Avoiding Ivy League Preschool Syndrome

[flowerseverywhere]

I read a blog by Mr. Moneymustache that often brings up interesting ideas about parenting, saving money etc. that I thought would be of interest to many here.

http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/12/avoiding-ivy-league-preschool-syndrome/

warning- some of his language can be a little graphic for those easily offended, but I don't think it will bother most, especially because the message is excellent. He is all about doing what so many people here do- spend a lot of time with their kids as opposed to buying a lot of stuff for their kids.

I was reminded of what happened a few weeks ago. I was babysitting my grandson and we were having a grand old time, reading, coloring, building stuff with blocks. I found a great source of used books that are almost new for 25 to 50 cents, so he has a pile of great books that we read. I made him a little play tent to go over a card table and he loves it. We went to the park and I was going on the slide with him, we were talking about the dogs that were chasing frisbees close by, why kind of butterfly was in the flower etc. We were having tons of fun and I noticed that I was the only one really paying attention to my child. There were a dozen other people in the park with kids, and everyone was texting, tweeting, gabbing on cells, a few even had laptops.

It was a heck of a lot easier when you had one TV in the house, no computers or cell phones or all these distractions that cost money to have and maintain, thus taking more time away from the very important job of childrearing.

[Stella]

Great article! I love so many of his points.

I haven't really found kids to be that expensive as of yet. In fact, in reality a lot of our expenses have gone down since my single or early married days.

Housing- When we were first married we lived in a $1000 a month 1 bedroom apartment in L.A. We now live in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath townhouse with two pools, tennis courts, formal gardens, basketball court, volleyball court, playground, sandbox and two ponds. We are across the street from a 120 acre park on a lake with canoeing, an organic coffee shop, a patio with a fireplace overlooking a lake, art classes, a wood fired pizza oven, an island picnic area, an amphitheater with free concerts, free nature movie night once a month, letterboxing, fishing, a dyers garden and other fun stuff. We share this with my father. He pays the taxes and utilities, we pay the internet and association fee for a total of $270 a month. We moved here because we had kids. When Zach is done with school we will take over the taxes and utilities, adding about $400 a month for a total of $670.

Vehicle- We drive a van we got for $2800, $2000 of that we got from selling our Ford Taurus. Zach's car is a hand-me-down from Dad. Mom traded Dad her 20% discount with Ford in exchange for giving us his old car instead of trading it in. Before I got married I had a newish car with a $230 a month car payment.

Clothing- I spend about $50-$100 a year on kids clothing. I have four kids and one on the way. It's almost all second hand.

Food- When it was just DH and I we spent about $200 a month. Now we spend about $600 a month. That is the biggest difference, but some of it has to do with food costs too. We buy a lot of organic food.

Education- Dad pays for one year of preschool at the church preschool per kid. I homeschool. We splurge on memberships to the Children's Museum, Science Museum, Aquarium and Historical Society. That's about $400 and is one of our big expenses. We read real books, either from our own collection or the library. Little House on the Prairie, The Secret Garden, Redwall, The Chronicles of Narnia and stuff like that.

We do Khan Academy and a bunch of different math games, online and not, and I spent $50 on math manipulatives last year and $10 on a book of fun math puzzles.

We do science experiments and take nature walks and visit nature centers. We cook and bake and visit farms and talk to people about what they are passionate about. Passionate people make good and willing teachers. We have Rosetta Stone Latin, which we got a as a Christmas present from my parents. We shop sometimes at ethnic grovery stores or go to ethnic festivals and watch the dancers. We watch documentaries about all kinds of subjects and research things online. The kids practice writing by writing stories, letters, poems and lists.

Baby stuff- I spent $45.50 preparing for James. I spent $12.50 preparing for Travis. I am splurging on a baby hammock this time, so I will spend about $100.

If you are home full-time it's pretty easy to keep expenses down and give your kids an excellent education for very little money.

[Mighty Frugal]

I read a blog by Mr. Moneymustache that often brings up interesting ideas about parenting, saving money etc. that I thought would be of interest to many here.

http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/12/avoiding-ivy-league-preschool-syndrome/

warning- some of his language can be a little graphic for those easily offended, but I don't think it will bother most, especially because the message is excellent. He is all about doing what so many people here do- spend a lot of time with their kids as opposed to buying a lot of stuff for their kids.

I was reminded of what happened a few weeks ago. I was babysitting my grandson and we were having a grand old time, reading, coloring, building stuff with blocks. I found a great source of used books that are almost new for 25 to 50 cents, so he has a pile of great books that we read. I made him a little play tent to go over a card table and he loves it. We went to the park and I was going on the slide with him, we were talking about the dogs that were chasing frisbees close by, why kind of butterfly was in the flower etc. We were having tons of fun and I noticed that I was the only one really paying attention to my child. There were a dozen other people in the park with kids, and everyone was texting, tweeting, gabbing on cells, a few even had laptops.

It was a heck of a lot easier when you had one TV in the house, no computers or cell phones or all these distractions that cost money to have and maintain, thus taking more time away from the very important job of childrearing.

You paint such a lovely picture of your time at the park with your grandson. I'll check out his article but I just wanted to say that we shouldn't really judge other parents at the park. Firstly, as a grandmother you will dote on your grandchild and actively play with him more than a parent will (that's what makes grandparents so wonderful!! My own 74 year old mother plays tag and lawn bowling with my kids!)

Speaking from experience sometimes the only time I get to sit down is when my boys are at the park. I don't text or talk on my cell but I do chat with other parents on the park bench whilst our kids play. Or I will sit and knit or read a magazine-it's my break too. And I am also a big believer in letting the kids play on their own-I am not their entertainment committee and as a child my parents NEVER played with us. We played with other kids.

Granted when they were younger (they are 5 1/2 and 7 now) I did have to go down the slide with them and I still push the younger one on the swing, but I encourage them to gather all the other kids for a game of 'tag' or they play 'grounders' (hate that one) or hide and seek, etc.

As for keeping it simple while raising your kids I think we live in the now so computers are home are a given -like TVs were in the 70s and older folks back then hrmph-ed them and said 'in my day we just had a radio'.

So, going by what is the norm these days I figure my family is doing pretty good. We send our kids to a public school, we don't over schedule them (Boy Scouts, swimming only) we do a lot of free activities-parks, walks down our main street, visits to grandma, and neither of them own any hand held gaming devices (this one we will avoid for as long as possible. I know eventually we will allow this but I am holding off! They don't even play games on my phone)

We save for small trips and I try to live as honestly and simply as possible

[Mighty Frugal]

OK, read it now. I really enjoyed it and love his attitude. I agree with this angle of child rearing and no child wants for anything when s/he is satisfied with what they have.

[flowerseverywhere]

I just wanted to say that we shouldn't really judge other parents at the park. Firstly, as a grandmother you will dote on your grandchild and actively play with him more than a parent will (that's what makes grandparents so wonderful!! My own 74 year old mother plays tag and lawn bowling with my kids!)

Speaking from experience sometimes the only time I get to sit down is when my boys are at the park. I don't text or talk on my cell but I do chat with other parents on the park bench whilst our kids play. Or I will sit and knit or read a magazine-it's my break too. And I am also a big believer in letting the kids play on their own-I am not their entertainment committee and as a child my parents NEVER played with us. We played with other kids.

Granted when they were younger (they are 5 1/2 and 7 now) I did have to go down the slide with them and I still push the younger one on the swing, but I encourage them to gather all the other kids for a game of 'tag' or they play 'grounders' (hate that one) or hide and seek, etc.



My grandkids are much younger and when I was at the park it was when school was in session so they were all little ones, so I don't think paying close attention to them is anything but good. As they mature and grow they need of course to get more independent and play alone of course.

Speaking from experience, the years when you have young kids flies by, before you know it they don't want to talk to you or spend time with you, especially once they meet that special one. And that is as it should be.

[Gardenarian]

Stella! This is the first I've heard of your great expectations - how exciting! Congratulations!!

[Acorn]

Flowerseverywhere, I am glad i didn't have the distraction of a cell phone/internet when my children were little. I agree, the time goes by so very quickly and they are grown up. Of course, it is like Mighty Frugal mentioned, computers are now an integral part of life and there really is no going back. I think the hard thing is that we can be online anywhere now which makes it all the more difficult to unplug. Though television surely took up time in the family home, once out of the house, it was left behind.

[Stella]

Thanks Gardenarian! I am excited and a little nervous. :)

I am guilty of spending time on the internet at home, but I have a crazy two year old, so there's no way I could mess around with texting or the internet when I'm out with the kids.

I'm actually glad that I have the internet and other technology as a SAHM. I get so many good ideas for stuff to do with the kids, recipes, places to go and all of that. We can have dance parties to Wonderground Radio on my laptop, watch the National Geographic podcast, e-mail Grandma, facetime with their cousin in Los Angeles and send pictures of our adventures immediately to family and friends. Also, I have the ability to connect with other adults and keep my brain intellectually stimulated. Today I've got some Dostoyevsky on free audiobook playing on the Apple TV while I work.

[Mighty Frugal]

Stella, I wholeheartedly agree with you. The internet is more of an advantage rather than a hindrance when it comes to child rearing in my home.

One of our (my kids and I) favourite pastime is to listen to other country's national anthem (Japan has a beautiful one) We can sit there for an hour listening to this country and that. We also have all the 'why' answers at our fingertips-from the proverbial 'why is the sky blue' to the more puzzling where do butterflies go when it rains?'

[Zoebird]

same here. internet saves our skin. we do a lot of researching on how to implement our parenting choices (peaceful, unconditional parenting) and create a disciplined, well mannered, and highly engaging, happy child.

so, definitely a plus. :)

[Zoebird]

oh, and we don't really cell/text outside of the house, or use internet on our phone (too expensive). so if not at home or work, then there's no computer. and that's a fair amount of time. :) and usually at home, not a lot of computer unless i'm actually working OR need to look up an article or activity (as above).

[maribeth]

We work full time and so DD does go to an expensive preschool. (They're all expensive in our area, although not $30K!) She really loves it and talks incessantly about her favorite activities.

But at the end of the day she is really ready to come home to quality time with mom and dad. And she will call us out if we are on our phones or computers and not truly focusing on her!

[granola19]

totally love this article! This is exactly why I quit my job to stay at home. With some families it may definitely be either worth it or necessary for both parents to work but for us it wasn't. At home my kids learn a ton by just digging in the compost pile and helping me in the kitchen. It gives me an oppurtunity to shape their character instead of paying someone else to do it. We do some lessons but only reasonably priced ones that my DD is really truly interested in. We have no cable TV and have a tiny apartment but our kids have US and unlimited learning oppurtunities between me, DH, our local library, the internet at home, gardening, cooking, nature walks, playgrounds, friends and neighbors.

I do think I need to be even more engaged though. He had a paragraph in his article about seeing all the parents in the park texting, tweeting, on their phones, ect. I don't bring my laptop to the park but I think I too often get caught up in homemaking (i.e.-baking, gardening ect.)with my own agenda rather than engaging with my kids and I need to let them be a larger part in those activities and be more willing to let go my own agenda to tend to their interests and curiosity.

[flowerseverywhere]

We work full time and so DD does go to an expensive preschool. (They're all expensive in our area, although not $30K!) She really loves it and talks incessantly about her favorite activities.

But at the end of the day she is really ready to come home to quality time with mom and dad. And she will call us out if we are on our phones or computers and not truly focusing on her!

And I think that is the value of these articles and responses. Everyone needs to find what fits for them and their child. Articles like this show a different way of looking at things and we can all learn from each other. Granola, I think what you are talking about is one of the basic ideas of "Your Money or Your Life." What is your time worth.

We are lucky to have the freedom as women to make this choice.

[Zoebird]

maribeth -- my friends send their daughter to a pricey (steiner) pre school as well, but it's worth every penny. both need/want to work, and they can afford it, and it's healthy for their daughter. they are happy with the environment, and they spend HEAPS of quality time with her n the am, pm, and weekends. they are very good parents, and their daughter is a delight. She and DS like to skype! :D They have lots to talk about, because they both are in steiner.

which ironically, means they mostly talk about gardening, baking, and hte sand box.

[maribeth]

That's really cute!

[ctg492]

Stella, my sons are grown now, but I comment often of how nice the net would have been when they were little. Looking up sickness, problems that message boards could have helped with, other mommies to connect too and such. In the early 80's I had a hopsital that had an Ask A Nurse Line, I would call and explain my baby's issue and hoped she could help. Seems so old and out of date now. Oh wait I am old ;)