I've been so foolish in the name of frugality...

[bke]

I've decided that I'm ready to start posting again and wanted to try and share some of what I've learned about myself over the past 6 or 7 weeks. Some of you will remember I kind of lost my mind at the thought of setting new financial goals for 2012. I couldn't imagine what else I could cut out and have any quality of life and yet I was actually finding it difficult to spend money on unnecessary items.

We started from a pretty poor place financially and have worked ourselves up to the point of living quite well for the area we live in. Many of the local people would probably consider us fairly wealthy for this area.

I'm realizing that spending some money on things is very nice. I love the ring that I bought. I also bought myself an expensive bottle of perfume after recieving a sample in the mail. I'm 41 and its the first time I've ever indulged in such a way. Funny thing is-the scent is expensive but it last so well that I'm still using the free sample 2 months after I recieved it!

I bought myself some much needed clothes at retail prices! The pants are 2 sizes smaller than the last time I bought them. I hadn't realized I'd lost that much wieght and am receiving compliments on my appearance. All of these purchases have increased my self esteem. I'm wearing makeup more when I go out and am feeling better about myself in general.

I also went to the doctor for the first time in several years. It seems that all those symptoms that I've been trying to fight with a vegan diet are just menopause. I'm actually a very healthy person but had allowed those around me to convince me otherwise. Veganism was my way of keeping things healthy enough not to have to have surgery.

Dh and I looked into buying an apartment builiding recently. More income and earlier retirement was the goal. We spent a lot of time rehashing the figures and coming up with a plan for running both the restaurant and managing several apartments. In the end, we decided to squash the idea, not wanting to get in over our heads.

We can continue living just the way we are and reach our financial goals by 2020. FI3 by the age of 50. We could do it sooner if we wanted to but there would be no quality of life to speak of.

I've really been enjoying simple indulgences lately. Reading fiction for the sheer pleasure of it, laughing more because things don't seem so serious, etc. Hell, I even had steak and eggs for breakfast the other morning!

I've missed this place. I've been sharing here for over 10 years now and something has felt like its been missing the last 2 months. I need to continue working on balancing my life and living it to its fullest. I have poistive dreams for the future that I hadn't had in a long time. Places I want to visit, things I want to do. The dream of financial independence is still number one on my list but its no longer the only goal. Life isn't so miserable, I was just making it that way.

Thanks for reading this. I know it was long, and a little jumbled together but I needed to share and hope it helps someone else too.

[razz]

What a great post! It is in the searching that you find answers and peace of mind as you sort out your values, priorities and goals. Be proud of what you have accomplished in partnership with your DH. The reduction in anxiety is worth its weight alone.

[Gregg]

What a wonderful update bke!!! Congratulations!!!

I've always been a little disappointed that the word "frugal" kind of stepped in front of the word "Value" in a lot of SL discussion. It just seems that its way too easy to assign meaning to frugal that includes unnecessary or uncomfortable levels of austerity. Its just so nice to hear about the balance you're finding. In my mind that's the ultimate value.

ETA: Its also very important to not beat yourself up because you tried something that didn't work out. How would you know for sure if you hadn't tried, right? If not for that you might not have ended up in the great place you're in now!

[Float On]

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you'll be posting again.

[Mrs-M]

A great read, Bke! Keep on enjoying! And thanks for sharing. :)

[happystuff]

Congratulations! What a great post. Thanks so much for sharing and continued happiness to you!

[rosarugosa]

Welcome back and thanks for sharing with us! I think it's all about mindful spending and finding balance, using your resources wisely on that which you really value.

[bke]

Thanks everyone!

I had really created an unhappy world for myself. I went from being this carefree, impulsive, try-anything individual to someone who was overly conservative, too cautious, and angry and resentful towards just about everyone and everything. I hated my job, my town, and most people I come in contact with because all I focused on was what I didn't have yet and how many more years I was going to have to work to "get my freedom back." I tried so hard to be something I'm not instead of just being ME!

And I know its more than just frugality. I got married and had a child all with in 18 months and suddenly I thought I had to be perfect at everything. I'm probably lucky dh stuck it out with me all these years. I could probably retire if I had a dime for everytime he's told me that I've forgotten how to live...

So now I'm going to work on keeping a tight bond with my son as we enter those lovely teen years. Nothing will make me feel more sucessful in life than to have the kind of relationship with him that makes him want to spend time with his parents as an adult. I want share as many opportunities and experinces with him as possible over the next few years even if it means working longer. I've always said I was willing to work longer to provide him with a college education if need be but never stopped to consider what more I could be providing for him in the here and now.

I have a lot to figure out but that's part of the journey right?

[Rosemary]

Thanks for your post. I have also from time to time struggled with finding a balance between doing something perfectly, whether it be being frugal, diet, or environmental behaviors, and allowing myself small indulgences. I usually come to the same conclusion - that those indulgences really do impact my overall happiness. Yet the pendulum continues to swing this way, then that, as I try to maintain balance.

I was thinking about this on the other current forum post about local foods, and the balance between driving a long way to get local foods vs buying less-optimal foods closer to home. Each person needs to find what is comfortable and seems right in these situations. While the ultimate solution may not be perfect, there has to be some balance between being absolutely organic, absolutely attentive to diet and exercise, absolutely green, etc and the simplicity of life that we are all here in pursuit of.