View Full Version : Nursery/baby room lighting (night-time).
My thread topic, "night lights", posted in the Open Forum, made me pause and think about what everyone did in the way of lighting Re: middle of the night visits to baby's room.
I was lucky, and relied (mostly) on street lamp lighting, which usually provided ample light to allow me to see what I was doing. How about you?
To add, I always did everything in my powers to avoid turning on the big room light, as that always seemed to upset my kids tremendously, and it provided nothing in the way of helping me reacquaint myself with sleep again afterwards.
We had a tiny little lamp with a nightlight bulb on the dresser where we changed the baby. Actually, I could manage fine in the dark, but DH couldn't.
domestic goddess
5-23-12, 2:05pm
We had a small lamp in the room, but I can't remember how much I actually used it. I think I actually used it more when she was a toddler. I've worked at night for so long that I fuction pretty well in the dark, but I am apparently the only one who can do that around here, but that wasn't the case when dd was a baby.
I think we probably had a nightlight in there.
But I don't remember, to be honest. I was too sleep-deprived!
I would (and still do) turn on the bathroom light which is right between our bedroom and DD's. That's just enough light to see what I'm doing and not jolt DD out of sleep.
I had a small night light -- one that plugs into the wall directly -- that I used. it had a little light switch, so to potty DS in the middle of the night, I could switch it on, and then about 5-6 minutes later, turn it off again. it worked nicely.
Thanks for weighing in everybody. :)
The sleep-deprivation thing is so true. Although I really don't remember, I do know many of my days were spent shuffling around like an Energizer Bunny on low batteries. Room to room, upstairs- downstairs, inside- outside...
i remember it. I don't know why i remember it, but i remember how zonked I was.
On a good day (before having kid) I had no concept of time. Once I had him, it was really "timeless." The only time that existed was whether or not the baby was hungry or needed to be changed/potty, and whether or nto we were hungry or if we needed to change/potty him or if we could all sleep.
Days were nights, nights were days. Everything happened in 2-4 hours intervals. It was the weirdest time ever. That was the first three months. I remember it so clearly.
Which is why I'm not giving into the intense new-born pressure I keep getting. :) "When's your next one?" and "are you going to try for another? You don't want to wait too long, your DS is already nearly 4!"
and as much as I love kids, truth is, I do NOT have the bandwidth for 3 months of that while also trying to manage a business and an extroverted 4 yr old. God help me.
I don't know how anyone manages. Maybe it's not like that for them. I don't know. :)
Zoebird, I recall a day when, in my sleep-deprived haze, I was going to the grocery store with my one infant. I saw a woman marshalling 4 kids into the store - can't recall their ages. All I could think was, "How can she do that?" In hindsight, she probably had support of extended family whereas I was all alone - completely alone at that point, without even a group of mom peers, since I'd recently quit work; her husband probably wasn't gone all hours of the day and many of the night working on a PhD; and possibly came from a family culture of many kids whereas I did not and had no prior experience with infants.
that's part of the equation, too, of course.
while in the US, DH was active with us, but usually out of the house from about 7 am until 7 pm, and so I would usually have about an hour to myself a day. Then on fridays my parents would visit for about 2-4 hours, which was pleasant, and then I would teach Saturday Am while DH and my ILs hung out with the baby.
So, it wasn't like I had " a lot of help " like some people do -- here it's quite common for family members to "move in" for several weeks at a time on a rotation. usually it goes -- mother's mother, father's mother, mother's sister/friend, father's sister/aunt/female relative, and so on. This is generally for the first 8-12 wks.
But living here is isolated. DH and I really only have each other to rely on -- no family members to call upon at the last minute if we want or need help. we have friends who are helpful, but it's not the same as how family works.
our real option would be to bring in a nanny. there's an organization here who provides part-time, live-in nannies for $60 a week plus room and board -- that's what you pay. But to make that happen, we'd also have to move, etc. So, it's not a small undertaking. :) But, it would make things at least work-able because we would definitely need another pair of hands!
I think for most moms it's the same, sleep-deprivation, fog, days into nights/nights into days, weekdays into weekends, and so forth. I honestly believe it's a built-in protection feature we all have to cope. It's not so much about managing, as it is about surviving.
Rosemary. I do believe having prior baby/infant/toddler experience does not help/relieve a mom of all the day-to-day/day-after-day, hectic relay. I babysat every possible combination of charges... singletons, two's, three's, four's and five's, infants, babies, toddlers, one in diapers, two in diapers, three in diapers, yet really, when push came to shove, aside from my comfort level around babies/young children, it was still (for the most part) a crap-shoot.
Zoebird. I've always fancied having family to fall-back-on/rely upon, but Re: an actual "move-in type care/support program", I don't know... I do think going-it-alone, somehow (in the end), goes a long way (longer way), Re: peace-of-mind, contentment, and fulfillment. Then again, maybe my stance on the matter is the result of having a large family, resulting in me not being able to see past the hustle/bustle/hurdle of adding one more person to the unit.
Sleepovers (in our house), have long been a popular and longstanding event. Kids visiting/staying-over with SIL/sister/grandparents, overnight/weekends, and I quickly learned to like that, a lot! My saving-grace! In fact, sleepovers, were enough (most times) to help recharge my batteries again, and give me all the renewed oomph I needed to face another month or two on the front-line.
I think that for women who find a great deal of personal satisfaction and self expression in being SAHM and home makers, the idea of wanting or needing another pair of hands is simply not the right way to go. It doesn't make sense, if you can and want to DIY.
For women like myself, who want to work, it's simply not possible to provide both complete, round-the-clock child care and also work. In all honesty, my work is not conducive to parenting at the same time. DS is simply too rowdy to be in the yoga classroom right now. And, I like to be in that classroom and running the business that supports it. It currently takes about 49 hours a week, though I plan on decreasing that in the coming months.
That being said, it would still not be able to decrease down below 20-30 hours a week right now, and that would be a constraint on my ability to care for the child. And while my husband would also provide a lot of the primary caregiving in the "mean times" it would also mean that he would be unable to do his work -- pushing back his dreams as well.
What we value for our son is that he sees his parents doing what they love, what is authentically their work in life, so that he can discover that for himself and live his dreams and so on. I think that it is entirely possible for a SAHP to feel and experience this -- that SAHPing is their "way of life," their authentic expression. I've seen genius in homemaking that I can just never, ever reach -- partly because I don't have a passion or talent for it!
So, at the end of the day, we asked ourselves -- do we want to have a second child and raise both of them less happy with ourselves, with more difficulty or frustration, or do we want to raise one child well, able to show him how we have discovered our authentic way of living, so that he can discover that for himself?
The only way it would be possible to have another child is to ahve child care. The live-in part is just about affordability. Day care centers cost a lot more, and the care isn't as flexible or home-based. In the case of this group of nannies, many of them are steiner educated (many coming from germany) and well versed in attachment parenting techniques. The exchange is designed for them to provide part-time child care and support (and housekeeping) in exchange for room/board while they study and work in another country. These girls go to school -- so it's not really a "full time" nanny per se.
But, it would create the opportunity for both DH and I to work (we'd be given about 20 hours a week of child care) and we could decide whether we wanted to split the remaining time into primary care giving while the other works (taking turns) or have it as whole-family time, or both. If I could do about 30-35 hrs of work a week, that would probably suit me, and probably suit DH too. The rest is just about affordability in comparison to other child care options.
But likewise, at this point, the changes necessary to go down this path would be too expensive for us -- considering our financial goals (including paying off my school debt quickly), and therefore, it's simply not in the cards.
btw, we get a lot of pressure about this, which is why i feel compelled to keep explaining my position. LOL
Originally posted by Zoebird.
I think that for women who find a great deal of personal satisfaction and self expression in being SAHM and home makers, the idea of wanting or needing another pair of hands is simply not the right way to go. It doesn't make sense, if you can and want to DIY.Totally, totally agree! I'm that mom! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for help and assistance (when/if needed), and believe me, when we took in our youngest two back on 2007, I needed help/support, bad. Lucky for me, there were people ready and waiting (such a godsend), but overall I much prefer overseeing all things mommy/homemaker, all on my own.
My mom and SIL, were really super (bless them both), about pitching in and offering an extra set of hands when times called for it (even when times didn't), yet even as busy or occupied as I was (or wasn't), I felt slighted (crazy I know), when mom or SIL, would get up to do something (all on their own), or take it upon themselves to start working beside me without being asked.
Somehow, deep inside of me, I sort of felt as though I was failing, showing my vulnerability and weaknesses at my lowest moments, even though I know it's not like that/wasn't like that (at all). Just that when you get so used to being in control (and taking control), there's a certain level of pride and satisfaction that resonates in doing absolutely EVERYTHING (all by yourself), particularly in front of company, which, in my case, I feel, reverberates, "look at me... aren't I good at what I do". Plain old-fashioned pride coming out, that's all.
I understand what you mean. I'm like that with the business, but not so much with the housework. LOL I would much rather have someone else do it. And I do want to parent DS "my way" but I honestly am *so* thankful for kindy and our friend who provides care once every-other week. We are looking forward to 4 days of someone else minding him, so that we can work.
Is that so bad? LOL ;)
I think that part of the issue of "mommy wars" between SAHP and WOHP (work outside of home parent) is the assumption that one side holds the other as problematic. I do not. I might have before being here. LOL I honestly believed that SAHP was "best" and therefore WOH parents were usually doing it out of "need" that had to do with finances and such. Now, I know better.
Now, I realize that sometimes people just want/need to work for themselves, for their own reasons and edification -- and that's ok.
I think that sometimes WOHP's often think that SAHP are 'giving up' or "sacrificing" themselves for their children, which is unhealthy, and that work is therefore healthier. But, I don't think that this is at all true.
I think that people are different, and so what gets us excited and energized is different. And the best for our kids is to do what edifies us, so that we can in turn edify them. For WOHP, it means lots of extra hands (or delegating?), but for SAHP, it involves a lot of can-do DIY processes. :)
I think the differences are cool. :)
Zoebird, I recall a day when, in my sleep-deprived haze, I was going to the grocery store with my one infant. I saw a woman marshalling 4 kids into the store - can't recall their ages. All I could think was, "How can she do that?" In hindsight, she probably had support of extended family whereas I was all alone - completely alone at that point, without even a group of mom peers, since I'd recently quit work; her husband probably wasn't gone all hours of the day and many of the night working on a PhD; and possibly came from a family culture of many kids whereas I did not and had no prior experience with infants.
A lot of that is probably true. When we got married we wanted a big family. Then we had two babies a year apart far, far from home. That was hard. Also, Zach had to go right back to work and worked really long hours and I didn't have a strong support circle. It was pretty brutal. For a while we thought we'd stop at just two.
When we moved back home and I started making a strong group of friends and had my parents around and we decided to have a third. It was like night and day from the previous experience. Same thing with baby #4 and so far, things are going relatively well with #5 too (although as I type this Zach is patting her butt trying to get her to calm down and go to sleep. Gas, I think). Having support makes all the difference in the world.
The other difference is that I am not as freaked out by newborns as I was when I had my first. Charlotte's crying would have driven me around the bend when my oldest kids were little. Now she is sleeping calmly in Zach's lap and I am not especially stressed out.
As to the original question, my kids never had a nightlight in their rooms. When I was a kid the shadows from my nightlight scared me, so I didn't get one for them. If I need a bit of light to change them or check on them I turn the halllway light on.
I like the differences, too, Zoebird. The old adage of, "what suits one, doesn't necessarily suit another" is so true, but in speaking for myself Re: choosing to be a SAHM, never did I/have I ever felt that I was sacrificing or giving-up on my own life, for the life of my children. In my case, it was an all out choice/decision to follow that path, and I've never once regretted it.
LOL, Stella, Re: the old butt-pat! My kids (all of them) loved that! Used to settle them down in no time flat. At any rate, after reading everyone's entries, I'm somewhat relieved that I never relied on a burning night-light (babies room) around the clock.
Exactly!
About one month into being a SAHP after DS's birth, I just felt completely and utterly uninspired, bored, and unmotivated. I started teaching again (with DS wrapped to me) twice a week, and it made a HUGE difference. I slowly moved up to 4-6 times a week, and I felt really jazzed. Then we moved to NZ and I started working at the business part time, and this past 18 months or so, I've been teaching as well -- which has also been great.
it really gets me excited.
But, no doubt it would be ridiculously tedious and boring and uninspiring to you! :D
This thread escaped me, and now that I found it again, sending well-wishes/much success your way, Zoebird!
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