View Full Version : In laws gave us $30000 and...
I really need advice!
Yes, my overwhelmingly generous in laws gave us $30000 to buy a house. We put in another $30000. The house was going to be our final path toward debt free living. We own the house outright. We live on acreage in the middle of no where. The house is a fixer upper but was scheduled to have all major problems fixed by summer.
My in laws DID NOT want us to buy this house! It needed lots of work and was far from town. However being the most supportive people I know, despite their opposition backed us financially anyway.
It was not easy living in a house that didn't have heat in winter, no hot water, no oven, no flooring etc. it goes on and on...BUT we survived it! We kept moving forward knowing that we would fix everything by summer.
There IS one problem that we can't fix and has kept me awake at night many nights! I've had several arguments with my husband over this and I refuse to budge: we have already had 2 mojave green snakes on my property. These are considered the deadliest snake in North America--it is advised to avoid them. I live in their habitat! My dog put its face in the face of one and luckily didn't get bitten.
I cannot live on a property that I cannot use. My child can't play outside when it's warm. Mojave greens do not hibernate in winter; they can reemerge whenever the temps rise.
So my dilemma is that I want to move this summer. My in laws are going to be beside themselves, although I know they share the same concern about the snakes.
Do we offer to give the $30000 back? I doubt they would take it, but I feel so much stress just leading up to telling them!
On the otherhand, if not for the snake problem we could have retired on his property.
Lastly, we live in rattlesnake country, and it sounds odd to say this but we are used to dealing with "regular" rattlesnakes, not mojave greens!
Thanks or any advice you may have,
Sandy
I would contact animal control and see what options might exist for keeping the snakes off the property or creating a safe area in the property that you can use. I am sure you have looked into this, btu there may be a way to do it that they know about that you might not find on internet searches, etc.
I think that you can talk to your ILs about this situation. For example, they may say 'yes, sell the house and move into a new place, use the money from the sale to buy the new place, too" or, they might say 'yes, pay us back.'
But then, I like communicating. :)
Please consider getting some consultation on how to communicate with your husband about this. You're scared, and likely in a highly reactive place. It's very difficult to engage your cognitive brain in this state-your limbic brain is dominating.
You deserve support, clear thinking, and some time to be heard. So does your husband. Once y'all have a joinlty crafted plan of action, THEN talk with the in-laws. There is no hurry... Please take the time you need to make a considered, sound, non-emergency decision.
The money decision seems to me to be the very last decision to make, not the first one.
The only thing I can think of is getting a mongoose! Sorry.
Thanks for your advice! I think I do need to communicate this with my In laws soon.
I need to express to them that this is something that I can't put a price on...If anyone in my family was bitten by a mojave green I would give $30000 to fix the problem.
There is little that can be done to eradicate these snakes. Animal control recommends keeping the rodent population down. We found that difficult to do. I have spoken to several people who live where I live where we live and they all concur that you have to be vigilant and be proactive (I.e. check under your car; do a snake walk before letting kids or dogs in the yard)...I've just finally acknowledged that it's too much for me.
The two mojaves that I encountered we're not even alarming...the hardly rattled, sounded like a bug!
I want to make this property work, but it violates my basic need for safety.
Sandy
I think that what red fox says is really valuable. perhaps you can find a counsellor who would be a mediator? hear everyone out, help you come up with a cohesive plan of action?
This is clearly a topic that is stressful for you, but it also sounds like it is a situation that won't be resolved overnight. I'm assuming you keep a supply of anti-venom on hand in case you, your husband, or your child are accidentally bitten by a snake. If not, I would stock up on that ASAP. Also, you mention living in the middle of nowhere. I'm wondering exactly how far it is to the nearest emergency room. I've lived my entire life in rural areas and am a lover of the great outdoors so have hiked, mountain biked, and gone trail running in a wide variety of remote places. I'm always a bit more comfortable doing this stuff when I know where the closest ER is and how long it will take me to get there!
Was the snake issue disclosed to you when you purchased the house? I know things like ghost have to be and if they're not you can pursue getting your money back. It probably wouldn't totally cover your losses, but it would help.
Mighty Frugal
3-7-12, 3:19pm
I would move. No money is worth your well being both physically and mentally. I agree to discuss with your dh first, then approach inlaws. If they are as supportive as they sound I am certain they will want you to move, buy another home AND keep the 30k
Sandy, I love all creatures, but I could not live in your situation either. The vigilance required when living in rattlesnake country is just too much for me (that's why I live at elevation.....no poisonous snakes, scorpions, any of that. The closest things to dangerous we have are black widows and brown recluse spiders, and that's enough stress for me. I just like to be very relaxed when I'm outdoors, as much as possible.
I would take RedFox's advice (I often do :) ) and get clear, get calm, and talk to them openly and honestly and with gratitude for what they've already offered.
I think they will respond positively.
Rattlesnakes are predators so shouldn't be around in great numbers if you initially get them under control. However, you live where they do so there will always be some around. The more rats and mice you can get rid of, the better. You have to start at the bottom of the food chain to impact the top (aka, get rid of the mouse food). My grandparents in western OK used to put out corn to draw in crows who just happen to love baby rattlesnakes. The less babies this spring the less adult snakes this summer. Worth a thought. Grandma also carried a .22 pistol with "birdshot" loads with her just about everywhere on their property and was a pretty good shot. I doubt one ever got away from her alive. Grandad wore boots, kept an eye out and never worried that much about the snakes.
Regarding your in-laws, I totally agree that you just need to talk to them. They sound like great people and I'm sure they will understand that things didn't work out like you had hoped. If it was my kids I'd tell them to roll the money over into the next house. A gift is a gift, once you give it you give up the right to tell someone how to use it, but to keep peace in the family I would sure give them a chance to chime in if they want to.
Just curious if you knew there were green mojaves when you bought the place? We once bought a brand new subdivision here in Texas. All that building disturbed the rattlers and scorpions and we had run-ins with both. Once a rattler slithered under our nice warm car and struck our dog in the head as she investigated. Her head swelled up like a basketball but she lived. That same year, we dealt with scorpions galore - even finding them in our bed after stinging dh. I understand completely your fear especially with children involved. Just about everyone makes housing mistakes so don't feel bad. Situations change too. I would offer to repay your inlaws though.
loosechickens
3-7-12, 6:42pm
I can't give advice about your in-laws, but to me, it does sound as though you are in the thrall of a strong emotional, limbic brain, fear response that may be less than rational thinking.
As we spend a lot of time in the desert southwest, often in wilderness areas, I'm familiar with this snake, and with all rattlesnakes. Although there is a fear level about these snakes and they have a reputation for agressiveness, the scientific literature on them does not sustain this belief. Fatalities from bites of this snake are very unusual, given the wide distribution of anti-venom among medical facilities and personnel in the areas they and other rattlers frequent. And, most serious problems have involved hikers and others in wilderness places that might be hours from medical help, who were unable to get to medical help for hours and hours after being bitten.
You might want to check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crotalus_scutulatus
Certainly mojave green snakes can be a danger, regular rattlesnakes can be a danger, but I'm sure that if you could research on how many people were killed by bites from these snakes per year, as compared, say, to the number of children killed by running out into traffic, or dying in swimming pools, or even struck by lightning, it could put this danger into a bit more perspective for you.
What if you move into another home, and a neighbor has a pool that attracts your small children? What if there is traffic nearby? What if you find out that a sexual predator lives in the neighborhood? What if the area you choose has tornadoes, lots of thunderstorms, or is discovered to have some environmental problems with water or waste? I'm sure that you take your children with you in your automobile. How much more likely is it that someone in your family will die in an auto accident?
Have you discussed this mojave green snake problem with medical professionals? Do you understand fully what the procedure would be if one of you were bitten? Do you know, as with other rattlesnake bites, how many hours you have to get medical attention and anti-venom before you or a family member would be really in danger? Do medical facilities within reach of you have anti-venom in stock? Because if these questions are answered, you might be able to realize that should the worst happen, and you or a family member be bitten by one of these snakes, it might not be the absolute disaster you think, making it where you feel you have to sell your dream home and flee.
because, you know what? This is unlikely to be really a problem about snakes, but more a problem of anxieties, fears and emotional responses, which means that you may throw up all your work, upset everything, move from this home, only to find yourself beset with other fears and anxieties in the new place, about other things.
We often fear some things obsessively, while ignoring or being complacent about dangers that are far more likely. I suspect you take your children with you and ride in your automobile to run errands, yet I would be willing to bet that legions more folks die every year in automobile accidents than die from rattlesnake bites. Yet how many of us are paralyzed with fear at the idea of having to go somewhere in a car?
You may, especially since you've already done a lot of the work on the house, get your money out of it, and just be able to roll your equity into a new place, which should be fine with your in-laws, who, I am sure want you to be happy, as their motivation was to make sure that your family was able to purchase a home.
To me, I have a bigger concern. I understand that you are afraid. And you may have made up your mind that you are not going to stay in this house no matter what, but be prepared for moving from this house not to be the answer to your problem, because my best guess is the snakes are not really what is wrong. That underlying the "presenting problem", which is fear of these snakes, is an underlying fear and anxiety issue that will not be solved just by moving.
My heart goes out to you, truly, because I'm sure that this discovery has spoiled your enjoyment of your new home. But if you could try to get control of your emotional response and actually research and investigate just how badly you are endangered and measure that danger to other, common dangers that might abound in some different house or location, you might see that this is a manageable problem, or at least be able to delay a quick decision long enough to allow you to finish the work on the house, allowing you to get your money out of it easily.
Cyberhugs coming your way......for sure.
I truly appreciate all of the suggestions. It's giving me a lot of ideas and perspectives to consider. One idea my husband and I are considering is to rent the house out to someone who either doesn't go out much or doesn't harbor the fears that I have. We could then rent in town. There are plenty of people who don't mind living in this environment. I just don't think it's going to be me...my quality of life feels too diminished at this point. My husband doesn't want to move. He wants to put up a "snake proof" fence. It's a mesh fencing that is installed with an angle at the top...supposed to keep even the babies out. Ive been thinking about my snake concerns since August and Im not feeling very persuaded to make it work. I don't want to spend every step outside scanning my surroundings.
I'm not sure if my fears are irrational. Could be, but I've spent 5 years on a search and rescue team in the mojave desert...I've hike, and climbed through the most crazy parts of the desert, on top of rocks, squeezing underneath them at night and in the heat of summer, many times under urgent conditions where I didn't have time to look before I've stepped. I've seen about 10 rattlesnakes, never a mojave green.
I lived in this house for 1 month and had 2 on the property. My husband does think that I am being irrational and that we can just cautious...but I never got over the fact that I had to walked the property doing a snake walk every time I let the dogs out or my child. Just doesn't seem worth it.
Thanks for helping me work through my emotions..I'll keep you all posted!
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