Email weirdness - long

[kitten]

I have a horrible job. I just took a survey for fun, some MSN thing - 15 signs your workplace is dysfunctional. My workplace had a perfect score! Not that I needed a survey to tell me I'm dying here. Hubby and I agreed not to do anything rash, like storm out of our jobs, until we get our debt paid off (about $20k, which was mostly accrued from our move to a new city three years ago). So until we start making huge dents in that thing, I'm pretty much stuck here. I have a narrow skill set in a field that's dying, and my union membership keeps my wages pretty high (although we don't get cost of living raises for some reason). I wouldn't be able to find another job in my field at anything close the the same rate, and I'm very lucky even to have a full-time gig. We really don't have the luxury of downsizing right now, so I'm stuck at work for a while. Anyway, I'm endlessly amazed at the baroque variations on dysfunction that keep popping up at my job.

It's a weird culture that is mostly a mess because there's a management void. We have a passive-aggressive, alternately withdrawn and attacking boss who can't figure out what he wants or what he should try to get us to do. Communication is non-existent - everyone's afraid of losing their jobs in this economy, so nobody challenges anything. There's zero morale, and people just crawl into their cubicles and hide. They do the bare minimum they can get away with, and they go nuts on you if you have a question or need them to follow up on anything. The women here all seem to hate each other.

One thing that amazes me is how email is used as a weapon. It's just endemic to the culture here. It's funny - when people are new and bright and shiny, they respond quickly to emails and seem ready and eager to help. After a few months disillusion sets in, and they just stop communicating.

It's a known thing that the big boss sucks at communication. Somebody got the bright idea of creating an admin assistant position for him, to help facilitate communication. In the hype around her job description - this was before she got here - there was a lot of excitement about how proactive this person was going to be. No more balls getting dropped, no more information voids! This miraculous admin person, who would have a college degree and even people skills (for a change!), was going to be working tirelessly as a sort of data conduit between the big boss and his hapless drones. All hail the new day! They really tried to whip up some sort of feeling of happy anticipation in us about this so-called communication revolution.

So the reality is that she has arrived, and she's parked outside the boss's office. She and the boss never speak to each other. She's glued to the internet all day - nobody has any idea what she does. I would no more ask for an update on our manager's projects, plans, whereabouts, or anything else I might need to know, than I would consider calling up Kim Kardashian for the same information.

Everyone is in their own invisible bubble.

So this girl annoys me. We got off on the wrong foot - she was billed as the second coming, so I started asking her for information instead of her boss. That was how it was supposed to work in the new era! Alas - the miracle worker didn't have what I needed, and was very tense and flustered at my approach. I'm a tactful person as far as I know, but this experience in which I apparently traumatized her by asking her a question, has permanently soured her on me. The girl hates me! She acts as the boss' mouthpiece and sends out snippy group emails about stuff we're expected to do, but no longer responds to anything I send her.

I'm really tired of getting rapped on the knuckles over email, about how I use email. There's another chick here who gets cheesed off when I cc the big boss on our correspondence. "Please just respond to me next time, and not to Jack." But I've learned through bitter experience in this place, that NOTHING I ask for in an email message will ever happen, unless I cc a manager too. I KNOW how people work here! Crap! Of course she doesn't want me to cc the manager on something her department screwed up! I still needed it fixed, though, and I was going to tell the boss anyway. Which I tried to explain. So now I just send everything under separate cover. The boss still finds out when something goes wrong, but the person responsible won't know that I was the one who sent the email. Which feels icky to me, because I'm being put in the position of telling on them. If we could all be aboveboard, nobody would get their feelings hurt and we could discuss and try to solve problems like adults. But no, so I have to run around sending separate emails to everyone, in order to spare the feelings of individuals. Because FEELINGS are the only thing that matters. Not the project, not the deadline, not the customers, not the product and the reason we're all actually here. Oh no. Just let's make sure we keep enabling Nadia's incompetence and high self esteem, while she looks on blankly as somebody else gets the blame/cleans up the mess.

Today I got rapped on the wrist by yet a third person, and I realized that I've just had it! I've been asking for what I think is one of those no-brainer/we should have done this eons ago/everybody else in our business has been doing this since the stone age kind of change for a couple of years now. I've learned (again through bitter experience) that NOTHING will happen if I don't continually chip away at the thing - try to draw attention to it by way of courteously phrased emails along the lines of:

"Hi there Jack and Ariel! Hey, I got a nice note from one of our customers who loves us, but he had a suggestion for our web site. I took a look and realized we had talked about doing this before. As a quick reminder, I'd like to suggest that we begin featuring x,y, and z like our competitors do. It would be pretty easy to make that change to the site. Let me know if I can help in any way. Thanks!"

And I get nothing from Jack (of course, didn't expect it), but I do get a snippy little one-sentence reply from Ariel with no salutation: "This is already on the list, no worries."

That stung me. Yes, I KNEW the web site issue was ON THE LIST - a year ago! It went FRICKIN' NOWHERE! Which is why I was following up! Get it, Ariel? I mean in what frozen universe of molasses and glaciers does a person actually think, "Gee, I wonder whatever happened to that suggestion I made a year ago? Gee, all I really want to know is that it's ON THE LIST! That's all I need - no updates, no communication in the interim, nothing to suggest anything is actually happening. We've got eons of time! Hey, I just want to know that it's ON THE LIST TO DO FOR THE NEXT MILLENNIUM!" LOL!

She had tried to dismiss me. I hate being dismissed. So I wrote back: "Hi Ariel. That was mostly a reminder for Jack. The only way to stay in the loop is to keep chipping away. It's purely strategic."

She claimed she understood, but she really just wants to get rid of me. I know I come off as a pest - because I have ideas. They don't want ideas here. The problem is, I care about my job! We have a good product, and I want to make it better! I see things that go wrong every day, the same damn things, and they're EASY fixes! That's what gets me! It's just such a damn shame!

I guess these issues go deeper than email. But I'm curious - do you have email battles at your job, and how do you deal with it?

[SteveinMN]

We were lucky in that most people wanted to do a good job, not just pose. So if someone goofed and needed to fix something, an email to them alone usually would suffice. If it didn't, on the re-send you copied their next layer of management. That usually was enough. Eventually you learned that some people didn't budge unless they knew their boss would hound them to finish it, so you copied Boss on the first email. But that was not status quo. Neither was "copy the world" and I'm a bit proud to say that was not a norm at that company.

kitten, the issues you mention certainly go deeper than email. Part of the problem is that your boss sets the tone by being a poor communicator -- and the fact that he's still there despite that and his other issues tells you that his boss is okay with it, too. :( Management also appears to have adopted a bunker mentality which is then reflected in everyone else at the office.

Is there any way you could go back to Jack and Ariel and state that you knew the project was on the list, but that you have customers asking for it, and you'd like to know if there's anything you could do to move it up the list or even if you could just do it and take it off their plate? Or maybe have the customer(s) asking for this call Jack and Ariel directly? If the task is not yours to do, then customers should be directed to the people who are supposed to do it. It will (should be) much harder for Ariel to dismiss a customer. (If it isn't, your company is doomed anyway and you might as well start looking for work elsewhere.)

[KayLR]

+1 with Steve.

Sorry you're going through this, Kitten...sounds like it's all just flowing downhill like it's proned to.

Sick as it may sound, I enjoyed your writing, though, if that's any consolation.

[puglogic]

kitten, you've written about your toxic workplace for some time, lots of horrible stories. I wonder why you continue to work there, knowing full well it isn't going to change? I know there's some social status involved, the fear you won't find such a high-profile position elsewhere, but is it really worth the damage it is doing to you and your mental health? It seems like the status quo for where you are, and you'll have to make the choice at some point. Hope things get better, one way or another, for you.

[Miss Cellane]

Short term, I like SteveinMN's approach.

Long term, if your's is a dying field, what are you doing to update your skills? Even if you are still trying to get out of debt, the cost of taking some night courses could be offset by the ability to get a new job a few years down the road. And I think that taking positive steps towards bettering your situation would help give you the strength to deal with the mess at work.

[kitten]

Hi guys, thanks for the sympathetic responses! :)

Steve - yeah, I think your suggested approach would work in a normal environment. Good point about the customers - they do have slightly more cachet than us employees have. But only a bit more. Management's stance is one of contempt - the people out there are considered whiners. It's weird - when the customers want something legit, management goes back and forth on it endlessly, like they've just been given an assignment to come up with the Theory of Everthing - when in reality the fix is often right in front of their nose, and could be taken care of with a single email from the right person. OTOH, when a customer comes roaring at us with a complaint, even something that's totally erroneous, management screeches to a halt and calls someone (often me) into the inner sanctum for a spanking. When a customer criticizes one of us employees, they're ALWAYS right, and management ALWAYS sides with them.

(When I had a customer/stalker experience recently, I was initially attacked for drawing attention to the problem. Then I was accused of somehow encouraging this person to stalk me - I was being too nice. Blaming the victim is what these people are all about, unfortunately.)

About ideas in general - the problem is that suggestions from the peanut gallery, especially good ones, are dismissed immediately. Management tells a story that says, "Good ideas don't come from lower-level employees. They only come from management." They've got a lot invested in this fiction, especially since it's just that -fiction.

So - our boss is the emperor with no clothes, and he's a creativity vampire. I bring him an idea, and he dismisses it immediately. It percolates for months or a couple years, and then he suddenly revives it as his own. "Hey guys, management has determined that we need to do x, y and z this week. Any questions, email me."

So being told that my idea is "on the list" means that someone else upstairs is busy appropriating it as their own. It will eventually emerge repackaged as the brainchild of some favored lackey to whom we'll all offer hosannas when the new initiative is unveiled.

Pug - yeah, I'm a whiner! ;)

I'm also a writer/freelance artist. DH and I were talking over the weekend about steps I could take to set up my own business with a rate sheet, and get serious about demanding payment for my projects instead of giving freebies to my favorite arts groups. I've made a determination to finally start doing that.

I also have a book in the works, but no publisher as yet. So there are glimmerings of light, but they're kind of far away. Anyway, I'm working on making things better. Nothing is an instant fix of course. It's hard to stay cheerful in the meantime - but I try! Humor helps.

Today is going to be lovely. I just went into the women's restroom, where the hand soap dispenser is still empty. I started getting upset and wondering how I was going to handle it. If I tell Serena upstairs about it, I thought, she'll push back immediately and start questioning my sanity: Are you sure there's no soap in it? The dispenser was full just last week! Has anyone else reported this? If it is true, why did you wait so long to tell me? etc. etc. etc.

I looked at myself in the mirror and just felt helpless and exhausted. And then I realized that I don't actually HAVE to do anything about this!

Here's what I told myself: tomorrow, bring your own soap. Don't give the company free anything. Don't leave the soap in there for others to use. Just bring it, use it, and take it with you.

So that's my new mantra: BRING YOUR OWN SOAP.

Thanks for letting me vent, guys! I really do appreciate your support!

[SiouzQ.]

Kitten, I'm going through my own work he** right now, but I totally enjoy reading about your particular brand of work he**! You are a great writer and I so wish I could be that eloquent myself! Sometimes it helps to step outside of myself and view the situation as if I was on some bizarre reality TV show. I have spent many a moment at work "filming" the shenanigans that go on around there in my head. Another fun trick I do is covert what people are verbalizing into "text" in my head as if I am reading a book. Then what I "read" is even more ludicrous than what I am hearing!

[lhamo]

"Bring your own soap" is a brilliant mantra.

I hope things get better for you, kitten, but the reality is that you are the piece that is more likely to change. It is AWFUL to see that kind of dysfunction around you and not be able to do anything about it -- been there, done that, tshirt in the closet and I still have a front row seat as DH still works for crazy ex-boss.... But ultimately you are in control. I love the idea of being more proactive about building your art business as a BUSINESS. You can still do pro bono stuff after you get established, but focus on having that bring in some income first.

I wish I was where you are so that I could become complainy customer #1.

BTW, I've spent much of the past few days reading through the archives at Mr. Money Mustache -- I think you might like his stuff. He's got a GREAT post on what he learned from a failed business partnership that is just one of the best things out there about surviving in dysfunction/financial meltdown. And he is definitely a "bring your own soap" kind of guy, which is partly why I mention it -- helps to have lots of reinforcement when you're developing a new strategy/approach.

lhamo

[iris lily]

OP, I don't place lot of value on "ideas" since they are seldom original. If your competitors have this thing on their web site it seems to me that the idea is clearly out there and I'd guess you weren't the first person to think of it for your company although you might be early in telling management that your customers want it.

I've seen the same "idea" offered from various people at my work over the years and when it's finally implemented it's not because the idea proposer is great but because the timing and resources are right. I've literally seen the same idea proposed 2X annually by 2 different staff members each year, and after 6 years, it is adopted. And each of those 12 people thinks it was original and 11 of them are mad because they didn't get the "credit" whatever that means.

The "Bring your own soap" mantra is great!

[kitten]

Iris Lily - good point. You know, it doesn't really matter who gets credit for stuff. You're right. It's about the final product. I just get annoyed because I can see what goes wrong, and it's so often an easy fix. But our mgr doesn't trust his own judgment, so he has to get mommy's approval and daddy's approval and the board's approval, and the operations mgr's approval, and then he has to do a survey of the customers and a couple of focus groups, and then he has to throw it out again to all the employees, and etc. etc.

The fault in his thinking of course is that he can avoid criticism of his decision, if he can get a consensus beforehand. But he'll never get that, because there will never be a situation where every last person agrees. He's a manager, so he can exercise his own judgment and implement a policy that he deems effective. But he's terrified of the big boss slapping his wrist if he does something she decides doesn't work after the fact. Instead of empowering him to become a decision-maker and a leader, she keeps him in thrall through fear of reprisal. It's really sad.

Yeah - I'm not going to ask for anything anymore. They shoot the messenger here. Time to hunker down like everybody else, CMA, and forget about the big picture. It's all about my paycheck. That's the kind of team they want, that's what they'll get! I'm done caring!

(Forgot to bring my soap today! Darn it!)

[kitten]

Hi Llamo! Thanks for the Mr. Money Mustache tip - I've read some of his stuff, I keep meaning to go back there. I'll look for that entry!

[kitten]

Thanks SiouzQ. and KayLRZ - yeah. The one good thing about this - it's material! I SO NEED to write a comic novel about all this crap!!

Ha ha, I do that too SiouzQ - everything becomes dialogue. I'm not really here, I just got trapped in some bizarre Samuel Beckett nonsense play! It does save the sanity :)

[lhamo]

I was thinking this might make a great movie/sitcom along the lines of "The Office" -- you should start writing the screenplay. At work. "The Station" -- like Titanic, but with a better soundtrack.

lhamo

[SiouzQ.]

As I mentally prepare to go into work today after having two days off, it has boiled down to "it's all about the paycheck" for me as well, for however long it lasts until I go on vacation (I am not even sure of the owner's reaction to my nicely stated vacation request). Six weeks to go. My mantra for today is: I am not responsible for the big picture, I am not responsible for the big picture, I am not responsible for the big picture...

Hang in there, Kitten, we can do it! Just for today, we can do it!

[kitten]

lhamo - great idea. What a nice little getback to write it at work, too! LOL

SiouzQ - I hear ya. If you're not going to be rewarded for caring, then there's no point in caring.

What's sad, though, is that we should be rewarded for caring. If I were running a company, I would want an environment where initiative and big-picture thinking is rewarded and recognized, no matter whether it's that person's job to come up with ideas or not. All input should be welcome. But where I am, any suggestion is treated like a threat - a criticism of management. So anything that's offered up without having been anticipated or asked for, even when it's tactfully submitted, is just frozen out. Ideas - scary!

[axis9313]

How long til you pay down the 20k?

I worked in a place like that too. It's time to get out.

I would start on your next step whatever it is right now. If you can get a job right now, polish up the resume and start looking. If not, start on the training that will take you where you want to go. Or if the writing thing is going to be your next gig, start ramping up on that in your freetime.

Like you're saying, stop caring about this job, just think about the paycheck, and how to avoid circumstances where you'll get slapped down.

[kitten]

Thanks axis, I believe you are correct :)))