View Full Version : DD and new dog
pinkytoe
10-26-11, 11:13am
DD, soon to be 28, and her boyfriend are acquiring a new half-grown foster dog today. It is one of the giant breeds, Mastiff I think. I want so much to tell her what a mistake but as always keep my nose out of her life. She has her own house with a backyard but is rarely at home. In addition, she has a cat who has never been around big dogs. The cost of vet bills, food for a large dog, destruction to the yard, higher insurance and on and on. Oh...it is so hard to butt out on this one but I thnk I can see how it will end up. Tell me it will all work out...it just seems like young people jump the gun on getting pets and then give up when reality shows up.
shadowmoss
10-26-11, 12:17pm
Better to learn all that from a dog than from the first baby. It is possible to rehome a pet if it gets overwhelming, but a child not so much.
Sounds like the decision's already been made. I personally wouldn't worry about the breed being big (mastiffs CAN be very nice, gentle, mellow dogs) but more about getting a dog at all if she doesn't have time for it. Why do that? Dogs aren't toys, they're living creatures. Our old next-door neighbors didn't even have a fenced yard, and the wife was 4'8", 100 lbs, fragile, and pregnant, and they bought a massive St. Bernard, with predictable results. Honestly, what makes people do stupid things like that?
Anyway, she will learn, in time, that not having enough time for the dog will lead to bad behavior problems, and she'll have to address her lack of time/care at that point. Sounds like anything you'll have to say on the subject may just cause sore feelings at this point. Let her learn. This is not a fatal situation, just possibly an unfortunate learning experience. Hope they are not the kind of people who'll cause the poor creature suffering because of their poor judgment.
I commend you for keeping quiet on your daughter's decision. 28 is not 18, she will learn from her decision whether good or bad results occur. If it is indeed a foster dog this is usually only a temporary placement until an adoptive family is found and if that is the case the group your daughter is working with will probably already have pointed out all your concerns.
jennipurrr
10-26-11, 3:51pm
She will have to figure it out. If they are fostering it for a rescue group then this might be a really positive situation. They can take on the dog temporarily and get a feel for how having this type of dog is like and what a commitment it is.
A couple of years ago my sister got a 6 week old puppy when she had lost her job, was on unemployment and had decided to go back to grad school full time. Not exactly the best time to acquire a mouth to feed plus the other costs of care! He ended up being the best companion and helped her during a rough patch of her life.
DD is getting the dog from the foster family as a permanent acquisition. Nothing at all wrong with her getting a dog, but a 100 lb breed that is prone to health issues doesn't seem like the smartest move to me. But...I did the same thing when I was young. We ended up finding the dog a new home as it was alone a lot and became destructive. I just wish I could impart that wisdom without being a nagging mom.
Life is to be lived and experienced, not gotten " right". So the dog ends up being a lot of work & hassle... so what? Making mistakes is how each of us learns. You want to impart wisdom? That's not possible. Wisdom is learned by living life. Be happy that your daughter is willing to take some risks and make her own choices!
iris lily
10-27-11, 12:28am
OP remember that you and I are at an age where we see things as energy sucks when youthful people see the same things as interesting and fun because they HAVE the energy to spare. Let them expend that energy.
OP remember that you and I are at an age where we see things as energy sucks when youthful people see the same things as interesting and fun because they HAVE the energy to spare. Let them expend that energy.
Brilliant re-frame.
Yes you are so right...I often forget that my frame of reference is different now that I am older. I was mostly worried about the dog's welfare though knowing how busy dd is these days.
iris lily
10-27-11, 11:51pm
Yes you are so right...I often forget that my frame of reference is different now that I am older. I was mostly worried about the dog's welfare though knowing how busy dd is these days.
Well, hopefuly she and the boyfriend will find adequate time for doggie.
Me, I've got a rescue dog here who has become one of my favorite rescues ever, and I will cry when he goes. He lives life in Slo-Mo and he mainly sleeps a lot. That's unless he is sitting. He sometimes varies that with standing very still. He's my kind of dog and his energy level fits our household.
Now you have a great idea for a Christmas gift for them: a dog-training book! And, it might turn out great or be a disaster but either way you have no control. So following that saying of hoping to have courage to change that which you can, serenity to accept that which you can't and wisdom to know the difference....well, it's serenity time :-) Good luck!
There's a great line from a book about Beryl Markham (the lady african bush pilot and racehorse trainer) that says something like, "I didn't want to rob you of your right to make mistakes." I have always remembered that when contemplating trying to keep someone else from doing something that -- it seems to me -- is going to cause them problems down the line.
I have learned far more from my own mistakes than I ever have from books or well-meaning loved ones.
And of course, I too have a dog breed that is one of those "expensive" kinds. And the joy he brings makes up for his genetic faults a hundred times over. Another holiday gift idea in advance: Gift cards for pet food stores! :)
I'm glad you brought up this point Iris Lily. Its so very true. I've tried to help my kids avoid problems, and realize that I actually stifle their learning process and their own energy. They have such energy, and I don't. I much too often force my tired views onto them. I'm glad you reminded me of this!
(Sorry if I'm getting off-topic Pinkytoe. I know you're worried for the dog.)
Float On
10-31-11, 12:57pm
He lives life in Slo-Mo and he mainly sleeps a lot. That's unless he is sitting. He sometimes varies that with standing very still. He's my kind of dog and his energy level fits our household.
My dream dog!!
Your post made me laugh because the worst dog I had I always described her as "That's Darcy; she has too speeds, 'fast' and 'blur'".
We went to meet the dog child this weekend. He is huge (90 pounds), shiny brown and very sweet-gentle. They had already amassed dog paraphenalia - a huge dog bed, crate, chew bones the size of my leg, etc. Their cat was only mildly amused by its new room-mate. My only advice was that she start a pet savings account for any emergencies that might come up. I guess this is practice for any grandchildren that may come along as I definitely have opinions about that too.
catherine
10-31-11, 1:19pm
Boy, pinkytoe, I could have started this thread! MY dd26 and her boyfriend just moved into an apartment that allows dogs, and after begging us time and time again to save this shelter dog or that shelter dog she's finally fostering one herself.
I think she is definitely getting an education.
I'm waiting to see if the dog goes back or if she decides to adopt it. I really think she's on the fence about that. Funny, she seemed to think that OF COURSE her dad and I would want a dog when she gave a puppy to us three years ago-- but now she has a little bit more insight on what dog ownership entails!
I second everyone who says say nothing. Anything you say will imply you know more about this than she does, giving a training book does the same thing. Staying out of it preserves your relationship with dd. I'm a dog trainer ad behavior worker and also worry about neglected dogs, but unasked for advice is not an effective approach for anything I know of.
Good job, pinkytoe!! Well done. All will be well.
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