Enjoying imperfection

[Stella]

I was just thinking today about how much I am really coming to enjoy imperfection. It sounds strange to say this, but I grew up in a really perfectionist family and it's just kind of fun to be able to do things that aren't perfect and feel good about them.

Yesterday was our neighborhood pumpkin parade, which I organized, for the second year in a row, on a last minute basis with almost no real plan. On Friday I sent out a facebook message, printed up a few flyers and sent the kids around to deliver them. I did actually intend to make a few putsy treats for this event because I do frequently enjoy that kind of thing. Sunday morning however, I was just not feeling it.

On top of the treats and church, I was supposed to sew skirts for Cheyenne and Bella's costumes and make a mask, which I was also really not feeling up to. Instead I made a cake mix cake, tossed a few milano cookies into it with RIP written on the top for gravestones and called it good. I had the kids bring out some apple juice to drink instead of the Halloween punch I have meant to make for two years. Bella wore a skirt I made her last year, which was white with daisies on it, for her angel costume. Cheyenne decided that Iron Girl didn't really need a skirt and Zach worked up most of her costume with red duct tape. The world did not fall apart! There was a time in my life when I would not have believed that. In fact we had a fantastic time and everyone thanked me for my efforts.

Today the kids wore their costumes most of the day. I figure, it's Halloween all day, they might as well have fun with it. James (the wolf) got chocolate on his gray jacket. I was going to go wash it, again, not really feeling like it and I thought, he's a two year old. It's Halloween. Who cares if he has chocolate on his costume? No one did, that's who. Heck, the kid didn't even where his wolf ears 70% of the time and no one cared. He'd go up to the door in his chocolate smeared gray sweatsuit and say "Treat!" and smile his big impish smile and people would say, "Oh how cute are you?! Here have two!"

Anyway, I've been noticing a million little things like that lately and really enjoying them.

[sweetana3]

I too enjoy imperfection. Crafts don't have to be perfect just fun. Quilts don't have to be perfect. I am not entering shows to be judged just having fun. Your Halloween sounds memorable rather than stressful.

I think involvement in the activity is so important. Enjoying the process and the creativity. Enjoy the time and the people.

[ctg492]

I suffer from the "if it is not perfect, why make or do it" problem. Just about everything is this way, so instead of decorating or making something, I just do not do it. I am far harder on myself then anyone would ver be on me and I know that. I really need to work on that.

[Fawn]

Good enough is soooo much better than perfect. :cool:

[Marianne]

I have my own level of imperfection that I can live with, too. :o)

[Mrs-M]

This is great! I, as a child (brother/sisters included), were never guided by way of perfection per se, however anything we did was expected to be done neatly and properly, so I guess in a round about way, perfection did taint my life to a degree.

I wish I could think of even one example of where I have enjoyed imperfection lately, but I can't, however that doesn't go to say that I haven't lived through times and moments of imperfection subjection, and yet no matter how acute imperfection so happened to be, I, we, us as a family, always managed to make it through and emerge on the other side with the same achievement, so any added polish would have been for nothing.

One of my biggest challenges my whole life has always been letting my hair down, but as I age and mature and learn, life's lessons and experiences seem to have a way of enriching themselves through spontaneity, and sometimes that means letting go of perfect ideals and settling for the imperfect. And, as the saying goes, "tomorrow will be better". :)

[Anne Lee]

Yay, Stella. Good for you. As a non-perfectionist, perfectionists really manage to put me on edge as their constant (self) criticism really does cloud what otherwise might be an enjoyable event. I know a few perfectionists who insist their perfectionism pertains only to themselves, they would never dream of being so hard on other people. But what they don't realize is that other people pick up on that vibe and intentional or not, that undercurrent of tension is there. In my book, anything you can do to dial back that perspective is a good thing.

[domestic goddess]

Hooray, Stella! Welcome to my world!
Perfectionism is exhausting. I seem to spend enough time being tired, without having to suck all the joy out of doing anything by insisting on perfection. Now I still like to do things well, but they don't always have to be perfect. It is so much easier to learn to live with some "good enough".
Perfectionism can also be crippling. How many times have you not done something you thought you would enjoy because you thought you could not do it "perfectly"? I know I've missed out on some things I'm sure I would have enjoyed. Not so much now, though. I seem to live a lot in the land of "good enough".
Congratulations, Stella. This is really a lesson worth learning.

[Rosemary]

I think that I've been on the less-perfectionist path more and more since becoming a parent. It just becomes necessary to let certain things go, and make choices about where to spend that energy. The leaves in our yard and the dust on the TV testify to my choices...

[iris lily]

This is a tiny thing but one example of an expectation that I let go: how our dog leashes hang. They are on a nail on the closet door and they hang down on the floor. I kept thinking: I've got to put the nail higher/and the next leashes I buy will have to be shorter so that they don't touch the floor. Those leashes sweep the floor when I close the door and that is wrong! WRONG!

But the idea entered my head: WHY is it wrong? What harm does that do? The leashes stay on the nail, there is no real result from them being "too long" for perfection. There is nothing wrong at all, and so, the leashes will remain as they are.

I think that keeping away from perfection is a good mental exercise. It's really just a form of examining all options, that keeps our minds nimble. I observed my mother in her Alzheimer's state progressively obsessing about the "cleanliness" of her drapes. She was convinced that hers were "filthy." She swapped out her 5 year old drapes for custom made drapery that cost thousands of dollars, and I have no doubt that she would have swapped those out in another 5 years if she was able. While this is an extreme case, I see that as we get older we tend to obsess which could be a version of perfectionism, our world grows smaller, it's up to us to continue to push back those boundaries that close in.

Once someone asked ma at a job interview if I was a perfectionist (since I manage areas of production that are often associated with nit-picky perfectionists) and I had no trouble responding that no, I'm not a perfectionist because I'd never be able to complete work. Some of our work goes out the door with errors and that's reality.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Yah Stella - good for you. I too am enjoying being an imperfectionist! There is a actually a term for this: "waba sabi". Here is a brief summary, but it is interesting if you want to google it and read more. Maybe not the exact same thing, but it does embrace imperfection. I agree, it does feel good to accept, rather than to stress, over what may not be noticed by another person, only you.

"Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It's simple, slow, and uncluttered-and it reveres authenticity above all. Wabi-sabi is flea markets, not warehouse stores; aged wood, not Pergo; rice paper, not glass. It celebrates cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather, and loving use leave behind. It reminds us that we are all but transient beings on this planet-that our bodies as well as the material world around us are in the process of returning to the dust from which we came. Through wabi-sabi, we learn to embrace liver spots, rust, and frayed edges, and the march of time they represent.

[Acorn]

I'm a big fan of wabi-sabi! Leonard Koren, a wonderfully interesting guy, has a great book about wabi-sabi.

I'm either getting lazier or wiser, but the older I get the more I embrace imperfection.
We are constantly bombarded with marketing images telling us to aim for perfect, but it is just a tool to convince us we need to consume in order to achieve the perfect life.

[CathyA]

Wow........wabi-sabi......thanks for introducing me to this. The idea feels really good to me.

[goldensmom]

I have always been a perfectionist but as I age, when in a situation of imperfection such as chocolate on a Halloween costume, I find myself asking the question 'in light of eternity, what does this matter' then I let it go and it feels good.

[treehugger]

Life-long non-perfectionist, checking in! I can empathize with perfectionists, though; I'm married to one. I see how crippling it can be. But I also see its benefits. There are certainly some tasks that do need more attention to detail than I have the time or patience for, and that's where DH steps up. We complement each other well that way.

Since I am the "that's good enough" person, I do think I get more things done, over all. Since I just do whatever needs to be done, in the time allotted, whether or not it can be perfect, I can check more things off the general To Do list. I also seem to be more willing to experiment with new things, which I think explains why I am the better cook. That's not to say my method is better, just different. So, again, I think it's good to have one of each in a relationship. :)

Kara

[mira]

It is very liberating to relinquish total control and not strive for perfection (in pretty much anything). I'm sure your kids didn't care either way - they got to dress up and celebrate a candy-filled holiday!

I recently noticed that I zone in on imperfect fruit/veg in the supermarket. I feel bad for all the knobbly and lumpy items that get left behind or that aren't even allowed to be sold here in the UK because they don't conform to our very odd perfectionist retail standards!