View Full Version : Adult picky eaters...
The thread on children who are picky eaters got me thinking about those who continue to be fussy throughout adulthood.
How do you deal with adult picky eaters? Do you make special food for them or cater for their very specific tastes when you have them over to eat? Or do you just not invite these people?? :)
I know grown men and women who pick out tiny bits of onion and bell pepper from their food, or who just simply will not try any new food, however run-of-the-mill and 'unexotic' it may be.
I once got so frustrated with a particular friend who was performing delicate pepper-removal surgery on some restaurant lasagna that I told her to stop it "start eating like an adult". Oops.
I always wonder if these are genuine dislikes of food or if there's some kind of neuroticism behind it, and whether I should be more compassionate and accommodating.
Bastelmutti
4-4-12, 1:50pm
I think there are definitely degrees of this. With my circle of adult friends, no one has a serious allergy, everyone has run-of-the-mill dislikes, and everyone has one or two of those "hate the taste so much, I might puke" foods. We generally accommodate the latter. I *cannot* eat caraway seeds. It literally feels like anything in my stomach is going to come back up when I taste them. A good friend feels that way about blue cheese and another about fish and mushrooms. Some people think cilantro tastes like soap. Other people can't handle spiciness, etc. So I just cook something else if they are coming over or leave that component to the side.
With kids I'm more lenient & make plain rice or plain pasta with whatever we're having, or leave off spice and sauce on part of the meal so that everyone can eat something. But in any case I'm not in the "you'll eat what's on your plate or else" school of thought. I have seen with one of my own kids that this "pickiness" (certain food preferences) started when she was a baby, so I think some people just have really different ways of tasting things. Another site I read about adult picky eaters confirmed this for me. Many of these people had been traumatized as kids and forced to eat, which really resulted in some of the "neuroticism" you mention, so I try to take a balanced approach, make reasonable accommodations and try to make food and eating a pleasant and fun thing.
I just wonder who you think you are to complain about other adults likes and dislikes about food. Sometimes it is medical, sometimes it is due to past history, sometimes it is just taste or appearance. I have a friend who is seriously allergic to banana. Not a usual allergy and dangerous to her. How run of the mill is banana? Would you not believe her? A smiley face doesn't do it. Maybe you should just tell them to their face that you don't cater to anything special for anyone and if they don't like it please don't come.
I absolutely hate, abhor, despise..... the taste of mustard and catsup. Period. Wont eat it. If you give me a hamburger with mustard on it, I wont eat it or scrape it off. I was forced as a child to eat it and it has become a lifelong dislike. Would rather go without. I don't like olives and will pick them out. Really dislike the taste of red peppers in my food and, if large pieces, will set them aside. However, I eat most anything else (love liver) and love ethnic foods. Enjoy sushi and spent months in India and Thailand eating only local food.
I don't tell people what to make but do let them know that mustard and olives are not liked if they ask. My husband wont eat any meat from four legged animals and makes do with everything else if someone make a meatloaf or serves steak or roast. He does not make a fuss and certainly won't starve. Our friends so not serve him such meat and will give him chicken or just give him a nice plate of the side dishes.
I have a friend who is seriously allergic to banana. Not a usual allergy and dangerous to her. How run of the mill is banana? Would you not believe her? A smiley face doesn't do it.
What? If they have an allergy, serious dislike or don't eat something for moral/religious reasons, that's completely different. "Picky eating" does not encompass these things.
Maybe I didn't make myself clear. Sometimes I can't tell if someone has a genuine dislike of something or if they're just too afraid to re-try things they didn't like when they were children. I'm talking about people who dislike so many commonplace ingredients that it makes them difficult to cater for. Onions, pasta, peppers, lettuce, tomatoes, sauces of any kind, bread, etc. Sometimes it just seems a little too dramatic and unnecessary.
Everyone has dislikes when it comes to food, but then there are those who are supremely fussy for what seems like no particular reason. Everyone's made differently. Maybe I just have to accept that some people have taste-buds that tolerate fewer flavours or textures or whatever it may be.
Bastelmutti
4-4-12, 2:23pm
Well, as far as re-trying goes - I have re-tried celery many times and still don't like it. I guess some people just have more capacity for actually chewing and swallowing foods they don't like than others.
If I had a guest who had that many issues, I think I would just host a potluck or say grill & have guests bring side dishes, which would allow them to bring at least one dish they like and can eat.
If I know about a preference, I will either make a dish without that ingredient or serve that ingredient on the side- like blue cheese for one of my friends. I usually have a variety of dishes when I have people over, so if there is an aversion, there are always other things to eat.
I did have one relative on my husband's side who was picky in the sense you mentioned. If her mother didn't make it for her a kid, she wasn't ever going to try it (and she's in her 60s now). She would just make such a dramatic face and be so obviously pained. Even in restaurants, it was a joke to her husband that she couldn't relax until she saw a ham and cheese sandwich on the menu. She just KNEW she wasn't going to like it. She did not have allergies (I asked). It wasn't that she tried it once and knew she didn't like it, she just never tried it and was convinced it was awful. Even if I served something with ingredients I knew she has eaten, but prepared them or arranged them in a different manner, she would have that panicked face. The only way to really cope was to see this as a TV sitcom.
Some people think cilantro tastes like soap.
I'm one of those people. I wish I knew what it tasted like to people who like it. I always have to ask my favorite mexican restaurant to make me a fresh batch of their yummy salsa without the cilantro but extra hot. They know me by now and don't mind because we eat there so often (and tip good).
I always tell people that invite us to dinner that my husband doesn't eat pork but is happy with just sides if that is what they have planned.
Mira - I know the kind of people you are talking about and it can get annoying. I completely gave up eatting out with one friend because she was so picky about little things she didn't like that it became embarrassing. And she acted like we were the stupid ones for eatting whatever it was she was making a big show out of removing from her food.
I have developed a strange allergy to styrofoam. I can't eat or drink any food that is touching it. Just yesterday a sweet friend had them remake my sandwich at chic-fil-a because it now is served in a styrofoam box, I had run out to the car to get my waterbottle because they had nothing for drinks other than styrofoam cups, so I didn't even know about the sandwich until later. When you have allergies it's nice to have friends who look out for you.
I guess what you mean by picky is how Meg Ryan portrayed it in that wonderful diner scene in "When Harry Met Sally." Billy Crystal rolled his eyes at her, and all of us did, too.
Being picky eaters now encompasses a lot more than just a focus on things we don't like. Now it's all about not eating too many carbs, or too much protein, or too many calories or meat, or processed foods, or stuff that will make us fat or stuff that will harm other creatures, or blah blah blah.
I don't consider myself picky at all--but I won't eat peanut butter (yuck), and I won't eat beef or poultry for humane reasons, and I won't eat TOO much junk, and I won't eat too much of DH's salt-ridden cooking, and I won't eat oysters because I found out in a bathroom on a transatlantic flight that I'm allergic to them. And I don't drink soda because I think it's poison, and I won't eat anything with HFCS because it's ploy for profits by big corporations.
Does that make me picky? :~)
I try to know as much as possible about the folks I'm cooking for, before I invite them. I have been known to ask, "What foods make you want to gag? I want to be sure I don't put them anywhere near you." I also involve people in the plating of their food, either by letting them get what they want, or asking questions -- is there any of this you don't really want? I'm sensitive to making sure that if I'm the host, people walk away happy.
When out at a restaurant, I figure it's none of my business what others eat and don't eat, unless they try to convince me of their superior tastes. There's nothing worse than someone who isn't grown up enough to know the difference between "I hate mushrooms (beans, raw onions, mayo)" and "Everybody should hate (insert food), because it sucks." It's like eating with a badly-behaved seven-year-old. They can leave their whole dinner on their plate if they don't like it, I likely won't even notice, free country. I've noticed that people who don't like a LOT of stuff -- I mean, if it's a total minefield trying to figure out what they'll eat (for non-medical reasons) -- often have other behavioral things I don't like, like a sense of entitlement, self-centeredness, or equal pickiness about everything/everyone else in life. Those folks don't last long in our circle of friends anyway.
I'm glad I've grown out of most of my childhood dislikes, which ranged from tomato sauce to rye bread to coffee. Still don't care for some tastes, like anise, but they're easy enough to avoid.
IshbelRobertson
4-4-12, 5:15pm
I think it makes you 'discerning'!
I think it makes you 'discerning'!
I like that!
Bastelmutti
4-4-12, 7:53pm
I've noticed that people who don't like a LOT of stuff -- I mean, if it's a total minefield trying to figure out what they'll eat (for non-medical reasons) -- often have other behavioral things I don't like, like a sense of entitlement, self-centeredness, or equal pickiness about everything/everyone else in life. Those folks don't last long in our circle of friends anyway.
Good point. I guess I am fortunate in not really having run across many people with this profile.
Luckily, neither have I -- but there are a couple on the periphery of our life that just make us shrug and laugh. Like, "really?" One guy will actually go so far as to lean closer to you and say, "I can't believe you EAT that stuff...." And it can be something simple, like a baked potato with sour cream. Of course, he also hasn't been able to have a steady girlfriend for 20 years. I wonder why? :)
I am now the world\'s pickiest eater, but only because I am on a new medical diet which I really have to eat. I would never expect anyone to accomodate my needs. I would bring a dish and eat salad and be happy with it.
I mean, really I am mostly vegan and low fat at that. That is too complicated for regular old meat and potatoes people to worry about.
Some people think cilantro tastes like soap.
I'm one of those people. I wish I knew what it tasted like to people who like it. I always have to ask my favorite mexican restaurant to make me a fresh batch of their yummy salsa without the cilantro but extra hot. They know me by now and don't mind because we eat there so often (and tip good).
I think it tastes like lemon rinds that have been laying at the bottom of a garbage can for a week. In warm weather. I have no idea what people see in this stuff.
I used to work with a guy who not only wouldn't eat green vegetables, if a green vegetable so much as touched his other food in a restaurant (as in a parsley garnish) he'd send it back, just like a pi$$y little kid. (This was not a medical issue with the possible exception of a psychiatric problem.) Another employee used to tell anyone who would listen that she's allergic to Rosemary, often several times. I think both of these people - and some other adult picky eaters I've known - believe this somehow sets them apart and above others, sort of like being known by name at Elaine's. It's pathetic, really.
I agree with puglogic that often the people who are such a pain with food preferences are a pain in many other ways. I don't eat beef, pork, junk food, processed food, anything with HFCS or transfats, or anything that is likely genetically modified. However, I just choose what I prefer from what's available and say nothing about it. Sometimes it is hard to stifle myself when I know someone is eating really unhealthy stuff as a regular diet, but I'm getting better at keeping my mouth shut. Forgetting about how these folks are running up everyone's health costs isn't so easy to do.
Bastelmutti
4-4-12, 8:57pm
I am now the world\'s pickiest eater, but only because I am on a new medical diet which I really have to eat. I would never expect anyone to accomodate my needs. I would bring a dish and eat salad and be happy with it.
I mean, really I am mostly vegan and low fat at that. That is too complicated for regular old meat and potatoes people to worry about.
Medical reasons are totally legit! I happily accommodate the celiacs, lactose-intolerants, etc. in my life. I have been told it makes people with these limitations feel so much better to know that they have a few core family/friends who care enough to provide them with a safe place to eat. Totally different situation.
Blackdog Lin
4-4-12, 8:59pm
Cilantro DOES taste like soap.
I read some sort of article years ago that explained the difference in human taste buds and how that translates to some people experiencing a food one way and some people another. Can't remember the details, but it explained how I taste cilantro as soap and DH doesn't.
We make a lot of homemade salsa around here, and I sorryfully and simply cannot allow us to use that soap herb in it.
(Lemon rinds, bottom of garbage pail, hot weather. Not soap, but I appreciate the descriptive, Jemima.)
I guess what you mean by picky is how Meg Ryan portrayed it in that wonderful diner scene in "When Harry Met Sally." Billy Crystal rolled his eyes at her, and all of us did, too.
Being picky eaters now encompasses a lot more than just a focus on things we don't like. Now it's all about not eating too many carbs, or too much protein, or too many calories or meat, or processed foods, or stuff that will make us fat or stuff that will harm other creatures, or blah blah blah.
I don't consider myself picky at all--but I won't eat peanut butter (yuck), and I won't eat beef or poultry for humane reasons, and I won't eat TOO much junk, and I won't eat too much of DH's salt-ridden cooking, and I won't eat oysters because I found out in a bathroom on a transatlantic flight that I'm allergic to them. And I don't drink soda because I think it's poison, and I won't eat anything with HFCS because it's ploy for profits by big corporations.
Does that make me picky? :~)
yes, it does! ;)
Actually, I've grown to view pickiness in a much different light. My sister has a gluten free bakery which I help with on Saturdays at the Farmer's market. I've come to understand that a lot of previously "Picky" people are just tired of listing all their allergies. I've found often someone will simply say 'I'm vegan" when they are allergic to eggs, milk, butter, etc.. so they just simplify it. We understand that and try to have something for them.
My own daughter is celiac so can't have most baked or processed things that 'everyone else' has. Even something like soup made with canned beef broth can cause a problem. Her close friends and co-workers know of her restrictions, but in other situations it's just easier for her to say I don't care for that. It does get tiresome explaining food allergies to everyone, and with gluten, it's even more difficult as so many confuse gluten with glucose and it takes some time to explain the difference.
When inviting someone to dinner, I try to find out if they have not only allergies but dislikes. The whole point of inviting someone to dinner is to entertain and hopefully the guest will relax and enjoy themselves. I would not be able to enjoy myself if I found out later the guest was allergic or really didn't like what I made. For this reason i want my guest to definitely tell me ahead of time what they definitely don't like or are allergic to. I'm a pretty good cook and can accommodate most anyone, if given time. In fact, I pride myself in setting a bountiful table for even the pickiest of eaters (or allergic).
I have one friend who is so allergic to just about everything (bless her heart) I could never find a treat for her, but was able, finally, to devise a modified sugar plum for Christmas that she could eat without getting sick. Strange parameters, I know, but it just made my day that my sugar plums didn't make her sick.
Now, I'm a firm believer in trying things, every so often, as our taste change as we age, but I would always try to accommodate a guest, for whatever reason they have. They are our guests after all, and I would not be happy if a guest was just 'gutting out' my cooking. I guess, if I was having a large dinner party that included a picky guest, I would warn the guest in advance of the dishes that would be to their liking, an which included ingredients they didn't like. But if it were a large party, I would certainly include dishes the picky guest liked because, of course, I invited them.
This reminds me of a time when my daughter was about 12 and went for a sleep over at a friends house. The mother choose, on this night, to serve liver and fried gizzards. :confused:I felt this was very passive aggressive in that either she didn't like my daughter, or was upset with her daughter, or didn't like the idea of sleep overs at all. Whatever the reason, serving liver and fried gizzards to 12 year olds isn't something you do to endear yourself to them. However, I was very proud of my daughter who ate the offered food without comment, although she was what you would call a picky eater at that time.
I am now the world\'s pickiest eater, but only because I am on a new medical diet which I really have to eat. I would never expect anyone to accomodate my needs. I would bring a dish and eat salad and be happy with it.
I mean, really I am mostly vegan and low fat at that. That is too complicated for regular old meat and potatoes people to worry about.
You know what? i LOVE people like you. My favorite thing is developing recipes for people like you. Life is too short to spend it eating tofu bites with shrimp seaweed sprinkles! You are not alone! There are yummy recipes out there for you.
This isn't a dress rehearsal! Tell us your restrictions and we can help you! Start a new thread listing your restrictions. I love a challenge! Not only can we provide you with a wealth of recipes, you can throw your own dinner party featuring your dishes, and everyone will be wowed!.
Cilantro DOES taste like soap.
I read some sort of article years ago that explained the difference in human taste buds and how that translates to some people experiencing a food one way and some people another. Can't remember the details, but it explained how I taste cilantro as soap and DH doesn't.
We make a lot of homemade salsa around here, and I sorryfully and simply cannot allow us to use that soap herb in it.
(Lemon rinds, bottom of garbage pail, hot weather. Not soap, but I appreciate the descriptive, Jemima.)
It tastes like soap to me too. Go figure.
Cilantro tasted like soap to me until around age 30, then suddenly it didn't any more. Now I go through a bunch a week in our house. Taste buds are so funny sometimes.
I LOVE cilanto, DH is growing it in his garden just for me. To me, that taste signifies Vietnamese food.
In our house DH is picky and I am not. Guess which one of us can fit into his clothes of 30 years ago (not me!)
The below has zilch to do with those who have food allergies.
If you're so picky that you want to bring the same thing for lunch everyday for five years, that's your issue.
What I take issue with is how some adults express their dislike when they are guests at someone's home or are taken out to dinner. I've seen a rather dramatic expression of dislike in recent months. If you politely say, "No, thank you" when offered a disliked food, and only mention your dislike when the host presses you strongly, that's one thing. But for an adult to loudly and rudely express their dislike, to the point of saying "Eeeww, yuck!" and "How can you eat that?" at the dinner table, like a little kid might. Well, that's something entirely different.
I'm with Tradd.
I have no problem with people having dislikes, or even speaking to that. Just do so politely, not like an ill-mannered brat (which can be a person of any age, I've noticed).
I find it particularly frustrating when grown men and women -- who should know better -- behave rudely.
For a while, I was vegan. My MIL didn't understand this at all. She was very funny about it -- and I found it amusing. She would, for example, make her baked beans with a base of pork and beans. She would proudly tell me "I took the pork out though, so you can eat it." She didn't understand that eating AROUND the meat was still eating the meat. LOL
Nevertheless, while it wrankled me, I would often have a small bite (i knew it wouldn't kill me!), and would politely compliment her. She would offer me more, and I would say "oh, no thank you, but it was very nice of you to make them just for me." (because she often made them just for me).
The same was true with lasagna. "this half has meat in it, and htis half is vegetarian! Just cheese!" Yes, I would eat that too -- even though I am lactose intolerant. I knew it wouldn't be severe, i'd have a little bit, and that's that.
Eventually, things loosened up where I coudl bring food to share, and so I would bring a vegan dish to go with whatever -- usually a main course so that I wouldn't be hungry.
At the end of the day, I realized that my MIL was not going to change her methods, and she was not going to understand my perspective, and I'd much rather not be in a power struggle with her over food -- it was hard enough on us as it was.
I worked really, really hard to be polite all the time over there.
In contrast, my SIL's boyfriend during this time (again, many years ago and not her current boyfriend), woudl behave like a brat. He "hated" Mushrooms. One day, MIL used a mushroom based sauce on my vegetarian side of the lasagna, because she knew that I liked mushrooms and no one else did and she'd gotten it by accident and everyone would avoid the vegetarian side anyway.
SIL's BF had a slice from the farthest edge from the vegetarian side, but apparently a tiny half of a mushroom got onto his side.
He then threw his fork down in disgust, and went on to have a full blown tantrum. "This is DISGUSTING!" MIL takes a lot of things very personally. As far as I'm concerned, she is not a great cook, but she prides herself on her cooking. She's so-so. Her degree is in home economics, so she prides herself on her nutritious, budget meals. Yes, most of them are terrible largely because of cheap ingredients and meager portions. Still, she puts a lot of effort in -- from couponing and planning the menu on to preparation and serving -- and she considers it one of her particular skills. And since both are teachers, her husband -- FIL -- "grades" her every meal. She always shoots for an "A plus!" Which makes her feel good. Her self esteem is seriously wrapped up into this process.
So, onward he proceeds with "This is terrible! There are MUSHROOMS in my lasagna! I can't eat this disgusting food!" It was, quite literally, half of a small mushroom -- if anything the side of my smallest fingernail, and flat.
The proper decorum would have been to simply move the mushroom to the side, and either A. continue to cautiously eat and set mushrooms to the side, or B. decide not to eat but focus on the salad and assert that you found the lasagna delicious, but that the tomatoes or onions were giving you some upset tummy troubles that day, and you didn't want to continue (or some other excuse).
I do, on occasion, believe in white lies.
I do, in particular, because my MIL is -- actually -- a very sensitive soul and tries very, very hard in her life.
So, on he goes. SIL tries to calm him down, but that only stirs him up. He then spends the rest of dinner complaing about how hungry he is, but that there is NOTHING suitable to eat. And how he's so disgusted by this horrible cooking that he simply cannot bring himself to try somethign else. At one point, he asserted that MIL was trying to "poison" him, though on questioning, he had no known food allergies or sensitivities, he just "hated mushrooms."
After dinner, MIL was trying really hard not to cry while doing the dishes.
SIL, DH, SILs BF and I went for a walk, and he continued to carry on -- now accusing SIL of trying to "poison" him through the lasagna -- about how horrible it all was and unfair and so on. And I finally decided to tell him off.
I was an ethical vegan, and had been for 2 years at that point. I'd educated MIL several times about what was what, what I ate and didn't and why, but she never could manage it. And I ultimately decided that MIL was more important than "being vegan" particularly since I planned on marrying her son and having children with the man. MIL was definitely "sticking around" you know?
I then went on to say that I do not normally eat foods that are cooked with meat in them, sharing a dish. Nor do I eat cheese, nor do I eat white flour (the pasta noodles), nor do I eat ice cream with more processed crap in it than you can imagine.
BUT, I asserted, MIL is simply more important.
I told him -- no one tried to "poison" you. There's no need for you to have this bratty hissy fit over a mushroom the size of my fingernail. You are 25 years old, and you are perfectly capable of behaving like a gentleman. All you had to do was quietly put your fork down and assert that you had an upset stomach, and that you were sorry to miss out on such a delicious meal.
It worked for me every freakin' thanksgiving. I did it for years. Seriously.
He took personal offense to me taking issue with his hissy fit, and I told him that I take personal issue with people being rude to my MIL and SIL -- as he was being.
Thankfully, they broke up a few weeks later.
Still, had to be said.
And I've seen similar.
When grown up people behave like this, it's a problem.
Now, in the OP, dissecting out what hte person doesn't want -- that doesn't bother me. But being rude about it -- that does.
I see the opposite side of this quite frequently -- the host who just won't take "no" for an answer. Here in China, it is considered polite to refuse food, but that leads to situations where the host thinks you are refusing something just to be polite, so they continue to force it on you -- to the point of actually putting stuff in your bowl/on your plate (which it is then INCREDIBLY rude not to eat). Causes a lot of hurt feelings all around. My local colleague and I have come up with specific materials we give to our incoming grantees with food allergies or restrictions to coach them on how to deal with this in as polite a way as possible.
I always do my best to accomodate dietary restrictions/preferences when we have guests, but agree that there is no excuse for rudeness on anyone's part.
lhamo
I agree with Zoebird... and I'm glad that rude BF is out of the picture. I can't even imagine someone who was raised with any degree of civility reacting that way. Address it with him? I'd want to slap him!
I don't eat any red meat (and very little poultry/dairy), but one time when traveling to MN for my nephew's wedding, my brother and SIL were going to got out to eat the next day, but because of bad weather, we decided not to go out. My brother said, "Hey, I've got some filet mignon in the freezer--why don't I just grill that up?" I hadn't eaten red meat in years, but there was no way in h*ll I was going to whine about my eating preferences and get on my veggie soapbox when offered this meal. Even if I had said "Oh, I'll just eat the potatoes", I knew that he would have felt bad and maybe tried to better accommodate me (Most meat-eaters can't conceive that vegetarians LIKE eating only vegetables!).
So, I ate it. Gee, poor me, being "forced" to eat a filet mignon!
Regarding the MIL thing--my MIL was also equally clueless about what "not eating meat" means... one time she was at our house for a big breakfast--my DH had made it, and of course it also included bacon as well as eggs. She offered me the bacon. She knew I didn't eat meat, so I was confused and said, "Uh, no thank you, I don't eat meat," to which she replied, "Oh, bacon's meat?"
My sister is the quintessential adult picky eater. Some of her neurosis stems from a childhood food allergy to fish. This was never actually tested by an allergy test or anything, but by the age of 2 or 3 she had eaten fish several times with violent stomach reactions, so the pediatrician said she was allergic to fish and avoid. Well, "fish" has expanded to everything that possibly ever lived in the sea or water, any other foods that may have come in contact with the frying oil or surfaces that fish may have been in etc, etc.
Then we get into her pickiness with other foods. She dislikes 90% of vegetables. When she eats a salad is has to be plain lettuce, perferably romaine. And she will eat Caesar salad...with Caesar dressing, which has anchovies in it! Somehow this is all rational in her mind. She doesn't like rice, onions, most fruits. If she eats with me I try to incorporate things she will eat, and she is fine about just eating what she likes. Going out to eat is often much more difficult with her because she dislikes entire swaths of restaurants...sushi, seafood, anything ethnic, any place where most of the dishes are interesting, etc.
I have definitely been on both sides of this one, food is such an emotional and cultural issue really.
We had one group cooked thanksgiving where we had to keep taking ingredients out of everything for one person. They were allergic to nutmeg and a host of different spices. I really do not think they were allergic and we spent the whole day running around changing recipes. Thank goodness everyone has had manners about food in general. I really look to make things for everyone but sometimes not all dishes work. One thanksgiving I hosted we found a vegan green bean casserole recipe but made potatoes with milk and butter since that wasn't my friend's favorite food anyway.
I also had the 'will not take no' several times. I recall that I have always had a problem with sugar. So I can eat a sweet right after a meal, usually a small thing, but by itself it makes my blood sugar go sky high then crash. So we had brownies at work for a birthday and all my polite refusals were overrode with the fact the diabetic was eating it. Well an hour afterwards the boss called me in and told me I had to sit still and get some work done, which was about impossible.
I can no longer digest fructose, it is sad, but at least I have been able to be polite in every situation. My mom of course visits and exclaims there is no fruit in the house, runs out to buy apples and grapes, and then the kids eat them. But since I can lose 5 lbs in one day from eating those foods I am pretty okay just ignoring them.
Bastelmutti
4-5-12, 10:35am
Wow, seriously sounds like some of these people have power issues.
I have a co-worker who is a picky eater. He really bugs me. Not all picky eaters do but he does. For him it's not about what the food tastes like to him. It's about where it comes from. He'll highly processed foods and fake cheese and frozen dinners so it isn't about quality. He won't eat "foreign food". We all work for city hall in a community of 3,600 people, but we are blessed with a wide variety of restaurants because of our status as a historic destination. So we have a surprising array of choices for our size. He hates it. He wants it to go back to the old way.
If we order in, it has to be pizza. He will not eat anything but a plain pork chop at our local Mexican restaurant when we go there once a year for Cinco Di Mayo. Last week to celebrate my birthday I brought in chips and my homemade salsa I canned with my homegrown stuff from last summer. I had to vow that there weren't any foreign spices in it and I had to assure him it wasn't too spicy like all that foreign stuff is. He won't eat at a local supper club which has fabulous steaks, fish and other typical supper club food because it's owned by Greeks and they have Greek specialties. It's foreign food. Chinese is out of the question. And we have a fantastic sushi restaurant run by a couple from China, and I get that a lot of people don't do the raw fish thing, but they have a wide variety of great dishes, but he will not set foot in the place. It's foreign.
I think he's just ignorant. Rejecting ethic food is just another manifestation of his deep bigotry against anyone who isn't from here. We see it when anyone from our growing Hispanic community comes in to pay their water bill. He's a busy body and gossip with anyone he deems local, but if he's at the counter and a Hispanic comes in, he'll turn his back on them and get someone else to wait on them. And this gentleman (NOT) has more than once made it clear that I'm not from here so I'm not a local. I'm called the Martha Stewart of my office and everyone loves it when I bring stuff for pot luck, but he virtually never eats what I make, no matter how much anyone raves about it. The last rejection was chili, of which I made two versions to accommodate our office vegetarian. He doesn't do chili, so we had to order him a pizza.
So I guess my point is that picky eating is not always about taste, medical issues or the like. It can sometimes be about self perceived self importance and when that's the case it's the most vile type of picky eating. It's like food snobs only worse.
IshbelRobertson
4-5-12, 2:00pm
Perhaps someone should point out to that vile prat that pizza is foreign? !thumbsup!
Oh don't get me started! I have two sister in laws, one will only eat out at Red Lobster and the other will only eat out at Olive Garden. we used to do b-days the bday person's choice. The non red lobsterer always says ok but always has a headache that day/ the non Olive Garden person always didn't get enough sleep that day(she works nights) and so couldn't come. Other places neither come.
Having grown up in a family where you ate what was on the table and you better not complain, I think the same delivery truck goes to both places, surely you could find one thing you could eat on the vast menu and order that. It seems so childish to make others have to work around your likes and dislikes etc. Grow up!
Wow, some of these anecdotes are really surprising. I can't believe someone would be so rude about a tiny morsel of mushroom in their meal or so intolerant of other nationalities to go so far as not to eat their food!
I have to say, the people I know who are picky with their food are normally very polite about it, but I still find it somewhat tedious. Lately I've been letting the actions of others bother me far too much, which is ridiculous. I'm trying to let go a little and realise that if it's not harming anyone else, then who cares! I grew up in a family of what you might call "good eaters" - the concept of fussiness was pretty foreign (once we all became adults, anyway!) apart from the standard handful of dislikes from each family member.
I try to avoid processed/convenience foods, soda, etc but that's not to say I won't eat them if they're served to me. I also don't like unpasteurised/soft cheeses, butter, lamb, coriander/cilantro or eggplant/aubergine but I eat them if they're served to me (this happens a lot at my IL's house - they seem to like a lot of the foods I don't, but hell, I must not dislike them that much if I'm willing to eat them every so often). Butter is so common on bread here that it is sometimes unavoidable. My boss brought in this delicious homemade soda bread the other day, and cut it all up for us then slathered it in butter and jam. My nightmare, but I just chose the pieces with the least butter and wiped off any excess. I did not die or vomit, hurrah!
Oh don't get me started! I have two sister in laws, one will only eat out at Red Lobster and the other will only eat out at Olive Garden. we used to do b-days the bday person's choice. The non red lobsterer always says ok but always has a headache that day/ the non Olive Garden person always didn't get enough sleep that day(she works nights) and so couldn't come. Other places neither come.
Out of ALL the millions of restaurants that line the streets?! That must be excruciating for the rest of the family. Heaven forbid Olive Garden and Red Lobster go out of business!
IhsbelRobertson......Thanks for then new nickname I have for him. Vile Prat. I love it!
Charity, I think that guy needs to revisit his diet if he wants to be a true xenophobe. No pizza, pasta, tomatoes, potatoes, most spices...... He's got some work to do if he really doesn't want to ingest any of that "foreign stuff." What a pitiful human being. To think he's in a public service position makes me shudder. Guy wouldn't last six minutes working for me.
No kidding puglogic. He'd only be able to eat fish and maize. But you're operating on the erroneous assumption that he has brains enough to absorb that his point of view, and tastes are ridiculous. Mercifully he's retiring in a year. He actually turns 65 this year, but he wants to work another year. The rest of us offered to take up a collection to get him out of here this year, but alas it was not to be. I think the food issues heightened after one of our most docile employees got so tired of him making comments about foreigners in the office, even while customers were standing at the counter, that she physically dragged him into the conference room and reamed him a new one. It was a beautiful thing. Ever since then he sticks to bigoted comments about food. Who knew you could be a food bigot?
Out of ALL the millions of restaurants that line the streets?! That must be excruciating for the rest of the family. Heaven forbid Olive Garden and Red Lobster go out of business!
Sometimes it really annoys me. We recently met some out of town friends and let them choose where to meet. They chose Olive Garden, it was all I could do not to say to my brother when he called with where we were meeting, "well, I suppose that means your wife won't be able to sleep during the day tomorrow, even tho she has had no trouble sleeping during the day all week." It was hard to hold it together when he showed up alone and said, "Oh, ---- just couldn't sleep today. You know how it is when you work nights.... She left a note saying she just went to bed right before I got home." and then we have to pretend like we believe him. haha
I can't eat corn, it is a migraine trigger and usually those migraines(from corn) last several days. I always try to be discreet. If someone serves something with corn, I try to discreetly section it out. If it is something like cornbread, I just pass. If pressed, I tell them. Of the people I have told, some are very good about never having something with corn in it when I am present, some sometimes serve corn, and interestingly(to me anyway) some almost always serve corn. I think those people probably remember there is something about me and corn, but don't remember what it is...Does she really, really like corn? At least I try to delude myself into thinking that is what they do....
loosechickens
4-5-12, 5:28pm
Unless I am mistaken, aren't The Olive Garden and Red Lobter owned by the same corporation? Which leads one to believe that their corporate food would spring from the same places? Tell THAT to those ladies and blow their minds, haha
Better still. Olive Garden, Red Lobster and Capital Grille are all owned by Darden Group. Darden Group was named the worst restaurant group in the US to work for according to a survey done by some restaurant organization. I think there is a class action suit that's been filed by their employees for all sorts of infractions like illegally taking a percentage of tips, not paying for overtime hours and stuff like that.
My boss at my former workplace was a guy in his late 30's, and he only ate kid food. He actually bragged that the only things he liked were Dinty Moore beef stew (which he brought for lunch every single day), boxed mac and cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, orange soda and a couple other things. Even if people brought a birthday treat to work like donuts, cookies, taco dip, anything, he wouldn't eat it. If somebody said, "It's Whoozit's birthday, have a donut", he would make a face and say, "I'm not going to try that!"
I'm one of those people who won't eat green or red peppers. To me they're so horrible I can't believe they're edible. But I wouldn't make a big deal about picking them out of something either, I just wouldn't take any of the stuff that had peppers in it and wouldn't say anything about it. I think everybody's taste buds are different and everybody is entitled to a few strong dislikes, but I don't understand when people won't even try anything.
Very little "pickiness" in our house related to food.
Better still. Olive Garden, Red Lobster and Capital Grille are all owned by Darden Group. Darden Group was named the worst restaurant group in the US to work for according to a survey done by some restaurant organization. I think there is a class action suit that's been filed by their employees for all sorts of infractions like illegally taking a percentage of tips, not paying for overtime hours and stuff like that.
Perhaps I should go on strike and say I won't eat at either one=haha
I knew a family, refugees from Hurricane Katrina, who came to live with their relatives at the end of our block. It is a big 3 story house. The man of the house is a fabulous cook absolutely amazing. The Katrina family liked, and would eat only hamburgers, hot dogs, a pizza. The mand-head of their household was especially picky and truly--that's all he would eat.
I was envious, wanting to trade places with them (ok not really!) but still--they landed in a good eats place. None of them appreciated that small bit of fortune in a sea of bad news.
About 3 years later the man -head of the Katrina family (by then, living on their own in their own house in the 'burbs) died of sudden heart attack at age 48. His diet sucked . This is where extreme pickiness can lead!
I really miss good, old southern soul food and real mexican.
living in nz is sometimes tough.
but these are the only things i complain about really. lol
I missed street food when I left Mexico after being there for years. Now, a restaurant has opened in the city that serves only street food from various cultures -- street tacos, tortas, empanadas, pupusas, elote (roasted, with cotija cheese), tamales. Heavenly. I missed that stuff so much.....you can see how strange it would be to me to find someone who's not even willing to try salsa LOL
Elote tamales, eaten while sitting on a curb in Tijuana. Best ever.
puglogic, that man is mental. MENTAL.
the best food is foreign food.
which is to say all food, because i don't come from anywhere, but a lot of where, and where i have lived and who my family is and where they have been and lived is hugely diverse.
"foreign" food for me is the standard american fare, the very bland and unseasoned (my MIL makes "american classic" as she calls it). And, i don't particularly care for it, but I"ll damn well eat it. LOL
I once shocked my husband's then 4-year-old niece who used food as a power tool. I had made a relatively kid friendly meal, and when we sat down, she louded exclaimed I hate <whatever protein there was> and I hate <whatever veggie> was there. Over and over and her mother made no face or comment or correction. After about the 4th round of I hate's, I calmly picked up her plate, put it in the kitchen, and told her with a soothing voice "I'm sorry there's nothing here you like" and continued my adult conversation. She expected me to offer to make her something special, or give her the dessert she was eye-ing. Instead she had to sit there watching the rest of us eat and carry on without her. She never pulled that again.
herbgeek, I LOVE that story! Of course if someone HATES something, especially out loud, it is most appropriate to remove the offending item.
Her mother was probably delighted, after allowing herself to be held hostage. Sounds like a lot of good learning could have come out of that.
L.
Sometimes....I wish I were a little more picky about what I'd eat. ;) Then maybe I could lose 20 lbs.
When the boys were little we had "Something New Thursday". Thursday was when I'd do the grocery shopping and one of them would get to go with me and we'd pick out something new. It's fun to see everyones reaction in the butcher section when a 3 year old is asking what something is and asking how it should be cooked and then telling me 'thats what we're getting mama'. We had some crazy fun meals, some horrible things as well, but the boys sure learned to try everything because you just never know it could be your new favorite thing.
I once shocked my husband's then 4-year-old niece who used food as a power tool. I had made a relatively kid friendly meal, and when we sat down, she louded exclaimed I hate <whatever protein there was> and I hate <whatever veggie> was there. Over and over and her mother made no face or comment or correction. After about the 4th round of I hate's, I calmly picked up her plate, put it in the kitchen, and told her with a soothing voice "I'm sorry there's nothing here you like" and continued my adult conversation. She expected me to offer to make her something special, or give her the dessert she was eye-ing. Instead she had to sit there watching the rest of us eat and carry on without her. She never pulled that again.
Haha, I love this. I hope I would have the guts to do this if such a thing happened in my home. My niece's father is a horrendously picky eater and quite 'neurotic' - he can't fall asleep at night unless he has a hairdryer running (???) and he's also pretty racist, but that's beside the point... I really hope these things don't rub off on his daughter. Well, she's only a year old and her parents have been switching on the hairdryer to soothe her to sleep when she's crabby... ugh.
Isn't it great that we are lucky enough to have the luxury of being so picky with our food?!
I once shocked my husband's then 4-year-old niece who used food as a power tool. I had made a relatively kid friendly meal, and when we sat down, she louded exclaimed I hate <whatever protein there was> and I hate <whatever veggie> was there. Over and over and her mother made no face or comment or correction. After about the 4th round of I hate's, I calmly picked up her plate, put it in the kitchen, and told her with a soothing voice "I'm sorry there's nothing here you like" and continued my adult conversation. She expected me to offer to make her something special, or give her the dessert she was eye-ing. Instead she had to sit there watching the rest of us eat and carry on without her. She never pulled that again.
I really like this story, too. We should have tried that on our coworker who wouldn't eat green vegetables. I'm sorry to this day that I didn't think to point out to him that his beloved beer is made from a green plant. It would have ruined his week.
wtg herb geek.
i do the same with picky kids. 'this is what we have.'
my kid -- no where near picky. lol he will say things like "mcdonald's isn't healthy" and "i dont' drink sodas because they are not for little ones." (it's an "adult beverage" in our house. LOL) but otherwise, he'll eat ANYTHING.
even "foreign" (american) food. LOL
I've been a picky eater my entire life. Peanut butter, olives, anything fishy makes me gag. Can't drink anything carbonated. I'll pick out every trace of red or green peppers from anything. Don't like the texture of onions in food, or spinach. Nothing spicy, garlicky or ethnic. If it doesn't smell good to me, I won't even try it. No brussels sprouts (bitter), squash (texture), tomatoes (ICK!!), stinky cheese, carraway seeds (even seedles bread will have one and I'll find it), I could go on and on.
Years ago my sister and I ate at the Tavern on the Green in NYC. Fine china, silver, linen tablecloths, and I almost threw up because I swallowed an olive from my soup. Can't even walk past the olive bar in the supermarket without feeling sick.
Seventeen years ago I stopped eating beef and pork, so I'm limited to poultry. I often dread eating out or at someone's house because I know I won't like anything. Diners, and restaurants serving pizza are a safe bet.
Growing up, it took me ages to finish my meals; an hour after everyone had finished, I was still there. My dad was a bit picky too so my mom cooked basic simple meals. In the future I'd love to travel to Europe but have no idea what I'd eat.
People tell me "You don't know what you're missing". I've retried a few things and still don't like them. Food isn't that important to me; as long as I don't starve, I'm OK. I'm not bothered eating the same things again and again.
pony mom,
it's actually not that big of a problem to work around most of the foods you listed, honestly. There are so many things you can eat! Still, i take it you eat pretty simply all in all.
you'd be fine in europe, honestly. lots of open produce markets so you could easily get a lot of fruit and veg easily. If there are cheeses that you eat (not stinky ones, unless you consider all of them stinky), then you would do really well. And if you can do bread, then you are golden.
when we travel, we would usually buy fresh bread in the morning, hit the open air market for lots of fruit and veg, and then hit a deli for meats and cheeses. we would hard boil eggs at our hostel the night before, and make a simple dinner there too.
honestly, if you are staying in a hostel in europe, you should be golden. :)
This thread is such a fascinating testimony to the complexity of being selective about food--from those who cannot eat a certain thing for health reasons (celiacs, allergics), to those who choose not to for ethical or religious reasons (vegetarians, vegans), to those with actual food aversions (pony mom, I read a fascinating article about people who react to strongly flavored foods as you do--apparently it's not just dislike, but something much stronger), and those who just have never been socialized to eat a variety or who use pickiness as a weapon against others (a lot of kids, but occasionally adults too). I have seen good manners and bad by both hosts and guests related to these issues, but I find it interesting that 90% of the hard feelings that are caused by eating restrictions could be solved by the two things my SIL taught my nephew when he was 5 and started getting rude about food. 1. It is always OK to turn down food politely, no questions asked. (Parents get a waiver in that a child can be required to try three bites of a new thing. But after that, no more questions.) 2. It is never OK to be rude about the food being served. I think he went to bed without supper twice, and then the lesson was learned.
Thank God we moved beyond the 70's and "carrot coins" . I think I beat Pony mom's table time. I averaged 3 hours sitting at the table balling my eyes out while my mom would try to force me to eat those buttery, sweet, overcooked carrots.
My 2 siblings and I HATED HATED HATED frozen fishsticks, but my mother kept insisting on serving them because she bought them on sale. I remember being at the table for hours because I just couldn't get them down without gagging. One time, I noticed my siblings had apparently finished theirs and were free to go watch cartoons while I still sat there. I found out years later, that they hid them under the mashed potatoes. In our house, it was ok to throw out bread or veggies but a "sin" to throw out meat. They used this rule to their advantage. If we couldn't finish a hamburger, you had to at least eat the meat. It was ok to leave the bun behind. I never really understood my mother's reasoning on this, although on the surface it was she didn't want to throw out the "expensive" part of the meal.
This thread is such a fascinating testimony to the complexity of being selective about food--from those who cannot eat a certain thing for health reasons (celiacs, allergics), to those who choose not to for ethical or religious reasons (vegetarians, vegans), to those with actual food aversions (pony mom, I read a fascinating article about people who react to strongly flavored foods as you do--apparently it's not just dislike, but something much stronger), and those who just have never been socialized to eat a variety or who use pickiness as a weapon against others (a lot of kids, but occasionally adults too). I have seen good manners and bad by both hosts and guests related to these issues, but I find it interesting that 90% of the hard feelings that are caused by eating restrictions could be solved by the two things my SIL taught my nephew when he was 5 and started getting rude about food. 1. It is always OK to turn down food politely, no questions asked. (Parents get a waiver in that a child can be required to try three bites of a new thing. But after that, no more questions.) 2. It is never OK to be rude about the food being served. I think he went to bed without supper twice, and then the lesson was learned.
1+
This thread is such a fascinating testimony to the complexity of being selective about food--from those who cannot eat a certain thing for health reasons (celiacs, allergics), to those who choose not to for ethical or religious reasons (vegetarians, vegans), to those with actual food aversions (pony mom, I read a fascinating article about people who react to strongly flavored foods as you do--apparently it's not just dislike, but something much stronger), and those who just have never been socialized to eat a variety or who use pickiness as a weapon against others (a lot of kids, but occasionally adults too). I have seen good manners and bad by both hosts and guests related to these issues, but I find it interesting that 90% of the hard feelings that are caused by eating restrictions could be solved by the two things my SIL taught my nephew when he was 5 and started getting rude about food. 1. It is always OK to turn down food politely, no questions asked. (Parents get a waiver in that a child can be required to try three bites of a new thing. But after that, no more questions.) 2. It is never OK to be rude about the food being served. I think he went to bed without supper twice, and then the lesson was learned.
Love this, AmeliaJane.
I think I'm a supertaster http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster
Many years ago in grade school the teacher had the class taste a slip of paper that was coated with something. Most people couldn't taste anything; it tasted horrible to me.
My pickiness doesn't really bother me at all. What does bother me is how people react. Being cajoled to "just take a little bit and try it" when I know for a fact I don't like it. Eating at someone's home and just choosing food I like without making the host feel bad. I've often just had the mozzarella sticks appetizer as a meal when eating out because there was nothing else on the menu that I would eat. Even a salad is difficult, as I only like lettuce, carrots and maybe cucumbers if they're sliced thin; don't care for most vinaigrettes either. Foreign travel meals could be simple, but not so much if travelling with someone who loves eating everything.
Dining is such a social thing and I sometimes feel like a misfit. When we have parties at work and they ask everyone to chip in to pay for it, I don't participate if it's food I won't eat.
Bastelmutti
4-8-12, 10:07pm
I need to do that supertaster test on my daughter. She has had pretty strong dislikes since baby-dom (spit out all baby food until she could hold & gum a piece of bread!) - now won't eat most things that are mixed together (with a few exceptions like chicken soup only containing noodles) or sauced (except ketchup for dipping) or cooked veggies (will eat raw).
PS Amelia Jane - great analysis.
Thank God we moved beyond the 70's and "carrot coins" . I think I beat Pony mom's table time. I averaged 3 hours sitting at the table balling my eyes out while my mom would try to force me to eat those buttery, sweet, overcooked carrots.
Eeeeeeew. One of my most disliked foods, too. From childhood I've not been able to eat cooked carrots prepared in such a way as to make them sweet, sweet potatoes baked with marshmallows on top, baked beans the way most people make them with brown sugar, or canned red beets. (The last tastes like really awful cough medicine to me. Fresh beets with butter and salt are delightful.)
ponymom:
I don't know. perhaps being vegan for so long made it no big deal to be with others while they ate? I wouldn't consider it a problem. :)
i figured you for a supertaster too. ;)
I was thinking about this thread today when I went to lunch. There is a Mediterranean place here that serves mint tea. One of the few tastes I absolutely loathe is mint. So I can't even drink the tea there because the reuse the tea containers and the regular tea has the remnants of mint flavor in it...yuck!!!!! I always consider mentioning this to them, but I think I may be the only one with this quirk. Mint and bananas are about the only flavors I truly have a repulsion to.
I want to do the supertaster test with my taste buds, but I assume I am not a super taster. The only thing I don't like on the list is coffee. I sent the test to my sister...maybe she is a supertaster?
I love raw carrots but cooked ones are blech to me too...I can eat them but they are not my favorite. It seems so pointless to me to cook carrots when they are tasty and much more healthy raw.
Mighty Frugal
4-9-12, 4:31pm
It's so true that others really force you to eat foods you detest. I hate seafood.
ALL seafood (yes, even your Aunt Martha's fabulous breaded shrimp)
Yes even canned tuna.
Yes, I have tried lobster tail with melted butter-I don't like it.
What's that? Why yes I have tried squid-I don't like it
Hmm? Sole (or bass or tilapia) tastes like chicken? No 'fishy' taste? I tried it and there IS a fishy taste-I don't like it
Oh, really? You simply cannot taste the fish in this casserole you say? Well I can and I don't like it
If it was alive and came from the water I do not like it. And yes, I have tried it all. But people seem hell bent in getting me to eat seafood. It's a delicacy. It's so expensive. It is such a treat for most of the world..surely you must like it>8)
I now tell people I am allergic to all seafood-they now leave me alone:~)
I know it is ridiculous and un-American of me to dislike ketchup. But it is so yucky! I will eat my fries plain, thank you.
I don't like seafood either. I can eat some kinds once in awhile--tuna salad, clam chowder, salmon--but I don't see the appeal. I'll try most things once, and love all kinds of spicy and intricately-seasoned ethnic foods. Even in my vegetarian years, I wasn't hard to please. But I admit to hating rhubarb, which I don't consider food.;)
The seafood thing reminds me... my son is friends with the kids whose family owns the Asian grocery down the street. One time he joined them to eat some snacks and he told me they had squid, and told him he should try it. He was about 6 or 7 at the time. He told me "I didn't like it, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings, so I ran outside and spit it in the street."
Miss Cellane
4-10-12, 5:24pm
Apparently, there is some science behind some picky eating. I ran across these web sites:
http://www.pickyeatingadults.com/
http://www.livescience.com/10301-adult-picky-eaters-recognized-disorder.html
It seems that for people who struggle with food, like Pony Mom, where food just doesn't look like something to eat, there is something going on beyond the individual's control. It might be supertasting, or it could end up being something else.
I took the pickyeatingadults survey and I'm not nearly as bad as most people, I think. I just have definite likes and dislikes and am content. It's how other people may feel about it that bothers me, like thinking they should make something special just for me (I'll sometimes bring in food that everyone including me will like) or feeling like a bad hostess.
The livescience website was interesting, but I didn't really fit in there either. I'm not crazy about salt (love fries, but who doesn't?), never liked bacon, don't mind most fruits and vegetables. Alcohol doesn't interest me (alcoholism runs in my family) and the few drinks I have tried I didn't like anyway. Carbonated drinks burn my mouth and throat so no sodas for me.
My diet may be a bit bland to most people, but I don't think it's unhealthy. I work with a woman who doesn't eat any vegetables except corn, so I'm ahead of someone.
That hottie Anderson Cooper is a bit like me : ) But he will eat the same lunch every day for weeks; even I'd get a bit bored after awhile.
Apparently, there is some science behind some picky eating. I ran across these web sites:
http://www.pickyeatingadults.com/
http://www.livescience.com/10301-adult-picky-eaters-recognized-disorder.html
It seems that for people who struggle with food, like Pony Mom, where food just doesn't look like something to eat, there is something going on beyond the individual's control. It might be supertasting, or it could end up being something else.
I'm a very picky eater - both as a kid and as an adult - and have very weird eating ways according to others (don't like cooked food, don't like hot food, has to be fresh that day for breads, fruits, and veggies, like mainly raw foods, etc...). I also have a situation where the hungerier I get, the more repulsive food becomes and I just can't eat. I have to force myself sometimes. But because I'm very active I need to eat alot but sometimes it's not enough and I just can't stand the thought of eating more even if I'm ravanous. I have been accused of being anorexic (I'm not) because of my weird eating habits and past weight (too thin). I guess my weird habits as a kid (which drove my parents to the brink of madness) followed me in adult life.
I wouldn't assume, pony mom, that a person feels like a bad hostess or that it's a problem to want to make something special for you.
When I host someone for lunch or dinner, I want to make something special for them. I am not looking for something "easy" for me. I'm looking to give a gift to the people whom I am inviting.
Which means, I want to give you what you will enjoy.
With this, I find it enjoyable to try new things. I find constraint to be very creative and fun. IF you have 10,000,000 constraints, then it is more interesting for me. And, because you are particularly picky, I might even run 3-5 recipe/menus through you to consider and pick from so that I can be assured that you will be able to enjoy not just the company, but the meal.
It is true that there are people for whom this is a terrible, terrible thing -- so I'm not saying that you are wrong in your concerns. Some people want to offer what it is that they feel they do well, not what the guest may like. But if the host/ess is asking you "What do you like? Do you have any restrictions?" -- then they are asking for a method to accommodate you.
And I'll be honest, when you bring your own food, I find it disappointing. I feel that I didn't do my job, or I wasn't trusted to do my job.
I also consider menus very carefully, and I prefer that no one bring part of the meal with them, because the flavors may not meld properly, or it may mess with the palate and make the next course not work.
I know that sounds silly, but I tend to work with very delicate flavors that have depth and layers to it, and so a clear palate and a meal that builds on itself until it finishes with sweetness (dessert), is really important to me.
My MIL, whom I think is a generous and lovely lady who was trying really hard to be very giving, would often bring something (usually dessert), which would be the antithesis of what my menu should culminate in. As I said, I do things delicately, and her desserts are like sugar-based hammers. Completely blows the palate at the end of the meal. If i don't serve it, I would be chastised, if I serve it second, then I get chastised. So I have to blow my menu on her desert.
So frustrating. LOL
Peggy-- You are a good friend.
"I have one friend who is so allergic to just about everything (bless her heart) I could never find a treat for her, but was able, finally, to devise a modified sugar plum for Christmas that she could eat without getting sick. Strange parameters, I know, but it just made my day that my sugar plums didn't make her sick."
I don't like seafood either. I can eat some kinds once in awhile--tuna salad, clam chowder, salmon--but I don't see the appeal. I'll try most things once, and love all kinds of spicy and intricately-seasoned ethnic foods. Even in my vegetarian years, I wasn't hard to please. But I admit to hating rhubarb, which I don't consider food.;)
Ooooo! Jane...can I have your rubarb?
Sure, Fawn. Pass your plate over here to me.
Peggy-- You are a good friend.
"I have one friend who is so allergic to just about everything (bless her heart) I could never find a treat for her, but was able, finally, to devise a modified sugar plum for Christmas that she could eat without getting sick. Strange parameters, I know, but it just made my day that my sugar plums didn't make her sick."
Thanks Fawn. I really feel for her. Of course she can smell food and see food but can't eat it. Poor thing.
I don't eat animal products, I guess that would put me in the picky category. When people make rude comments about it I ask why they care so much about what I put in my mouth. I don't understand why people are so judgmental about what other people eat.
Karma makes a good point. Unless we are responsible for feeding a person (such as a child or a dinner guest) why do we care? It sure is a hot button for a lot of people.
Related to this topic: adults commenting on other adults food choices in general. e.g., snarky comments like "do you know how many calories are in that pizza?" or "are you really ordering dessert?"
I've witnessed this, although not in my circle of family or friends, and I find it incredible that this is considered okay for meal conversation.
IshbelRobertson
4-15-12, 6:00pm
I have no problems in designing menus for friends who are vegan or veggie, or friends who have certain food allergies like coeliac disease. What I DO have problems with are those who 'don't like tomatoes', or 'don't like onions', or similar. The former are people who have specific dietary concerns - the second? EEJITS!
In our family we have one SIL who will eat no meat other than beef, including fish, and almost no veggies that didn't come from a can. Another SIL who would absolutely exist on the exact same fast food tacos and Pepsi and has no desire to expand that menu (and she's a about a size 2!). A BIL who will not even come into the kitchen if an onion is present. Several family members who are completely entrenched in the belief that dinner must have meat and potatoes or its not worth eating. Two nieces who think mac & cheese is as exotic as it gets. A future son in law who won't touch anything that ever lived in water. And on and on...
All of them are polite about it and are ever so slowly slowly expanding their horizons. I completely understand that BIL's taste buds shun onions, I really believe they taste terrible to him. Fortunately he has mellowed to the point that he simply won't say anything and will just avoid dishes with onion. Truth be told, he is the only one in the bunch that has a valid excuse to complain. The others avoid anything new just because they are scared of it. I mean really, they probably check under the bed every night, too. My approach with this neurotic bunch is to just make what I want to make and if they don't like it they can stop by McDonalds on their way home from dinner at our place.
loosechickens
4-17-12, 2:56pm
Ah, Gregg.....are we related?????? With much of my husband's family, the only possible vegetable other than potatoes might be corn or in a pinch, peas. Meals were often what we like to call "Bradford County Beige", things like chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and corn, unrelieved by any color or texture, accompanied by, when one was feeling adventurous, a "salad" consisting of a wedge of iceberg lettuce, and if caution was REALLY being thrown to the winds, a bit of carrot grated on top. Ranch dressing out of a bottle, of course.
The one time, shortly after our marriage, that I invited the whole family for dinner (being inexperienced in the limits of their diet), the one brother, with a disgusted UGH, discovered a mint leaf in his peas, the father held up an offending object in his salad, and said unbelievingly, "what is this?" (a slice of fresh mushroom). MIL and SIL pushed food around on the plate. Granny, in an attempt to be polite, said brightly "what kind of food is this?", and my poor sweetie, feeling protective, said between gritted teeth, "gourmet".
They left soon after, and several days later, for some reason, my SIL felt it necessary to tell me how "hilarious" it was that after the meal, they went home and made hot dogs......
It's been a long 35 years, hahahahaha.......I don't know why my sweetie fell so far from his family's tree. Perhaps it was going off to adventure in South America as an exchange student for a year, giving him for the first time in his life, a glimpse into other worlds, going away to college in a cosmopolitan city, doing a Junior Year Abroad at the U. of Madrid, in Spain.......but whatever it took to bust him out of that rut and into an appreciation of all the wonders of the word's various cuisines, I'm grateful.
It really IS more fear, I think, too, Gregg, than anything else. Anything unfamiliar, different, foreign or not like they are used to having food, triggers it.
The sad thing is that the one brother has a job where he travels and works all over the world, is posted to some of the world's greatest places for food, in the last few years alone, Paris, Dakar, Singapore, now in Caracas, Venezuela, yet wherever he goes, he either finds one restaurant that will make him plain food, just like he likes it, the same way every day, nothing unfamiliar, OR he has them put him in a residence where he can cook, if supermarkets are available, and he makes his own "Bradford County Beige" meals wherever he is. What a waste to be in places where food reaches astronomical heights in excellence, yet to be so afraid of something new that he just won't try it.
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