View Full Version : Need supportive words. Help keep me on track.
iris lily
10-2-11, 11:07am
Yesterday I turned down a plea to take an office in one of the plant societies. I'm already on the board of another one that meets 3 times annually, and that is 1 time too many.
While I wish to grow the plant and to learn, and for that reason I support the goals of the society, I refuse to take the offered offices becuase:
1) they meet too many times (4 X annulaly PLUS numerous shows, educational meetings, plant auctions) and always during the day on weekends on my prime gardening days. I want to be working on the garden rather than sitting inside, meeting
2) It's essentially run by 3 people, 2 of whom I respect, 1 of whom is impossible to get along with (though he has fab horticulture knowledge)
I keep repeating to them, no I don't take an office but I WILL chair a show and will help out at a plant sale. And that's another thing, their plant sale takes untold hours of work, hideous time suck. I say, simplify it.
Overall the plant societies ar make up of people who are retired. They plan too many freeckin' activities and then wonder why people don't come. Who NEEDS a bloody Christmas party in December for people who like to grow a plant?
Tell me I do not need to feel guilty about turning down their office. I will help with the things I think are important. I will not help with the things I think are not important.
You do not need to feel guilty. You're active already - what you decide is enough, is enough.
You've nailed it right on the head, Iris. There is no fun, in taking out the fun, in something fun. (Lots of funs in there I know, but I hope you get the jest of what I mean). P.S. I know you do because you're sharp! :)
Nevertheless, you have no reason whatsoever to feel guilty over your decision to take the path you have chosen. You already extend yourself beyond most, and the society should be content with that and happily recognize the fact and accept all that you currently do. Be proud.
One problem I often see related to groups and societies based solely on and made up of retired people, is that they tend to thrive on get-togethers and meetings and events and general socials, thinking everyone who's retired should be thrilled over such planning and arrangements, and that just isn't so.
I will never understand those who make everything complicated, then complain when other people don't want to play along. And if you suggest, here's a way we could simplify/make easier/allow more people to participate, they argue that it can't possibly be done that way and aren't willing to even experiment to try it out.
The garden club in my town, now defunct, would only meet during the day, and wondered why their membership was declining, particularly among women under 65. Well DUH- many of those people are WORKING during the day.
flowerseverywhere
10-2-11, 12:28pm
why I left my local garden club. It was very difficult to just talk about plants.
I have the same issue with my quilt guild. Everyone is more worried about the Christmas party (we have two big parties a year), snacks at the monthly meeting ( and 90% need fewer snacks overall), secret sister and other activities that have nothing to do with making quilts. I always take some kind of office and do that, but I don't want to be the big Kahuna. Stick to your guns because it is all about the flowers after all.
Ditto, ditto and ditto. Don't you feel one bit guilty about choosing NOT to do what others say you 'should'. Do what makes YOU happy. And don't let them pressure you into giving them a reason - no thanks, I have other plans. Period.
And good for you for saying no.
... snacks at the monthly meeting ...
Oh yes, ANOTHER issue that came up in this group: PEOPLE AREN"T DOING THEIR FAIR SHARE TO BRING SNACKS TO THE MEETINGS!
Good god who cares, no one needs a snack at 2 pm. They need to let go of that expectation.
I feel bad for turning them down because one of the people who asked is someone I have a lot of respect for. She does a ton of work. But then, I have to remember, she belongs to 2 other iris societies besides the one I'm talking about. Again, how many iris centered meetings and activities must go on here? I say: far fewer.
My problem is that iris are so damned seductive. I need them. I want them! I MUST learn about them!!!!!!! Therefore, I do need to support the society to some extent. Finding the happy medium is the difficult thing.
My problem is that iris are so damned seductive. I need them. I want them! I MUST learn about them!!!!!!! Therefore, I do need to support the society to some extent. Finding the happy medium is the difficult thing.
Are you SURE you really, really NEED to support this group? It seems to me that you could do the world of iris lovers (and I am one, although I don't get involved in the fanciers' groups) a lot more good by walking away from this bunch of screwballs and using your own precious time as you see fit.
Calm down, girl! I'm sure this self-exhausting group will go right on without you (although they may collapse under the weight of their own expectations) and the sun will rise again tomorrow morning. If I ever accidentlly got involved in a church group like this, I'd run the other way and never look back! Never mind they mean well!!!
Hold firm Iris. I've found groups have about 5% doing all the work for the other 95%, who really appreciate it, but are unwilling/unable to do the work, for whatever reason. Perhaps leverage your willingness to do what you do do, by insisting on a speaker/meeting/tour that you think is important. I'm sure most of the other members feel as you do and would appreciate some really focused meetings.
I'm leery of getting involved in a guild again for similar reasons. There are those who just love being busy (and often being busybodies) and then want to browbeat those of us who don't. (And good grief--if you need a snack, bring one from home.) Stand your ground, Iris Lily!http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-chores006.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
Cool emoticon Jane!
Hold your ground Iris Lily. There are many ways to contribute informally.
About the snack issue: all you need in the group is a couple diabetics and a low carb dieter and one vegan and it is impossible to bring snacks for everyone. Mention how particular eveyone's diet has become, suggest everyone become responsible for there own feeding. Do not eat what is brought.
Thanks, all, and Jane that icon is very nice!
flowerseverywhere
10-3-11, 8:36am
Cool emoticon Jane!
Hold your ground Iris Lily. There are many ways to contribute informally.
About the snack issue: all you need in the group is a couple diabetics and a low carb dieter and one vegan and it is impossible to bring snacks for everyone. Mention how particular eveyone's diet has become, suggest everyone become responsible for there own feeding. Do not eat what is brought.
Funny story. At the quilt guild board meeting we were talking about the Christmas party. I suggested we keep it simple, maybe just do some desserts instead of a full meal like we usually do. Someone suggested we have it catered. They mentioned a local restaurant that would do salad, pasta, bread and deliver it. Well someone said they couldn't eat that as they had a gluten allergy and someone else had a lactose allergy. I then said, well, if the menu is known and you don't want to participate then you could either eat before you came, eat what you could, or bring something else. Suddenly I was the villian, and someone else thought that was kind of insensitive. I mentioned I am vegetarian and I don't let if bother me, I just eat carefully. If you have enough money to buy brand new fabric, cut it up into little pieces and sew it back together again than you have enough money to bring your own food.
In all my years of being in groups or in the workplace I have learned one thing, you are never going to please everyone, and sometimes you are never going to please anyone so the most important thing is to be true to yourself, as kind as you can be, and contribute what you can.
Iris Lily. This smiley (I think) has you written all over it!
http://www.smiley-lol.com/smiley/maison/jardiner/jardinage0.gif
Suits you to a t! It's you!!! ROTFLMAO!
I recognized her hat right away!
I recognized her hat right away!ROTFLMAO!!! It was the smile that triggered it for me. :)
Ditto. I want very much to participate in neighborhood groups making our little neck of the woods better. Yet when I get involved it always turns into meetings about meetings and very little noticeable action. I turned down a secretary position recently because I am sick of after work meetings that turn into three hour sessions.
One more vote for don't feel guilty!
I use to be involved with the Master Gardener program and talk about interest in SNACKS! A great speaker would be planned but just about everyone seemed more interested in eating and gossiping. The monthly meeting took place in the morning, I certainly wasn't ready to eat and frankly was there to learn from the presentation rather than meet new friends. I finally decided to take my grumpy self out of the program and focus on my own gardening, sharing with friends and neighbors if they are interested.
Iris Lily. This smiley (I think) has you written all over it!
http://www.smiley-lol.com/smiley/maison/jardiner/jardinage0.gif
Suits you to a t! It's you!!! ROTFLMAO!
hmmm I see lilies but not iris in that icon, ha ha! thanks!
Iris Lily. Thanks for being such a good sport! :) You always are... Lots of fun.
i went to my first local garden club meeting on wednesday.
the talk was "growing herbs in seatoun, a 50 year perspective" by a woman who has lived in seatoun for 50 years. She's about 75.
i didn't bring a snack. was that a major faux pas? it was 7:30 in the evening.
Now, the garden club has three primary activities:
1. taking a walk each week -- if it's sunny -- and looking at everyone's yards. I didn't realize this was the garden club. I thought all the little old ladies were just out for a walk, and commenting on what they see, but it turns out that the garden club is out talking about everyone's gardens. Seeing as nearly every garden here is an overgrown, weedy mess, I can't imagine what edification it brings, other than getting this group of sweet seniors out and about together.
2. having a monthly talk on a given topic (hence the night I went) -- i discovered that they usually take turns, and as it was decided that Janice has the best herb garden in Seatoun and has forever, she should talk about it. And, it attracted a new comer, some 40 years younger than anyone else there. I can't say I learned anything new. She suggested I try planing herbs in pots and putting them in a sunny spot. I'd already had that part figured, btu was wondering if there were certain varieties that did better in our salty, windy, and often not-sunny environment. She said "we all do our best, dear." I think that's supposed to be encouraging to me to put some herbs in pots and put them in the sun.
3. Gardening days -- apparently, when you get to be of age, it's easier to garden in a group. I think this is a good idea.
My jury is still out on whether or not I'll join the gardening club, but Hawk is into it 200 percent. He has decided that he likes "friends with white hair." He says that they are very funny, and that they get tired easily but seem to like hugs. He also likes that they enjoy gardening, because he likes to garden with them. He also likes to supervise them when gardening, so that he can tell them what a great job they are doing with their gardening.
If I join the gardening club, I'll have to go on the speaking rotation. I'll probably talk about how to use found objects to make new garden containers, such as old gum boots or pallets. Or how to make a bench out of some various found objects snagged from building sites around seatoun. I will suggest that the fellow garden club members commandeer my husband or some other young man to lug the various items home, since pallets are often made with solid OAK, and very heavy, and the metal beam i found in the cast offs of one of the construction sites (i asked the builder if it was trash or not, and he said it was, and i said "can i have it?" and he said "i don't see why not." and so i tried to lug it away, but it was too heavy so i sent my husband and he was angry with me when he got it 1.5 kms back to the house.) Essentially, you need some help.
I think my main benefit in this group would be joining the gardening days, and perhaps steering them toward just gardening everyone's garden instead of walking around and commenting about what is overgrown. And, if anyone asks "hey! what are you doing in my yard!?" I can claim that they all have dementia, but they like to harmlessly garden. Right?
I'm friends with 3-4 of the ladies already. I know them from when they walk their dogs. We love them. I told Monica the dementia joke and she thought it was a riot, but that "it would do well for seatoun, that's for sure." So, ya never know.
But that's the closest I can get to these sorts of organized events. I'm sure a garden club full of ladies my own age would be. . . more difficult fo rme.
Zoebird. Gosh, do I ever love the sounds of the garden club walks where you go around viewing everyone's gardens/yards! What a stupendous way to get everyone active and out and together. I have always loved activities like that! P.S. Re: kids and white haired friends, there's a lot to be said about that, too! Good for both sides!!!
iris lily
10-8-11, 11:35am
Well, Zoe, you will be a rock star in the group at your age. In our group the youngsters are in their 50's.
Garden tours are one of the best things about garden clubs. The iris people purposely have their garden open for tour all the time during iris season. The conventions of district and national groups always center on bus tours that visit gardens. In the iris world, conventions are planned several years out and people volunteer to plant "guest" iris, sent to them by hybridizers. One plants iris this year for showing in a garden two 2 years into the future.
That funny about the herb lecture, sorry you didn't learn anything. I will say that the iris group is incredibly strong in knowledge, this is one of the iris centers of the country, I think, given the very strong local club.
As far a group gardening, it's not for me. We've got enough of that in our neighborhood with the community garden and I dislike it and don't see a point to it.
I know that they will LOVE your presentation about found objects. Really! But you will have to work on that snack thing. :)
i find that the elder generation doesn't snack as much. there weren't any snacks at the talk, and only a pitcher with water and glasses out for everyone. seniors really do know how to live well. well, they've lived long enough to figure it out, i think.
I think these ladies are really knowledgable, but i do think that this is mostly social for them. And for me, I don't have a big social network and there isn't a community garden (well, i do have a big social network, but it's hard to get together during the week in the AMs, in a time that fits my schedule, and these ladies are. . . well, they are available).
I'm going to help my friend with her food forest/permaculture garden (and hopefully bee keeping), and I figure taking Hawk around to help people weed, dead head, and so on -- and doing it in a group of ladies -- is a lot more fun than simply doing it alone, which I do on friday mornings with DS for about an hour because are garden is TINY. it's mostly containers anyway. :D
I'm thinking of giving myself a gift of one potted plant a week for the next 3 months. Not sure what yet, though. :D
also, i never gardened growing up and truly don't know anything. i usually end up just making a big mess and plants happen to live. LOL of course, it is hard to kill agapanthus. and, once potted and cared for, my plants do very well. but i don't know much aobut it.
and i want hawk to know. so going to a club helps us learn. :)
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