View Full Version : Feeling guilty about being happy
I have been reflecting lately on a change I am seeing in myself, something I can tell others around me have noticed. I'm not nearly as talkative as I used to be. I realized as I was talking to my DH that for the most part I am still quite talkative around him, and I think the difference between him and other people is that I am able to share my joys with him without guilt.
I am not really much of a complainer. I've been through some huge, unrelenting crap in my early years and I eventually came to a point where I just couldn't live in such a negative headspace anymore. It was too draining, and honestly it was kind of boring after a while, when it wasn't paralyzing and agonizing. For at least the last decade of my life I have been really working on cultivating positive, joyful things in my life and while I still have challenges, they aren't the focus of my existance.
When I do have trials and grief, I tend to deal with it privately, especially if it involves others. For example, I don't complain about my husband and kids a lot. It's not that they are perfect and we never have any conflict, but I respect that they are human and try to keep negativity and conflicts between us instead of sharing them with the world. I wouldn't want them complaining about my shortcomings to others, so I don't complain about theirs. I try to be encouraging rather than complain.
The problem is that when I talk about all of the positive things in my life I feel like I am bragging, especially as a lot of people seem to be pretty miserably unhappy. I like to talk about successes I or others have had, travel plans, gardening plans, house plans, fun things I or others want to do, creative endeavours, daydreams, hopes and other cheerful stuff, but I am finding it hard to share that with people. I end up with a lot of "it must be nice to have such a perfect life" or a litany of reasons the person I am talking to can't do those things. I know there are people that think I am fake and hiding the bad stuff, but I'm not hiding it, I just don't find it interesting enough to talk about.
It kind of bothers me to see that I have apparently decided to quietly fade into the background instead of just being myself, out there, happy and proud of it.
It sounds like you are the exact person your friends may really need!!
A person who is truely happy and has found a healthy way to deal with life's difficulties can be a wonderful mentor to those currently buried under own complaints.
Or you may need new friends...some people will always complain and never work to help themselves no matter the support a friend provides. Their own jealousy or anger at themselves for their own poor life choices can taint a friendship. It is up to you to decide which kind of friends you have and it sounds like you have made that choice. That's ok, you've grown. They have not.
Don't hide that happiness away, look for new friends with similar hobbies/interests and similar goals. It's not easy but it can be done. As I've said before on this board I have had great success with www.meetup.com
Good Luck
It's interesting you bring this up---I've been kind of on the same wave length in the past 6 months or so. It seems to be, however, moving inversely in effect with my DH's mood. He has become a grump. So much so, in fact, that this morning we were talking about whether to make New Year's resolutions and I suggested to him (since he couldn't think of any) that he complain less about work. It's become a near-hobby for him. So, he's gonna try. I'm going to be more diligent on the budget.
or a litany of reasons the person I am talking to can't do those things
I find that with certain people I have the same problem, and I even tick people off when they start in with these reasons, because it's in my nature to problem-solve, look for creative solutions, etc. and sometimes people just want to whine and not hear solutions! My sister even told me so! :(
Mighty Frugal
1-1-12, 9:25pm
hmmm..ok..let me think about this. I am pretty much a very jubilant person and the little things in life (ohmygod is that a QUARTER on the ground!!;) ) really keep me smiling. I also try not to complain about my spouse or kids for pretty much the same reason.
But, when I am around friends who like to complain I listen to them, offer suggestions if they ask, and if they don't I do my best to 'tut tut' their issues and make them understand that I am on their side and am unhappy for their misfortune. I'm not implying you don't do these things but for me, it does help others to not think I am bragging or hiding the bad stuff
Also, if they (grumpy friends) ask how I am I tend to downplay it-'oh same old same old..we're pretty boring' and I save my excitement chatter for friends who share in my joys.
Also, it is very nice to have at least one person who you can complain to about the annoying habits of your spouse and kids and about the big blowout you had with spouse and how you are spending your days just glaring at each other. Because we all do have some issues and when you share it with a trusted friend it really makes you feel better and often you realize how unreasonable you were acting. My friend has a way of looking at both sides of the coin and giving me my spouses perspective on issues
And finally, I think that in everyone's life they have the family who is so perfect in every way and then all of a sudden BOOM divorce and then afterward the wife/husband confesses about some strange sexual fetish or gambling problem or drug, etc problem that they kept hidden for year-perhaps your friends think that if you don't have ANY complaints maybe it's because the problems are too huge to share-am I making sense?
Anyway I hope you can deal with this issue rather than just shrinking into the shadows-you have such a strong personality it would be a shame to keep mum
I'm trying very, very hard to move into a similar headspace. Congratulations finding your way there. I hope you can find a more supportive, positive community where being happy won't be seen as a challenge. I have always been pretty pessimistic, and have often surrounded myself with people who had a similar outlook. Grad school was AWFUL for that -- seemed like you weren't being a serious enough academic if you weren't stressed, depressed and miserable all the time. But it wears on you. It isn't a pleasant way to view the world. It wears you down, rather than building you up. Having kids has really changed my viewpoint a lot. I want them to grow up with an optimistic, positive outlook. Seeing that they (especially my DS) have a tendency toward brooding, introspection and negativity was a real wakeup call. I want to try to equip them with good problem analysis and problem solving skills, so am trying to get better about addressing my moods proactively myself. I think I am making progress. I hope so.
Have you read Gretchen Rubin's stuff at the Happiness Project? I bet she gets a lot of similar feedback from people, and maybe on her blog she has suggested some useful coping strategies.
I did have one friend here in Beijing who seemed to pretty much have a perfect life, and sometimes yes, I did feel jealous or resentful. Petty of me, I know. Facebook was great because when she started being active on there she would sometimes post about her kids meltdowns or her husband being away AGAIN on business and I realized that we did face a lot of similar challenges. So while it might not be good to dwell on those things, I think admitting occasionally to your frustrations and woes CAN be a good equalizer and help other people to feel that you are real people and not some kind of image of perfection. A lot of the mommy bloggers I like seem to do a good job of keeping that balance, which is probably why I like them.
Anyway, however you choose to approach this, I hope you find a way to make it work better for you. Our old friend Kalpana posted a link to this blog post on Facebook -- not sure if you saw it, but I thought it was great and worth sharing in this context. It is interesting that this positive spin on things came out of what was originally a kind of negative "things you shouldn't do" list:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/18/30-things-to-start-doing-for-yourself/
lhamo
That link is great Lhamo! I love it! Thanks for the feedback everyone!
I think I tend to approach things from a problem solving angle too, which does sometimes get me in trouble. I find that I can listen to venting about an issue once or twice, but after that I start to problem-solve.
I honestly think that because I don't talk at length about my problems people ignore the fairly obvious ones they already know I have had. It's not a secret among my friends that I was on bedrest for a couple of months last year, or that my sister is fighting cancer or that I have had miscarriages or that I struggled in my youth as the victim of a violent crime and attempted suicide. Stuff like that isn't really everyday conversation faire and in contrast to that everyday stuff like cranky kids and car troubles and the like are just not worth stressing about. Sometimes I think it's easier for me to weather day-to-day stuff in part because I've had some bigger trials. The most even-keeled woman I know is a survivor of torture in a political prison. Maybe that's part of what is getting to me. Saying, "it must be nice to have such a perfect life" to someone you know has been criminally, violently assaulted, lost babies, attempted suicide, wrestled with an alcoholic parent and had a preemie seems a little dismissive. I worked pretty hard for this happiness. If real drama comes up I'll deal with it, but in the meantime I am greatly enjoying the better things life has to offer and trying to find humour in the day to day struggles. I kind of see this joyful, positive outlook as my reward for riding out those storms. It is a deliberate rejection of despair, not a blissful ignorance of it.
Maybe winter is just making people grumpier.
I'm the same, stella!
Except that, I don't hide it. Unless someone is telling me "this is how life is" -- then i stay quiet. Eg "there's no way to make money teaching yoga" -- not true. BUT, it is true for them, so I don't argue.
And yes, that means i shut up quite a bit. LOL
but, overall, i'm quite happy and. . .well so are many people whom I know. Even if times are lemony, we are enjoying tarts, aide, cake, pie, and so on. :)
It is so much easier to be drug down than to lift another up.
I was always very positive and chipper with a sunny disposition. My husband has become such a grump and over the years I find it's much easier to complain about things than to notice the good things. A few years ago it was so bad that I made him write in a 'thankful journal' with me. Every day each of us had to come up with 10 things we were thankful for. We kept it up for a year and it was really good. He is back to being grumpy and complaining about everything and it wears me out. I'd just rather not talk than to have to listen to that or have a conversation. He found our thankful journal the other day and said he missed that 'good feeling' he had that year. I still make lists of 10 thankful things almost daily. It keeps me positive in trying times.
Stay the way you are. If they don't want to hear that any life can be approached with positivity, that's not your problem. I agree--try to lift them up by keeping your sunny attitude, but at the same time find other friends who can recharge your batteries instead of wearing them down.
For me I have found over the last few years of the down turn I have felt guilty that I really have not suffered the way others have. So to be excited that I got a new X Y or Z(which is not very often), seems wrong to mention to people without sounds like it is bragging.
Stella, I was so happy to read your post because I've been going through the very same thing lately.
I've been through my share of bad things in life (bankruptcy, terrible relationships, sexual assault, horrible self-esteem, draining relationships with addicts/alcoholics, etc. etc) but somewhere along the line, mostly in the last two years I think, I've decided to change my thoughts by changing what I focus on. I'm just not interested in giving the negative events/feelings in life more than a matter-of-fact observation: "Yep, I feel kinda depressed today." Then I do whatever I can to solve the problem -- exercise, change what I'm eating/drinking, start a business, volunteer, connect with community, whatever. I've turned from a commiserator to a problem-solver, in my own life at least, and I find the same sort of isolation sometimes. It's almost as if people are becoming programmed into drones in the Culture of Complaint.
Unfortunately, the solution for me was to limit contact with people who seem content to stay in the cocoon of negativity, and build new friendships with people who were willing to make the changes in their lives to feel better, live better. It was hard at first, but the effects on my life have been so substantial that I don't think I could ever go back: I feel glad to hop out of bed most every morning -- life's full of possibility, and I'm not fearful or depressed much any more. Even the times when I'm dead broke, feeling overweight and underloved, I force myself to "act as if" and do what I need to do to get back to a good plane.
Hang in there -- you're not alone in this!
Hugs,
pug
Oh yeah, I am not even sure where to start because I get it all wrong often. I have a pretty darn closed mouth at work, I finally pulled my supervisor aside and told her some things because I felt it was important for her to know (she is a younger woman without children) what I was doing on the outside of work. I had to call last minute for some days when I had to be late and often need to take time for appointments for issues my kids are dealing with. It is a very hard balance to no appear as a drama queen however still make sure I am doing everything I need to in order to take care of my family. Sometimes I just have to tell people up front.
On the personal front it has been split, the people I tell too much bad to and the people I appear to be all perfect to. I honestly cannot find the balance right now but am trying. I know that part of it is how I look and it is easy to think everything is okay because of how I look, and my kids are frankly very good looking. So then I fall over into the too negative camp with some people. I want to project a more positive attitude, and it helps to have you say up front that sometimes being too positive appears to backfire. That is hard, I have not had as hard of a life as others but I did crawl my self image out of an abusive marriage so every bit of self-compassion I worked at, as most of you have also done.
I think a lot of people simply do not think very hard, when they say something about my foreclosure like 'it must be nice to not have such a big house to take care of' then I think they really don't get the part of my life savings gone and credit trashed huh. Like the more serious things in life that others deal with, it can't be that hard to figure out being robbed or abused or have a loved one who may die is not a good thing.
In my work group we do a lot of team builder type things and I am almost always described as the most positive in the room, and most excited, but now I need to balance that with showing my supervisor I am willing to look at problems and deal with them rather than just being positive. So I am being positive but also assertive in simply telling people what I am doing. I share more of the hard things I do and present it without being negative about anyone, but firm. Don't know if this applies at all. ;)
I'm mostly pretty sunny, and also a problem solver. So I don't tend to share a lot of negative stuff with friends because either I'm already working on it (and would rather try it my own way first), or there is really nothing I can do about it (and therefore little point in bringing others down, because they will want to help). Once in a while I'll vent, but I find focusing on my own negativity by constantly talking about it is not a fun place to be. Yes, I'm long term unemployed and the older I get the more it looks like I'll never return to what I was doing. But there are still fun things in every day to be thankful for, and a number of them are actually due to having the all this time available.
I'm also pretty goofy and child like at times, and I feel its important to share that. It gives other people "permission" to be more true to themselves and not worry so much about others ridiculing them. Example: I'm headed off to Disneyworld this week, and I'm as excited as any 8 year old. I really let myself fall into the story, and don't worry about strangers seeing a middle aged woman having as much fun as a kid.
Another complicating factor to this is that I think the habit of complaining has become culturally acceptable, but talking about overcoming difficulties, or successfully completing a project, or working toward a positive goal is somehow seen as bragging. Or it’s somehow seen as an insult to the other person (??????).
For me finding some happier friends helps a lot because we can share with each other and encourage each other. Plus if you consider us in a boat, we are rowing in the same direction which helps us all.
Personally, I am very thankful that you and others in this thread and on this board are willing to share their successes, projects, and creative problem solving. That in and of itself adds joy to more people’s lives here. And if we also act on some of the ideas that work for our situation, it multiplies the positive effects.
For some people, asking them how they would like for a situation to be different gets them focused in a more positive direction. And then following up on various aspects of whatever they say by asking them “What would be involved in doing that?” gets them focused on thinking about steps they could take to improve a particular situation. This also avoids the frustrating situation of getting into one of those endless loops with someone who is unwilling to change their behavior so engages you in the “Yes, but…” game. You offer rational strategies. They tell you why whatever it is won’t work. You can see this sometimes on the board where people brainstorm a great variety of ideas in response to someone’s situation. Then the poster tells you why they all won’t work. More often on this board though, you see people experiment with the great ideas they get here and report back on what works well.
For people who do want more positive ways of dealing with things, a great help is the Feeling Good Handbook by Burns. The book helps people learn to identify patterns of thinking that are holding them back and how to counter them with different ways of thinking and acting.
I have thought that it might be fun to do a Happiness Project thread on the board or in local life. One of my friends is doing a big project to add a lot of positive things to her life this year, so I gave her a Happiness Project calendar for a Christmas gift to contribute to the fun. Will check in a week or two and see what she thinks of it so far.
One of my ongoing inspirations comes from a set of twin boys, one very pessimistic, the other very optimistic. One Christmas their father tried to balance them out a bit by giving the pessimistic twin every toy imaginable and the positive twin a bag of horse poop. After spending hours opening all his gifts, while the positive twin looked on in delight, the pessimistic twin whined and asked if that was all there was? The optimistic twin opened his gift and discovered the horse poop. The next minute he was up dancing around with joy. His father asked him why he was so happy. He said, “With all this poop, there’s got to be a horse around here somewhere!” So I try to keep on the lookout for the horse. ;);)
Lovely post, Amaranth! I opened up here to say to Stella how much I appreciate her positive approach coupled with a clear-seeing reality base. And your post made me realize that many more people here have those characteristics. As a therapist, I hear lots of people who are stuck in negative thinking, and those suggestions, Amaranth, for questions, are some that I use in my work. People often don't think that they can actually effect change that will help them but they can. In fact, one can only effect that sort of change for oneself.
I am going to keep looking out for horses. Thanks.
Hahaha! Amaranth I love the horse story. That is perfect!
Thanks for all of the kind words of encouragement, everyone. I am glad I caught myself quieting down because I don't really want to go down that road. I think the positive, creative problem solving is one of the reasons I like this board so much. People here are great about that. I do have friends IRL who are good about that too, I think I've just been letting the negativity of some people get to me. It's amazing how easy that is to do. It's really quite contagious.
OMG I love the horse poop story!
I have an IRL friend and we both started focusing positively this last year. We can vent a lot but also when we work on positives then we really find support because we know it is through hard work some days. It really helps to have a real person who knows about your life and is working on the same thing.
Hey I realize I come by my pessimism naturally, I am listening to the radio and my style of music (alternative rock/punk) is rather gritty realism and sarcasm. At least it is fun!
I was reminded of this thread this afternoon when I had to go to the counter at our small-town post office. One woman there is retiring finally after working for the USPS for 30 years. For the last ten years, at least, she has complained bitterly to anyone who would listen -- sometimes perfect strangers -- about how much she hates her job, how snotty the customers are, how none of the machines work, how she can't wait to get out of there. I've been avoiding using that post office for at least a couple of years because I couldn't stand the energy drain her negativity caused....I came to know which car was hers, and if she was there, I'd go somewhere else.
There are days when my job is hard too -- but I don't keep my customers on the phone telling them how hard and unfair my life is.
So back home I came, so I could read Stella's post again. Deep breath, okay, I feel better.
That link is great Lhamo! I love it! Thanks for the feedback everyone!
I think I tend to approach things from a problem solving angle too, which does sometimes get me in trouble. I find that I can listen to venting about an issue once or twice, but after that I start to problem-solve.
I honestly think that because I don't talk at length about my problems people ignore the fairly obvious ones they already know I have had. It's not a secret among my friends that I was on bedrest for a couple of months last year, or that my sister is fighting cancer or that I have had miscarriages or that I struggled in my youth as the victim of a violent crime and attempted suicide. Stuff like that isn't really everyday conversation faire and in contrast to that everyday stuff like cranky kids and car troubles and the like are just not worth stressing about. Sometimes I think it's easier for me to weather day-to-day stuff in part because I've had some bigger trials. The most even-keeled woman I know is a survivor of torture in a political prison. Maybe that's part of what is getting to me. Saying, "it must be nice to have such a perfect life" to someone you know has been criminally, violently assaulted, lost babies, attempted suicide, wrestled with an alcoholic parent and had a preemie seems a little dismissive. I worked pretty hard for this happiness. If real drama comes up I'll deal with it, but in the meantime I am greatly enjoying the better things life has to offer and trying to find humour in the day to day struggles. I kind of see this joyful, positive outlook as my reward for riding out those storms. It is a deliberate rejection of despair, not a blissful ignorance of it.
Maybe winter is just making people grumpier.
Lordy! How this post resonates with me.
I have been married and divorced three times, been a single mom for 22 years, had three miscarriages, a brother fighting cancer, been sexually assaulted, and on and on(yawn).
I was telling an aquaintence a while ago about what my kids were up to lately and she asked, "Are all your kids perfect?" He he, yeah except the one that was in the principals office weekly grades K-6 and the one that got caught with the mayor's daughter in a compromising position and the one I took to Paris and did not speak for the 1st two days we were there and the one that does not want to learn to drive...he thinks he will just live at home and let me cook his meals and clean his room.
I spent an hour today listening to the whiney/drama distractions of one of my patients. Visiting their household is like the Jerry Springer show without Security. It's not that she has more or worse problems than anyone else....it is how she approaches them....always as a victim.
I Choose Joy. It's NOT that I do not have problems, it is that I do not choose to be a victim.
Let the grumps have their club. I will seek out people who laugh and encourage and know how to give back rubs. ;)
Stella, don't hide who you are. There are many people out there who dwell on the negative vs. any positives that they may have in their lives. You continue to be who you are!
I've had quite a few people make those same comments to me about my life. I politely answer them that no, it's certainly not perfect and give them a few examples of situations I may be working through. They will then come back with, well "my life is worse than yours". Um, I wasn't trying to start a complaining conversation just give some examples to show you that what you see is not necessarily all that is going on. I really think some people just want to complain. My mom only saw the negatives in life. I never want to be that person. I have had to distance myself from a few people because of the passive aggressiveness with this type of attitude.
ah, yes, the whole "everything is so easy for you" / "you are so lucky" thing. when folks treat me that way, i want to laugh at them! like, really? i don't have any experience with loss and sacrifice and uncertainty? my mom died when i was 5, my dad when i was a very young woman. i've survived physical and emotional abuse, poverty, rape, and i still have a smile on my face most days. but that is because i choose to smile, not because my life has been easy.
now i know that i AM lucky in so many ways, but to be treated as though i've never had to struggle, like i've just floated through life from one easy situation to another, really rankles me. especially when it comes from my own family, who KNOWS what i've been through.
it's come down to the point where i have to really guard what i say around certain members of my family if i want to continue to have any sort of relationship with them. i can't be too happy or excited unless i want to hear the litany of problems they are facing and have no way around.
the victim mentality just seems like such a sad way to live ... but i have plenty of friends who have a sunny can-do disposition, too, and spending time with them feeds my soul!
I think you will find that a lot of people are discontent with their lives. They don't live for the moment, but long for the next phase in life as a way to emotionally detatching a bit from the bad stuff. Problem is they miss the good stuff as well. You stay the way you are. Enjoy life and be happy. Cherrish the precious present.
See this is why I love this forum. You are all fabulous! I am happy to know there are so many of us out there who approach life with a positive attitude in spite of our difficulties. It just seems so much healthier to me. This thread has actually made me feel much, much better. I am starting to get back to being my exuberant old self.
Never feel guilty about being happy and satisfied with your life Stella. I would love to be around more positive people. I don't mean people who have a perfect life, just people who can see more than the negativity around them, as well as people that have some creativity.
I am someone who stays pretty quiet about the not-to-pleasant parts of my life, why bore people or bring others down?
I'm of the Suck it Up school, myself. I figure if my father could get through the hell of fighting WWII in the jungles of the Pacific, I can deal with whatever comes along in my quiet life. But I'm not much inclined to crow over my successes, either--having realized years ago that no one but me much cares about them.
I have a woman friend with whom I am very close, but when I first met her, I was "introduced" by someone who had referred to her as "spoiled" in the sense of always getting everything she wants, having lots of gifts like good looks, beautiful voice, etc. Anyway, over the years she and I have become close and I know her story and it is one of quite extreme struggle both despite and sometimes because of those "gifts." When I read this thread, I think of this friend who has often been looked upon as if she is one of the anointed who has not struggled...and yet I know her struggles intimately. That helps me to avoid thinking that anyone is free of struggle.
Maybe it is fatalistic but I figure if you didn't have to struggle in your early life, you'll still have lots of opportunities! I applaud you positive folk for are able to avoid sitting in a victim seat, and who can celebrate the things that are good and wholesome in your lives. I seek that focus for myself though it is (apparently) in my nature to complain. I do attend to my gratitudes and appreciations daily, and refuse to engage in gossip and negative conversation though I am pulled that way! I see how it eats people up and I want to be here and whole, not riddled throughout with dark thoughts.
I particularly love reading about your family, Stella, because you are doing things that were beyond me when I was parenting. I love the intentionality with which you approach family life, and the emphasis on joyfulness. I sure hope you don't go hiding that light under the proverbial bushel!
Thanks for the Suck-It-Up model, Jane. I recently watched a movie called The Way Back. Those people suffered. I don't have suffering like that. I have nothing to complain about.
Stella, I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts. They make me smile. Don't ever change who you really are just because others try to make you feel guilty for being happy. :)
I'm of the Suck it Up school, myself. I figure if my father could get through the hell of fighting WWII in the jungles of the Pacific, I can deal with whatever comes along in my quiet life. But I'm not much inclined to crow over my successes, either--having realized years ago that no one but me much cares about them.
I realized that this was something very hard for me to learn in adulthood - that mainly, mostly, not totally, but generally, no one cares. That's because I grew up in a small town where figuratively speaking I was a big fish in a small pond - then I grew up, went into the world, and am kind of a medium fish in the huge ocean! But it was shocking to, for example, NOT get a job when I applied for it, you know. Anyway!
I find that with certain people I have the same problem, and I even tick people off when they start in with these reasons, because it's in my nature to problem-solve, look for creative solutions, etc. and sometimes people just want to whine and not hear solutions! My sister even told me so! :(
Fidgie & Stella, I run into the same thing. I do a lot of stuff. You guys know how much I do and that I enjoy being busier than any sane person should want to be. I get people all the time telling me they wish they could take the theological program I've been doing for 2.5 years (and just about done), or reading more, or getting rid of their TV, etc. When I ask, "Why not?" I get all sorts of excuses. Not legitimate reasons (like an ill spouse or parent, for example) but just excuses. My response, "If you want it bad enough, you'll make it a priority." Period. Some people are all talk. I talk AND do. Drives people nuts.
I understand that thing about getting a lot of things done. I had to realize that not everyone moves as quickly as me, really. My mom does even more I think. I think a lot of people could get some of their goals accomplished if they focused on that instead of just being entertained, however I also had to realize I have actually been hypomanic my entire life. Sooo yeah, just a little factor
Simpler at Fifty
1-8-12, 12:53pm
I get it too Tradd. I think most people want to hear us complain all the time because that is what they like to hear the most. I am pretty busy. I work a fulltime and a parttime job and am a legal guardian to 4 people. Have a husband and a dog and we own a house, yada yada. I choose to talk about the good things in my life. I am of the opinion that if we all laid our problems on the table, we would all take our own back. I may need to vent sometimes just like anyone else.
@Stella- I appreciate your posts because of the happiness I read about. I would love to had parents like you and DH. The opportunities and life lessons your kids are learning will prepare for them for the world.
early morning
1-8-12, 1:08pm
You sunny, positive people should most definitely not let others keep you from being yourselves! From someone who struggles with negative thinking, believe me, we need you as role models! But in defense of those who would rather hear problems, let me say that knowing naturally sunny people who have overcome large problems is a double edge sword. On one hand, they hold great hope for those still struggling. On the other hand, some of us can easily get stuck in the "whats WRONG with me, that she could overcome so much and be happy, and I only have these little bitty issues, and I'm a mess???" Or, why wasn't I that kind of a mom?? It's a guilt thing, maybe? That may be where some of the negativity comes from, I don't know. But I know that's where I go mentally, if I don't watch myself closely. But that's MY issue, not anyone else's. And believe me, the positivity on this board does me a world of good! We all need to vent from time to time, for sure - but overall, this is such a happy place to be. Thanks for that, everyone!
I am of the opinion that if we all laid our problems on the table, we would all take our own back.
Really great image, Simpler at Fifty. It is one I will hold close in mind when whining about my often relatively insignificant things.
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