View Full Version : Got engaged!!
My BF took me out to the restaurant where we had our first date two years ago and asked me to marry him! We had shopped for the ring a couple of weeks back and I was on pins and needles trying to figure out WHEN he was going to pop the question!
The only dreadful caveat now is going to have to deal with my mom and planning the wedding....she wants over the top....I want simple :(
Citrine, let me be the lucky first one on these boards to say a happy and heartfelt congratulations to you and your fiance! :)
Congratulations!!!!
(looking back I wish I'd stuck to my guns about wanting a simple wedding, mom gave me the wedding she always wanted which wasn't simple at all)
Have you set a date?
Congrats! Ring pic?
Good website for you: A Practical Wedding. It's a lot of fun, too
Congratulations! I am a little confused though.....didn't he ask before he took you shopping for a ring?
fidgiegirl
12-23-11, 10:11am
Yippppeeeeeee, citrine!!! We ring shopped before the question was popped, too. :)
As far as the simple wedding, stick to it!!! We didn't plan an entirely simple affair, but it was unique and it was US. My mother tried a few guilt things, but she was very, very easy and helpful compared to some mothers. I really wish you the best with that . . . I won't hijack your thread with my wedding story, though that sure would be a fun thread! :)
I liked the following resources when we were planning in 2009:
Offbeat Bride website and book
$2000 Wedding blog
The Green Bride Guide by Kate Harrison
Congratulations citrine! That is so exciting!
Congratulations! I'm thrilled for you.
iris lily
12-23-11, 10:36am
That is wonderful!
One thing I have learned about women and their weddings: if you don't have the wedding that you want, you will always speak of it with regret. Now, if that fantasy wedding means that you'll be spending $20,000 that you don't have, I won't be supportive of you. But since you expressed a wish to have a "simple" wedding, start thinking about what that means to you so that you can clearly express it. Ask you mother directly what really matters to her (it may only matter that 100 people come, not that it be held in an expensive facility with $100 per plate fees, etc.)
If you are paying for the event you control it completely. If you mother isn't contributing money, she has no power to dictate how the party is run.
DH and I just went to the courthouse to get married because I wanted to avoid all of trappings, including mother planning, of a wedding. My parents gave a reception some weeks later and that was fine with me. We wore street clothes and my mother got to do whatever she wanted, and it was fine, her party, her agenda.
Congrats!! Perhaps you can ask your mom to put the cashola she would have spent into a college fund for her future grandchildren...
When our DD's got married, we simply gave them a certain sum of money and said, in effect, "This is what we can give you financially, do whatever you want and let us know what we can do to help you both with your day".
They could have used it for a honeymoon, new appliances or towards a down payment on a house.
You and your fiance are in charge of your day. Plan it for great memories and little debt.
Congratulations and report back how your day went please.
http://media.kohls.com.edgesuite.net/is/image/kohls/945864?wid=180&hei=180&op_sharpen=1
Well, we did go to get the ring together....but he "officially" asked me yesterday....I knew it was coming, but it is so different when it actually happens!
Thank you for the well wishes and links to the websites :)
My parents allocated a certain amount for my brother's and my wedding. He had multiple "events" and a crazy reception involving 500+ guests (bride's family also paid ). I took 50% of my half and bought the house. We still have quite a bit left....but I want to take 75% of it and put it into savings!
My mother is a different creature....the more money, the more extravagant...the better it is. She has conceded not to invite her friends....she has to invite none or ALL, otherwise they will get offended! She is ready to have us married in three months....we would like to wait.
No future kids, but I will have to stepsons who are really cool :)
Congratulations. Just remind your mom that it is YOUR wedding. Not hers.
treehugger
12-23-11, 12:42pm
Congratulations! You sound very happy and excited. Like Kelli, I won't sidetrack your announcement thread with descriptions of my simple wedding, there's time enough for that later when you enter the planning stage. Just know that is is possible to have exactly the wedding you want, but you'll have to be prepared to be decisive and stand up for yourself.
Best wishes,
Kara
frugal-one
12-23-11, 1:14pm
Congrats! As other stated ... do what YOU want ... not what others expect or want. Otherwise, you will regret it always!
Yay!! I hope your wedding is exactly what you and your fiance want.
Congratulations, Citrine! Such a magical time of the year for such an occasion.
Congratulations and much happiness! It is YOUR wedding; your Mom already had hers. Do it your way.
Thanks everyone :) not even day 1 and my mom has started with the date, the guests, the venue, and wants to go to a bridal show!
I have been checking out the mentioned websites and love the ideas. I would love to hear about how you kept costs down for your wedding.
Also, do you need to have engagement pictures?
fidgiegirl
12-23-11, 10:31pm
We did not have engagement pics. We had joke ones taken by the LifeTouch photographer at school since we were both teachers at the same school at the time. :D
A lot of people will say smaller guest list = savings. We had about 80 people, we have thought of a few more we wish we would have invited, but overall were happy with it.
Off-peak times, like Friday night or Sunday afternoon, can be a savings in booking venues.
We also did not have a sit-down dinner. We had a finger foods appetizer buffet.
We were not into a bunch of showy decorations and definitely NO FAVORS! People have too much junk and they just throw that kind of thing away!
We also knew we did not want a dance - so we didn't have one. Offbeat Bride has soooooo many ideas for alternatives . . . .
Oh, also, bridal apparel, I wish I hadn't even spent the $200 I did spend. No veil, or ask around to see if someone can make you one for about $5 worth of tulle.
Will keep thinking! :)
iris lily
12-23-11, 10:58pm
...Also, do you need to have engagement pictures?
emphasis mine.
You only need the two people who wish to get married and the officiant and the legal paperwork. Everything else is optional. Going into this event with that as your premise will serve you well.
Wildflower
12-23-11, 11:01pm
Congrats, Citrine! Wishing you a lifetime of happiness. :)
My DD had a beautiful simple wedding at our local botanical gardens. It was a package deal and saved us tons of money, not to mention not needing to spend any money on flowers or decorations due to the beauty of the backdrop of the gardens all around us. We also got her dress 1/2 price and the bridesmaid dresses 75 percent off at an end of season sale. We opted for a late day wedding with ****tail/appetizer reception following. It was a lovely simple garden party. People still talk about how nice it all was....
Mine was even more simple! We got married in the Pastor's study with just our immediate families present. Later a fun party/reception at my parent's house where all of our friends and relatives gathered. Nice memory. I didn't do anything traditional that day other than the wedding cake. My dress was hippie style (1975) and I never felt more beautiful. DH was casual as well and never more handsome. Nice memories almost 37 years later. :)
Have the wedding you want. Sit your Mother down and have an honest talk with her, explaining how important it is to you to have a simple wedding. Hopefully, she will understand and abide by your wishes. My DD and I were on the same page from the beginning, so that made the wedding planning fun and easy.
For engagement pics, see if you have a friend with a decent camera who could shoot you two in your favorite places - for free. Heck, if you were near me, I'd do it for you, just for the sheer love of taking pictures! Especially happy ones! ;-)
Recent horror story from a friend - getting married for the first time in her early 40s:
Friend and her fiance are paying for wedding themselves. Neither set of parents are kicking in anything. Bride's mom gets a bug up her butt that she wants a limo ride from her home to the wedding and back home - TWO HOURS travel time each way! And not on her own dime at all. Bride told her to stuff it (politely) and mom is going to stay with her other daughter, bride's sister, who lives about 45 minutes away from wedding/reception site.
Tradd....thanks for the tip! We actually know a guy through friends who is a photographer just starting out....we will reach out to him for the pics and if they are awesome, we will hire him for the wedding.
Simplemind
12-24-11, 1:04am
Have done it twice. The first was large and extravagant and the second was the opposite. The first my mom planned most of it and the guests were many of our parents friends. The second I gave people a date and an address, nothing more. The money on that one went almost totally to the reception. I did some special things that I had never seen done at other weddings and the reception was about the food.
Make it about what you want. Bravo for already investing the money in something important. It is about your life together not about a single day. In retrospect the whole dress thing with the first wedding was a ridiculous waste of resources.
Congratulations!
It's been 23 years since I was married, and my husband and I did the church wedding and dinner reception at a hotel. Not because it was what we wanted, but because it was what we thought was expected. We would have been happier going to the court house and using the money we saved on the wedding for a down payment on a house. But we were young and at least it made both of our mothers happy.
Congratulations to you Citrine! That is teriffic!
Iris Lily advice is spot-on. Go for the simple wedding you want and especially if you are paying for the event. Think the "golden rule" here...he who has the gold makes the rules.
When I got married, my folks paid for the event and they assumed a fair amount of control. No alcohol, no this or that. Looking back, I wish I just did a simple event that DH and I could pay for.
Congrats! No advice. Just Congrats! You'll get more advice than you could imagine was possible by the time you get married. Ignore most of it. Ooopppsss. That was advice. See what a I mean?
puglogic
12-27-11, 10:30am
Congratulations!
We had no engagement pictures, no newspaper ad, no table favors, no band, no soon-to-be-useless bridesmaid dresses, no fake First Dance, none of that. One beautiful day, a local pastor, 1 maid of honor, 1 best man, and 20+ close friends and family members at a local historic building which we still walk & jog past weekly, bringing back fond memories often.
It still stands as the most beautiful day of my life, and I am still ecstatically married more than 10 years later --- which is, IMHO, what this is all about, not the fluffy trappings, the pageantry, and certainly not going into debt for a bunch of stuff we didn't need. We are down-to-earth people and for us, it would've only been a circus, detracting from what was important: Our love for each other.
iris lily
12-27-11, 10:39am
Congrats! No advice. Just Congrats! You'll get more advice than you could imagine was possible by the time you get married. Ignore most of it. Ooopppsss. That was advice. See what a I mean?
ha ha ha ha! so true.
Congratulations!
It still stands as the most beautiful day of my life, and I am still ecstatically married more than 10 years later --- which is, IMHO, what this is all about, not the fluffy trappings, the pageantry, and certainly not going into debt for a bunch of stuff we didn't need. We are down-to-earth people and for us, it would've only been a circus, detracting from what was important: Our love for each other.
I feel this way exactly! It would be a circus for us! With the holidays and stuff I haven't had time to process or think much! I need to get back into the slow way of things and sit down with matt to figure out the important stuff for us :)
Just want to add my Best Wishes!
Was just thinking of you, Citrine, and hoping all is well with you. :)
Gardenarian
2-13-12, 5:35pm
Congratulations and blessings to you both!
How are the wedding plans coming along?
Dh and I married at City Hall - it was just what I wanted. Just the two of us.
crunchycon
2-13-12, 6:40pm
Best wishes!! Keep us posted as to your plans!
I'd like to add my good wishes to the above, citrine. Happy engagement to you!
Awesome, and learn to say no about wedding stuff. Sit down and look at what is ok and what is not ok -- what you can let go of and what you want to make sure is your way. It will help. It helped me *a lot*. My wedding was fancier than I wanted, but it was simple, too. I would have liked it more so, but my husband and my family needed to be happy too. By sitting down beforehand and saying "yes, this is something that I can let my mother do" -- it worked out.
Flowers, for example, and photos, and also the time of day and the food. That was up to my family. The rest was me. Giving those things over was helpful in making sure that other's needs got met too. (And, i managed to keep the whole wedding under $5k: 1. clothes, rings, etc for DH and I: $700; 2. venue -- $1000; 3. food: $2000; 4. photography and flowers: $1000; 5. donations to the meeting, legal fees, stationary, odds and ends -- just under $300). My parents paid, which was very nice of them. They insist, to this day, that my wedding cost $17,000 -- the amount they spent on my sister's wedding, but I was tenacious about the budget because I was sure that I would be paying.
We paid $4k for our honeymoon. It was extravagant -- but worth it. :) Denmark for 28 days. Totally awesome.
Thanks everyone :)
Wedding plans are coming along....we found a photographer who is up and coming for $950 which includes the DVD and a few printed pictures. We both like his work....kind of artsy and natural. So far, we have allocated $10K for the venue, dj, photgraphy, henna (bridal and friends), and save the date cards! I am meeting with a couple of women I know, one does silk floral arrangements and the other has worked as a floral arranger for weddings and other events. The latter can get the flowers wholesale and would create the arrangements for us. I have asked both to write up proposals and then we will decide.
I can't even think about the fittings, hair, or makeup yet.
Deciding what kind of favors to have is keeping me up till 3am!!!
So happy to hear from you, Citrine! :) So happy to know all is well with you, and that everything is right on target as far as plans go. I don't want to put a damper on any sort of ideas you may have, but favours, IMO, are such an added expense, and in my experience, few people appreciate them.
I don't appreciate them. If they are candy, I don't eat them. And if they are items (like candle holders or some such), i give them away.
Though, one of my friends did little cards that said "thank you for attending our wedding" and the cards were made with paper that had wildflower seeds in them. you were supposed to bury the paper, and flowers grow! I did LOVE that and bury it and had flowers season after season because I let them go to seed. :D That was a nice favor. :D
Only one I ever liked. So maybe do that. :D
Two of the best favors we got at small weddings were jars of honey and maple syrup that the bride and groom processed themselves.
Zoebird....I was thinking of doing seed packets or little plants. I am also thinking of making round magnets out of salt dough with the words live, laugh, and love on them. They would be painted with gold/copper metallic paint and one could put them on the refrigerator or use as stones in the garden/flower pot.
So many unique ideas for favours! Fabulous ideas you guys!
For favors how about packages of salad mix/mesclun-- with the contents and the info about them connecting to your lives.
1) You could have an Adventurous Life Salad Mix-- lettuce with some salad greens and herbs that cover the spectrum os sweet, mild, spicy, slightly bitter, and different textures and colors.
2) You could have a Honeymoon Salad Mix--lettuce alone.
dado potato
2-20-12, 3:16pm
Like so many others who have already posted their good wishes, I wish you every happiness.
DW and I made candy-coated almonds as favors. Easy, and not outside of the traditional box.
I was surprised that the worldly and wise posters did not talk about getting a prenuptial agreement drafted and signed. I note that your intended has children. I don't know if you are in the same boat. But regardless, before the wedding your attorney and his attorney should negotiate an agreement... you need to look to your own interests in case of a possible divorce, as does your intended.
i tried to get one, but my husband flatly refused. crazy things, those prenups, people get emotional.
also, do get your wills done. :D
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