View Full Version : Crying Baby/Nursing Issue--Long
I am hoping some of you breastfeeding mothers out there can give me some advice. Not sure if this should go here or on the health board.
My ten-week-old daughter cries an awful lot--like all day and all night. I have been breastfeeding her, but since she has been born, she just wants to nurse constantly (like every hour). Sometimes when she is nursing she fusses and cries, too. Sometimes this is due to gas, but other times it doesn't seem to be. We have tried both gripe water and gas drops, and they help a little. But she is still crying most of the time and isn't happy unless I am nursing her or holding her upright and walking her around (and even then, it MUST be my right shoulder--can't be the left or she cries).
Her pediatrician said she might be colic-y, but I am starting to wonder if this isn't somehow related to nursing. She never seems satisfied no matter how long or often I feed her. I have all but given up talking to lactation consultants from the hospital because they just say "Hmmm...I don't know what to tell you--just hang in there, you are doing great." Well, I appreciate the encouragement, but it really isn't helpful in addressing the probelm. I try talking to them about maybe supplementing with formula (because I am completely exhausted after nursing a baby every hour for the last ten weeks), but they just act like I am a horrible person for even considering it.
I am starting to wonder if maybe the baby is getting too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk. That would explain the constant hunger and crying (since it would upset her digestive system). I have tried block nursing, and that hasn't helped. We have also tried giving her formula before bed, but she screams unless we mix it in with breastmilk. When we do that, it does seem to help a little. She will at least sleep for awhile that way.
I am at my wit's end here. I want to keep nursing, but it clearly isn't working. I feel like something is wrong, but all the health care professionals I talk to just keep brushing me off like it's normal and no big deal. This can't be normal! She seems so hungry and/or unsatisfied somehow. I feel so badly that I don't know what is wrong with the baby and even worse that something I might be doing (nursing her) might be causing her pain (if there is a problem with the milk). I love her so much, and it just kills me to see her so unhappy and uncomfortable all the time. I just want to make everything better for her, but I don't know how to do that.
Does anyone have any advice? I will try just about anything.
So sorry that you are having such troubles. They DO grow out of it. If formula helps, formula helps. Use it.
Does she have a pacifier? Sometimes, it's not the food but the sucking motion that babies find calming.
Do you have a friend who can take the baby for a couple of hours while you get some much needed sleep? It needs to be someone who doesn't get flustered by a crying wee one. Your baby will be fine for a few hours with someone else. She needs a mother who isn't an exhausted wreck more than she needs you for those few hours.
Mrs. Hermit
11-2-11, 9:44am
I had colicy little ones too. One thing that helped was to change my diet. Some of the components or tastes in adult food go through the breastmilk to the little one. Their digestion can't always handle the components. Beans, cabbage, broccoli, chocolate, milk products, eggs, soy, garlic, curry and onions were some of the offenders for different ones of mine. You might try eliminating these from your diet and see if little one improves. It may take a few days to get it all out of your system, so improvement may not be immediate.
Since infants nurse not only for food but also for comfort, you might try swaddling as a way to comfort her. Wrap her snugly in a blanket. Sometimes they get to feeling like they aren't secure without constant pressure against their skin. If you think about the uterine environment, the amniotic fluid put some pressure on their skin all the time before birth.
As long as she is gaining weight and producing dirty diapers, then breast feeding is probably working. If your doctors are satisfied with her progress, you just might need to tweak things a bit (like the diet thing). Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
Ditto on what the other posters have said. I nursed all three of my kids, went through colic, felt like a human pacifier. Somehow we all survived.
My grandson was the only baby I ever saw that never slept. Swaddling helped him, but if he slept two hours during the night, it was considered a long time. My daughter tried everything. It was a long haul for everyone.
Good luck! And I hope you can get a break soon.
I could have written your post 8 years ago. So first of all - try to take care of yourself, get sleep whenever you can.
For my daughter, the pattern of all-day, all-night crying and fussiness began to get better when she could sit up, around 5 months, and got a LOT better once she was walking, around 11 months. Our pediatrician suggested we give her Zantac for reflux for a while, and although that helped reduce how often she spit up, it did not stop the crying. I think she probably did have some reflux-type discomfort, because it runs in my family and I had it as an infant. My daughter nursed about every 30 minutes at times when she was growing very fast - not all day, but here and there. That said -
I think a lot of the crying was due to her being fatigued, not knowing how to sleep, having days/nights mixed up, and being Too Tired to Sleep. Have you ever experienced that? When I look back on photos of her infancy, she and I both look exhausted... circles under our eyes, just tired all the time. At the time, I certainly was tired enough to cry, myself (and I did, more than once!). But I didn't really know how to help her sleep more, and I was too tired and too inexperienced to realize all this at the time.
You said she "isn't happy unless I am nursing her or holding her upright and walking her around" --
she may be nursing for comfort. My DD did this a lot. There's nothing wrong with that, I don't think, if it works for you and your infant.
I took a lot of naps right next to DD, so that she could sleep, wake to nurse, go right back to sleep. This saved my sanity.
At night I often slept holding her for the same reason - it was the only way I could get more than an hour of sleep. That is, when we weren't walking around the house in circles at 2am.
My best source of help was not the lactation consultant (she tried), but other nursing moms with kids a year or two older. Try this resource to find a playgroup in your area - it's not the kids you need now, but the moms to talk to for tips and compassion. http://momsclub.org/links.html
And personally, as a mom who has talked to lots of other moms - I don't think it has anything to do with your milk or nursing. Stay strong, and get some rest. As another poster suggested, see if you can find someone to give you an hour off - and take a nap. Take advantage of any offers of assistance that you receive, whether it's for dinner, help running errands, or anything else. Cry if you need to. Know that there are other moms out there who are going through this, even walking around the house at 2am while you are. It will get better!!!
One more thing. It's fall, and my house is chilly. When my DD was an infant, we lived in AZ and our A/C was on. Either way, she still hates being cold. And really, so do I. I think she may have cried sometimes because she was cold, too. You've probably heard the guideline to dress an infant in one more layer than you are wearing? DD always unswaddled herself at night - she rolled around a lot. A sleep sack was helpful - we used a receiving blanket underneath it to swaddle her, and then zipped her up. And a hat might help, too, if you think she might be cold. Most babies don't have a lot of hair yet! (To see a pic of a sleep sack, google "halo sleepsack")
I agree with all the previous comments. It can be unimaginably worrisome and tiring caring for an infant. Being sleep deprived, worried and trying to your best for your little one is no easy task. I went through the exact situation with my babies with them both nursing for comfort. One took a pacifier, the other did not. I don't know if you have the baby sleeping with you, or near by you, but it might be easier for you, and her, if you could arrange something like that. I strongly recommend you sleep when she sleeps and to take the best care of yourself you can. That feeling of exhaustion is unimaginable to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I think you are doing a great job with your baby and she is simply taking her time settling into the routine of life. Rest, rest, and rest some more and take things one day at a time. It gets easier, I promise. (((hugs)))
How long is your little one nursing at a time. My daughter always wanted to take little sips, then go to sleep, then another sip...which stretched into all day long. My midwife told me to stretch out her nursing time so she would get that hind milk. Keep her on one side per nursing session. If she started falling asleep, tickle her chin, play with her ear, tickle her feet to keep her awake. Even un-snuggle her, take off some clothing so she wouldn't be so warm and relaxed, the point was just trying to keep her awake long enough to get some hind milk, then she could get that nourishment and sleep for longer stints.
If formula is helping you, I'd use that, do whatever works for you and ignore the naysayers. Other options may be to pump and feed her from a bottle, then you can see how much she is getting, that might be a relief to you. This will also boost your production, if that's the problem, and give her the hind milk, if that's the problem. Can anyone else feed her, that might help her nurse longer, if someone else is giving her the bottle. And with some babies, momma has to be out of the room, for baby to take food from someone else. They can smell momma, so you gotta be in another room!
Each baby is different, so you'll get all kinds of different opinions. Just do what works for you and your sweet little one and don't worry about criticism from anyone else.
Bastelmutti
11-2-11, 2:36pm
Is she growing? Have they checked her for reflux? My brother and SIL's newborn has severe reflux, but some medication and keeping him upright is doing wonders.
foremost, i agree with the idea that there might be something that you are eating that is affecting her. This is more common than people realize. Do a google search on 'breast feeding and elimination diets" -- and start on the process.
second, i would not use formula. it likely increases digestive discomforts, and there is a lot of evidence for this. a lot of formulas have various allergens in them, and so it could make the problem worse (and usually does).
third, there is nothing wrong with "nursing all day." my son nursed a lot. Using a baby wrap (i used the storchenweigen, but a moby or similar will work), was also helpful. I would wrap him upright, and he could nurse whenever he wanted, which was a lot, particularly in the afternoons and evenings. nursing isn't just about feeding, it is also about comfort.
forth, breastfeeding IS working if you have a supply and the baby is growing. Colic, reflux and other problems happen whether one is formula feeding or breastfeeding. My sister formula fed my nephew, and he had reflex for months (until he started eating foods). She started with nursing, apparently had a supply issue (i blame the doctor's ignorance regarding milk supply), and switched to formula. that's really when the reflux started for him, and he was medicated for it.
It will get better! Just stick with it. You are absolutely giving the best food and the best emotional experience for your child. The closeness of nursing is different than bottle feeding, and it creates a unique hormonal situation for you and your child. there are so many unseen benefits (also, breastfeed for two years, and cut your breast cancer risk by 25%!).
Thanks, everyone! I appreciate every last bit of input here!
Just knowing that I am not the only one to have gone through this helps. My mother and MIL keep remarking on how much she cries and how none of their kids ever did that, etc. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong, and the suggestion that I have a "bad" baby really bothers me. She isn't "bad"--she is wonderful. I wouldn't trade her even for the quietest of babies! ;)
She won't take a pacifier and doesn't seem to like to be swaddled. She just fusses and tries to break out of it. I hadn't thought about her being cold--maybe I will try a sleep sack. I have one. I was just worried about her getting too hot as the hospiatl stressed over and over again not to let her get overheated at night as that is related to SIDS.
I have tried altering what I eat. I cut out dairy for a couple fo weeks and saw no difference. She seems extra fussy after I eat red sauce (pizza, etc.), so I cut that out. I also stay away from gassy vegetables--cabbage, beans, etc. Hadn't thought about garlic and some of the other foods mentioned, though. Will have to look into that.
I'd like to continue nursing her for as long as possible, but she just always seems so hungry that I thought maybe she wasn't getting enough. I don't get anything when I try to pump, either, so I thought maybe a supply issue. She literally "attacks" my breast when I offer it to her, even if she has just eaten! That coupled with green diapers is what got me researching. A friend of mine had the hindmilk/foremilk problem, and the symptoms seem to match what's going on--green stools, fussiness, gassiness, rumbly tummies, constant need to eat, etc. That is why we were trying formula. We thought it might help fill her up a little.
I do have a baby carrier. She loves to be in it with her dad, but she hates it with me. She just cries whenever I put her in it--it's weird. I thought about getting a sling so she could just eat whenever she wanted, but if I don't support both her and my breast, she bites at me and twists and pulls off without warning (I think it is because her tummy hurts). Sometimes she latches on in the wrong place, too, if she gets away from me. It really hurts!
I am in the process of switching pediatricians as ours always seems to be in a rush and doesn't seem very parent-sensitive. Until then, I will keep at it and try some of the things you all suggested.
Thanks again! I feel less alone in the world now LOL
Kat I sent you an e-mail. I just want to give you hugs and encouragement. Whatever you decide to do it does get better!
green diaper does mean issues with hind/foremilk. you can pump a little off before feeding time (when you feel engorgement). hand pumping will do the trick.
also, the "red sauce" issue might be "nightshades" as well as garlic, onions, and even additives that may be in it like soy (if you had jarred or something from a pizza place where you don't know what they use exactly). dairy is a common culprit, but it could be something odd-ball like potatoes and mushrooms (one of my friend's kids was this), and not the common -- wheat, dairy, soy/legumes, nightshades.
You might find the primal/paleo diet to be helpful. You get plenty of nutrition, and so will the baby via breast milk.
Also, remind your parents that they don't remember. my son is three, and while i know he didn't cry a lot, there is a lot that i don't remember from those days. you're so in the moment. So, just say "no, you don't remember. it was 20-30 years ago mom." because it's true. I don't remember 3 years ago, they certainly don't remember 30. :) what they do remember, is the romanticized version (i know i do).
Some babies just cry a lot, and it's ok.
And you will get it sorted. Don't worry. stay tenacious. :D
Here's The Primal Blueprint (http://www.marksdailyapple.com). it's basically meat, eggs, veggies, and fruit, some nuts, some dairy if you want it. works well for us. :)
Gardenarian
11-2-11, 4:09pm
Hi -
My dd was the same way 12 years ago. I thought I would lose my mind. She wouldn't take a pacifier, didn't like the stroller, cried all the time.
Earplugs help.
Oh, and she has turned out just wonderfully!
Also, remind your parents that they don't remember.
:) Yes! Hell, a year from now you'll barely remember. Sleep deprivation does that to you. :)
A couple other things that might help -
Some babies sleep better in motion - like on a long walk in the stroller, on a long car drive, etc.
Background noise? We used a radio that had a white noise option on it in DD's room to block sounds from the house during the rare times that she was actually asleep.
I read a lot of books when DD was in the 3- to-9 months range. Sitting on the bed with her while she napped, nursing off and on, reading and/or sleeping myself. We went for many long walks and drives, too. She never took a pacifier or any kind of bottle, so it was all me, all the time (tried pumping milk for bottles for DH to give her - no dice.). The good news about that was that there was no need to wean her off a bottle, and it was a pretty natural transition to water in a sippy cup when she started eating mostly solids (which wasn't until around 12-14 months). We gave her the first sippy cup around 6 months, I think.
Boy oh boy did I ever arrive late to this party! Talk about a thread topic being covered off thoroughly. With nothing left to add or suggest, I'll round off my visit by saying I hope things settle down for you soon, Kat. Will be thinking of you.
Bastelmutti
11-2-11, 11:29pm
forth, breastfeeding IS working if you have a supply and the baby is growing. Colic, reflux and other problems happen whether one is formula feeding or breastfeeding. My sister formula fed my nephew, and he had reflex for months (until he started eating foods). She started with nursing, apparently had a supply issue (i blame the doctor's ignorance regarding milk supply), and switched to formula. that's really when the reflux started for him, and he was medicated for it.
I agree with this. My SIL is BF'ing, but still the baby has reflux. It's a possibility to check out. Starting formula can be tricky because it can actually reduce your supply.
Also, my DD1 was OK with all the typical foods to avoid while breastfeeding, but had trouble when I ate oranges.
Hope things get better soon!
Wildflower
11-3-11, 6:12am
I had the exact same problems with my first baby. We put her on a soy formula and she became a different baby. Happy, content, and suddenly sleeping well. Apparently, I wasn't producing enough breast milk for her. Poor baby, she was hungry, not colicky! I gave up breastfeeding after that - it just wasn't working for us. Had better results with second baby...
http://www.kellymom.com/
is a great resource for nursing moms.
See, for example,
http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussybaby.html
yup, reflux, colic, and other stuff can happen whether one is breastfeeding or not. i just used my sister as an example to demonstrate how formula didn't solve the problem. he probably would have had it if she had breastfed. :)
Just knowing that I am not the only one to have gone through this helps. My mother and MIL keep remarking on how much she cries and how none of their kids ever did that, etc. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong, and the suggestion that I have a "bad" baby really bothers me. She isn't "bad"--she is wonderful. I wouldn't trade her even for the quietest of babies! ;)
Hi Kat - Hugs, Hugs, Hugs to you! My dd who was my second cried a Lot! My first had been easy, breezy. I never really figured out what my daughter's deal was, it just finally subsided at about 4 months or so.
But I wouldn't have anything to do with her being labeled as 'bad' -- my spin was that 'She's a very determined young woman' :).
It's so frustrating. It took forever for my daughter to finally learn how to latch on -- up until then I had been pumping and doing bottles. Then she turned and wouldn't take any bottles at all - so like the other poster said, it was all me all the time. No binky either - I had no issues with using a binky since my son had given it up so easily. And to top that off, she would only eat out of one boob (which produced more milk to start with and only got worse with her selective feeding).
One thing she did seem to like was for me to hold her and bounce lightly on a yoga ball - I would put her on my forearm facing down with her head at my elbow.
It's good you're looking for a different pediatrician, over time you really need someone you click with.
poetry_writer
11-4-11, 9:56am
Forumula. oh i know i know. The pressure to nurse is intense. My first child born almost 30 years ago , simply wouldnt nurse. What little she did was after I had worked an hour or more to get her to latch on...then she'd suck a few times and fall asleep. I was young and didnt know, she was dehydrated by the time I put her on a bottle. There isnt a thing wrong with bottle feeding. People kept telling me oh just keep trying. It IS an option, bottle feeding. Sometimes breast feeding just doesnt work. Just my 2 cents worth as a mom who went throught a difficult time trying to nurse. My second one nursed like little pig.
The only other thing I can think of to add is stay really, really well hydrated yourself as that will make your own milk flow better.
And then the one nonfood thing I can think of is if she has a nonfood allergy or an usually good sense of smell and a dislike of something where the smell has transferred to your skin such as
soaps
shampoo
conditioner
perfume
lotions
topical or ingested medications
drawer, closet, or household scented items or cleaners where the scent might have seeped into the clothes
laundry detergent
fabric softeners
synthetic fabrics
pads to catch excess milk flow
Hi -
My dd was the same way 12 years ago. I thought I would lose my mind. She wouldn't take a pacifier, didn't like the stroller, cried all the time.
Earplugs help.
Oh, and she has turned out just wonderfully!
+1
Same story, 29 years ago. Didn't think it would ever end. Didn't think I would ever get a night's sleep again. Didn't think I would ever manage to do the right thing.
Take care of yourself. Earplugs will help with your m and m-in-law, too.
My daughter still wants to be in constant motion, and she's just wonderful.
my experience was the opposite. there is/was intense pressure to bottle feed.
I assume that Kat wants to continue breast feeding. I assume -- based on her posts -- that breastfeeding is mechanically working and that her daughter is growing and therefore it is healthy and working overall.
Kat mentions two issues: 1. green poop (which would indicate the baby is not getting enough hind milk); and 2. crying.
For the first issue, one thing that may work is hand pumping off some fore milk before feeding, and then the baby will likely get to the hind-milk faster. Another option is to allow her daughter to simply nurse longer, as eventually the hind-milk will flow through. There are, likely, other options.
For the second issue, using bottles isn't necessarily going to solve the problem. I suspect that the baby girl is not hungry -- she is being fed and growing -- so simply changing the food source isn't going to solve the crying. I suspect that the crying may be due to colic, or digestive issues (such as reflux), or allergens that lead to gas and discomforts. It may also be the "personality" of the baby -- "high needs." Some babies just need a lot of cuddles and holding and movement! None of these things would be "solved" by switching to the bottle UNLESS the allergen is so severe that the only option is a non-allergenic formula (which, btw, technically doesn't exist. there are low allergen, but not non-allergen).
Thus, i'm not "pressuring" Kat to keep her child on the breast, but simply pointing out that if the problem is one of these things above, then the bottle isn't going to be a solution (no matter how much pressure she's getting to switch), and that IF she wants to continue breastfeeding, there are lots of things that she can do to continue the process and -- hopefully -- help with the situation.
I literally felt like everyone was a bottle-pusher when I was nursing my son. It was truly frustrating.
it's true, there's nothing wrong with going to formula if that's what you want, or require, or what have you. BUT, if you want to breastfeed, getting support about HOW to successfully breastfeed is a lot nicer to hear than "it's ok to go to the bottle." Honestly, it was not what I wanted to hear during my difficult days of breastfeeding.
And besides, she's already getting that pressure from her mother and MIL, and I suspect it's because they want to feed the baby, not about the baby's health needs or what the mother-baby diad want or need. My parents and ILs were constantly asking me to "at least pump some and use a bottle! it doesn't have to be formula!" And they would say "to give you a break!" and so on. UNtil my dad finally just said "I like feeding babies. I really enjoy it. I"m missing out on feeding my first grandson." And I said "Sorry, Dad, but this is how he eats." And my dad said, "I know. It's ok. I know it's how we are designed to be. This whole "other people feeding babies" thing is totally new. It doesn't make sense, honestly, that the community would do this, unless the mother died, and even then, the baby would go to another nursing mother, not to be fed by everyone in the community." (he's a scientist)
after that, no more discussions from anyone about what "they" were missing out on. thankfully, dad said this at thanksgiving dinner, after a HUGE pressure from my ILs.
Lots and lots of superlative information and advice here!
Hi,
So sorry to hear you are going through this.
Because I have a (somewhat) new baby myself (8 mos.), I don't have time to read the whole thread, so please forgive me if I'm repeating what others have said, but one thing that helped us was reading The Happiest Baby on the Block. It gives some incredibly practical tips that really worked with our baby, and I think there's a DVD too. It also really taught me how much newborns really need comfort and really helped me see things from their point of view and to be patient with that.
Also, I heard some great advice about nursing recently which I wish I'd heard 8 mos ago since I never managed to breastfeed much - our baby has mostly gotten formula. Somebody said when you're in that stage when you're baby just wants to nurse for comfort, just give in to it - get some DVD's, some good music, and a supportive partner or friend to cook your meals and just stay in bed for a few days and make it all about the breastfeeding. They said it will be good for your milk supply and good for bonding with your baby. I'm sure that is the last thing you feel like doing right now, but if you can tell yourself "It's just 48 hour or 72 hours of my life" it may help you get through.
Good luck. With most babies, I think, it gets much easier around the fourth month.
Happiest Baby on the Block helped us a lot too.
Thank you all so much for your suggestions, advice, kind words, and support. It helps to know that others have gone before me and survived. I'll have to check out the Happiest Baby book. I did stumble across Kelly Mom early on and am so glad I did. It is a wonderful resource!
I realize that this can be a sensitive topic. Personally, I feel that every family needs to find what works best for them. As long as you are feeding your kid somehow, you're okay by me. :-)
Quite honestly, I am not sure what I am going to do at this point. I love nursing my daughter when she latches on and is able to eat and be satisfied. Those times are precious, and I cherish them. However, when most of the time she is biting and twisting and pulling, and we are both stressed and crying...well, it makes me think maybe it is time to try something different. I just want to do what is best for her, whatever that is.
Thanks again for all of your help. You guys rock! :-)
do you have a lactation consultant or a le leche league near you? because they can be great resources. we utilized both!
@zoebird--There are lactation consultants available through the hospital I delievered at, and I have called them many times. They are really great on the encouragement end (like you're doing great, keep at it, etc.), but not real helpful in terms of identifying and solving problems. They always say things like maybe she has an ear infection (she doesn't) or maybe she isn't latched on correctly (she is--they watched us latch on several times at the hospital and said it was right). Those seem to be their only suggestions. I really appreciate their willingness to talk with me, but I never seem to get anywhere, and it is frustrating. So I have stopped calling.
Yeah, that can happen. it depends upon the extent of their education.
The Le Leche League is really a well organized group of people -- and to be a leader you have to have breastfed -- so you might go there. I went to the local one for us for about a year, and it was great. You might call or email ahead to say that you have specific questions, and they can help you out.
It's like kellymom, but in person. :)
also, have you done any elimination dieting?
I nursed every one of my 4 babies and loved it. I could actually feel my womb shrinking while I was nursing, and could wear my street clothes home.
In those days new moms didn't have their babies in their rooms to care for. My kids were all kept in a nursery with nurses to take care of them and only brought in to be fed every 4 hours. Our husbands weren't allowed to be with us when we were giving birth, but my husband would have been useless and would probably have fainted at the sight of blood.
Babies were wrapped tightly like little mummies, in blankets which kept their legs and arms together, so it was impossible to count their little fingers and toes to make sure they were all there until we finally took them home and could unwrap them. Older children weren't allowed to visit us, so the only way I could see them is when our husbands stood outside our window so we could at least see them.
My oldest son was a hungry baby but lazy too, so he only had enough milk to get him to sleep for an hour or so, until he woke up again crying with hunger, which meant that I was up and down to feed him more until he'd had enough to go back to sleep for another hour...all day and all night until I was so tired and desparate for sleep I finally called my doctor, told him what was happening, and he advised me to start feeding him Pablum, so that's what I did by enlarging the hole in a nipple and mixing my milk together with a bit of Pablum., This solved the problem very well, thankfully.
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