View Full Version : Addicted nephew...
... Blew out of his father's house last night after striking his father. He is now on the streets somewhere, no cell, no way of knowing where or how he is. I am praying for the police to find him before a dealer does.
My sis asked her ex-husband why he didn't call police when his son assaulted him, and of course he fears his son would go to jail. Being Egyptian, I suspect his Dad's beliefs about jail are highly culturally skewed, and understandably so. Nonetheless, jail is where he belongs.
As my sis said, he is incapable of self-containment, and the most appropriate containment for a big, addicted, 20 year old male with an anger problem is a cell. At least we would know he is safe & momentarily clean there...
Please hold this dear young man in the Light, however & whatever you understand that to be. I am sad, worried, and really scared for him. Thanks...
I will lift him up in prayer for his safety and that he'll come to understand he needs help and he needs change.
I will add him to my prayer list redfox!
Addiction is such a difficult and terrible disease. Holding best wishes and trying to send some positive energy your way redfox!
addiction sucks, so true.
i hope that the family is ok. i know that they are reeling (we have been there).
al-anon may help you -- even if no one else goes. or some of their essays/etc. DH and I went to several when SIL and her BF (both active addicts at the time) were living with my ILs. My ILs were enabling, and absolutely refused to go. So, we went -- Wednesday nights, have burritos after picking DH up from work and over to the church for the meeting. It was helpful, at least, to be able to vent and suffer together.
and, we also got coping mechanisms to manage larger family dynamics.
I need to read that triangle-relationships book you recommended. I just realized that just as there is a triangle in my family, there's one in DH's family too.
The healthier we get, the more isolated from family. it's weird. and painful.
Redfox
As others have said addictions of any kind are so hard for the families to live with...all in my thoughts and prayers.
Redfox, I will add him to my prayer list, as well. I know how hard it is to stand by, insane with worry...however, I do believe in miracles, as evidenced by my daughter's continuing recovery so far. I will pray that he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired and will ask for help.
Well, not being religious, I am able to hope...which is what I am doing for you. My best hopes for you and your nephew, Redfox.
loosechickens
2-18-12, 1:32pm
Just so sorry to hear this, Redfox......there is nothing more horrible I think than to be a family member watching someone you love spiral down the tubes in addiction. Hoping for better days for your family.
So very sorry. How heartbreaking. Take care of yourself. Do what you can to encourage others to take care of themselves during this very difficult time. Healthy food, lots of water, stretching, fresh air, reminders to breathe, exercise, staying close to the things that keep you strong are so very important
Y'all give very good advice. Thank you. He has been kicked out by his mom, and just blew out of his father's house. He's at a friends place... We'll see how long that lasts. He's pretty charming... I am hoping he gets arrested soon, or does choose treatment. So glad I know better than to take him in... though I have a hard time sleeping if I don't know he's safe.
Addiction, a sad terrible place to be in life. It affects everyone around the addict and can eat everyone alive. As mentioned above Nar anon or other support groups can be of great support to the loved ones. I hope you and everyone seeks help and your nephew reaches the point where he is open to help. My thoughts are with your loved one and the family, I sadly walked this path (dragged down this path) by my son. The best thing I learned was, I did not Cause it, I can not Control it and I can not Change it....God knows I tried. There is hope, it just is usually found after hitting rock bottom.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/
There is so much info here on every topic involved with addiction. SO many helpful people who have/are living through this.
Another step has been taken... My nephew went in for an assessment, and is in an outpatient program, on suboxone, and my sister has agreed to house him one night at a time, and on the couch. His room, or as she puts it, his lair, was immediately dismantled after he kicked him out.
She sets daily expectations and limits for him, and thus far, a week in, it's working. We all know that relapse - for both of them - is likely. She has not really set limits with him before this, so it's a learning curve for her, too. I am staying out of it unless invited in. But I am glad he's in treatment... Hope it sticks.
Thanks, ctg, for that link! Thanks all for your words... Very very helpful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/
There is so much info here on every topic involved with addiction. SO many helpful people who have/are living through this.
I second the motion to explore this site, especially the Friends & Family section, where I used to be quite heavily involved. Wonderful people.
catherine
2-24-12, 11:58am
I second the motion to explore this site, especially the Friends & Family section, where I used to be quite heavily involved. Wonderful people.
Holy cow.. maybe I've "spoken" to some of you guys under a different handle, if you've been posting on that site.
+3 on the suggestion.
Yes Catherine, what I have found out in my quest for information on this terrible event that just about ate me alive is that so many are affected in one way or another, know or love someone or even themselves that are dealing with addiction. It is a ashamed to me that this is kept to under the radar from people, that we carry the burden of it inside. If I had been told what to watch for from real life experiences of those that had been through it, what to do and not do, over the course of my son's addiction I would have been more equipped to deal with how "I" handled "me". I now understand I did not have control of his issues, but my name is Enabler. I would have controlled that in myself and perhaps just perhaps things may have been different.
I still have told no one in the "real world", perhaps it is not my issue to speak of it is his? I do tell everyone that will read about what happened to my son and my family on the message boards I go to however. I feel if it helps one person who is somehow dealing with it, it was worth it.
Redfox I am so glad your nephew is starting the long road, one step at a time today!
Yes Catherine, what I have found out in my quest for information on this terrible event that just about ate me alive is that so many are affected in one way or another, know or love someone or even themselves that are dealing with addiction. It is a ashamed to me that this is kept to under the radar from people, that we carry the burden of it inside. If I had been told what to watch for from real life experiences of those that had been through it, what to do and not do, over the course of my son's addiction I would have been more equipped to deal with how "I" handled "me". I now understand I did not have control of his issues, but my name is Enabler. I would have controlled that in myself and perhaps just perhaps things may have been different.
I still have told no one in the "real world", perhaps it is not my issue to speak of it is his? I do tell everyone that will read about what happened to my son and my family on the message boards I go to however. I feel if it helps one person who is somehow dealing with it, it was worth it.
Thanks for sharing that--yes, it's so true that we get so tunnel-visioned by the day-to-day trauma of living with addiction that we lose perspective and NEED someone to tell us like it is. That's what I like about soberrecovery, and Al-Anon.
Enabling is a tough one to crack.. and if it's a child, I think it has its own challenges. I have a younger brother (really, at 55 he's still really a child), and just the night before last he called me after having spent 5 and half months in a wonderful VA sober house in New Hampshire. He had decided he was bored, and took a Greyhound to Florida and called me in the middle of the night drunk out of his mind, having blown all the money he had saved up in NH. He was asking me for money. I said no. "No" comes easier now (I've been practicing), but I still had a hard time sleeping wondering how in the world he was going to get through the night drunk and without food and shelter. Even though he has landed on his feet every time over the 40 years he has been addicted.
It's tough. But we have to acknowledge they have their own Higher Power. I don't think my controlling has ever done one blasted thing to help the addicted loved ones in my life. Sometimes my mantra is "It is what it is"
Redfox I am so glad your nephew is starting the long road, one step at a time today!
Thanks... All of us are immersed in the Serenity Prayer moment by moment... I am glad I was an Al-Anon member many years ago... It took awhile for the recall of boundaries & letting go to kick back in, but they have. Being able to vent here was incredibly helpful for me.
He's a darling young man. I also worry about my sis's health, as her codependency has nearly killed her, both from stress and from suicidal ideation. She's got support, and I hope will be in on his treatment under the eye of specialists.
Onward! Moment by moment.
Sending prayers for you and family.
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