View Full Version : Un-Frugal Behaviors I've Been Tempted By Recently
I'm starting this thread because I feel like I'm suffering from a form of lifestyle inflation/keeping up with the Joneses/frugal-muscle-weakening/whatever and I'm hoping others on this board can (1) relate and (2) help to keep me on the straight and narrow!
I recently started a new job working for a media start up. The company is based in TX, but I get to work from home in MA. Overall, it has been great except for one thing...my boss. He's actually a friend who I met in grad school and although I enjoy working for/with him in many respects, his unfrugal ways are rubbing off on me, I fear. He comes from a family with multi-generational wealth, I do not. Although my significant other and I retired in 2010 at the ages of 36 and 42, respectively, it was through a combination of hard work, frugality, and perhaps a few lucky breaks. We both retired early because we were totally burnt out from working all-consuming jobs for 15+ years and have now both happily returned to work that we consider to be play. So, in my new job, I travel to TX monthly for various meetings and special projects. I always stay with my boss because (1) he has a huge house with multiple guest rooms and we're a start-up so it's smart financially, and (2) because it facilitates our working long hours because we basically just get up in the morning and work for about 14 hours straight when I'm there.
So where's the problem? Spending time at his house, which was built in 2010 and is absolutely beautiful, means that when I come home I suddenly see all the things "wrong" with my house that I want to change. In addition, he and his wife don't clean their own house, but rather have "maids" (three of them!) who come 2x per week to clean and do laundry. At one point he actually apologized to me saying, "I'm sorry, I feel like our house is always such a mess every time you come to visit." I responded, "Your house is fine -- besides, you have your cleaning service there every other day." He looked at me and with a serious tone said, "No, they only come twice a week. Why? How often do your maids comes?" I had to suppress my laughter when I said, "Never. I clean my own house." Of course, I got home and realized that my house is never feels truly clean (largely due to the fact that we have 3 dogs and 2 cats!) and thought, maybe I should hire a someone to clean my house. Seriously? I've never considered hiring a cleaning service -- I'm able-bodied and perfectly capable of cleaning my own house. Maybe not to Martha Stewart's standards, but I'm hoping that when people come to visit me they are coming to visit me, not to inspect how clean my house is. And, trust me, our house is *clean* it's just not *spotless*. But still, I actually went on Craigslist and responded to several postings of people who clean houses. What?!? It would cost me $75 per week minimum to have my house cleaned.
This is just the tip of the iceberg...I've got several other examples to share, but I thought I'd just get things started. Hoping others will share stories and offer support and strategies for how to not get sucked in to these un-frugal behaviors!
While I can't think of any wonderful examples at the moment I can definitely understand what you're talking about. People are always telling dh and I that we should spend more freely and live a little. Newer cars is something we were told we should buy for years. Last year when we were able to do our $30, 000 remodeling project for cash and spent more on a newer vehicle the criticism kind of stopped for us. I dream about traveling and buying more expensive clothes but deep down inside I know these things aren't worth it because I would have to sacrifice the peace of mind that comes with getting closer to financial independence every day.
Take a minute and re-read your post. FI at 36 and 42!! That is way more impressive than maids or other things that money can buy. I for one would love to hear any details you feel comfortable sharing about how you managed to accomplish such a thing and how you maintain it financially. Anything you'd do differently? Do you still feel like FI3 is maintainable? Any worries about cutting yourself short financially as you age?
Bottom line is you can indulge yourself like everyone else around you and end up with the same headaches that they have or you can continue to live like you are and experience a much more peaceful and uncomplicated existence without the need to work.Oh, and when I'm the one having issues down the road, feel free to throw my words back at me! :D
Temptation can only knock, you decide to let it in and govern your thinking. That is my motto but I really understand how loudly temptation can rap on the door for all kinds of things - better watch, nicer clothes or shoes, newer carpet, different haircut etc. It does not have to be big items. Be careful that you are clear on your values and priorities and just listening for the knocking on the door telling you that you lack or are deficient in some materialist way and slam that door tightly shut!
Finding contentment, related to ones own life, is one of the most powerful things. Just being happy with oneself and ones accomplishments (no matter how miniscule), is what life is all about.
Rarely do I allow outside influences (wealth, etc) to encroach into my life, but for those times that I do, I'm quick to reassess where I am (where DH and I are), and where we came from, and 99% of the time I'm able to come to my senses and remind myself that life is good (the way it currently is).
I don't have many examples to give related to such, but I do remember after the birth of our third child, thinking to myself, "I should get a job which would bring more money into our home", then I thought, "but at what cost to the children"? And, I'd be a liar if I held back admitting to the fact that (on more than one occasion) the thought did cross my mind as to dumping cloth diapers for plastic disposables (at least part-time), when I found myself bent over the toilet (more than once a day) rinsing out a pair of poopy pants, but I stuck to my ideals.
However, with that said, when it comes to little things that equate to much bigger things, as in happiness and contentment, I see nothing wrong with advancing ones wishes to include a little extra on that side. I like to think of that as "reward", and even though some rewards don't necessarily fall under the category of being the most frugal/simple of things one can do, they are still rewards, and if those types of rewards would result in simplifying ones life and opening up a more free-schedule, then I say why not, do it. It's not as if doing one or two non-frugal things makes someone totally not frugal, it just makes you more forgiving and relaxed in the frugal department, and really, IMO, there's nothing wrong with that. Being 100% is hard to do...
Bottom line is you can indulge yourself like everyone else around you and end up with the same headaches that they have or you can continue to live like you are and experience a much more peaceful and uncomplicated existence without the need to work.
So true, bke! I've been trying to remind myself of that lately. In fact I brought the deck chairs out of storage and set them up so that I could hang out on the deck with the dogs and enjoy the nice weather we were having yesterday. I had been ruminating about how I thought we needed to do some renovations in the kitchen and how I wanted to expand the gardens and that I should hire a landscaper to help me and how I wanted to paint the shed and so on... As I was carrying the chairs out to the deck I stopped and thought to myself, "You know, I like my deck furniture that I bought on sale at Home Depot and I like working on my garden myself -- I don't want a gardener -- and although I really would like to renovate the kitchen it's perfectly functional and I just made two beautiful and tasty spinach quiches and I really like my life just the way it is." It was a really great feeling.
As for the retiring early, we could have opted for full and complete FI3 but it would have involved selling our house and downsizing. After many, many discussions we decided to keep the house, which we both truly love, and use our money to help us realize other dreams. So we both returned to work for companies that we are part owners of and we both invested in and became part owners of two other start-up companies. We're pretty comfortable with risk and we figure I can always go back to a more traditional job with a chunky paycheck if we need it. Aside from that, the path to early retirement was largely due to my SO owning a family business with his father, which I got involved with and helped build. The three of us have pretty strong frugal streaks, but each of us has our un-frugal areas, fortunately we balanced each other quite well. We sold the business and worked for the company that bought it for a few years. They were willing to pay a premium to keep us, so we agreed knowing that we could walk away at any time. We got lucky with the timing on a few things and when the company had to ultimately lay us off we were primed and ready for retirement. It was not without it's extremely stressful moments, but looking back I realized that without all of those experiences my life would not be the way it is now and, as I said above, I really like my life just the way it is. :D
Be careful that you are clear on your values and priorities
I have had to remind myself of this regularly as of late. One day my boss referred, in a very off-handed way, to my "alternative lifestyle." For some reason I took great offense to this even though, normally, it's the kind of comment that I would embrace whole-heartedly!!! I do live an alternative lifestyle by most people's standards, but most of my friends aspire to live a similar type of alternative lifestyle, so I was shocked that someone might think it was less than desirable. So I've been spending a lot of time lately reminding myself that I'm a vegetarian for a reason. That we have solar hot water and solar electric for a reason. That we heat with wood for a reason. That we drive a car that is powered by waste vegetable oil for a reason. That I study a non-traditional style of martial arts for a reason. That we both train for and run ultramarathons for a reason. And that all of those reasons are indicative of our values and our priorities and that I should not waver for even one moment when it comes to how I choose to live my life!!!
However, with that said, when it comes to little things that equate to much bigger things, as in happiness and contentment, I see nothing wrong with advancing ones wishes to include a little extra on that side. I like to think of that as "reward", and even though some rewards don't necessarily fall under the category of being the most frugal/simple of things one can do, they are still rewards
Agreed! So I decided to reward myself in a way that is totally in line with my ideals. Instead of hiring a house cleaner, I hired a personal trainer. My physical health is far more important to me than a clean house!!! :D
Recent temptations:
get a catalog (Deva) cotton nightshirt--costs $70, made by workers in their cottage industry, nothing imported, and nightshirts are harder to find than they used to be, but surely mine have a few years of wear and I don't see sleepwear as a necessity the way I used to
buy new shoes instead of used at Scratch & Dent--they usually have a number of used shoes in my size that have been worn only a few times, and the price is by their policy less than 1/2 off the original price, often much more
buy my African Grey's boyfriend ($1,000) instead of just taking her to visit him once a week until he's sold from the shop where he's living now
eat out
buy small strawberry rhubarb pie at farmer's market (this temptation has come up every Saturday morning for years)
get bathroom wall fixed ($300,000 +) so we have hot or warm water in the shower for more than about 3 minutes
get bathroom and other house features evaluated by a contractor to make it hold heat better (seems like a jillion dollars)
get a faster computer
get a tv (we use only for Netflix and library films) that always works to show the films
Actually, I'm happy to say I don't think I'll do any of these. None of them have the anticipated satisfaction equal to what I get out of paying down our mortgage early, and of realizing that a narrow view of necessities now will make our last years better than they might be.
Recent temptations:
...
buy my African Grey's boyfriend ($1,000) instead of just taking her to visit him once a week until he's sold from the shop where he's living now
...
I don't know. You can't put a price on your bird's happiness. See if you can get a deal. :)
I don't know if it would be against the rules to do it here, but is there some way you could start a "pay to buy my african grey's boyfriend" charity? I would contribute!!
The hospital I am giving birth at offers a $150 post-partum treatment that includes a full body massage, eucalyptus foot wrap and heated temple treatment. I have more than enough in my personal "fun money" stash. So, so tempting.
Blackdog Lin
4-26-12, 9:03pm
larknm: forgive me, but I am blown away by one of your "temptations" - a bathroom wall that will allow hot water costs $300,000?
Tell me it's a typo. Or tell me how grateful I should be here in the hinterlands where I got a whole new bathroom remodel for $6500.00, with one wall gutted to allow for new bathtub faucets. Granted, it's a very small bathroom, and on-topic it was a temptation I gave into (but truly, the bathroom had gotten so ugly and rundown that I justify it as a necessary "something we have to do to preserve the value of the house").....
.....but $300,000? Typo, right?
For less than half that I'd just build us the perfect new small house. :)
I know that I will soon be tempted by another un-frugal behavior. My mom, who is a somewhat but not entirely frugal individual, will be here to visit in about a month. We usually spend most of her visit working on my flower gardens. I'd really like to garden this year without buying many plants -- I have more than enough plants already. Unfortunately, I know that I will be tempted to spend, spend, spend when she is here as she will have all of these wonderfully creative ideas about what we can do with the gardens and, in an effort to please, I will get sucked into buying plants and other garden related items. I'm hoping to be organized enough before her visit that I can keep our work laser focused and not end up spending too much time at the garden centers looking at and subsequently buying plants.
I love this thread. It's funny, outside influences don't tend to have much impact on my psyche, but get me around others (family members) who aren't as frugal-minded as I, and suddenly my way of thinking tends to start changing. It's not as if I give up on my ways or ideals, just that opposing forces (against those of what I believe and practice) have a tendency of shadowing my established style.
morning girl
4-29-12, 1:53pm
Stella that's not unfrugal. If you have enough fun money, do it. I'm a L&D nurse. Labor is named that because it is hard work. After that you deserve it and it will help with recovery.
Thanks morning girl! I ended up checking out of the hospital a bit early to recover at home, but I am still thinking of hiring one of my massage therapist friends to come over and do a post-partum massage. It would be lovely! That was the hardest birth yet thanks to the dueling pitocin and magnesium sulfate dragging it out for 34 hours. I'm thinking I need to be taking good care of myself these next couple of weeks.
I am also thinking of splurging on grocery delivery and cleaning services for the next couple of weeks. The grocery delivery is only something like $5 and the cleaning service would be about $100 for light cleaning twice in a week.
cdttmm I am going to be tempted by garden stuff soon too. I love garden stuff!
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