Holding loving, impartial space for friends divorcing...

[redfox]

In about half hour, a friend is coming to lunch. I have known A for nearly 8 years, met her when she was pregnant wth her first child. When that child, G, was about 8 months old, A seperated from her husband, S. My DH & I offered to do child care one night a week so the parents could have dates & work on their marriage. We did this for almost two years, and I had a blast bonding with G.

Their marriage continued to be very mercurial, and over time, I have observed A to be what I see as rather emotionally unstable... in sad fact, she reminds me of the bipolar mom of my stepkids, with dreadful boundaries, including their 7 year old in adult talk about their marrige, etc. Makes my skin crawl... They had another child, CJ, two years ago, have seperated & gotten back together, etc. Now they are annoucing that they are divorcing.

I am steeling myself to remain neutral and impartial when A shows up for lunch shortly... Impartial except for the welfare of the kids. I guess I am posting this as a way of saying "out loud" what my intentions are, and to anchor them! And to all on these forums that I have preached kindness, patience, no judgement, etc., PLEASE hand it back to me now! I need it!!

Thanks... And please also hold these two kids in your prayers. They are darling children, and do not deserve the disruptions that are about to decend upon them. Thanks...

[sweetana3]

And it always seems to be the kids that are hurt the most. She is lucky to have a friend who is so stable.

[razz]

I was thinking of another marriage breakdown and realized that if I had the chance, I would tell the child who is about 12 now that the marriage breakdown was the result of different values, neither good nor bad, just different and not the fault of the child in any way.

I was hoping that it would help the child to continue to love both parents and see a separate loveable self.

[Lainey]

She is lucky enough to have a person like you in her life and the life of her kids who is kind and also who knows how to set emotional boundaries. Maybe it's enough now to just listen and let her vent for a while?