View Full Version : Who wears "THE PANTS" in your home?
In our house I like to think both DH and I, are equal, and I know push comes to shove, DH wields full clout, but on non-incidental days, I wear the pants.
To add, here's hoping for a fun thread. :)
We each have a leg in the pants. My husband likes to think he has final say, sometimes I let him feel he has final say but we always come to an agreement or compromise on important issues. On incidentals we each just decide on an as needed basis.
LOL, Goldensmom!!! Us, too, one leg each in the pants! :)
I've often said that we both are a bit androgynous:
He:
Cries a lot (once a day)
Is terrible with money and is a big spendthrift
Loves style and takes forever to get ready for things
Is a gossip and thrives on the Housewives shows
YET:
Was a Marine
Has a fantastic mechanical mind and can fix anything
Is very upfront and in-your-face with his feelings
Is very authoritative
Loves Deadliest Catch and Choppers on TV
OTOH
I am the breadwinner
I am the financial "nerd"
I'm very practical
Don't fuss with my looks and have a small wardrobe
I try as hard as I can never to cry: very stiff-upper-lip
YET
I'm very sentimental
I am "woman behind the man" and a bit "meek"
Care about things like doing laundry right
Love art and poetry
So, basically, I don't know who wears the pants in the family. I would say he does and he would say I do.
Super great hearing from you, Catherine. I think there's a lot positive to say about each thinking that the other wears the pants. Lots of fun. Love the breakdown.
I make most of the day to day decisions on my own. For big decisions (either big implications or big money) it really is joint. We don't do anything if the other is dead set against it. Whoever cares more about the decision, tends to get more say.
I don't remember where it came from but we have "Designated Control Freak". Whoever cares the most gets to make it happen. Like trying to decide about dinner, if someone is really not interested in having fish but would much rather have beef, then they get to make dinner, or other plans for dinner, but if someone really wants to have pizza, then they get to make dinner happen. The 'control freak' shifts as needed.
If someone is having conniptions over the condition of the bathtub, then they get to deal with it, etc. Most things we've balanced out pretty well. He does some things. I do others. I manage the money because I 'care' the most. So, I guess we both wear some parts of the pants.
Cecilia (thinking we'd look pretty funny even in a three legged race situation:D)
Agree with others that whoever cares more about the issue gets more say in it. DH is very flexible and likes to do things and go places, but doesn't really care where we go or what we do. I always say that I could tell him "pack you bags, we are going on vacation" and he'd be fine with wherever we go because he likes to travel. I've planned every vacation we've had since we got married. In addition, he will go off on family jaunts.
We do not agree on furniture but I knew that when we got married 23 years ago. I told him he had to give up certain pieces because I couldn't live with them, and I knew he'd keep them forever. We had nothing but used alley furniture in our living room for 20+ years, but now I am chosing the pieces that we buy and he isn't happy with them, but is coping. It is the world's miracle that we found a Victorian dining room table that we both like.
We are also pretty middle ground, too. DH is generally passive (learned process), which means I typically wear the pants. It gets irksome, to be honest. But, he tries to wear the pants more often, which is helpful. LOL
CeciliaW: I love the term 'designated control freak." LOL! I tell me clients that there's only one control freak allowed in the room, and that's me. LOL (kidding of course. students are taught to trust themselves.)
I make most of the day to day decisions on my own. For big decisions (either big implications or big money) it really is joint. We don't do anything if the other is dead set against it. Whoever cares more about the decision, tends to get more say.
This is exactly how we do things. It has worked for us for almost 44 years.
rosarugosa
5-5-12, 10:29pm
Herbgeek sums us up pretty well too. We both wear pants for the most part, and we try to work together as partners. But if there's a boss in the room, she's female and she does wear a long skirt on occasion - just sayin. . .
Actually, I've found that I'm often with people (DH for one) who prefer to avoid the burden of decision making. I'm generally more than happy to fill the void. Someone's got to do it.
LOL. Well today it's feeling like Charlotte is wearing the pants in this family. :)
Herbgeek's post pretty much sums up our strategy also. I think we're pretty evenly matched, really. We agree on most things and the things we don't agree on are usually insignificant. We're both quick to see each other's points when we discuss something.
Love it, love it, love it, everyone! :)
Stella. I've been waiting for little-miss-muffet to exercise her authority. :D
This is exactly how we do things. It has worked for us for almost 44 years.
Same here.
The only time we really deviate from that approach is in some situations in which a clear chain-of-command is important, like captaining a vessel or security issues.
We are running our marriage like a three-legged race, pants-wise! :) Whoever feels the most strongly about something usually gets their way, provided its backed up with some sort of reasoning, not just "cuz I said so." We defer to each other when it comes to respective areas of skills and interests, which is how we divvy up domestic chores as well. I tend to do the routine, repetitive things like laundry, dishes, perfunctory cleaning and household organization. DH does "project" stuff: things that involve packing and moving heavy things, and mechanical/household problem-solving. He is also a hard bargainer and excellent negotiator, so I have GLADLY handed off most of the customer service wrangling over to him--he handles CSR's beautifully and has saved us thousands of dollars over the years.
I am strong on ideas and starting projects, but not so strong in finishing them. DH, on the other hand, is like a dog with a bone...once he gets committed to seeing something through, just get out of the way and let him do it! Then he'll rest for awhile until he gears up for the next thing.
It depends on the day or the subject but most times I'd say he leaves big decisions to me which makes me mad at times because I don't really want that responsibility. I think the differences in our upbringing have a lot to do with it. I'm good at problem solving and fixing things. I was raised on a working farm and he was a 'city boy'. Sometimes it really frustrates me that he didn't have the same kind of upbringing.
Ahhh!!! He just proved my point, he just came in and asked me what we should do about a noice one of the trucks is making.
Granted he does know how to tinker with and fix things in the studio but that seems to be the limit of his area of wanting to make decisions.
Same here.
The only time we really deviate from that approach is in some situations in which a clear chain-of-command is important, like captaining a vessel or security issues.
You guys captain a vessel?!
Love!
Loving reading everyone's entries!
loosechickens
5-6-12, 2:32pm
Power just kind of flows between us, with the partner most equipped to deal with any given issue, given control. We discuss anything of importance, seldom disagree about stuff, and don't engage in any power struggles at all. I'm good with money, investment stuff, organization, etc., he's definitely better with people, growing things, mechanical and technical issues, etc.
I don't know.....it works, and has worked well for nearly 35 years now. I'm the boss in some things, he's the boss in other things, and a lot of things we just go with the flow.
We started out as friends, then best friends, then best friends with benefits, and finally as marriage partners. He's still my best friend, and I am his. Neither one of us tries to boss the other one, and it's a marriage of mutual respect.
You guys captain a vessel?!
You can tell a whole lot about a couple by watching them dock a boat in a constricted space around other very expensive boats...
One of my favorite boating hobbies when I'm in a transient dock is to sit on my deck and watch "the docking games", as my daughter calls it :-)
I make most of the day to day decisions on my own. For big decisions (either big implications or big money) it really is joint. We don't do anything if the other is dead set against it. Whoever cares more about the decision, tends to get more say.
Exactly our system. There isn't a thing in life that I'd insist on doing/having if it made my spouse miserable -- nothing is worth that to me. There's no game-playing, no "let her think she's making the decision" etc. That wouldn't work for our relationship. Even the expression "wearing the pants" is inappropriate for us, as that implies that the ability to make decisions is a male attribute. Celebrating our 10th anniversary this weekend of sharing the pants, dresses, and everything in between :D
Even the expression "wearing the pants" is inappropriate for us, as that implies that the ability to make decisions is a male attribute.
It also discriminates against those of us who wear kilts.
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Ha2nL5xOUnk/T6bVUx_Vp0I/AAAAAAAAFQc/llst9U9xCzk/s320/Picture_4.JPG
loosechickens
5-6-12, 4:43pm
Watching folks park expensive RVs in tight places offers the same interest and insights into relationships, bae. Fun, huh?
Watching folks park expensive RVs in tight places offers the same interest and insights into relationships, bae. Fun, huh?
This was my best docking effort ever. I was up the BC coast with my Dad, and a nasty storm came up. We suffered a couple of hours before we could just barely make it into a small harbor to take refuge. On the way in, just as we were about to surf into the harbor, the weather bounced us so bad that the wheel at my helm was ripped off, with me attached still. My Dad thought that was a practical joke, and yelled at me "put that back on", though it wasn't possible at that moment.
I managed to get into the harbor, which was so packed with cowardly vessels like mine that there was no place to anchor. There was a dock, packed with boats, with one space just about a foot longer than my vessel.
I got it in there, so close that the bow pulpit of the much larger boat behind me was overhanging my dinghy and part of my rear ****pit. Using only the autopilot steering, and knowledge gained from many years of college wasted away playing billiards. Dad quite wisely said not a word until we were tied up :-)
https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-AyT-l32DgSc/T6bpN3VwUfI/AAAAAAAAFQo/y7NqqMBBC-g/s720/115-1595_IMG.JPG
Even the expression "wearing the pants" is inappropriate for us, as that implies that the ability to make decisions is a male attribute. .
Probably I disagree more with the idea that one person makes the decision. Our kids said that they knew that everything passed, discussed or decided between their two parents so they never could play one of us against the other. If it was something entirely new, either DH or I would say, "Well, let's see what your mother/dad thinks first."
After 46+ years of making so many big and little decisions together, it just seems it has been 'joint' forever.
We do find some new items that make us discover new values and priorities within ourselves. We try to see things from the other's view and work it out.
It also discriminates against those of us who wear kilts.
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Ha2nL5xOUnk/T6bVUx_Vp0I/AAAAAAAAFQc/llst9U9xCzk/s320/Picture_4.JPG
LOL
We have a pretty even balance of power in the relationship and kind of take the approach others have shared, whoever cares about the issue the most wins. I am definitely more of a planner, sometimes to a fault, so I plan the trips, do the grocery shopping, etc. However, DH definitely does not let me run all over him. When he cares about something, he really lets me know. DH is also much more "nice" while I don't have a problem being demanding and hard...with our tenants it works like this, DH handles them until something bad happens and then I come in and be the heavy. It works for us, he deals with the day to day crap and I handle the crises.
I make most of the day to day decisions on my own. For big decisions (either big implications or big money) it really is joint. We don't do anything if the other is dead set against it. Whoever cares more about the decision, tends to get more say.
That's pretty much us as well. I take the lead in business decisions: DW has taken a major step back from those (by choice). By extension that means I also take the lead in most of our financial decisions and planning simply because I know what is coming in when, but no big decision effecting our personal finances is made without mutual consent. That works out ok because I am definitely the planner and she is decidedly not. She tends to take the lead in the child rearing / domestic end of the spectrum, in large part because we are down to our last daughter at home and DW is far more qualified in her understanding of 'girl stuff'. We split the other chores that need to be done fairly evenly and without really even thinking about it at this point. She does most of the laundry, I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking, she does dishes, I maintain cars, we both clean house, etc.
Lots of fun reading everyone's entries!
Originally posted by Puglogic.
Celebrating our 10th anniversary this weekend of sharing the pants, dresses, and everything in betweenROTFLMAO! Wishing you a Happy Anniversary!
I would be the captain of our ship, though the kiddos do like to test that out from time to time. ;)
I would be the captain of our ship, though the kiddos do like to test that out from time to time. ;)
Both my wife and I trade off "captain", it is just crucial to know who is the captain at any given moment, so both people are on the same page. It's bad when we *both* think we are in charge at the same moment, and it's bad when we each think the *other* is in charge, as the boat drifts slowly onto the reef :-)
Clear communication is key.
Originally posted by Fawn.
I would be the captain of our ship, though the kiddos do like to test that out from time to time.Our house, too! But I introduced a heavy-hand (figuratively, not literally) from the very start, quickly stamping out any confusion as who was really in charge. My kids learned at an early age, and dad, had little say in the matter. Out-of-home work was his baby, while at-home-work was mine. Proved to be a comfortable balance in our house.
I don't know about "wearing the pants" thing, but I generally make the regular day to day decisions. We collaberate on the big stuff.
Mighty Frugal
5-8-12, 5:08pm
I guess we both do although I bet he thinks he does:~)
For finances it's pretty much me although we discuss it and both agree, but I steer that ship. Ditto for kid related issues (except sports-that's all his!)
For big purchases we discuss but he wears the pants because he a master at Craigslist and ebay-no way I can find the deals he does
In our family I am the softy and he is the hard a$$-so when the kids really want something they always come to me-I buckle from their pleas...dh..not so much
My DH likes to think [and make other people think] we share the pants, but in all reality, after all discussion and opinions are shared, he goes ahead and does exactly what he intended in the first place. Very passive aggressive.
When my partner decides to be serious and not a jokey smart-ass, our opinions over day-to-day things coincide very nicely. Otherwise, I spend a lot of time explaining that I don't like making ALL the decisions and would like his opinion, please.
Normally, I'm the one who wants to do x, y or z and he just doesn't mind, so I make the decision. He is perpetually content and isn't constantly conflicted and craving something like I am, so it's me who cares more and therefore me who makes the decision.
Both my wife and I trade off "captain", it is just crucial to know who is the captain at any given moment, so both people are on the same page. It's bad when we *both* think we are in charge at the same moment, and it's bad when we each think the *other* is in charge, as the boat drifts slowly onto the reef :-)
Clear communication is key.
Clear communication is the key. I do not trade off in this house. I am the captain.
Their father lives 25 miles and a whole political party away...there is another captain there. Amazingly...the kids are smart enough to negotiate the sea change....
Gardenarian
5-9-12, 3:13pm
I do. My husband finds making decisions stressful, and I'm a control freak - so this works really well for us!
Just found this thread again. Loving everyone's entries! Lots of fun!
neither Hubby or I wore the pants - just ran around nekkid :moon::moon:! We didn't have kids, just rented places, and both worked full time at jobs that kept us apart for long periods of time. When we were apart, the person at home did everything themselves just like a single person. When we were together we shared everything. Not only shared everything but did it all together. We'd shop and cook together. Do the laundry and clean the house together. Shovel snow, do yard work, work on the cars or house together. It was really fun to share those things and created not only a great bond between us, but also lead to lots of little romantic moments and interludes (who can fold up just washed and dryer warmed sheets with hubby and NOT have a romantic interlude :devil:!). As for the any big decsions, we made them together and each of us was 100% supportive of the other's desires and goals even if it meant we'd have to make compromises to accomadate them. We both felt that if you love someone and they have something they want to do that is important to them, then it is just as imoprtant that the other spouse supports that in every way they can - assuming it's reasonable that is. No second wives - unless I get a second hubby that is :devil:!
Fun, fun, fun, Spartana! You have such great qualities about you.
Fun, fun, fun, Spartana! You have such great qualities about you.
Thanks!! And "ditto" right back at cha Mrs. M.
Awww... thanks, Spartana. :)
dado potato
5-26-12, 3:56pm
Earlier bae stood up for those men who wear the kilt. Now I'll chime in for the guy in the occasional sarong.
Uhhh... errr... I do hope he has a nice build, Dado.
dado potato
5-27-12, 10:53am
Mrs-M,
Agreed! A big paunch looks better in bib overalls than a sarong!
BTW, I notice on a certain TV commercial there is role model wearing a sarong: a muscular black man with a very deep bass voice. Not sure, but I guess the ad is targeting women for the resort/travel market.
dado potato
5-27-12, 11:12am
I looked up the commercial, a 30 second spot for Orbitz
http://www.commercialsihate.com/orbitz-take-vacation-back-video_topic12621.html
Forbes Video did an interview with the President of Orbitz, Chris Orton, and brand manager, Marie LaPointe, concerning their "take vacation back" campaign.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-8bVpTdQ3o
That's great, dado! Never seen the commercial until now, but the part where the mature woman on the lounge says, "turn the pool-boy into a pool-man", is funny as heck!
Free yourselves from trouser tyranny!
http://www.kiltmen.com/fustanella.jpg
My husband had a good laugh over that picture! Seems with some cultures, masculinity, doesn't factor in... Such a pretty costume, isn't it.
Um, that *is* a very masculine outfit, within its cultural context.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4d/Royal_Guard_of_Albania.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d9/Yannis_Ramnalis-1.jpg/384px-Yannis_Ramnalis-1.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6b/Dupr%C3%A9_-_Warrior_of_Sellaida.jpg/437px-Dupr%C3%A9_-_Warrior_of_Sellaida.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a3/Greek_guard_uniforms_1.jpg/450px-Greek_guard_uniforms_1.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b3/Fustanella_Greek_Costume_1835.JPG
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/13/Souliotis_in_Corfu.jpg/415px-Souliotis_in_Corfu.jpg
chanterelle
5-29-12, 7:57am
My husband had a good laugh over that picture! Seems with some cultures, masculinity, doesn't factor in... Such a pretty costume, isn't it.
Mrs M, they are known as Evzones, and my paternal line includes a few of them, with a photo of one somewhere in my things as proof.
While they are now a ceremonial guard, at one time they were reknown for their valor and fighting ability. In the region, throught their history, Mountain Greeks in particular are known for their fierceness.
As Bae stated, regional culture and history have different versions/visuals of masculinity and bravery. In the instance of Evzones and their culture, "masculinity, doesn't factor in" is very far from true.
Please educate yourself about them, as such off the cuff statements can not only lack cultural and historical understanding but can be quite insulting as well.
Great photos. Cultural differences (and acceptance towards) is something that has always escaped me...
First picture (outfit), very "tootsie".
Second picture, much more gentleman-like.
Third picture, the outfit has both strengths and weaknesses. The silk-screened stockings add a very feminine-side/touch to an otherwise, European Royal dress.
Forth picture, back to a more feminine touch.
Fifth picture, very Regal and Heraldic. The "spats", complete the dress (outfit), adding a more formal and complimentary touch.
Last picture, reminds me of a wardrobe malfunction, that, or a Peasants dress.
Overall, I think if the dress-like/skirt-like additions veered from plain, single colour, no pattern, linen-like styles, and all outfits combined the more formal, decorative, and finished spat-styles (pictures four and five), a less feminine-side would be suggested. That, and no balloon-pantaloons (pictures, one, three, and six), and no soft-stretch/knit stockings (pictures three and six).
Picture five, is my favourite.
Originally posted by Chanterelle.
they are known as Evsones"Evsones", or Evzones?
chanterelle
5-29-12, 8:37am
"Evsones", or Evzones?
Sorry, with a z...tiny laptop keyboard and damaged hands creates some peculiar entries!
Dado Potato wrote: "Earlier bae stood up for those men who wear the kilt. Now I'll chime in for the guy in the occasional sarong."
I use to live in an area of SoCalif that has the larger vietnamese and Cambodian (and laotian) population outside of those countries and almost every guy wore sarongs. It was the "casual" attire for the community and looked very masculine to me. recently I dated a GIGANTIC Hawaiian/Samoan guy (6'8" and very musculure) who always wore a sarong-type thing. No one would EVER call him feminine - well.. at least not to his face :-)! My sister dated a like-wise huge Maori guy when she lived in New Zealand and all of them wore sarongs. They were all tatted -up and it looked very warrior- like and masculine. I've always said, that I believe masculine and feminine traits and qualities are about one's physical characteristics, movements, mannerisms, etc.. and not about how they are dressed or what they do. A guy in a dress who has masculine mannerisms, is still going to look like a guy - just one in a dress. A guy in the most "manly" of male attire who has feminine mannerisms isn't going to look masculine no matter what he wears.
Will anyone tell him he looks like a girl in his sarong :-)? Actor (and dreamboat) Jason Momoa:
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=794&d=1338314568
Exactly, Spartana.
You tell these guys they are girly-men....
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__hspjzfC024/TNcEdExPdYI/AAAAAAAACVA/Td71JQw25Ck/s400/maori-warriors.jpg
Or heck, I've trained with some Malaysian and Indonesian silat masters who wore sarongs, wouldn't have teased them about that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcNgAf_mU6M
They even have a special art devoted to using the sarong as a weapon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri4qxDZqEMk
I often wear a kufiya as a scarf which is handy for this sort of thing.
Ha! It's like one of those baby-slings people use to carry their babies. A deadly weapon for every new Mom :-)!
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