Woman w too much perfume in closed car - what would you do?

[Gina]

Yesterday I went with a few friends to an out of town event (2 hours away). 5 of us were in one car. One of the women, a friend of a good friend, was sitting next to me in the back seat with the third person on her other side. She was wearing way too much perfume for a closed car situation. Airconditioning was on, but windows were closed.

I literally had to keep turned away from her because her strong perfume was almost gagging me. Thank goodness it wasn't making me sneeze (which sometimes happens) or I definitely would have asked to sit elsewhere. I really didn't want to offend her or my friend who had arranged the trip - there would have been nothing the perfume wearer could have done short of taking a shower.

Years ago I had requested another friend (also prone to wearing too much perfume) to not wear any in the car for a longer road trip. She was quite offended and thought I was being a control freak. 'But everyone comments about my perfume'. Ya, cuz you wear too much!

Anyway - what should I have done? Even though it was uncomfortable, I decided to not say anything and to just make sure on the way home to sit elsewhere. I know smokers often wear too much perfume, but this woman wasn't. I like an occasional whiff of a nice fragrance, but why do some women think they need to bathe in the stuff?

[Wildflower]

I would have opened the window - seriously! But I have terrible sinus allergies and could not have tolerated it.

I think people who wear strong fragrances must get so used to it that they don't realize how strong the smell is for others, or they don't care. I was sitting near a man wearing extremely strong cologne/aftershave at a restaurant awhile back. It was totally overwhelming so DH and I moved to another table. That man didn't have a clue...

[goldensmom]

What DID I do? When I knew the person, I asked the name and complimented their choice of scents; asked questions, is it eau de toilette, cologne or perfume?; where did you get it?; if applicable, does your husband like it? etc., etc.; told a story of a pregnant woman who literally threw up when in the presence of one with strong perfume then suggested that although a pleasant scent, they might want to tone it down when in close proximity of others.

In a car, I have opened a window and explained why. I have also moved to another location when in a theater or restaurant when not appropriate to address the problem. Because it is the strongest of scents, I use a small dab of perfume or oil but never when going to a doctor's appointment or any other place where I will be in close contact with someone who may not have the same taste in scents as I do or cannot tolerate strong scents.

[Merski]

I worked with a woman who hated scents of any kind and told me repeatedly and nastily not to wear them. We worked in a library not even in a close environment. She would even chastise me when I took a shower with regular soap and even my shampoo. It dove me crazy and I actually would not do her bidding because we worked with the public who came in smelling whatever way they wanted and were never told by her that their smell made them gag. Thank god she left the job. I did not wear too much perfume...because of her I constantly got feedback about what was too much. Just the other side of the story. If she was kinder, I would have been nicer.

[fidgiegirl]

We went to a Remodeler's Showcase home a few weekends ago and I had to leave because they were burning a Yankee candle or something of the like. I should really have told them why.

No advice for you, Gina . . . just sympathy. I think you were right not to say anything in this case, seeing as how she couldn't have done anything about it, anyway.

[Mrs-M]

Older women and cheap perfume, the worst! Same goes for men and their cheap aftershave. Ewww!!! It's a tough call, because on one hand it's nauseating, but on the other hand it would be a shame to hurt the persons feelings. IMO if you had to travel with this person regularly (daily), then possibly something might have to be said (albeit kindly and in a lighthearted manner), but as a one time or rare occasion my advice would be to try and live with it.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

As I have gotten older I find that I am much more sensitive to scents. And, it doesn't have to be cheap perfume either - just strong. I served on a library board and our regional librarian was a wonderful woman and someone I enjoyed talking to when she was there. One day I walked into the meeting and sat next to her and wham! her perfume hit me! I asked her if she was wearing "Aromatic Elixir" by Clinique. She said she was and I told her that it was one of my favorite fragrances. It WAS - I loved it, but immediately I started getting a headache and was into a migraine by the time the meeting was over. Way too much and too strong. At meetings after that I took a seat as far from her as possible. Likewise I discovered that all the "sweet" smells of lotions in Bath & Body Works started to really bother me and I could not stand them. An herbal smell, that was fine, but if it had a flowery or sweet smell I found it almost nauseating. As I said, this is a change since I have gotten older. Being trapped in a car next to someone who had overdone the scent would have been terrible, but under the circumstances it would have been difficult to do anything about it. I do think I would have opened my window a bit for some fresh air.

[Aqua Blue]

What would I do? I would get a migraine and puke all over her...Honestly that is what would probably happen. I almost always vomit when i have a migraine and perfume is a migraine trigger. Most friends only have it happen once. LOL

[Gina]

In retrospect, I am glad I didn't say anything since there was nothing that could be done without making everyone in the car uncomfortable and setting a negative tone for the evening. My good friend who was the organizer would have 'taken it on' too. Not worth that. In the beginning I was able to open the window, but we were on the freeways, and there was airconditioning on.

Oh, and the woman was neither old, nor was the perfume cheap. Just too much.

[leslieann]

I'm like shalom_poet in that my tolerance for any scent at all has dropped below none. So that means that I am not likely to share rides just because of this "problem." Where it IS a problem is in my work; clients come in delicately and beautifully scented and I am sneezing all over the place, and have to air the room out between them. I find it annoying to be so darn over-sensitive, actually. I used to wear perfume and really enjoy it.

I am grateful that I don't get the headaches that some do (including some other clients of mine). I suspect that wearing scent is going to become like smoking: something that everyone used to do, but now is demonized.

Yankee candles are another thing. I can't walk past the store in the mall without reacting. Of course, given this situation I probably have no business at the mall anyway.

Gina, you are a wonderfully patient and kind person and you deserve kudos for that. But it is a conundrum.

[Merski]

BTW I can't stand really strong or very cheap perfumes but happily don't have the terrible reactions that some of you get. Patchouli does it for me it almost makes me gag. If I mention what kind of perfume are you wearing to a patron and she says why do I have too much on, I'm too much of a coward to say yes.

[domestic goddess]

It is not very often that I can smell a fragrance, because of sinus/allergies. If I can smell it, then it is definitely too strong! Even though I can't always smell it, the fumes can trigger an asthma attack. So, if I were aware that was causing me a problem, I would have opened a window, highways and air conditioning notwithstanding. I'm kind of a coward about confrontation, but I might say something to the effect that SOMEONE's cologne is too strong for me.

[djen]

I am fortunate because I can enjoy many perfumes with no issues. But, if one hits me wrong (and I never know why) it's BAD NEWS and FAST! I'll get a migraine out of nowhere because of some scents. Others are totally fine for me. Sometimes it's OK today, but not tomorrow.

So if someone's wearing perfume, it's usually not an issue. But if it is, by the time I know, it's too late. So, I don't say anything. If I can't figure out why it's OK sometimes and not others, how can I tell someone else to keep track of it for me?

[jennipurrr]

Perfumes don't cause my migraines (they are hormonal) but they will make it 10X worse. Even a very light scent like a deodorant is too much if I am having a migraine...and cleaning products or those oversmelly candles, bleh bleh. I actually like a light spritz of perfume if I know I don't have a migraine...but I like it where I can barely smell it, much less other people. The only other person I would want close enough to me to smell it is DH ;)

If it was really bad I might have asked to switch to a different seat if possible. If you didn't feel comfortable mentioning the perfume you maybe could have said you were beginning to feel carsick in the back (sort of true...car sick from the perfume!).

[larknm]

Throughout childhood my mother wore strong perfume, including in 2-day road trips. A violent person, she couldn't tolerate criticism about anything, so I said nothing but always felt sick.

As an adult, I have a sign by my office door (as do many doctors around here) that says, This is a fragrance-free office, and I say that to new clients when they make the appointment, making clear that means no scents on them.

Once on a road trip as an adult, one of the two host friends, slathered his hands with hand lotion shortly after we started. I said, Is there some scent in the car? They both proudly said no, they'd made sure of that before picking me up. Then I said, how about hand lotion? Oh yeah. They stopped at the next gas station and this man washed his hands very well and got the scent off.

When I was in the hospital last year, the sanitizer and follow-up hand lotion the staff was required to use before contact with us, were scented and made me nausious. When I said this to the staff members, they told me they were required to wear it. Finally I was in inpatient rehab and the doctor at the head of that knew about environmental illness and told me to have the people giving me physical therapy to take me outdoors in a wheelchair and to geet out of the hospital as soon as possible, because they were also doing construction in the physical therapy dept, and she knew that's no good for chemically sensitive people. I got out the same day.

That was an eye opener for me--Santa F, where this happened, e is supposed to be an enlightened place but only one doctor out of several doctors and staff, knew about environmental illness. Those who don't just seem to get kind of blank in the head when I tell them.

I recnetly changed seats with someone in our outdoor opera theater here to sit far enough away from a person with scent on to not be nauseated and get a headache.

My husband grows lots of flowers and once in a while he plants something that gives off a scent. I tell him I wil pull it up if he doesn't, and usually I have to. I don't know how many years it will take him to realize this is not a trivial thing but a health issue.

[reader99]

Throughout childhood my mother wore strong perfume, including in 2-day road trips. A violent person, she couldn't tolerate criticism about anything, so I said nothing but always felt sick.

As an adult, I have a sign by my office door (as do many doctors around here) that says, This is a fragrance-free office, and I say that to new clients when they make the appointment, making clear that means no scents on them.

Once on a road trip as an adult, one of the two host friends, slathered his hands with hand lotion shortly after we started. I said, Is there some scent in the car? They both proudly said no, they'd made sure of that before picking me up. Then I said, how about hand lotion? Oh yeah. They stopped at the next gas station and this man washed his hands very well and got the scent off.

When I was in the hospital last year, the sanitizer and follow-up hand lotion the staff was required to use before contact with us, were scented and made me nausious. When I said this to the staff members, they told me they were required to wear it. Finally I was in inpatient rehab and the doctor at the head of that knew about environmental illness and told me to have the people giving me physical therapy to take me outdoors in a wheelchair and to geet out of the hospital as soon as possible, because they were also doing construction in the physical therapy dept, and she knew that's no good for chemically sensitive people. I got out the same day.

That was an eye opener for me--Santa F, where this happened, e is supposed to be an enlightened place but only one doctor out of several doctors and staff, knew about environmental illness. Those who don't just seem to get kind of blank in the head when I tell them.

I recnetly changed seats with someone in our outdoor opera theater here to sit far enough away from a person with scent on to not be nauseated and get a headache.

My husband grows lots of flowers and once in a while he plants something that gives off a scent. I tell him I wil pull it up if he doesn't, and usually I have to. I don't know how many years it will take him to realize this is not a trivial thing but a health issue.

I havw EI. Thwe main thing that has helped me with sensitivity to chemicals and scents is Taurine supplements. The liver uses taurine to process these foreign molecules. the intestines are supposed to produce taurine for this purpose, but mine don't. With th e supplemenbts I can live an almost normal life, usually.