View Full Version : What was your dinner table talk when you were growing up?
I'm curious what kind of conversation you had at your dinner table as you were growing up. It always amazes me that my parents never really talked about anything, except the people they didn't like or my father saying he didn't like the food my mother just cooked, or how the world was going to hell because they were sinners, or what losers we were as children.
What a waste of an opportunity my parents had!
When my kids were growing up and now when they come home for a visit, our meals are lots of fun and educational. We talk about all sorts of things........politics, the environment, movies, health, reminisce about things in the past, what they are involved in, etc., etc.
I'm soooooo glad that my kids had/have this good dinner conversation experience.
How about you? Was your experience different than the one you gave your kids? Was it a good one? Bad one?
goldensmom
2-8-12, 10:20am
As a child, our dinner conversation was what I call ‘the regular’. How was work? What did you do in school today? Lots of farm talk. Lots of news and politics talk. Bible, prayer. Not much TV watching, no movies so no TV or movie talk. Rules - no negative talk or complaining during dinner, comments about others must be positive and encouraging, if you don’t like your dinner eat it anyways because after dinner the kitchen is closed. Rules were for both parents and children, except for the kitchen is closed, if mom or dad decided on a snack then we all got one.
It’s pretty much the same now except we include TV, movies and books. Hard to keep the negative out with all we see and read in the news.
I only remember all the bad events of the day being rehashed at dinner for my dad's "benefit".
Growing up on a ranch (and in no particular order) we talked about the price of cattle, the price of corn and the price of hay. Of course all of those took a back seat to the weather. The current weather, tomorrow's forecast, the long range forecast, the winter forecast from the Old Farmer's Almanac... Once in a while someone would walk on the moon or a president would resign to give us some fresh material.
To this day, my Dad talks and expects everyone else to listen and shut up. He is 88 so we don't expect him to change. He actually has gotten more interesting as he has gotten older since now we get glimpses into his early life.
Table talk in my house was much like the Simple Public Policy forum here: My father grumbled over "those other people" constantly (i.e. anyone who held different political or social beliefs, anything he saw or read that made him mad) and if my mother questioned it, my father would literally spend hours convincing her why she was "wrong." I have no idea how any of us kids turned out to be open-minded, but strangely every single one of us did. Maybe it taught us that there's just a segment of the population that relishes arguing, and we don't.
But you're right, CathyA. What an opportunity it would've been. Wasted time.
We had intellectual discussions on a wide variety of subjects. Sometimes it was politics or religion, sometimes it was ethnic cuisine, the arts, theater, literature (those were mostly mine), dance (mostly my ballet dancer sister), philosophy, history, science, technology... stuff like that. My dad in particular was very good about expecting us to be able to explain our positions logically and back our thoughts up with facts and references. I very much appreciate those times. I think it made us better adults.
I can see that developing in our house too, although our kids are still little.
Mine was much like CathyA and puglogic. A little heavy on the religious stuff. It was also the time for discussion and punishment of any wrongs probably so we were all present to see what happens to those who do whatever the latest sin was!). I too am surprised that we mostly ended up open minded and respectful of others views. One brother is a lot like my Dad was.
It was an eye opener for me when I was first dating and first married to my now ex. They talked about articles in the Smithsonian and National Geographic. Dove deeper and reported at the next supper additional facts. They talked about when they were all at home how they did reports on various dog species and then had this elaborate chart to decide what would be their next dog. There was a map of the world, a globe, a dictionary right in the dining room. People were asked their opinions and respected, not preached at, as we were. It was so different.
domestic goddess
2-8-12, 12:15pm
Dad: What did you do in school today?
Me: Work, work, work.
Dad: How did you know when you were done?
Me: The bell rang and we went home.
Well, I really did try that when I did't want to talk. It did't fly for too long, as my dad would eventually ask me a question I couldn't give a short, snippy answer to. We mostly talked about what we were doing, upcoming events, local happenings, our friends and relatives, etc. Although we said grace, there was no preaching or heavy religious talk, unless one of us had a question. Then, it wasn't really preaching, but more of a chance to exchange ideas. There were always compliments and thanks to my mother for the meal before we were excused from the table. There were occasional downcast faces when broccoli or brussel sprouts were served, or peas, which I really disliked.
Everyone had to be kind, at least, and no harsh talk was allowed, at least unless we started whining about what we didn't like, which wasn't really all that often, and then all bets were off.
ApatheticNoMore
2-8-12, 1:34pm
I honestly can't remember them talking about ANYTHING in particular (even to complain - I remember a few complaints about work but really even complaining wasn't regular), though we did sit around the dinner table. I honestly think maybe we discussed the brocolli or something (small talk). Possible asked "how was school?" "fine" as above.
I honestly can't remember. We only had family dinners until I was 7, then my parents got divorced. After the divorce, my older brothers stayed with my dad, and my mom and I moved 400 miles away to live with my future step-dad. My step-dad had (has) strange eating habits and never really ate dinner. So, no more family dinners. My mom would fix me whatever she had planned for me and sometimes sit with me when I ate.
I read a lot at the table.
Kara
Funny I don't remember any conversation. However, my parents finally divorced when I was 8 and the house got very quiet from then on. More often then not, my db and I ate alone or with a sitter til my mother came home from work late at night. Very different from how we raised ours with talk of current events and school, etc.
We had varied conversations about all kinds of things...current events, what was going on at school/work/friends/relatives, politics, sports, financial stuff. Once a week or so we would have dinner with my grandparents and the adults did not dumb down the conversation at all for the kids. I think I absorbed a lot from that.
We talked about EVERYTHING. No topic was out of bounds, and no conversation too private or taboo. Of course, in addition to typical dinner-table conversation, came bouts of laughter and giggling, and, arguments and debates, at times heated.
One funny thing us kids used to do, is gently kick one another (under the table) when conversation commanded the attention of someone or another (one of us kids), then we'd follow-up with intermittent glances, eye contact, and stares. Never a dull moment.
But what I remember most of all, is that we never had a meal without everyone present. When we sat down to eat, everyone sat down to eat, and that's something that (I know) doesn't exist as readily today, as it used to. And, meal times, particularly dinner (suppertime), was always at the same time.
Don't remember there being too much conversation at the table beyond commands to keep our manners and the list of chores to be done. As I recall dinner was mostly accompanied by the Huntley-Brinkley Report and news reels from Vietnam.
Interesting responses! I really envy those of you who grew up in homes where intelligent things were actually brought up at mealtime......or ever.
Until my kids left for college, we had meals together 99.9% of the time, and I loved it. I think the kids did too. We even had a sit-down breakfast before school every morning.
Funny story..........when my son was a sophomore in college and his roommates invited him to go to a restaurant with them, he went. He said they ate fast and didn't talk and then left. haha........he couldn't understand that at all. I guess we'd made meals a slow, very sociable enjoyable time, and when people just quietly ate and left, he didn't understand it (or enjoy it).
My father was a very weird duck. One time, in college, I had a friend of mine home for the weekend. She started talking intelligently about some current event and my father got very defensive. How silly! I guess he just didn't know anything about anything, so he couldn't talk about anything.
In our house, the children ate around 6 and the adults around 8. I have no idea what my sister and I talked about, probably whatever else we talked about during the day. My brother, 13 years younger, grew up watching TV while he ate. All this feels like a wasteland, but my parents weren't easy to be with, so maybe it would have been worse to spend meals with them.
I feel sorry for those here who weren't fortunate enough to enjoy mealtimes as kids should. Aside from mealtime being a time to fill ones hungry little tummy with goodness, mealtime (in our house) was a time to enjoy everyone's company, trade stories, happenings, and daily events with all present/in attendance. Always a relaxed and free-for-all occasion/atmosphere.
I often find myself reflecting on my own upbringing, then reflecting on how ahead of my time I was related to instinctively knowing how I, as a mom, would do and handle things related to family (my own family). i.e. The raising of, the guiding of, the freedom of, so naturally, many of the ideals and beliefs I carried forth with me (from my own childhood/growing years), resulted in me practicing the same with my own family, and when I reflect on that now, today, I'm so grateful my mother and father were so gracious in the department of allowing us kids free-rein and relaxed expression (through speech) while growing and maturing. It made me a better mother.
Growing up we didn't talk when we were eating dinner. To do so was considered rude, so dinner was eaten in silence. Ds grew up in a home where there was a lot of disfunction communication wise, so he too was used to silent meal times.
In our home dinner with our son, dinner was eaten in relative slience and even now that ds is grown and away at school, dh and I do not talk while eating. Ds and I would talk for an hour or two after he got home from school every day. Dh and I talk for about an hour or so after dinner, so there is good conversation, just not during meal time.
IshbelRobertson
2-8-12, 6:39pm
We discussed what we had learned in school or after school. My parents? Well, they often discussed what was happening 'at home' (we lived around the globe and, in those days, got news a few days late!) - my Mum moaned about the 'help'... my Dad moaned about the squaddies...!
I don't have many pleasant memories of family dinners as a child. We always ate together - it wasn't that. And my mom put a lot of effort into the meals, so the food was always good. But my dad was often in a bad mood after work and that set the stage. For some reason unknown to me at this point in my life (and certainly as a child too) my mom would always have me or my brother ask permission for things we wanted to do at dinner. So the answer from my dad was pretty much always no, often delivered with sarcasm. In addition to that, he would complain about the dinner (not cooked to his liking, too many times that month for that meal, whatever) and just generally be as negative as a person can be without being downright abusive. So generally my brother and I ate quickly, without saying more than necessary, and left the table until called back to help clean up.
I do my best to create a pleasant dinner atmosphere in our home.
Originally posted by IshbelRobertson.
my Dad moaned about the squaddiesYou're going to have to elaborate on that one, Ishbel. :)
Table talk in my house was much like the Simple Public Policy forum here...
Oh publogic, I'm so sorry. !Splat!
IshbelRobertson
2-8-12, 7:21pm
You're going to have to elaborate on that one, Ishbel. :)
Squaddies - 'other ranks' in the British army.
Oh publogic, I'm so sorry. !Splat!
A lot like SPP in fact, only louder and with a lot more spaghetti :laff:
Once the telly came into our house (I was 5), the kids ate in front of the telly and Mum and Dad ate in the kitchen. Suited us kids because if we didn't like something, there was no grown up to make a fuss, we just chucked it out the window to the waiting dogs! Except once a year we all sat around the big dining room table which had to be cleared off for the event. And the grown ups chatted and the kids listened - we were very happy to just be entertained by the novelty of hearing people chatting.
I never did learn to juggle eating and talking very well. Even now after many many years of social meals with friends and family, I can still tend to only eat OR talk, so I either just listen (mostly) to the conversation and eat, or I join in the talking and finish my meal last.
Wildflower
2-9-12, 12:21am
Nothing. There was no conversation. My Dad worked night shift so had just woke up and the family dinnertime was his breakfast. He was always sleepy and not talkative - he was a quiet man anyway.... My Mother hated dinnertime. Us kids got on her nerves. She just wanted us to eat and be quiet.... I think she was depressed. She would start drinking after dinner and continue until she passed out.... great childhood I had - not.
Dinner table conversation at my house was about events of the day, at home and school, and nationally. My parents were good eggs. While my mother always said "low class people talk about things, middle class people talk about other people, and high class people talk about ideas" we pretty much talked about people, with some ideas thrown in there. ha ha . My brother and I had things to say that were considered as important as the grown up talk.
Current events, Catholic theology, Latin and Greek literature, recipes, how the garden was doing, how relatives were faring, economics, politics, music, how school and work had been, science, ...
For the life of me, the only topic I can recall is "What Is Wrong With Jane." I'm pretty sure we talked about other things...
Miss Cellane
2-10-12, 5:37pm
Ours was a large family--seven kids. Dinner time was the one time during the day when all or most of us would meet up. (As my brothers hit high school, practices for various sports would take place during the family dinner hour.)
Dinner time was one half hour after Dad arrived home from work. Depending on his current job (he was in the military, so it changed every year or two), that could be anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30 pm. If you were home, you were expected to be at the dinner table, appropriately dressed, within five minutes after Mom rang the dinner bell, or after we lived in South Korea for a few years, the dinner gong. We started with grace and then the food was served.
Then Dad would ask us all on what we'd done that day. Dinner time was really a chance to catch up on what everyone was doing or planning. Once everyone had a chance to tell about their activities, Mom and Dad would tell us a little about their days, but Dad almost never talked about his work, unless there was something funny that had happened. If anyone in the family had done anything special, like getting 100 on an test or winning their latest baseball game, Mom and Dad made sure the whole family knew about it. Then the conversation would become more general. We might discuss plans for the weekend family outing, or some current event, but never politics or religion, as those were not considered polite dinner table topics, for some reason, I know not what. We'd brainstorm ideas for someone's science project, or hear the unwelcome news that the weekend would be spent chopping wood or raking the leaves in the yard. There was no TV or radio allowed at dinner (although sometimes when Dad wasn't home Mom would let us eat in front of the TV set).
We always had dessert, and in the break between the main meal and dessert, when Mom was doing whatever it was that she was doing in the kitchen, my dad would start up a game. He'd tap a rhythm on the table and we had to guess what song it was. We'd play I Spy or have a spelling bee or play 20 Questions or even sometimes charades (sometimes Mom took forever in the kitchen). As my brothers got older, they added new "games" like their all-time favorite, the song burping contest, or just the burping on demand contest, both of which I didn't participate in.
Now I do recall lots of conversations about we children not eating our food. I recall one night when db, around age 5, would absolutely not eat his "bikini" (zucchini). My mother made us both sit at the table until every last bite was gone - which seemd like hours at the time. In retrospect, so silly to force kids to eat foods they don't like.
Current events, Catholic theology, Latin and Greek literature, recipes, how the garden was doing, how relatives were faring, economics, politics, music, how school and work had been, science, ...
Add dreams, emotional upsets, which cow did what during the milking, best artificail insemination bull for breeding next year for the registered Jersey herd, when the crops would be ready and lots of strong discussions.
I remember my dad, who was a strong feminist in his day, telling me that it was important that women be enabled to be responsible for ensuring the limitation of the population bomb. I thought about it and then later asked him why it was the responsibility of women when they only had one ovum a month and men had millions of sperm each day. Castrate most of the men and the problem would be more readily solved. He looked speechless and after some thought agreed that I had a good point. I still remember that and have never heard that solution proposed since. Wonder why?
early morning
2-10-12, 8:25pm
It was usually just me and my parents - DB and Dsis are much older than me and were often gone - but Dad and I talked about almost everything - politics, music, religion, current events, weather, crops (my grandparents, not ours!) the garden, the greenhouse. If we were on a topic she liked, Mom would kick in, but her interests were much more narrow. We didn't talk about any sports besides baseball, and not much about that until I was in high school and the Big Red Machine was in its heyday. Dad was a firm believer in the idea that there were at least two sides to every story, and that there was good in all people, if you looked hard enough. We had a globe, maps, books, a set of encyclopedia, bought on time, and a Lincoln Library reference book, and they were all well used! I was 6 during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and learned where Cuba was, what an ICBM was, and why the drills at school (duck and cover, lol) were not going to save us. (Our midwest area was pretty high up on the target list) - and when I shared that with my teacher at school, I was promptly sent to the office. My first lesson in adults with their heads in the sand... The 60s were really exciting times for dinner conversations - never a dull moment!
Mighty Frugal
2-10-12, 10:54pm
Ours was a large family--seven kids. Dinner time was the one time during the day when all or most of us would meet up. (As my brothers hit high school, practices for various sports would take place during the family dinner hour.)
Dinner time was one half hour after Dad arrived home from work. Depending on his current job (he was in the military, so it changed every year or two), that could be anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30 pm. If you were home, you were expected to be at the dinner table, appropriately dressed, within five minutes after Mom rang the dinner bell, or after we lived in South Korea for a few years, the dinner gong. We started with grace and then the food was served.
Then Dad would ask us all on what we'd done that day. Dinner time was really a chance to catch up on what everyone was doing or planning. Once everyone had a chance to tell about their activities, Mom and Dad would tell us a little about their days, but Dad almost never talked about his work, unless there was something funny that had happened. If anyone in the family had done anything special, like getting 100 on an test or winning their latest baseball game, Mom and Dad made sure the whole family knew about it. Then the conversation would become more general. We might discuss plans for the weekend family outing, or some current event, but never politics or religion, as those were not considered polite dinner table topics, for some reason, I know not what. We'd brainstorm ideas for someone's science project, or hear the unwelcome news that the weekend would be spent chopping wood or raking the leaves in the yard. There was no TV or radio allowed at dinner (although sometimes when Dad wasn't home Mom would let us eat in front of the TV set).
We always had dessert, and in the break between the main meal and dessert, when Mom was doing whatever it was that she was doing in the kitchen, my dad would start up a game. He'd tap a rhythm on the table and we had to guess what song it was. We'd play I Spy or have a spelling bee or play 20 Questions or even sometimes charades (sometimes Mom took forever in the kitchen). As my brothers got older, they added new "games" like their all-time favorite, the song burping contest, or just the burping on demand contest, both of which I didn't participate in.
Your experience sounds like a Hollywood show from the 60s-like 'Leave it to Beaver' how quaint and wonderful
Mighty Frugal
2-10-12, 11:00pm
I am in awe of all the good posts I am reading here. The ones where parents are actually involved in their children's lives (in a good way) and care about their kids' emotional well being-so wonderful to read!
Growing up 'Dinner Time' were the two worst words in the English dictionary. My mom (bless her heart is the worst cook in the world-just very very very bad. And my dad would FORCE us to eat her monstrosities.
So the 5 of us children would sit there, scowls on our mugs, staring down at one of my moms (barf) creations. My dad would scream at us to eat. We would begin picking out the most offensive bits, my dad at that point would turn off the lights so we had to eat in the dark and could not take anything out.
We did everything not to eat. I remember once being about 6 or 7 and stuffing one of my moms 'meatballs' into my mouth, then pretending I had to go to the bathroom and then throwing that meatball behind my brother's dresser-eek!!! Poor brothers that had to wonder what that awful smell was...poor mom if/when she ever discovered that rotting meatball
Last person at the table had to massage my dad's back.
I am now very good at massages;)
And now, as an adult I am a super picky eater and I dont care how many people roll their eyes, if I don't like it, I won't eat it:moon:
Our family dinner conversations covered a wide range of topics. I don't remember it ever being promoted as a time for "intellectual discussion", but we certainly talked about a wide range of topics. We had a few silly traditions, like my brother growling if anyone came near his plate or my dad always rating the meal as a "C+, because you have to leave room for improvement" (for the record, this was said with great affection). When my mom went back to nursing school, she started sharing her work tales at the dinner table, much to the dismay of my dad and my brother-in-law. We ended up calling them Hospital Love Stories, a la Walter Mitty.
The Hospital Love Stories ended many a meal for members of my family, but I had to toughen up when I married DH. His father is a surgeon and their dinners usually involved a detailed description (complete with illustrations on napkins) of whatever surgery he found especially interesting that day. When FIL begins a story with, "Guess how I got this stain on my tie!" I stop eating!
My family had breakfast and dinner together throughout most of my years. Talked about anything and everything. It was great.
I never realized my parents were conservatives until about 10 years ago. By conservatives I mean republicans, mostly "neocons." It was weird to realize that. Filters, you know?
ApatheticNoMore
2-11-12, 6:10am
I do remember in the months with more daylight rushing through my meals to get out and play with the neighbor kids outside, running about and playing dodge ball and so on in the still light out doors. Where my priorities lay, neighbor kids for sure! Those memories of playing outside with the neighbor kids at dusk after dinner are good ones.
What interesting stories you all have! I'm so happy for those of you who had great dinner experiences, and sad for those of us who did not.
Mighty Frugal.........that's awful that your dad would turn out the lights!
Just curious.......what made your mom's food so awful? Did she hate cooking?
I think my father would have benefited greatly from some of the SSRIs out there today. He was just pissed off all the time. Always a scowl on his face.
I remember him poking my arm with his fork, if my arm was on the table. He would get really mad if we set the cereal boxes around us on the table like a little fort, or if we made faces in the toaster.
Seems to me that he could have just laughed at it and life would have been much better.
goldensmom
2-11-12, 8:03am
Reading the responses to dinner table talk brought a thought to mind. Both my husband and I had family meals at the dining room/kitchen table throughout our childhoods. A lot of our friends who have no children at home, eat in the living room in front of the TV. Now, even though there are only the two of us, we still have every meal at the kitchen or dining room table, except for the occasional pizza and movie in the living room. I guess that would be an example of life long childhood programing.
I think we probably complained about the food My mom wasn't much of a cook. My dad talking about work. My parents were intellectual but I don't remember a lot of intellectual conversation at the dinner table. I do remember laughing amongst my siblings. They were not bad memories. Cleaning up from eight people mom dad grandpa and five kids not something I looked forward to though.
I think, in some families, interaction with children is alot different these days. I think (hopefully), they are treated more like human beings than in the 50's.
I never allowed watching TV during meals.......even for just us adults. And I absolutely hate it at extended get-togethers when the TV is on.
I used to visit my parents in my 20's. I didn't see them that often. But during dinner, they would watch TV instead of interacting with me. I thought that was soooooo rude.
We ate separately from my parents. We ate in the kitchen at a counter, they had the dining room.
Just wanted to thank the OP for this thread. I had thought that everyone had my experience, never thought about it and now I realize how fortunate I was. I may have disagreed with my parents, especially my mother, but conversations at mealtime were great.
Mighty Frugal
2-12-12, 8:32pm
CathyA, my mom was a horrible cook and we were very poor so she didn't have a lot to work with. She burned most meals-or overcooked them. Her tomato sauce tasted rancid..and after staring at her meals for a while it became cold and congealed-shudder-and we still had to eat it. My dad was like yours-always with a scowl on his face and perpetually miserable
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.