View Full Version : I've Been Bad--No Buy Year?
Confession time: I have gotten away from my frugal ways and have been splurging big-time. Some of my recent purchases:
salon hair products
hand-knit knee socks with matching arm warmers
some new clothes
...and I am contemplating some new boots!
I definitely wouldn't call any of these things "needs." But I felt so unattractive while I was pregnant and right after I had the baby. I've lost all the weight, but none of my old clothes seem to fit right, and my hair is falling out by the handful, too. I'm tired of looking like a shlub all the time--I want to feel pretty!
So yes, I've been bad. But to make up for it, I am considering a no-buy year in the future. :~) (maybe from my 2012 birthday until my 2013 birthday)
Any one else thinking about doing the same in 2012?
I don't think you've been bad at all. It sounds like you had some very good reasons to splurge on yourself a little.
A no-buy year would be a huge leap for me, but maybe someday I'll do it.
ApatheticNoMore
12-29-11, 7:22pm
Doesn't sound that bad to me. But you really should investigate why your hair is falling out in clumps (salon products are fine if you like them, but I don't think it is just falling out due to lack of them :)).
Simplicity
12-29-11, 9:34pm
Her hair is probably just falling out due to post-natal hormone fluctuations. I remember mine falling out by the handful after my son too.
Christmas was a big fat spending spree for me. Blah. Somehow, I can't seem to get away from that. I must say, I did very good with Boxing Day sales, though. I took DS shopping and the only thing I bought was my new printer/scanner that I had been planning to buy for several months and a pair of shoes for DS. :)
I can't even fathom a no spend year! I would do well to not spend for a month! Of course, all I ever buy is groceries, animal feed, coffee and takeout. I'd like to try a no takeout month.
We buy so very little as it is, I simply could not (ever) justify embarking upon a no-spend year. Not even a no-spend month/week. The things we buy are always needed, and aside from the occasional little something that makes it's way into our home, I'm OK with that.
Your list of purchases are well in line with, and, in order with, someone who doesn't spend very often (frivolously I'm talking), but arrived at a crossroads and decided that she needed a little something new to cheer herself up and add a little joy. We are all deserving of such expenditures (purchases) from time to time IMO.
What exactly do you have in mind? I plan on cutting my spending as much as possible-perhaps we can support each other in this.
Thanks, everyone! I think the hair loss must be related to the birth somehow, though it was falling out during my pregnancy, too. I used to have naturally beautiful hair, but now it is dull, brittle, and frizzy. I tried several drug store products to no avail. My stylist helped me pick out some hair products, and they do seem to be helping.
@bke--When I say no-buy year, I was thinking more like nothing for myself for a year. We are already on a bare bones budget (ha! aside from my crazy spending lately!), and we couldn't get by without buying food and paying utilities. I also know I could never get my husband on board, especially since we have some planned home improvements coming up. But I could try a no-buy just for me. I don't shop all that often but am guilty of a little splurge here and there. It would also be a challenge in the sense that my wardrobe has shrunk considerably since I had the baby--either due to size or impracticability (dry clean only + 4 month old =bad mix). So I'd have to make do there and try to use up my stash of personal care stuff.
It is really an heart issue more than a money issue. I sense materialism and the wants creeping back in to my life. I want to learn to be content.
Maybe we could do monthly no-spend threads on the Challenge board. Then folks could jump in and join for one month at a time (or longer if they so desire)???
fidgiegirl
12-30-11, 12:31pm
I like the no-spend month threads idea. Then someone who wants to get on board part way through the year can do so. Also, let's say someone has a slip. If it's a year-long thing, then it's like, "well, I'll just throw the whole thing out the window since I already blew it." But if it's a month-by-month thing, then it can be, "well, I slipped this month, but I have a fresh start next month." Or maybe I'm the only one who succumbs to this type of thinking :)
It troubles me that you feel you have to shoulder the responsibility of your tight budget by yourself. Perhaps I mis-read, but DH needs to have a part, too. I know you can't be his mommy and make him do it but if the home improvements aren't going to cost more by being delayed, why can't they be? You being able to buy clothes that fit you really isn't a "splurge," as you've been calling it - it's really more of life's necessities. Anyway, like I said, I could have mis-read your desires here, but basically, don't be tooooooooooooooo hard on yourself :) And as I write that I hope you don't take it like I used to take the people who were always telling me, "ooh, Kelli, debt is a part of life! Chill out! No one is debt free! Everyone has debt!" Not meant like that. I support your no-spend desires, just hate for you to feel guilty about trying to take care of yourself. The boots are another story - lol! :) (((Kat)))
That sounds good to me. I was concerned about torturing the family with this one-lol! I am in charge of most of the purchases for our house so I have a lot of control over the spending or wasting of money. So basically we can support each other in defining wants and needs and talk each other down from the ledge of overspending.
I must say though, please don't be too hard on yourself. Its so easy to want to overdo things when you have a new baby. Relax, and enjoy every precious moment. Don't worry about your appearance. Look at yourself through the same eyes of love that you see that wonderful new life with. I know you think that baby is perfect just the way she (?) is and she feels the same about you!
fidgiegirl
12-30-11, 1:12pm
Look at yourself through the same eyes of love that you see that wonderful new life with. I know you think that baby is perfect just the way she (?) is and she feels the same about you!
Awww, bke!!! That's lovely!!!
Awww...fidgie and bke!!! You guys are so sweet! :-)
I didn't mean to paint my DH in a bad light at all. He is a wonderful man--very kind, supportive, and encouraging. We do make the budget together and are in agreement about all large purchases, including home improvement projects. He affirms me regularly and always encourages me to be kind to myself. It's just that "stuff" isn't as big of a stumbling block for him as it is for me. He enjoys his toys (in a responsible way) and isn't quite as minimalistic as I tend to be. And that's okay. I, on the other hand, easily get carried away with wanting bigger, nicer, better, more...I know I have shared that before, and it is something that I really don't like about myself. I see myself headed in that direction now, which is why I thought about the no-buy year. So that I could focus on contentment, on enough, on gratitude.
I surprised myself with how much I started caring about my appearance after the baby was born. I only gained around 30 pounds during my pregnancy, and I have lost it all. But my body is different now, and I want to learn to embrace and appreciate it it rather than cry about how my old clothes don't fit. That is why I bought the new clothes. I was tired of wearing sweat pants covered in spit-up! I just have to find a place where I look nice but am not obsessive about how I look. I also need to be careful not to carry on this trend of spending!
But you all have convinced me that what I've done so far isn't TOO terrible ;)
leslieann
12-30-11, 2:42pm
Hey, Kat, I had a thought while reading your last post here. I wonder if maybe to focus on the "contentment, enough, and gratitude" would be sufficient to shift your spending without doing something that might feel kind of punitive? There is sort of an element of "I've been bad so I need to punish myself by not buying anything" in what you've said and in my experience, that often leads in the opposite direction. I was just wondering if you could create a way to regularly focus on those things you mentioned, contentment, enough, and gratitude, and that way the "no-spend" would practically happen by itself?
Just a thought. I don't like to see people get too punishing with themselves because it 1) makes you feel bad and 2) you are more likely to rebound into the undesired behaviour. Also I know whereof I speak with this stuff......but of course, YMMV as always.
Good ideas, and I am hoping to get on board with regular no-spend days which I hope will help me to be more organized...but as a tool, not as a punishment.
Your new body is probably just lovely....restructured and maternal and I also understand how hard it might be to embrace this new aspect of self, especially if you didn't anticipate it! Good for you to recognize that.
We're kind of changing this thread from its original intent but I think its warranted. Next time you look in the mirror and are disappointed with the way your body looks take a minute and think about the amazing thing it just experienced. The power and strength that came from inside of you to create a new life. Physically, you've done something that indescribable. A new life grew inside of you and you nurtured it and brought it into this world. In my opinion, I will never, ever do anything that incredible again.
On the other hand, I lost hair to the point my father thought I was going bald. We could pick it up off the floor by the handful anywhere I went. I had night sweats that were traumatic, and cried at the drop of a hat. I can remember getting up in the middle of the night to feed ds and sitting on the edge of the bed holding him and silently crying my eyes out so I wouldn't wake dh who had to go to work in the morning. Hormones are crazy sh*t!
Consider your body like that of a warrior who just came home alive from battle. Be proud of the scars that it bares.
Why don't you give yourself a specific amount of money and go buy yourself some pretty, practical new clothes. Limit yourself to an amount you can afford, tell yourself this is a one time thing, and go get the stuff you need. You're not being fair to yourself if you don't and it will reflect in your attitude towards everyone else in your life. You wouldn't start a new job without the proper equipment, nor would you have that baby without the proper things to care for it so don't deny yourself in this case either.
Afterwards, start that challenge thread and I would love to participate with you!
(((Hugs)))
fidgiegirl
12-30-11, 4:26pm
Hey, Kat, I had a thought while reading your last post here. I wonder if maybe to focus on the "contentment, enough, and gratitude" would be sufficient to shift your spending without doing something that might feel kind of punitive? There is sort of an element of "I've been bad so I need to punish myself by not buying anything" in what you've said and in my experience, that often leads in the opposite direction. I was just wondering if you could create a way to regularly focus on those things you mentioned, contentment, enough, and gratitude, and that way the "no-spend" would practically happen by itself?
Very much like YMOYL. Worked very well for me several years ago. Love this idea!
rosarugosa
12-31-11, 5:35pm
I would be satisfied if I could make it a whole year without any expenditures that turn out to be a stupid waste of money!
Kat, I think you deserve to have something nicer than "sweats covered in spit-up" to wear, as long as you don't impoverish yourself in the process!
@leslieann--Thank you for your perspective! I appreciate your comments and see what you are saying. Kind of like how, when you are on a diet and want a cookie and then deprive yourself of said cookie, you end up eating a whole box of cookies and then feeling terrible (or is that just me? :~) ) I guess I didn't really think of a no-spend year as a punishment. When I said, "I've been bad," I meant it in jest--kind of like a "naughty girl" kind of thing. And really, that is only directed at the magnitude of what I bought. I legitimately need clothes that fit me. I did not need to spend as much money as I did (though I am proud to say I didn't go into debt or spend more than I could afford). I do try to focus on enough, gratitude, etc. most of the time, and that is how I live simply most of the time. But lately I have been headed in the wrong direction, like my actions aren't matching up with my values. That is why I am thinking about a no-spend year. Not to punish myself in a negative way, but to challenge myself, to help myself grow as a person and get my focus back where it needs to be. I am going to spend some more time thinking about what you have said, because there is a great deal of wisdom in it. I don't want to jump into something in a way where I am setting myself up to fail. So thanks so much for your thoughts.
@bke--I am trying to view myself in that way. I appreciate my body for what it has done and what it continues to do in nourishing my child. It did something really amazing and brought forth the greatest gift I could ever receive. When I see the remnants of that what I really see is an example of God's faithfulness. I know this isn't the spirituality thread, but that's the truth. Other people might see stretch marks; I see a reminder of God's faithfulness. I prayed and prayed for this baby and had to wait a very long time for her!:) My body is a physical reminder of that journey and all the joy that came with it!
Thanks so much everyone for your kind words and support. I think I might start a no-spend thread for January (though I probably won't join myself until Feb. since I kind of want to do a birthday to birthday challenge). I think it will be fun to support and encourage each other in this, however we all decide to shape our individual challenges.
I am considering a no-buy year in the future. :~) (maybe from my 2012 birthday until my 2013 birthday)
Any one else thinking about doing the same in 2012?
I am also doing a no buy year except for the basics. I have enough clothes and shoes to last all year and can't think of anything else I would need to buy other than the basics (shampoo, soap, etc...). I keep that stuff to a minimal so it's just replacing it when it's used up. I don't buy books, CDs, DVDs - get them all free at the libray. Don't have cable TV or home internet (also use the free libray wi-fi), don't have my hair, nails, etc.. professionally done. Have a cheap gym membership ($89/year), don't do live theatre or concerts, or anything that costs extra. I do VERY occasionally eat or have drinks out but it's not fine dining - i.e. expensive dining - so fits within my food budget anyways. So really have nothing to buy besides food, fuel for the truck and the basics. I will be travelling several months this year but on one long trip rather than a bunch of short ones (cheaper to do it that way). So will have campground, motel oand vacation house rental expenses to pay for. But, since I sold my house, I no longer have all those house expenses like taxes, insurance, maintenance, utilities, etc... so my housing costs shoukd come out the same.
shadowmoss
1-5-12, 11:13am
I found (and say this repeatedly here, sorry) that doing an inventory of what I have is the way for me to NOT want to buy anthing else. To really see how much I have to deal with already makes me stop the flow in. An inventory can also show what legitimate holes there may be that need to be filled, what things really aren't working (and that I've hidden out of sight for that reason) and need to be trashed/donated/sold, and to know when I see a 'sale' that I have 5 or 6 of those things already rather than a hazy 'maybe I should get one more just in case' are the only reasons I have gotten rid of as much as I have and stopped buying like I used to.
That said, I need to reign in my acquiring of stuff as well this year. I see an inventory in my future.
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