. The good side of this is that she's beginning to value her relationships a lot more.
I could go on and on, but there is no guarantee of financial security in marriage. Spouses get sick, go crazy, become compulsive gamblers, keep mistresses on the side, et cetera. As far as I can tell, there is no guarantee of financial security, period, no matter how frugal and sensible you may be.
Whew! Sorry to get so off topic!
Of course there's no guarantee of financial security -- in marriage or outside of it -- if your "significant other" is an idiot, a psycho, a philanderer, or spends like money grows on trees.
But just looking at the raw numbers, it's pretty clear: Our household, including mortgage, insurance, utilities, taxes, and other fixed expenses, costs about $1500/month, with one person or with two (yes, utilities will vary a bit, but most have a fixed level under which they will not go). It's not a big place, and is probably better suited for a single anyway. I'm glad I've been splitting it with someone else all these years, and not paying it myself. We also contribute jointly to certain investments, which gets us a better interest rate than smaller deposits. Quite a few benefits, but with a big caveat:
If you marry, I'd make absolutely sure you're marrying someone with the right values (take your time and use your head, not your heart) and it can save you over the long haul on certain things, and be rather nice company too. Too many people "settle," imho, because they don't want to be alone, then spend the rest of their life struggling.
Now fairness in groceries...there's an issue when you live with someone 6'4" who works a physical job and has a bottomless appetite ;)
Boy puglogic, I totally understand what you mean about groceries. When I dated the guy who kept coming over to dinner four days a week and then started stopping by for leftovers at lunch I didn't actually realize what it was costing me until we broke up. He was in a physical job and he was only about 5'5" But he also had a nasty habit of bringing his friends over for dinner. And trust me, he wasn't contributing to housing costs. When we broke up I paid off all $8,000 in credit card debt in less than a year. Little wonder I'm no longer enamoured with dating.
shadowmoss
9-19-11, 4:01pm
Single by choice. Every once in awhile I go out on a date. I get agrivated by the one-upmanship of the type of man I seem to be attracted to. Happened this weekend again. Talking about my experience flying a plane? I soloed and did one cross country in approx 6 mo of lessons, he solo'd his second lesson, did the cross country his 3rd, and used to fly jets. I rapelled a 300' verticle pit, he rappelled out of a helicopter, upside down while firing a M16. And so on. Lots to think on, about why I am attracted to this type, and why they are attracted to me. However, none of them have been worth the drama I see on the horizon after just one date.
Oh yeah--the "I was a Navy SEAL" gambit. Who knew there were so many of them?http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing014.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
Oh yeah--the "I was a Navy SEAL" gambit. Who knew there were so many of them?http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing014.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
ROFL
Married for 19 years, divorced for 15. Much more happy single.
I was single but dating until 35 and was fine with it. I wanted to settle down with someone, at least in theory, but wasn't willing to settle. So I patiently kept dating until I met SO. He's not perfect, but he's close enough. If I could change him I'd make him more compatible financially. However, that said, we mostly keep seperate finances and he's definitely not a drag on my finances, just not much of an assist, even though he makes about 60% more then I do. If he were a negative to my finances instead of just a neutral I'd probably be much less happy with our relationship. However, if I someday find myself single again I fully would expect to remain single. After all it took 12 years of busily dating a lot of guys, back when I was in whatever people call their prime to find him. Now that I'm no longer young I imagine it'd be that much harder to find someone with whom I'd be willing to settle down. And that would be fine. At the same time that I've grown comfortable being in a couple with SO I've also grown less able to tolerate people who don't have the same interests/goals/values as I do, which seems to be the majority of people I meet. I've also become a lot more clear to myself about what my interests/goals/values are and they don't seem to be particularly mainstream since spending money and watching tv aren't on the list. I've got a few close friends and I would much rather spend my time nurturing those relationships instead of trying to find a new SO or even try to find new people with whom I could build new friendships.
Oh yeah--the "I was a Navy SEAL" gambit. Who knew there were so many of them?http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing014.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
I used to work with a guy who was a navy seal! Oh, and he had been a thoracic (sp?) surgeon, a ranked tennis player and had graduated from harvard law. Yet in his mid 30s he was working as an entry level editor at a computer magazine publisher and got fired for stealing and e-baying test computers that were on loan from the manufacturers.
shadowmoss
9-20-11, 10:20am
LOL!!! I needed this laugh.
Originally I wasn't single by choice. I had been in a 15 year relationship of which I had been married for the last 8 of those years. He cheated and just up and abandoned me without any warning. I hadn't been working outside the home and had about $1500 in a personal bank account. Had to sell the house and pretty much start over everything from scratch.
It's going on 7 years now since that fateful time and I haven't dated anyone at all, though I'd thought about it numerous times. One issue is that in my mid-40's, I tend to have very little in common with men who are near my age. I'm into computers and geeky stuff, love video games and martial arts, and the guys who are really into that kind of thing are any combination of being *much* younger than me, irresponsible because they do nothing but sit in front of games, or are out of shape to the point of being repulsive.
I'm not a nurturing type and have no interest in caring for children, men who behave like children (i.e. irresponsible and weak), or caring for other people's children....as in don't drag your children into a relationship with me. Since most men near my age have children and at least claim to be divorced (many are lying), that takes a huge chunk out of the dating pool right there. Then take away the guys who are financially irresponsible and the pool becomes a puddle.
Then out of the small puddle that is left, to be able to find someone who is compatible, isn't whiny, is in relatively good shape, and isn't a jerk seems very minute. I've gotten far past the "putting up with" stage. I've signed up for a couple free online dating sites and cringe anytime I get something in my email because it's always from some completely unappealing guy who has *nothing* in common with me and I can tell that he never even glanced past my photo.
So I guess now I'm single by choice. While it would be nice to find a partner who is compatible and attractive to me, I am about 99 percent certain it can never happen, and I'd rather be by myself than use up my precious free time on the dating scene with a bunch of boring men who mostly can't be trusted and/or just want sex. Forget it!
The big downside about being single is never having any help for anything unless you are willing to pay out the ears for it, and then still not having any help. For example, I got injured a couple of weeks ago and haven't been able to walk long distances to be able to cut the grass. It was already in need of cutting at the time of the injury and I called a lawn service I'd used in the past to see if they could come out that week and cut it. They scheduled me for four days later, on a Friday. I came home from work later that day and the grass still wasn't cut. I left them email and heard silence until late Monday morning (yesterday) when I sent them another email. Said they had issues and that they might be able to get to it but weren't 100% sure. Needless to say, the grass still wasn't cut yesterday either. I've had nothing but more silence with the following emails, so I have no idea if or when they are coming.
I've contacted other lawn service providers and have heard nothing yet, and the chance that they will be able to come on such short notice is very iffy anyway. I'm very worried that my neighbors will be reporting my yard to the city for being so overgrown now, but I have been trying my best to get help to no avail. If I wasn't single, there would be at least another adult in the household who might have helped with the yard and anything else that I've had trouble doing because of the injuries. Fortunately, they are minor and are only a temporary setback, but who helps single people whenever there are more major injuries or illnesses?
Of course, having an irresponsible partner while being incapacitated is probably even worse.
Just curious, to those single posters, are you single by choice? I ask this as I am getting to an age being single where I am wondering if I am going through this life alone, and I am not put off at all by this prospect. I see so much drama in many of those I know who are in relationships and I wonder if this is really for me, anyway? Just wondering if anyone else here has reached similar conclusions, and do you feel life is simpler being single, too? Thanks for your input! Rob
I haven't read all the replies yet but will give you my personal take.
I knew I never wanted to get married as a young (8ish) kid because I didn't want a traditional gender-role based life - the only choice I felt I would have if I got married. Nor did I want to have children. I wanted a career - and not just a regular 9 to 5 career but one that required lots of travel and adventure and a wild, very non-traditional life. So I had planned on being single forever - and really liked that idea and the life I envisioned I'd have as a single woman. But, while in the Coast Guard, I met and married someone who was very similair to me in all ways and we had a very good marriage for 17 years (20 years together). We divorced because we both found it too hard to make the continuous compromises we needed to make so we could both have certain careers and lifestyles.
I've been happily divorced and even more happily single for a few years now and will not get married ever again - although I would consider living with someone. Mainly it's that I haven't met anyone who I am completely compatable with in all the important ways - and what's "important" to me in a partner is VERY untraditional lifestyle, a person who is free from many of life's obligations (kids, work, etc...), someone who is happy to just go and do many things, who is adventurous and exciting, a minimalistic non-materialistic person, debt-free and time-free to do stuff together, very active, etc... and I'm not willing to make the compromises I probably would have to make to be with someone with a more traditional life. So unless I met someone who suits me, and I him, I prefer to be single. I date, I enjoy a few longer term romanaces here and there, and I'm very happy with those even if I don't want them to lead to anything permanent. I'm upfront with that fact too with anyone I meet. I'm free and I like it like that. I want to remain free and not be tied down by a marriage or a relationship. So unless I met someone who feels and lives the same way, I will continue to be happily single. And even if I did meet someone - I still would not marry again. The legalities involved with marriage (financial mostly) and social expectation of "the wife" from others (family, friends just society in general) wouldn't be something I'd want to deal with. but I would be open to a life partnership with someone as long as I didn't have to change my way of living. I'd be basicly looking for the litteral "icing on the already perfect cake of my life" - actually not even the icing since I think I already have that - maybe the candy flowers on top of the already perfect cake and icing of my life ;-)!
"The big downside about being single is never having any help for anything unless you are willing to pay out the ears for it, and then still not having any help."
Yeah, that's the downside--the classic quid pro quo in which you exchange sex for household chores doesn't work so well with lawn care companies...:devil:
Single by choice. Every once in awhile I go out on a date. I get agrivated by the one-upmanship of the type of man I seem to be attracted to. Happened this weekend again. Talking about my experience flying a plane? I soloed and did one cross country in approx 6 mo of lessons, he solo'd his second lesson, did the cross country his 3rd, and used to fly jets. I rapelled a 300' verticle pit, he rappelled out of a helicopter, upside down while firing a M16. And so on. Lots to think on, about why I am attracted to this type, and why they are attracted to me. However, none of them have been worth the drama I see on the horizon after just one date.
You are attracted to them - and they to you - BECAUSE you are both adventursome! I can't picture you sitting with a dull businessman in a roomful of "suits" at the Marriott discussing accounting and actuarial practices in depth. I'm bored just writting it ;-)! And it sounds like the thing I experience from almost all of my male friends, former co-workers (again all male) and former coasties - bragging rights!! I do it myself ad nausem (yes, I am aware ;-)!) and find that is a very common way guys relate to one another - actually probably the most common way. So since you are doing similair things - and have the stories to tell - just enjoy the one upmanship for what it is - a conmfortable way to "talk' to a guy who is exciting and lives an exciting life like you do. Lindi (writing this while hanging upside down while rapelling from my plane on my solo plane trip cross country after just reading the maunal while firing an M-16 with my toes - which are in Malano Blanik high heels :-)!
I'm single, not so much by choice as by circumstance. I've been engaged, twice, but never made it to the business end of the church aisle. I'd like to be married - if it's to the right person. I think it would have been nice to have a partner, a helpmate, and someone who really loved me. But so far it just must not have been meant to be. There are times I've worked hard to find a husband, and other times when I figured I'd just relax and that's the time one would come along. Well, it never happened and I've reconciled that I might be single forever. It's too late for kids which is okay with me, but I do think I'll miss having grandkids.
shadowmoss
9-21-11, 11:17am
/shadowmoss bows deeply to Lindi, who shows us How It's Done! :)
Nelly said, "...but never made it to the business end of the church aisle." LOL! I love your way of putting it--that's hilarious and oh-so-true!
I've been single for 20 years. I was married twice and almost a third time before I woke up and decided I'd rather be alone than be in another bad marriage. Been in other long term relationships but didn't want to get married so the relationships ended. Now I haven't dated for 5 years and find I like being single. I live a simple and fun life and I'm happy. Like others I thought I would meet the "right one" and live happily ever after. Didn't happen and it may not...oh well! I do have family and friends and actvities so life is pretty full. The area that I live is not full of SL types so it's unlikely I'll meet a compatible person but I am open to a relationship. Anything could happen!
/shadowmoss bows deeply to Lindi, who shows us How It's Done! :)
Of course I will bow even deeper (brag brag) to you oh great and mighty shadowmoss :-)! But seriously, I know what you are talking about with the whole one upmanship thing. I've done alot of (unusual for a woman/girl at the time) stuff like you and I find that I often times have to supress talking about it when I'm out with a guy just so I don't do the one upmanship/bragging thing in response to something hge said or did. Hard to do sometimes, especially when I date people I like mainly BECAUSE they do those exciting things. I want to hear about them - as well as talk about them - his and mine - but there is a fine line between a having a nice equalitable conversation and telling stories and bragging.
ButterflyBreath
10-2-11, 9:58am
I too have never been married but have found myself in plenty of relationships. At first my family did expect me to marry but at 36 they have pretty much quit harassing me about it. My dad continues to be upset about it, but it's partially because I'm an embarrassment to him since I have had live in relationships and he's a traditional conservative Christian.
I become horribly unhappy and depressed when I am in a relationship that is headed towards marriage. I am in a relationship now, we live together, and I’m completely happy with that for now. The older I get the more I want to live in an intentional community or co-operative living situation and I think that any other living situation depresses me. Now if I can just talk my boyfriend into the idea ;)
I have a friend who was in a marriage for years. She said that she was miserable, but wanted to be a good Christian and stay in her marriage. After divorcing she found out that he had been cheating since early on in their marriage. She told him that she wished she had known so they could have gone ahead and got divorced! I like the freedom of being able to control my happiness and not be so confined.
I think having children is popular not because people enjoy having them, but because it gives them caregivers later in life. This might not be a conscious thought, but more wired into our genetics. I have never had that genetic push to have children, and that gives me the option of a more simple, single life. I am prone to depression and a complex life depresses to me I have come to find out.
When thinking about old age, rather than wondering what in the world us childless people are going to do, how about we think about how to create other bonds and prepare other ways to get through old age. Traditionally it has been to have children, but many of us aren’t the traditional type.
Fawn bows to Shadowmoss and Lindi--the supreme female adenturers. :cool:
In answer to Robthesimplelife--
I have been married and divorced x3. I can not imagine the situation under which I think that it would be a good idea to remarry.
Soulmates--cool! If they do not appear by age 25 or so...I am doubtful they will show up.
If I could find what Jane 2.0 has, that would be good enough--a male friend that would live in his own place---over there----and give me my own space (however I want to configure it)--over here.
If not, I will relish my freedom......once I get rid of all these darn teenagers.....
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.