foster parenting

[flowerseverywhere]

Anyone have any experience or info to share? I am going to an information meeting next week and welcome any and all opinions and experiences.

[fidgiegirl]

Not firsthand, but I found a very memorable blog you may be interested in exploring: http://pflagfostermom.blogspot.com/

We had a big thread on adoption a while back, not sure if you saw it or would find it pertinent: http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?2228-Adoption.-Is-it-in-you-Could-you-adopt-%28If-you-had-to-if-it-came-to-adopting%29&highlight=adoption

I hope you will please report on how the meeting goes. I am very interested to know what you learn and what you decide.

If I may, what is your motivation for attending? Where is your interest coming from? If not, cool.

[flowerseverywhere]

If I may, what is your motivation for attending? Where is your interest coming from? If not, cool.

I don't mind. We are empty nesters and only work on call. We were good parents, and our kids did very well as they moved through life. Not the super achievers, sport star, class president type of doing well, but being able to get along in life, have a lot of interests, are good workers, good spouses and good parents themselves. I think that we could do a good job of helping kids through a rough spot in their lives.

It is something I have been thinking about for a while and recently met several foster parents and talked with them. They both had very good experiences and gladly shared. They are seeing an increase of kids whose parents are in a bad way due to the economy and they would rather see their kids with a roof over their head and food on the table than homeless. A very sad situation I think.

My reservations are becoming attached and having to send a child back to a bad situation, although if I thought they would move to a good one I would be happy. Another reservation may be silly, but I get very scared when I hear allegations of abuse, sometimes far in the future. It isn't a situation like a school where there are lots of other people around, you would have kids sleeping, showering etc. in your home.
Also, I am pretty free right now to do whatever I want and would give up a lot of freedom, although it would be a good thing overall I think.

Thank you for the links. The meeting is in a few weeks so I'll report back.

[sweetana3]

We have talked to friends who were foster parents and emergency foster parents. if at the meeting they try and tell you it is all rosie and easy, run the other direction.

It is one of the hardest things to every do!!! The kids do not come from any kind of easy background. Those who need homes and have families are already housed with their own family. The ones who go into foster care have no one coming forward. They are either from families who are gone, for a variety of reasons, or the home considered to damaging to leave the kids with them.

Most of the kids need significant counseling and you need to be aware that most training programs stress not becoming emotionally attached. This is the hardest and most heartbreaking part. For emergency placement, imagine getting a child in the middle of the night with nothing. No clothes, no toys, no security blanket, just nothing. Some have never slept on beds or had enough food. You are now responsible.

You will need to understand that you have to follow the rules established to be a foster parent whether you like them, agree with them, etc. Be sure and understand that some of the kids are emotionally damaged and you need to understand how to handle the issues that can come up. Both of you have to be totally on board and involved.

Your entire immediate family should be consulted so they are at least aware of the issues and understanding. Remember they too are going to be facing the issues if they interact with you at home or you expect the foster kids to interact with them.

[flowerseverywhere]

Thank you Sweetana.

[razz]

May I suggest that you look into the info on fetal alcohol damaged children as they are so in need and rarely understood. Problems become aggravated in the teens apparently which simply adds to the tension of those years.

They need homes more often than any other according to our neighbour who adopted two FA children with many challenges.

Having said that, I wish you the best as I know that there is a crying need for help for all youngsters facing challenges.

[Maxamillion]

My mom took in foster kids (I was also a foster kid that she adopted). Older kids and teenagers will be more challenging since they've had more time to be traumatized by the system and whatever background they were taken out of. And it is heartbreaking when a foster kid leaves, especially when you know they're going into a bad situation.

[Selah]

I did training to become a foster parent, but ultimately chose not to for a variety of reasons. However, other people in my training group did become foster parents and I stayed in touch with them and followed their experiences with a variety of children over the course of many years. One thing our training made clear, though, was it was the state's social work policy to reunite the family as soon as they could safely place the children with the biological parents again. As the parents would not always comply with the changes demanded of them, though, the children would often be bumped around from house to house, back and forth between a parent/the parents, and a foster placement. Many times, groups of siblings would be broken up and put in different placements. The foster parents in my group described it as a kind of crazy town...they were trying to instill a sense of safety and predictability for the children, when in fact they were constantly running between court dates, supervised visits with the parents (who may or may not show up), social workers' offices, and lots of medical and dental appointments--most of the children had experienced healthcare neglect as well as parental neglect and/or abuse.

I wish you the very best of luck. It's not that the kids don't need GREAT foster parents, but from what I can see, many foster parents struggle with the power dynamics of the situation. Your caring nature will make it very easy to become attached to the children you care for, and yet in many cases the children you will be sent will not really be "yours" for very long. GOOD foster parents...the ones who can put up with all the crap from the system and not become cynical...are immediate candidates for sainthood in my book!

[flowerseverywhere]

Thank you for all your input, I have been away from a computer for a few days and just now caught up.

I am going to an informational meeting on Friday. Your posts have given me lots of information to think about. I have no idea if I will go forward with this but I have wanted to find out for a long time if it might be a possibility. Thanks again.

[Parrothead]

I applaud your interest in foster parenting but I know many foster parents and they have very little freedom to come and go as these children have come from stressful situations and can typically not be left with other caregivers. Have you considered being a "friendly visitor" to kids in residential treatment or foster care? These folks serve almost as surrogate grandparents to children who have none, that way you are helping disadvantaged children but can also maintain your freedom.

P.S. Your worry about abuse allegations are warranted, they happen often.

[fidgiegirl]

I get the "wondering about it for a while" feeling. I have this feeling lately, like I should be doing more for children. Perhaps I'll end up at a meeting myself. We'll see about DH, though.

I have a FB friend who did foster care but through a private agency. I could find out more if you are interested. I'm kind of interested to know myself, to be honest.

[fidgiegirl]

Here's also a three-part series you might be interested in. Nothing about the day-to-day of fostering, really, but lots about the system. Warning: sad.

http://www.npr.org/2011/10/25/141672992/native-foster-care-lost-children-shattered-families

[mamalatte]

I have learned a lot about foster parenting reading the posts in this forum on Adoption and Foster Parenting run by Mothering magazine. My interest is primarily in adoption, as I am adopted and also have an adopted daughter, but there is a lot of foster parenting info on there too, especially hearing about other people's real life experiences with it.

http://www.mothering.com/community/f/165/adoptive-and-foster-parenting

[fidgiegirl]

Thank you, mamalatte!!