Well, I THOUGHT I had seen the last of a certain toxic friend.....

[Gizmo]

But he sent me a long, nasty email on Facebook the other day. I haven't responded yet. I don't think I will, honestly. Just... why? I haven't talked to him in 8 months. Why suddenly send something like that now? >:(

[puglogic]

I have a stalker ex-boyfriend who pops up periodically like that. I blocked him, but he finds ways in - like by friending a friend, finding someone on my list who has no privacy set up and emails THEM, etc.

I don't know why yours does it, but mine does it because he's a miserable self-absorbed jackhole who blames all of his misfortunes on others, and whenever his misfortunes mount, he still sees me as the natural target. Girlfriend dumps him? My fault. I shouldn't have dumped him in the first place. Lost his job? My fault. His depression is my fault. His general unhappiness is my fault. If only I'd have (insert whatever ridiculous thing here), he would be fine.

I ignore mine - and I am convinced that if I didn't, these little missives would find themselves to me FAR more frequently than they do (about every other year)

I'd suggest maybe you try doing the same. Why? For some crazies, negative attention is just as good as positive attention. It keeps you on their hook, makes them feel like they still matter in your life. After all, if you didn't care what they thought, you wouldn't answer, right?

Good luck, Gizmo. People like that really aren't worth even a minute of your life energy.

[Gizmo]

YES! That is excatly what this email was - he was blaming me for all the crap that had happened to him in the last 8 months.

He likes to change his name, so he had like 4 facebook profiles - several of which were inactive. I'd only blocked the active ones. So he reactivated an old one, and so it popped back in my friends list (I couldn't have blocked it before, because of its inactive status) and emailed me from that profile.

[treehugger]

I agree with puglogic that ignoring is the best response (don't feed the trolls). There's no response you could possible give that would satisfy everything he wants from you. Sorry this guy is bugging you.

Kara

[daisy]

I just don't understand these toxic people and why they are willing to put out the effort to harass someone after so much time! My DH's ex-wife occasionally emails him out of the blue. She likes to add her own special twist and start off with a nice email, then any replies devolve into a listing of all the ways he has wronged her, even though they've been divorced for almost 19 years. It's been a while since he's heard from her, so I suspect there will be one coming before too long.

Good luck getting rid of him. Hopefully ignoring him will eventually do the trick.

[Gizmo]

Yes, hopefully ignoring him does the trick. My boyfriend wanted to respond to it (after I showed it him) but i told him not to. Glad I am on the right track.

I saw when I was still friends with him, that he would hold a grudge into eternity. I can see him sending this stuff for years - especially since I know his whole family, he can probably find lots of ways to still get in contact with me. :(

[redfox]

Ugh. If it gets bad, you can likely get an anti-harassement or stalking order.

[Charity]

You've gotten good advice. I had a stalker for 8 years and the only thing that worked was not responding at all to anything he did. And he did everything he could think of. Including taking me to court to try and get my order of protection rescinded. Because he represented himself in court, he got to cross examine me. That was interesting. Unfortunately, in my experience it is near impossible to get authorities to charge someone with stalking, unless you're a celebrity. Things are starting to change, but very slowly. So the best response is none at all. But document every contact he makes. If it comes to trying to get him charged it will be vital information.

[Gizmo]

You've gotten good advice. I had a stalker for 8 years and the only thing that worked was not responding at all to anything he did. And he did everything he could think of. Including taking me to court to try and get my order of protection rescinded. Because he represented himself in court, he got to cross examine me. That was interesting. Unfortunately, in my experience it is near impossible to get authorities to charge someone with stalking, unless you're a celebrity. Things are starting to change, but very slowly. So the best response is none at all. But document every contact he makes. If it comes to trying to get him charged it will be vital information.

Thanks for the advice. Will start doing that.