View Full Version : people and their i-phones
I haven't succumbed yet to the ardor for smart phones; I willingly remain an observer. Yesterday while having lunch at a cafe I observed a young mother with her 5 or 6 year old daughter sitting across from us. The entire time we were there the mom stared at her i-phone without uttering one word to her daughter. The child was obviously used to this lonesome time and played with her food, stared out the window and talked to herself while mom remained glued to her phone. I felt very sorry for the missed opportunity. And then yesterday while out with a birding group, I observed four different people check their phones and/or text messages right in the middle of the leader's lectures. Even my own dd can't come for a short visit without checking her phone every few minutes. Sorry, I just don't get it.
As one of Them - an iPhone owner.... I wonder what assumptions you make about those you feel sorry for and are somehow judging as being wrong? You clearly would prefer that other people behave differently around you. Do you wish your DD talked with you when she's home?
You wish that young mom talked with her child, and that the child was 'used to lonesome time'? Is the any other story that might go along with that scenario? I can think of several... Here's one - a single mom who rarely gets a moment of peace takes some down time when she knows her child is in her presence, safe, comfortable, and fed. She spends these precious moments to read the CaringBridge updates of her friend who is battling breast cancer.
There are many stories for every observed moment in others' lives... none of us are on the inside of any story other than our own.
flowerseverywhere
2-27-12, 1:39pm
I'm with you pinkytoe. I started a scrabble club and everyone remarked how refreshing it was to play games and talk to other human beings and how they feel how lonely it is in todays world with everyone plugged in all the time.
and Redfox I do wish some people would behave differently around me out of politeness and safety. When eating with friends, it is rude to answer your phone unless of course there is some big emergency going on in your life. almost every situation can wait until you are done with the in person meal and conversation. It is rude to walk down the street playing with a phone while others have to walk around to dodge you. It is unsafe to play with phones and devices while driving, yet I see these things every day.
"love the one you're with" and all that.
Is the any other story that might go along with that scenario?
Possibly...
This morning there was a utility crew on the side of the road. The police officer who was supposed to be directing traffic had his face down in his phone, completing ignoring the traffic he was supposed to manage.
Sigh. I don't get the phone thing either. When I'm with a friend, I'm /with/ a friend. I don't pick up my phone, or check my email while I am with them.
There are many stories for every observed moment in others' lives... none of us are on the inside of any story other than our own.
That is what I was thinking too. Children don't need their parents attention every minute of every day. Spending time eating, talking to themselves and looking out the window is a normal healthy thing for a little kid to do sometimes. Some of my best observations as a kid came when my mom was doing something other than directly interacting with me.
Kids who don't get enough attention don't sit quietly and do their own thing. They scream and fuss and demand attention.
This morning there was a utility crew on the side of the road. The police officer who was supposed to be directing traffic had his face down in his phone, completing ignoring the traffic he was supposed to manage
That would irritate me. That is unsafe.
loosechickens
2-27-12, 3:07pm
well, as a person who is madly in love with her new iPhone, I am still able to relate, to some degree, because while I love it to death, so far, at least, I'm not joined at the hip to it as I see many around me.
although, to be fair, maybe the folks in the birding group were consulting their Audubon app, which my sweetie downloaded, and last night we were able to almost instantly identify an owl by its call with it.
and, as Stella says, kids who don't get enough attention are not the ones who play quietly by themselves and entertain themselves. The ones who are the objects of constant attention from parents seldom have any ability to do that at all, and are demanding of the parent's attention every moment. And who knows? Maybe that was the first peaceful moment that mom had all day........we can never see inside other people's lives, really.
The same could be said for all of us here, sitting at our computers, interacting with faceless people, while people in our real lives might feel ignored....I know my sweetie does sometimes, especially if it's time for somebody to be fixing lunch.....like about now....
That said, I do think that some overdo the being connected to their phones, often at the cost of people they could be interacting with in real life, and often in ways that are rude to those around them.
We used to prop up in bed in the mornings, listen to Morning Edition, drink tea and eat our oatmeal and then just hang out and talk. Now we do all that, but less talk and more of each of us looking at our iPhones, checking news sites, email, etc., but it's still pretty companionable. We haven't started YET with sending texts to each other instead of real talking, but guess that could happen, hahahaha.......
Have I said how much I love my new iPhone??????? Because I do, I do, I do....... ;-)
I do think it has issues, but I do have to agree about the mother-criticism issue as well.
DS and I ride the bus together a fair bit, and it's a nice, quiet time. Sometimes we chat, but mostly he looks out the window and point things out, or sings to himself, or talks to other people.
I had one woman completely freak out on me on the bus because I wasn't talking to my child while he was singing away and enjoying the ride. He was also sitting on my lap and we were enjoying ourselves. we'd never seen her before, and she'd been on the bus all of 3 minutes before laying into me about "never talking to my child!" and "never singing to him!" and "being cruel, cold, and heartless!" towards him. Really? YOu know all of that by being on the bus with a very happy, well behaved child who was singing to himself in his mother's arms while we enjoyed a 45 minute bus ride together?
I like the peace of our bus rides. DS is an excellent rider, and we often have time in silence.
People bring a lot of their own 'stuff' to the table. I know that texting is out of hand (imo), and I personally hate doing it (and so avoid it as much as I can). But, I also don't know why they are texting/etc. One of my students has her phone (on light-up mode -- no noise) when she gets a message, which she'll then check, and if it's important, she'll respond accordingly (leaving the room, usually), and if not, she lets it go. She is a doctor who is on call regularly, and she also has a disabled child. That's good reason to 'allow' her cell phone in class.
I would be more likely to have Pinkytoe's view of the situation. I was an older mother and extremely stressed, but when I took DD or DS out for lunch, I wasn't glued to any kind of device, book, magazine, etc. I think this is a big problem in this country. I'm not putting down the iphone.........just saying don't let it come between you and anyone you're with.
Redfox.......you seemed to react a bit strongly to this. I'm wondering why.
Kids who don't get enough attention don't sit quietly and do their own thing. They scream and fuss and demand attention.
It depends on the child. I was conditioned at an early age that nothing I said mattered, so I learned to keep quiet and live inside my thoughts.
I agree that it's difficult to tell what's really happening in a situation from an outsider's viewpoint.
But I also agree that tons of people are obsessed with their iPhones, and are tempted to have their lives revolve around them. And this is the opinion of a long-time - and still - Apple supporter (one of the first 200 employees). iPhones, Crackberries, all of those devices are terrifically addictive. We're currently watching friends of our condition their child to not have to learn to sit still -- they just hand him their iPhone so he can entertain himself without input from them, and heaven help anyone sitting nearby if the battery goes dead. He's only 2.
My husband and I put our devices away when we're spending quality time together. Maybe it's because I already spend too much time staring at electronic devices in my work -- it's lost its charm, and I don't want to have that in our relationship. I think I'm getting old!!! :laff:
"It depends on the child. I was conditioned at an early age that nothing I said mattered, so I learned to keep quiet and live inside my thoughts."
That's so true puglogic. And I would have been smacked to kingdom come if I had fussed.
I would just rather err on the side of giving my child too much attention, than not enough.
I would be more likely to have Pinkytoe's view of the situation. I was an older mother and extremely stressed, but when I took DD or DS out for lunch, I wasn't glued to any kind of device, book, magazine, etc. I think this is a big problem in this country. I'm not putting down the iphone.........just saying don't let it come between you and anyone you're with.
Redfox.......you seemed to react a bit strongly to this. I'm wondering why.
I was rather surprised by the barely concealed sarcasm bordering on contempt in the language, like "succumbing to the ardor", as well as the judgement of the mom; and wondered what the heck being a willing observer is in this context. I was hoping to suggest that there are other ways to look at life besides less-than or somehow wrong. You think I reacted strongly?
I was reminded of a story...last week I had an outdoor training session for a birding activity program. A few in the group were hard core birders and had their phone ring set to a bird call of some sort. When the phones would go off, everyone would start scanning the air for birds. It was sort of funny, but also a little ridiculous.
I don't get the smart phone thing, but have not owned one.
Interesting how you read that Redfox. I didn't read it as sarcasm and contempt at all, I thought it was more tongue in cheek. I didn't read the original poster using the words wrong or less than, you used those words. The OP did say she felt sorry for the child.
You're right that we can't know others stories, but I do see in my daily life (mall, restaurants, grocery shopping) a number of parents who appear to be more interested in their phones than their kids. Perhaps the original poster sees this a lot as well, and was using this data point along with other observations to make a point.
I think what bugs me is the judgement on the mom. It really does frequently feel like parents can do absolutely nothing right. Everything you do someone has an opinion and everyone old enough to have grandkids is sure they did a better job than you do. There are kinder ways to feel better about yourself than picking apart random strangers.
Yes, I know I'm reacting strongly. It's that kind of day.
Interesting how you read that Redfox. I didn't read it as sarcasm and contempt at all, I thought it was more tongue in cheek. I didn't read the original poster using the words wrong or less than, you used those words. The OP did say she felt sorry for the child.
You're right that we can't know others stories, but I do see in my daily life (mall, restaurants, grocery shopping) a number of parents who appear to be more interested in their phones than their kids. Perhaps the original poster sees this a lot as well, and was using this data point along with other observations to make a point.
Thanks for reminding me that tone inferred while reading text is fantasy! Apologies for getting intense.
Yeah Redfox, it seemed like you were really offended by Pinkytoe's feelings, which didn't seem as judgmental to me as it seemed to you. I didn't see her wording as sarcasm at all, but a sort of flowery way of saying she just wasn't inclined to get an iPhone.
But you're right........it can be very hard to get our intended feelings across on the flat page.
We all read a little bit of ourselves into any situation, I guess. I know I do, and then it's "Deep Breath Time" to step back. fwiw, I didn't see pinkytoe's remark as an indictment of parents in general, just of this particular (perceived) parental situation, but perhaps that's my take because I'm seeing so much of the same thing with smart phones and PDAs: Parents ignoring kids, kids ignoring parents, lovers ignoring each other, teenagers ignoring everybody :) Not a single day goes by when I don't see people foregoing face-to-face communication for the zing of electronic discourse, but this thread will remind me not to take every instance as a bad thing. Or maybe I should never have read Super Sad True Love Story, which paints a possible future...where all of this might go if we're not self-aware. Darned books.
I've had people check their iphones and regular phones for texts during their massage.
You know, if it were 30 years ago, we wouldn't have thought twice about that mom saying to the kid, "go out and play", thus getting her private time to chat with friends, read a magazine or tap a nap. But because she wasn't obsessively glued to her kids every word and thought, we judge her inadequate. Or we judge her choice of magazine/friend/nap (the iPhone) as inadequate. Perception is everything. I guess no one thinks that the kid needs his down time too. He probably wished he were with his friends playing rather than stuck with mom. As a mom who spent plenty of time with my kids, I'm sure strangers saw quiet time between my kids and I in public as disconnect.
Babies and toddlers need almost constant connection to mom. As they get older, they need less connection with mom and more with friends and themselves. You really don't need to be obsessively focused on your kids 24/7. It isn't good for the kids and it isn't good for the mom. I'm not making excuse for this mom, I don't know her situation. No one does except her and her kid. But it's kind of a stretch to make such a harsh value judgement on 5 minutes of observation. But, admittedly I'm guilty of this myself. i guess we all are.
As far as texting, I do, and will check my text if i get one, answering if i need to and ignoring if i can. My son lives in LA (far from me) and can't have ringing phones and distraction on job so he communicates by text only during the day. If he texts I answer (I'm a mom. It's in my contract) so, that mom on her iPhone might have been communicating with another kid or husband, or mother or sister or....
I've had people check their iphones and regular phones for texts during their massage.
WOW! I would consider that a serious waste of a good massage! I love to deeply relax during a massage...
It's funny. Just this week SO and I were out at our usual friday happy hour spot and they have a new painting on the wall. A gay couple having a naked picnic cuddling, but at an angle that you can't see their private bits. One of the guys is talking on his iphone. I asked SO if he thought the painting was a statement on how sad it is that even a couple of lovers can't have an intimate picnic together without one of them getting on the phone. SO's response was "maybe the artist just doesn't know how to paint ears..."
Now THAT's a fresh perspective! I just laughed so loudly I scared the dog. Hang on to that one, jp.
that's funny. :D
We joke that the only way DH and I talk to each other is on FB. So today, when we were both at the office together but DH was working on the computer and I was reading a book, our coworker goes "uh oh, you must be having a fight." LOL
It's funny. Just this week SO and I were out at our usual friday happy hour spot and they have a new painting on the wall. A gay couple having a naked picnic cuddling, but at an angle that you can't see their private bits. One of the guys is talking on his iphone. I asked SO if he thought the painting was a statement on how sad it is that even a couple of lovers can't have an intimate picnic together without one of them getting on the phone. SO's response was "maybe the artist just doesn't know how to paint ears..."
:laff::laff:
Miss Cellane
2-28-12, 10:20am
On another board I visit, there was a recent discussion involving a 7 year old child being pushed in a stroller. Random strangers are accosting the family and making rude remarks about so old a child using a stroller. The remarks are upsetting the little girl, who is blind and currently very weak and unable to walk far while undergoing chemotherapy.
It's hard to know exactly what is going on when you only see a few minutes of a family's day. My SIL got similar comments when pushing her 5 year old in a stroller. She was using the stroller instead of his wheelchair (he's physically disabled) because my SIL is very petite and getting his wheelchair in and out of the van they had back then was hard on her. The stroller was much easier for her to handle.
I see the smart phones as a symptom, not the problem. The problem has been around for a long, long time. People have checked out of dealing with other people since, well, since there have been other people. Some use alcohol or drugs. Others stay late at the office, or watch soap operas all day or visit friends and chat instead of dealing with housework. Some people gamble. Some people check out by reading too much--it looks social acceptable, to be reading, but it can be as big an escape as drugs or TV.
In a weird way, the ultra-connectedness of the internet and email and Twitter and Facebook can lead to massive dis-connectedness. You are so busy "keeping in touch" with so many people, things, events, ideas that you aren't really connected to any of them.
flowerseverywhere
2-28-12, 10:48am
In a weird way, the ultra-connectedness of the internet and email and Twitter and Facebook can lead to massive dis-connectedness. You are so busy "keeping in touch" with so many people, things, events, ideas that you aren't really connected to any of them.
I think that was what I was trying to say three pages ago. The world has become a lonely place.
Yeah I do see it as obsessive too. I'm at my work christmas party and so many people are looking at their phones. I'm thinking really there's 100 people here. This is not enough people to talk to. But on the other hand maybe they were checking in on their kids. But people do text while you're sitting there talking to them and i know in most cases it's not something that important that it can't wait.
I think that was what I was trying to say three pages ago. The world has become a lonely place.
The world seems more crowded than lonely to me. My gregarious friends all seem to find like-minded people and opportunities to interact with them face to face. If they were a couple of generations younger, their interactions might involve more screen time--whether that would be a good thing or a bad thing is completely subjective, IMO.
I must say, these 'massive disconnectedness and the world is a lonely place' comments do not at all reflect my experience. I love being back in touch with my high school & college friends. I love being able to text my kids away at college, and my husband at the grocery store. I really really love having a GPS, calculator, pedometer & phone that fits in my palm or pocket.
I am fascinated by human behavior so am often inclined to wonder why someone might be doing something a certain way. I have been doing this since I was a kid so I don't think of it as being judgmental. Another thing I have noticed about smart phones is that there is always an assumption that you own one when dealing with coworkers and others. Recently two of our older staff got new i-phones and when they flashed them at younger staff members, they got a round of applause. Huh? Personally, my life is as complicated as I need it to be and owning one would add a whole other layer of complexity.
chanterelle
2-28-12, 1:51pm
Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that a discussion about how the proliferation of social media technology is making the world a lonelier place is taking place on an annymous online forum, by people who would/will never meet IRL, and who have hundreds if not thousands of posts on the forum?
flowerseverywhere
2-28-12, 1:58pm
I think that was what I was trying to say three pages ago. The world has become a lonely place.
I think what I am trying to say that what I treasure most is the quality of a relationship. There is nothing I can text or tweet or facebook to my DH of almost 40 years that has nearly the meaning of stopping what I am doing when he walks in the house and talking to him face to face. Same with some friends of mine that I have had for over 30 years. I don't want a happy birthday greeting on facebook- but a personal e-mail or call or even a card. It's like being in a hospital bed and putting on your call bell. Having a voice come over the intercom is nothing like someone poking their head in and asking if you are OK. Or trying to get through a phone tree to get to a human being. Real human contact, real human touch. Seeing someone's expression, hearing their laugh or tears. Noticing the lines on their face, the tone of their voice, how they smell, how they touch you when you hurt and laugh with you when it is time to laugh.
But I guess I am just old fashioned, having grown up with one household telephone on the wall and no computers and limited TV (there was very limited programing and few channels). I guess maybe I am not changing with the times, maybe like Crabby Appleton (anyone remember Pollyanna) and need to accept change. I just find it very sad.
Miss Cellane
2-28-12, 2:05pm
I must say, these 'massive disconnectedness and the world is a lonely place' comments do not at all reflect my experience. I love being back in touch with my high school & college friends. I love being able to text my kids away at college, and my husband at the grocery store. I really really love having a GPS, calculator, pedometer & phone that fits in my palm or pocket.
Well, some people, like you, use the techology to enhance their lives. Other people become obsessed with it.
I'll admit that the only thing keeping me from getting a smart phone is the on-going monthly cost. I love technology. I have a GPS, an iPod touch, and a cell phone. As soon as I save up enough money, I'll probably get an iPad.
We tend to blame the technology when we see people who can't lift their faces from the glowing screen of the smart phone. But really, it's the people who are at fault. Blaming the tech overlooks the fact that people are choosing to text constantly, choosing to answer the phone every time it rings, choosing to be instantly available at every second of every day. The tech makes their behavior *possible*. But it is the individual's choice how to use that tech.
Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that a discussion about how the proliferation of social media technology is making the world a lonelier place is taking place on an annymous online forum, by people who would/will never meet IRL, and who have hundreds if not thousands of posts on the forum?
Hey, four of us had a lovely get together in SE Seattle! It can be done. Bae, I'm lookin' ya up next time I'm in the islands...
And yes, it is a bit hilarious, these protestations in this medium. I love this community, and it is IRL, because RL is also online. It's not F2F... Neither were most families who immigrated to this country, traveled to faraway places and a letter took two years to get to them... I think of my year in Guatemala, getting in line at the phone company office & waiting for my turn to call the US. We called infrequently. Today, I'd email & text the fam back home.
I had a smart phone for a couple of weeks, and I may have one again. I just don't spend enough time away from my computer to justify the cost, and call quality wasn't good enough to displace my long distance carrier.
I really like communicating via e-mail. It gives me time to collect and best express my thoughts. That doesn't mean I don't talk to people in person or on the phone. I don't feel sad or lonely because we have more ways to communicate than we used to.
I think this is a nice conversation. I'm enjoying reading it and getting all kinds of new thought-points to mull over.
chanterelle, I can see the irony in it, for sure. That said, I agree with redfox that online is still real life. I have met a few people from this forum face to face and had a lovely time. I've also reconnected face to face with some people via facebook.
There is nothing I can text or tweet or facebook to my DH of almost 40 years that has nearly the meaning of stopping what I am doing when he walks in the house and talking to him face to face.
I don't see it as a one or the other kind of thing. Today, for example, I messaged Zach (my DH) to tell him about our sick kid and ask him to pick stuff up from the store. It's not meaningful or deep, but it's useful.
A lot of times when we message each other from across the room it's stuff we don't want the kids to hear. "Hey, I was thinking we should take the kiddos to the science museum on Friday when you get off of school." "I actually get off early this Friday, so that would be perfect" or "Friday won't work because I have that meeting in the afternoon. How about Saturday?" If the kids heard that conversation they'd be bummed if it didn't work out. We also flirt with each other that way throughout the day when he has a minute in the cafeteria at school or I am in a different room.
Then in the evenings when the kids go to bed the devices are put away. We have deep conversations pretty often and we go out about twice a week for a cup of coffee and just talk. We're best friends.
I don't find a lack of deep relationships to be true in my life. I keep thinking I must be kind of an oddball. I have a lot of friends and the friendships are pretty solid. I have a strong community and a strong family. I manage to participate online, keep the house in shape, do fun things with my kids, teach my kids (homeschool), have family meals, have time with my friends, be an active member of my community, have dates with my husband and special time with each of my kids individually as well as our family time. I don't think I could do all of that without technology.
While I type this my daughters are working on a project and my sons are asleep. Well, one son is asleep the other is half asleep watching a movie because he's sick as a dog and it's distracting him from his misery. My day starts at 6AM and ends at 11PM, so short breaks here and there are pretty essential to keeping me mentally and emotionally healthy.
Miss Cellane
2-28-12, 2:41pm
Okay, now I'm seeing someone, a few years into the future, professing his undying love, "Honey, I love you so much, I've even turned off my smart phone so I can propose to you."
What better sign of true love could a girl ask for?
chanterelle
2-28-12, 3:07pm
Redfox and stella, I agree that online/tech is real life and on a grand scale.... I love it.
My original weaving teacher, now in her early 90's, is living in a retirement/nursing facility in Sweden.
She has a smart phone and she still keeps tabs on the international weaving and fiber community.
We have exchanged texts while I was working [and swearing] on really difficult and trouble prone warps...
It was as if she was standing behind me some 40 years ago pressing me foward...age has not made her wimpy!
I can even send her photos of finished masterpieces as well as some seriously stupid messes for her immediate comment...life made large!
chanterelle that is awesome! What a fabulous thing to be able to consult with her!
LOL. Miss Cellane that reminds me of an ex-BF who proposed to me while watching TV. there's a reason he's an ex. :)
I've been making great use of Facetime with the iPhone and iPad for video conferencing here in my county, where transportation between our hundreds of islands is a bit of a pain.
My daughter and I have also been making fabulous use of this facility for training and consulting with people around the world in our study of historical fencing and swordsmanship. It is wonderful to be able to "practice" with someone in Germany or Russia while you are here in the USA.
I've had people check their iphones and regular phones for texts during their massage.Me too. I've instituted a "no phones" policy in the massage room.
But the most unreal use of texting happened when I was attending a church service. There were two young pastors giving the sermon that day. They took turns speaking. One of them kept pulling out his phone and looking at it and at first I thought, "Oh, he's got a smart phone with sermon notes on it." But then you could clearly see and hear that he was receiving and sending text messges during the time he was preaching the sermon! I'm sorry, but even if the texts were part of the interaction of the service, and I can guarantee you the room full of seniors he was preaching to weren't texting him, in my book that really goes too far.
Me too. I've instituted a "no phones" policy in the massage room.
But the most unreal use of texting happened when I was attending a church service. There were two young pastors giving the sermon that day. They took turns speaking. One of them kept pulling out his phone and looking at it and at first I thought, "Oh, he's got a smart phone with sermon notes on it." But then you could clearly see and hear that he was receiving and sending text messges during the time he was preaching the sermon! I'm sorry, but even if the texts were part of the interaction of the service, and I can guarantee you the room full of seniors he was preaching to weren't texting him, in my book that really goes too far.
Well, there's no excuse for dreadful boundaries.
I tend to be on the side of thinking that all this technology is great. Certainly some people like Nella's pastor use bad judgement as to when/where it's appropriate to use. But overall I think it's a benefit.
I've always been somewhat of an introvert. A few close friends, a few regular acquaintences, and that has always been the extent of my social circle. It's all I want. Any more and I'd be overwhelmed. Add to that 3 years in a horrible phone job and I will never enjoy talking on the phone again. (that was 20 years ago and I still don't really enjoy chatting on the phone.) Now, thanks to the internet, and by extension the iPhone that SO gave me for Christmas, I've reconnected to dozens of people from my past. I still like getting together with people in person, but now I can also touch base with close friends instantly if I want, plus I can keep in touch with old long-ago friends through facebook who I would not otherwise have ever been in touch with again. I find it amazing and great that I can watch my high school friend Tracey's kids growing up thanks to her constant posts and pictures. The choice in that instance isn't avoiding real time together by using technology. The choice is either keep in touch through technology or not keep in touch at all. And still more, I've met all sorts of new people I would never otherwise have come in contact with thanks to things like this message board.
As others have said, it's not the technology that's the problem, anymore then it is that guns kill people, but the way people use it.
I watched a TV show on PBS last night about the Amish. One of the reason they sited for not allowing telephones into their homes (back when phones were new) was because it would stop people from visiting. They felt (and I agree) that if you could just pick up a phone and disscuss the days events rather than visit a person to see them face to face, that it would greatly diminish the sense of community and family that was the core of Amish life. Obviously in our wide spread world this kind of thing wouldn't happen - face to face visits with friends and relatives. So technology is great for that connectedness. However, I do find that in my personal life, my sense of friendships, community and even family have slipped away due to the fact that we interact more online/via phone then in person. I for one do miss the more face to face thing.
Oh don't get me wrong..........there's lots of things I love about today's technology. I can make friendships with people I never would have known, I can look absolutely anything about anything up on the internet, I can easily check on my children and extended family, etc., etc. But........I don't let it interfere with my time with these people when I'm in their real presence.
AmeliaJane
2-29-12, 8:20pm
I'm currently reading "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking" (discussed on another thread). I wonder if this is tied into different types of personalities--if you define extroverts as those who crave lots of outside stimulation, I can see how a cell phone/smartphone could be very addictive and also tempting at inappropriate times. Whereas for introverts like me, I'm not even tempted and it's hard to see why anyone would be. But when I need it, I really appreciate the technology. The cable company seems unable to keep the Internet on at my house, and boy is it nice to have a backup plan. Also, my sis (parent to two preschoolers) is far easier to reach by text than by phone. She can text even when shrieking and punching are going on in the background, and no hard feelings if she has to put the phone down mid-message to rescue the cat...
AmeliaJane, how is that book? I was thinking about getting it from the library.
I have a very basic cellphone on a pay-as-you-go plan without texting. I love my laptop and spend more time than I should on it; if my phone had the same capabilities (internet, email, etc.), when would I have time to think? Quiet time makes me happy. Count me as one of those people who can sit on a bench with a view and just be quiet with my own thoughts, and I enjoy people watching. Even while giving massages, I'm in "NancyWorld", lost in my own thoughts.
It seems people need entertainment and distractions every minute of every day. I haven't joined Facebook but have heard all sorts of great stories of people reuniting and catching up. Maybe I'm one of those oddballs who is happier on my own.
Years ago If all the smart phones were there, I know for a fact I would have had it glued to my hand inseperable. Now I have an iPhone and I do not have my email turned on, no apps but weather on the screen. I became one of those who checked it every time it pinged and Pres Obama never calls! So I broke myseld of the habit. I have text since that seems to be the only way my sons communicate with me it seems. I would love not to have text however. I would not have a cell anylonger, but I fell into the trapped feelings of the What Ifs we have in today world. What IF I took a spill biking, car broke down, Oh goodness someone needs me.....nope none of those things have happened but What If??? Facebook, I tried just did not get it. Oh I must be old. Youtube, I love for my music, I used to be a music collector. ASAP the "album" came out I had it. Now I have not bought a download in so long. I just hit youtube. I have not bought a news paper or magazine in forever, I read every day online. iPad, fun toy. My macbook and highspeed, I think of life without it....nope it is my connection with the outside world :)
Editing to say: I just spent to much time here and my milk for my yogurt just boiled over >:(
Mrs. Hermit
3-1-12, 11:29am
I am trying hard to teach my Itouch-toting teen that "IRL people take precedence over cyber-people." I even had to put it in "texting speech" for her! Her older sister is annoying with her habit of constantly checking and texting on the Crackberry, but for her it is more understandable. Her emergency services jobs often contact her by text. But it is a very bad example for her younger sister!
My daughter would never have sat quietly across from me at lunch while I surfed on my phone. She would demand to play games on it! And I would let her, because I know she gets bored at restaurants, and the phone usually keeps her from wandering in the aisles or making a mess of the sugar packets until the food arrives.
Then I put the phone away so we can eat and continue our scintillating discussion of the personalities of various fictional steam engines, and how dogs poop outside, but people don't.
Our teens went through a very annoying phase of tuning us out via their devices. We restricted them, of course, and always had some pushback. It was early individuation, in my opinion.
The hardest part for me was when their mom took over their plans, which we were happy to have happen for the cost factor. An unintended consequence was that we couldn't use access as a behavioral tool any more. It was a great motivator in the early online access & cell years.
We made it clear to both that once we stopped paying for their devices, we would not take it up again. They were on their own. How they have convinced their mom to continue paying for their cell bills at the ages of 19 & 22 is beyond me!
Happily, our 22 year old developed reasonable boundaries with her device. She no longer takes it out at dinner or when visiting the grandparents. We had many heated covos about those behaviors, and times when the cell was locked up. Access to peers is the primary way our teens used their cells. I consider texting the 21st century version of passing notes.
My mom used to limit my access to the telephone, and I was just as irate with her as my teens were with me. I wonder what their teens will present to them as the tech challenge of the day? It will be interesting to see if they carry forward similar limits and boundary setting that we employed.
It drives me nuts when my daughter texts me and expects a long answer. I have a very old phone and 3 letters are on each key. It would take me a half hour to text a simple answer. I usually end up calling her.
This is funny........one time my daughter was telling me of a time when she was yelling at a boyfriend over the phone (texting). As she was telling me what she said, her hands were mimicing typing on the phone. hahaha
It drives me nuts when my daughter texts me and expects a long answer. I have a very old phone and 3 letters are on each key. It would take me a half hour to text a simple answer. I usually end up calling her.
This is funny........one time my daughter was telling me of a time when she was yelling at a boyfriend over the phone (texting). As she was telling me what she said, her hands were mimicing typing on the phone. hahaha
This reminds me of the work that has been done documenting the hand signing that hearing babies of ASL fluent deaf parents do as their first speech. Language and communication take many forms. One of the things I realized with my young adults is that their communication has been primarily via text. It's different than mine. I don't judge them as right or wrong, good or bad; it's just what they're doing. I definitely do not feel as though things are going to hell, etc. Teens find many ways to individuate - texting & cell phone independence is the latest version.
you know, these kids are READING so much, you'd think we should be happy about it! Even though text speak is abbreviated nonsense, they are still exercising a cognitive process that takes place when eyes takes in text and translates to brain. It's not all bad. Perhaps they will forget how to interact with humans (but for sex!) but will develop skills that are only latent in us oldsters.
flowerseverywhere
3-1-12, 10:36pm
you know, these kids are READING so much, you'd think we should be happy about it! Even though text speak is abbreviated nonsense, they are still exercising a cognitive process that takes place when eyes takes in text and translates to brain. It's not all bad. Perhaps they will forget how to interact with humans (but for sex!) but will develop skills that are only latent in us oldsters.
OMG U R rite! ROTFLMAO! 4COL U C TMI all the time IMO. WABOC - need 2 KPC. Today was ADIP AFC. ISH. BTWIPN.
WCMTSU.
AKA: Oh my god, your are right. Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off. For Crying out loud, you see too much information all the time in my opinion. What a bunch of crap - need to keep parents clueless. today was another day in Paradise away from my computer. Insert Sarcasm here. By the way I post naked.
We can't make this sh** up.
Anyone who uses Morse code or shorthand would love this, flowers! So many ways to communicate...
I've wondered if the need for a computer/smart phone/eLife has helped to give kids more of a desire to learn to read who otherwise might give up on trying to learn.
Being illiterate in an eWorld must really stink even more than the paper world.
flowerseverywhere
3-2-12, 7:09am
Anyone who uses Morse code or shorthand would love this, flowers! So many ways to communicate...
I was trying to be funny- but in real life (IRL) the other day I was speaking to a grown up and he actually said to me LOL. Not "that's funny" or laughing but the actual initials! I asked him if he actually realized he said that, and he didn't even realize it he is so used to texting.
You know, I see spelling and grammatical errors all the time in the posts here (and probably make them myself), but that is the way of the world I guess. KWIM? (know what I mean?)
You know, I see spelling and grammatical errors all the time in the posts here (and probably make them myself), but that is the way of the world I guess. KWIM? (know what I mean?)
http://ow.ly/i/t8bb
Okay, here's my chance to ask something I've wanted to know forever........its off-topic, but since redfox mentioned short-hand, I feel better asking this now.
Court Reporters............what are they typing? Is that shorthand? Is that different from the written shorthand?
Thanks!
One has to wonder (at least I do) what the implications are when the primary mode of communication we have used for centuries, ie talking to each other face to face, changes to a new way in the space of a decade. Very quick evolution I guess.
They're using Stenotype! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stenotype
My sister learned this in high school, I think. Not sure exactly what it looks like when typed out; probably some sort of shorthand.
flowerseverywhere
3-2-12, 9:38pm
They're using Stenotype! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stenotype
My sister learned this in high school, I think. Not sure exactly what it looks like when typed out; probably some sort of shorthand.
after being on Jury duty last year if I cannot imagine a worse job than court reporter. The delays, absolutely ridiculous attorney posturing and delays I could not do it. I applaud those public servants that can stick in there.
I'm a mixed media artist, and quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing about iPhone apps to make your photographs look "cool." If I hear the word "Hipstamatic" one more time, I'm gonna scream.
I'm a mixed media artist, and quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing about iPhone apps to make your photographs look "cool." If I hear the word "Hipstamatic" one more time, I'm gonna scream.
Well, it IS cool! Esp for those of us who aren't mixed media artists... My DH, who is a professional photographer, built a special tripod mount for his iphone, and has taken some pretty amazing pics with that little camera.
OK, I admit it: I'm jealous. I want an iPhone. I just can't afford a smart phone right now. I know I can do special effects in Photoshop, but somehow, it's not the same. I always say I'm going to bring my point and shoot with me when I go out--and I always forget it. But I never forget my phone.
I feel like a kid in school who wants what all the other kids have.
I work in the equivalent of a community college, in a student-facing service. At a rough estimate, I'd say a good 60% of students a) are simultaneously asking me something and texting/using internet etc on their phone; or b) whip it out and do something on it in the 30 seconds it takes me to complete their transaction. If I'm in a really crabby mood, I'll tell them to put their phone away if they want to be served. But then, is it my responsibility to teach these people (mainly adults!) manners?
Often there are groups of students with each member of the group doing something on their phone. Is it a "I'd rather be anywhere but here" kind of mentality, or is there a mutual understanding that using their phone is a priority? I feel rude even taking my phone out in front of a friend to put it on 'silent'.
I have to say, I'd probably judge a mother fairly negatively if she were with her child but using her phone for a prolonged period of time. But then, if the kid's happy enough, I suppose there's no problem! What if she were reading a paper or a book instead? Would it cause the same judgement from us?
What if she were reading a paper or a book instead? Would it cause the same judgement from us?
Good question. I think for me it probably would. Being completely disinterested in your child just seems odd to me. But as mentioned earlier, who knows what that person's story is.
I haven't succumbed yet to the ardor for smart phones; I willingly remain an observer. Yesterday while having lunch at a cafe I observed a young mother with her 5 or 6 year old daughter sitting across from us. The entire time we were there the mom stared at her i-phone without uttering one word to her daughter. The child was obviously used to this lonesome time and played with her food, stared out the window and talked to herself while mom remained glued to her phone. I felt very sorry for the missed opportunity. And then yesterday while out with a birding group, I observed four different people check their phones and/or text messages right in the middle of the leader's lectures. Even my own dd can't come for a short visit without checking her phone every few minutes. Sorry, I just don't get it.I agree with everything you said, 100%. And like yourself, I don't get it either...
I listened to a great radio program not too long ago that delved into this very issue, and one of the points made during the discussion, was introduced legislation Re: use of cellphones, iphones, etc, in public places. (To clarify, the idea of legislation, isn't just a passing concept of whether or not "if" it will happen, it's simply a matter of "when", and I welcome that day.
Speaking from this side of the border, I think we have more rules than we need already.
Well, Jane, give people an inch, and they'll take a mile, says it all when it comes to laws, legislation, and restrictions. From everything I have seen (thus far) related to my stay here on Planet Earth, Homo Sapiens, don't have the intelligence to think for themselves, so laws, legislation, and rules, are a necessary requirement in order to uphold order, or at best, help maintain it.
But it's homo sapiens who's making the rules, and a lot of them are hooey, IMO. I'm for fewer, better thought-out laws. Some cretin yelling into her cell at the grocery store doesn't rise to the occasion of "deserves jail time" in my world.
But it's homo sapiens who's making the rules, and a lot of them are hooey, IMO. I'm for fewer, better thought-out laws. Some cretin yelling into her cell at the grocery store doesn't rise to the occasion of "deserves jail time" in my world.Maybe not jail time, but strict, prohibited, restricted zones, yes.
When I'm attending one of my children's Christmas Plays, or at a special event where a speaker (or stage artists) are front and centre stage, I do not want to hear a cellphone. Not a one.
I work in the equivalent of a community college, in a student-facing service. At a rough estimate, I'd say a good 60% of students a) are simultaneously asking me something and texting/using internet etc on their phone; or b) whip it out and do something on it in the 30 seconds it takes me to complete their transaction. If I'm in a really crabby mood, I'll tell them to put their phone away if they want to be served. But then, is it my responsibility to teach these people (mainly adults!) manners? ...
The liquor store where I shop has a sign at the check out counter that says (paraphrase): " We are happy to serve you when you have completed your cell phone call. Thank you for giving us your full attention." I thought that has rather a lot of balls for a retailer to tell their customer how to interact, but then, it's their money.
Without penal chasten, related to laws and rules and regulations, there's no sense instating such measures. (People, in general, just don't get it unless there is a serious consequence attached).
Originally posted by Iris Lily.
The liquor store where I shop has a sign at the check out counter that says (paraphrase): " We are happy to serve you when you have completed your cell phone call.+1. :+1:
When I'm attending one of my children's Christmas Plays, or at a special event where a speaker (or stage artists) are front and centre stage, I do not want to hear a cellphone. Not a one.
I don't know....I have been to many Christmas plays where any distraction seems less painful than the performance......:|(:~)
Perhaps your kids are better actors than mine.
Originally posted by Fawn.
I don't know....I have been to many Christmas plays where any distraction seems less painful than the performance......
Perhaps your kids are better actors than mine.LOL! My level of displeasure over cellphone use (and texting, I'll leave that for another day), arises from standing in line at the bank or supermarket, and hearing someone's cellphone go off, and then, as if to relay to everyone in the store/bank, the person on the cellphone talks EXTRA LOUD as if to say to everyone in their presence, "HELLO, CAN YOU SEE/HEAR I'M TALKING ON MY CELLPHONE". Translation, can you keep it down everybody, because I'm not smart enough to cut the call short and carry on the conversation later, in private, or at best, OUTSIDE! (Outside, so the rest of us don't have to listen to you)!!!
Cellphone use IMO has become much like what smoking used to be. For example, "oh, you don't smoke, well, too bad, because I do, and if you don't like the smell, then stay home". That sort of attitude. WRONG! We now have smoking bylaws, where non-smokers have the right to sit down in a public place and enjoy a meal or a get-together, without being smoked out, and it's just a matter of time before similar bylaws are brought down to put an end to inconsiderate cellphone use as well.
It scares me to think that governments could go so far as to do such a thing. If they can prevent a person from talking on a cell phone in public, can they also prevent me from talking to my child in public? From laughing out loud? From coughing or sneezing?
Doesn't scare me. Here in Canada, we have a law in place that prohibits talking on cellphones while driving. How about in the US. Are you allowed to drive while chatting on a cellphone?
I have nothing against cellphone use in public per se, I do however have a problem (a big problem) with cellphone use at a paid concert or event, where people have paid money to attend a function, not paid money to listen to someone's cellphone. Likewise for restaurant outings, particularly fancy or classy establishments, same goes for places such as museums.
Miss Cellane
3-16-12, 3:22pm
Doesn't scare me. Here in Canada, we have a law in place that prohibits talking on cellphones while driving. How about in the US. Are you allowed to drive while chatting on a cellphone?
I have nothing against cellphone use in public per se, I do however have a problem (a big problem) with cellphone use at a paid concert or event, where people have paid money to attend a function, not paid money to listen to someone's cellphone. Likewise for restaurant outings, particularly fancy or classy establishments, same goes for places such as museums.
Cell phone use while driving is a matter left up to the individual states in the US. There are a variety of laws. Over half the states have laws prohibiting texting while driving. Other states outlaw the use of a hand-held phone, but permit the use of a hands-free device. Some states prohibit certain uses of a cell phone by age--the younger the driver, the more prohibitions. My state allows cell phone use, but bans texting and watching video screens (although a GPS screen is allowed). However there is also a strong "distracted driving" law and cell phone use can fall under that.
LOL! My level of displeasure over cellphone use (and texting, I'll leave that for another day), arises from standing in line at the bank or supermarket, and hearing someone's cellphone go off, and then, as if to relay to everyone in the store/bank, the person on the cellphone talks EXTRA LOUD as if to say to everyone in their presence, "HELLO, CAN YOU SEE/HEAR I'M TALKING ON MY CELLPHONE". Translation, can you keep it down everybody, because I'm not smart enough to cut the call short and carry on the conversation later, in private, or at best, OUTSIDE! (Outside, so the rest of us don't have to listen to you)!!!.
Just FYI, the reason people talk so loudly on cells is that, unlike handsets, cell phones do not have an amplification loop back to the speaker. With landline handsets, even cordless ones, what you're saying is amplified back to you. So you can hear yourself and modulate your volume. Cells don't have that ability, so the speaker cannot tell how loud they are being. One can actually talk very softly into a cell and be heard quite well by their party, but don't realize this.
It scares me to think that governments could go so far as to do such a thing. If they can prevent a person from talking on a cell phone in public, can they also prevent me from talking to my child in public? From laughing out loud? From coughing or sneezing?
Totally with you here.
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