Sad day

[Simplemind]

I lost my mother today. She has been struggling with Alzheimers for several years and it was very hard to watch. Right after New Years she had an event where she was taken to the hospital for a lung infection and then diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We elected to take her home and enter hospice. That was January 4th.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have a sister and a brother and they stepped up but it was begining to break us. My father is my hero. He has been dealing with her dementia for years and then having his home turned into Grand Central for this past month. I often thought it would be his undoing.
Alzheimers is cruel, Cancer is cruel but the two of them together is almost unbearable. It is heartbreaking to have to explain over and over what is happening to somebody when they can't keep their mind wrapped around it.

I have been dealing with the day to day business and organization of it all and have not had any time to emotionally process what has happened. I feel guilty in feeling relieved that it is over. It was so horrible to watch.

[catherine]

Simplemind, I am so very sorry for your pain and loss. It sounds like your family has bravely acted out your love for her during her struggles and have been there for her every step of the way despite the pain and hardship--I hope you can take some consolation in that.

My deepest sympathies.

[razz]

My condolences.
You and your family lost your mother twice dealing with this mental disease first and then the physical. When you have a quiet moment, may I suggest that you go over all the wonderful things that have happened to you since you can remember and write down what you cherished about your mother. Be grateful for knowing her, her wonderful qualities and influence and share with your family especially your father and remind him that you are glad that he chose to share his life with her. The recent past is but a very short part of her total life, don't let it dominate the conversation in your mind.

[Rosemary]

Sincere condolences to you and your family. Thanks for sharing your experience. I lost a grandmother to dementia, and two grandfathers to cancer - and while those experiences were very difficult, your description of the two together sounds harrowing. Wishing you all peace in these coming times as you recuperate from the exhaustive care-giving and loss.

[julia]

I too wish to send my condolences to you. I lost my mother and my brother within seven months of each other recently, and nothing can prepare you for the pain of bereavement. Please do try to make time for yourself to recover from the physical and mental exhaustion. Healing does come, slowly.

[Float On]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[domestic goddess]

Simplemind, I am so sorry to hear this. My sincere condolences to you and your family. Please be easy on yourself and take care of yourself.

[Anne Lee]

How difficult. I am so sorry. Please be gentle with yourself over the next few weeks and months.

[Merski]

Deepest sympathy on the loss of your mother to you, your dad and your siblings.

[lhamo]

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) )

lhamo

[chrisgermany]

Condolences and hugs to you and your family.

[iris lily]

I'm sorry to hear this. My mother died a year ago from complications of Alzheimer's Disease. It's ok to feel relived that it's over. I wouldn't mind if others felt that for me.

[margene]

Simplemind, So sorry for your loss. Don't feel guilty for being relieved. No one wants to watch a loved one suffer.

[herbgeek]

I'm sorry for your loss. :(

[jennipurrr]

So sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

[peggy]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[happystuff]

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and energies to all.

[puglogic]

{{{ simplemind }}}

You've been through so much - please take some time to rest, reflect, and grieve.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

It is so hard to lose a family member, but there is something about losing your mother that I think is especially hard no matter the relationship you may have had. Hold on to the good memories before Alzheimer stole into her life like the thief it is. (((( ))))

[Bastelmutti]

I feel guilty in feeling relieved that it is over. It was so horrible to watch.

Please don't feel guilty. Sounds like a completely normal reaction to me. I hope that if you have a memorial, you will be able to take your time to grieve and spend some time with good memories. Sorry you are going through this.

[JaneV2.0]

Relief is perfectly normal, IMO. Dealing with my mother's decline was the most difficult test I've yet met. Keep a close eye on your father, whose stress levels have to be astronomical. Mine essentially collapsed after the fact of years of caretaking and the weight of his grief. Life can be hard.

[danna]

Your loss is deep and you will not be able to process unable you get past this week and get some much needed rest.
Make sure you give yourself the time is will take..

[Gregg]

So sorry to hear of your struggles and your loss simple mind. As you begin to transition don't forget to take care of yourself. Sending positive thoughts and wishes your way!

[redfox]

Oh, my dear. This is a singular loss, under incredibly hard circumstances. It will change you. Blessings on your grieving process and your healing process. May you feel free to take as long as you need. Hugs.

[early morning]

((( ))) I am so sorry for your loss - my mother has dementia, and she has lost two sisters to Alzheimers. I can't imagine dealing with cancer on top of that. Please, take care of yourself! Such a loss, and in such difficult circumstances, is indeed life-changing. And feeling relief is normal - both for yourself, and for your mother, who has moved on from her suffering and confusion. My thoughts are with you and your family...

[Mrs-M]

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Zoebird]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and the difficulties around it. Grief is a strange thing, with a lot of mixed emotions -- so please don't judge yourself too harshly for anything you feel. Feeling relieved to be through that is not an indication of how much you loved your mother. It is a simple fact that what you went through was hard. That is all.

Many blessings to you and your family in this time.

[loosechickens]

Simplemind......I'm just so sorry that you and your family have been put through the wringer with both of these terrible diseases attacking your mom. But, I understand that mixture of grief AND relief that happens, which is very similar to what I felt after nursing my father through terminal lung cancer. I can't even imagine how much more horrible it would have been if he had been unable to process what was happening to him or why. My heart goes out to you, your siblings and your poor father.

Warm cyberhugs coming your way. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Simplemind)))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[rose]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom, Simplemind.

[Simpler at Fifty]

@Simplemind I am sorry for your loss and it is okay to feel relieved. I just admitted one of my clients to hospice and on a good day I would not want her to go but there are fewer of those and I too will be relieved when she is at peace. I found this poem called 'Gone from my Sight" that has helped me deal with her impending death. I hope you find some comfort in the words.

Gone From My Sight
by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

[crunchycon]

Deepest, deepest condolences, simplemind. I've lost a parent, but still cannot imagine what you've gone through.

[Greg44]

So sorry for your loss.

I was at the hospital when my grandma was near death. A lady from hospice came and was discussing having a harp player come to her room. She asked my mother how long since she remembered who she was? It was the first time my mother broke down. She had been such a strong care taker as the oldest sibling, and only daughter. My heart goes out to all those who so lovingly give of their time and love to care for those with this terrible disease.

[Blackdog Lin]

Adding my sympathies. And sending healing and comforting thoughts and vibes to you.....

[frugalone]

I am so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers .

[EarthSky]

I am so sorry for your loss, and the incredibly difficult journey that led up to it. Please be gentle with yourself. It is normal to feel some relief - many of the many mixed feelings that will come in waves over the next days, weeks and months.

[Lainey]

I will echo everyone's sympathies, and the fact that grief is different for everyone. I too was surprised after each of my parents passed away that it can sneak up on you long after you think you've finished grieving.

So do whatever you need to do, and as long as it takes, and don't feel you have to explain or justify any of it. Best to you and your family.

[CathyA]

((((hugs))))

[Stella]

I am so sorry for your loss Simplemind! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Charity]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you and your family.

[treehugger]

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. We are dealing with Alzheimer's with DH's grandmother. It's truly awful.

Sending warm thoughts your way,
Kara

[mtnlaurel]

Simplemind, you and your family are in my prayers.

[Selah]

Simplemind, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I hope the people around you in real life are kind, gentle, supportive and understanding.

[HumboldtGurl]

My heart goes out to you, I am so very sorry.

Please don't beat yourself up for feeling guilty. I think I know what you mean though. When I went through terminal cancer with a loved one, for me, I learned that it wasn't really guilt I was feeling, but more of a huge sense of relief that my loved one was out of pain.

My condolences to you and your family.

[Wildflower]

I'm so very sorry. Hugs.

[mira]

I'm very sorry to hear that, Simplemind. Keep yourself surrounded by your dearest family and friends.

[citrine]

So sorry for your loss....my thoughts and prayers are with your family. Your mom was very lucky to have all of you by her side....don't feel guilty, you did everything that was humanly possible to keep her comfortable and loved.

[Sissy]

I haven't been on the forum in a few days, so I didn't see your post. I am so sorry for your loss.

[leslieann]

Dear simplemind, I am sorry to hear about your struggle and the loss of your mother. We have struggled with dementia and cancer but not within the same person. These are hard times and hard things to bear. I hope you find peace and that you can be easy with yourself and your family members as you all adjust to the changes in your situation. You all have been through a very difficult time and even adjusting to that change is potentially hard.

Peace and blessings to you and to yours.

Leslie

[enota]

I lost my mother last January under very different circumstances. The best advice I can give you is to give yourself some time and try to avoid replaying things over and over in your head. Try to let it all go and move on with your life. I know it is hard to lose a mother, or anyone you love. My most heart-felt condolences.

enota