Issues with organization I'm president of

[Tradd]

Some of you might remember that I've had an overloaded schedule for months. Studying for customs brokers exam, finishing up the local theological program so I could get my catechist certification, more responsibilities at work, etc. I've also been president of a local organization for my denomination for a little over 3 years (I'm in my last year). There used to be a lot more people involved when it started about 20 years ago, but things have gradually gotten smaller and such. There used to not be many things going on locally with our denomination (speakers and so on), but things have changed in the past 20 years, and there is a LOT going on.

Anyway, we have a thing each October with a speaker (or two) on aspects of a certain theme. We had one speaker lined up - or so we thought, for our event this October. I had been working with him on just how he would present his topic. Certain of the board didn't want it done a particular way. Well, I thought I'd told him he was a go. Or maybe I didn't. Or maybe he misunderstood me. Frankly, I have no isea which it could be. Anyhow, this was in Feb-March when I was so overwhelmed with brokers exam. Speaker (who lives elsewhere and is pretty well-known) emails me yesterday, in response to an email I sent him five days ago, that he never thought he was a firm go and that his schedule is booked for the rest of the year. So, I sent off an email to my board and several other very involved members, explaining how I've been overwhelmed for so long and that I needed more help with the organization (I'm the webmaster, too). I apologized if the speaker misunderstanding was due to anything on my part. I came up with someone local who might be a good fit as a speaker on an aspect of the planned topic (he was one of my instructors in my theological program) - I approached him if I could put his name in as possibility and he said yes. Or a different topic, with local speakers. I don't even have the time to go back through my emails to see what might have caused the misunderstanding with the speaker who can't do it.

I only became prez as there was no one else who wanted it at the time. I've not resigned, as I've wanted to, because there was no one else and the 75 yo woman who is my VP made it clear she was only VP (when elected 3+ years ago) and would never be able to take over as prez. Period. I missed the March meeting as it was right before the exam. I repeatedly asked people on email where our next meeting (this month) was (we do a different parish each time), and it took about four emails before anyone bothered to tell me. The secretary (who is not new, she's been around 6-8 months, the previous one had to back out due to increased family responsibilities) can't figure out on her own that she has to send out agenda and minutes 2-3 weeks before next meeting. I always have to poke and prod her. I'm working with all adults. I'm hands off and hate it when I have to tell people repeatedly to do something they should be able to figure out on their own.

I think our time is done. There is an annual charitable project around Christmas that can easily be handled by the clergy association (it's gone back and forth between my organization and theirs). There are several joint services around the area through the year, but that clergy association does them. All my group is down to is really this October event.

I really do think we are at a crossroads. The clergy association (we're their daughter organization) has tried to help and come up with ideas, but they're going through their own issues. The founding members of my group have aged, dropped off, died. Only a few are still around. People are so busy that they don't have time for this stuff. The clergy aren't as involved as they once were because parishes that might have once had two priests are down to one and the priests can't take on more, when they're already stretched thin. At the March meeting (the last one), apparently there was this huge discussion about how to revitalize things, etc. No one told me about this huge discussion until I talked to my VP last week!

I think the group has outlasted its usefulness, but it would be tantamount to heresy to actually admit that, for a variety of reasons I won't go into here.

And I am between a rock and a hard place. They have no idea who will replace me when my second term as president (can't do more than two in a row) is up early next year. If I resigned now, I think it would start the dominoes falling.

And what's sad is that increasing responsibilities at work isn't considered a "good" reason - because I'm single. I've mentioned several times that when I was done with my term as prez I was going to step back and do anything with the group, and I've been "pashawwed" by several folks (not the clergy involved) that I have all the time in the world on my hands since I don't have a hubby or kids.

I'm just so tired! I just want to go back to concentrating on work (the brokers exam is part of that) and my own parish. I just want to go to my own church and sing, bake the occasional batch of Communion bread, revise the Word document of the parish directory twice a year, organize the occasional something, and take pictures to my heart's content. Take a year or two off from doing other stuff (although my bishop keeps saying he'd like to see me on the regional governing council, but I think I can delay that a bit) and wallow in books. Teach adults a bit in my parish, in conjunction with the woman currently doing it.

[iris lily]

...
I think the group has outlasted its usefulness, but it would be tantamount to heresy to actually admit that, for a variety of reasons I won't go into here...

This is the single biggest problem plaguing many organizations. They need to die and everyone is afraid to kill them.

You are right not to say the words that closes the group--you will be blamed forever for killing it even though it may be already dead.


And what's sad is that increasing responsibilities at work isn't considered a "good" reason - because I'm single. I've mentioned several times that when I was done with my term as prez I was going to step back and do anything with the group, and I've been "pashawwed" by several folks (not the clergy involved) that I have all the time in the world on my hands since I don't have a hubby or kids.

But as with anything else, no one gets to dictate your time, only you decide how to live your life and spend your time. Whether it's church or work or school or whatever--you are in charge of your life.

Step back an do want you want to do. You have only one life. Of COURSE the church monster will want to suck up all of your time, that's the nature of organizations.

[Tradd]

Iris, I actually thought of you and your previous posts on organizations past their "good for" date when I wrote this.

Thing is, I'm between a rock and a hard place - my leaving now might just be the first domino that ultimately kills the group.

[creaker]

Enough is enough. If you want to resign, tell them so, give them a date, and stick to it.

It sounds like you've had a long stretch of going above and beyond. People may complain about you stepping down from that but they have no right to - if they think the group is that important they can take their turn at making it work. Or not. Either way, life will go on.

The director of the program I volunteer most at has given notice after running it for 4 years. She will also be quitting her regular job(s) so she can travel around Asia "until the money runs out". The program will take a major hit seeing her go, she's leaving some pretty big shoes to fill. But it will continue. On the other hand no one is going to fulfill her dreams for her, I applaud her for having the courage to step up and make them happen herself.

[Miss Cellane]

Volunteer things are good. But they only last as long as people are willing to give up their time for them. I'm a big fan of announcing that loudly and clearly to the members of an organization that X, Y and X won't happen if there aren't volunteers. And then sitting back and letting the chips fall where they may, even if that means that the organization ends.

Tradd, I can't tell from your post what you really want to do. Do you want to resign now? or wait until your term is up? Either way, it is not your responsibility to find a replacement President.

If you felt like it, you could start the organization thinking about how to re-create itself, because it sounds like it either needs to die a natural death or be reincarnated as something else that is more appealing to the people it serves. That could be your "gift" as the departing president--you could re-make the organization into something that provides more useful services to the congregation as a whole. Or the organization could merge with another one, if possible.

But if people hassle you about leaving, you can look them in the eye and say, "So, it sounds like you are really interested in this. Can I put your name down to run for an office? Which one would you prefer?" In other words, tell them to put up or shut up.

As for the people commenting that you are single and have all the time in the world. Oh, dear. Been there, done that, experienced the exhaustion. You could say something about how if you keep volunteering and spending all your time with the church, how will you ever have time to find that husband and have those kids? Surely they want that for you!

I got the "you are single, you have more time" line from a priest once, as he was trying to get me to sign up for yet another ministry (I was already active in 5 different ministries with my church and one with the diocese). I'm Roman Catholic; the priests can't marry. I pointed out to him that he was also single. And he lived in a rectory with three other priests to share the work. And they had a housekeeper come in three days a week to clean and do laundry. And they had a seminary student who did all their food shopping, and cooked and cleaned up after dinner 5 nights a week, in exchange for room and board. And the church paid someone to come and mow the lawn and shovel the snow. So he probably had more free time than I did.

And a couple of times I had to play my key card. "Well, I suppose I could fit in the new Hospitality Committee. It would mean that I'd have to stop volunteering at the 7:30 am Sunday Mass, though." Since finding liturgical team leaders, lectors and Eucharistic Ministers was a constant struggle at the 7:30 Mass and I frequently had to perform all three roles, or step in on Sundays when I wasn't scheduled because someone hadn't shown up, that usually got people to back off fairly quickly.

The main thing is to find one reason that you are reducing your volunteer work load and stick to that. Don't explain, don't argue, don't expect anyone to ever understand why you are doing this. Just keep repeating that one thing over and over. Like: "I'm too burnt out to even pray anymore. I need to find my focus again." "I've decided to concentrate on my own parish for the next year." "I've neglected my spiritual reading sadly for the past few years. I need to catch up." "I want to get more involved with teaching adults in my own parish. I feel a calling there." And take a firm tone. This is what you are doing. Your mind is made up. Some people will still argue with you, but the longer you keep firm, the more they will back off.

[redfox]

Boundaries are a good thing for all!

[iris lily]

Thing is, I'm between a rock and a hard place - my leaving now might just be the first domino that ultimately kills the group.

Are you planning to complete your term? A 3 year term is a long one. If you complete that, you've done very well in serving the organization and you've got no further responsibilities toward it.

[iris lily]

... I'm a big fan of announcing that loudly and clearly to the members of an organization that X, Y and X won't happen if there aren't volunteers. And then sitting back and letting the chips fall where they may, even if that means that the organization ends. yes, exactly.

Some members in one of my plant societies entertain me with their deafness in hearing people who say "No I won't do that." Honestly, it's just comical how this group refuses to "hear" those sentiments.

The latest silliness is that some, unhappy with our President (who is perfectly competent, by the way) are recruiting a new one only--haha--they are looking to someone who has said that she won't be with the group next year. They just don't get it.

I like our President well enough and I really don't give a rat's *ss how the organization is run as long as no one is stealing the money.

[fidgiegirl]

Miss Cellane, I got a big kick out of your priest argument :)

It took me a long time to get good at realizing I can just say no without having to explain why. I let my term expire as secretary of an organization without taking another one, and without explaining that I just didn't like it, just saying no, I wasn't taking another term. It was hard, and they weren't even asking me to explain!

I do feel like I killed one group. It could come to life again, but we were starting the remodel on this house and honestly, the 2-3 of us trying to get this thing going had given it an honest effort, and were getting NO bites. So I said, I think it's time, and I can't personally put more time into this at this time, but the two of you, have at it if you want and I won't be hurt . . . and they didn't, because they also knew. But that's different than a decades-old organization.

Food for thought on the not understanding of responsibilities - are there job descriptions for the different positions? Some people honestly just don't know. Not saying it's on you to create these, but something to think about.

[Tradd]

Are you planning to complete your term? A 3 year term is a long one. If you complete that, you've done very well in serving the organization and you've got no further responsibilities toward it.

I'm actually partway into the second year of my SECOND term.

I had a good long talk with my priest after services today. He's one of the officers of the local clergy association. His thought, given that I've got six months left on my term, is to attempt to get my VP to shoulder much more of the responsibilities. Even though she's 76, she's very active, a priest's widow and very capable. Basically, try to get her to handle things involved with the October event. This would be much less damaging to the organization. My priest did agree that the group's original purpose is no longer relevant and maybe it is time for it to fold if it cannot reinvent itself.

I *would* like to resign, but I'm also an overly responsible sort, and don't want to cause damage to the organization.

I didn't plan on having to spend until October studying for a second go-round at the broker's exam. But Customs made this exam so incredibly difficult (see my other thread under the Open Forum - scuttlebutt is that there was 1% pass rate nationally, out of the probably several thousand people who took the exam!) that I've got to take it again. That really threw a wrench in everything.

So, I'll talk to the VP this week and see what comes of it.

[iris lily]

If you are on your second 3 year term, you've served enough time.

[Tradd]

Second TWO year term.

[CeciliaW]

In any case, if you're not going to do it again and there's no one else willing to step up and the clergy council is doing the same job, just put the group to rest. It can be wound down gracefully.

[iris lily]

Second TWO year term.

ok got it this time--still, enough time as President.

[Tradd]

Finally was able to talk to my VP this evening. She was shocked that I was very close to resigning. She said she's got a lot on her plate right now with some family things and can't take on all of my duties. I acknowledged that, but she said she's sure things can be divided over several people. She'll talk with some of the other folks at our meeting tomorrow. I told her I'm exhausted, working 10+ hours a day, studying, etc. I told her have to pass the exam in October. That is non-negotiable, and so something has to give, which means the group. I was nice, but very firm.

I also found out that the speaker who is unable to make the October event has some health issues (VP knows him somewhat and contacted him), so there was more stuff going on there than I knew.

Tomorrow evening's meeting should be very interesting.

[Tradd]

I am happy to report it went pretty well this evening. I was very, but politely, emphatic that stepping back was something I had to do and non-negotiable. Their shock came when they had me list everything so they could divide up the president's job. They were astonished at how much I'd been doing. I'm still two very small things which will take little time and are done via email.

Whew! Glad that's over!

[Zoebird]

That's great.

I think that it's often a matter of not-knowing.