Gift ideas for very preemie baby in incubator

[mtnlaurel]

I need gift ideas for a very preemie baby that came 3 months early and is in an incubator.
We are not particularly close to the parents, semi-distant relative, but I want to send a tangible something just as I would if the birth would have been on time.
My first thought is to call the NICU to get ideas - I know there are a lot of rules.

It is also a sad time too because they were twins and one of the babies didn't make it.

Thank you for any experiences you can share.

[lmerullo]

I think you have the right idea in calling the NICU - they will be able to guide you.

How about a name tag? MOst hospitals have "BABY GIRL JONES" or whatever on the isolette. A personalized sign that says SUZANNA HANNA MONTANA would be nice.

My friend's baby was born at just under 3 lbs and spent some time in the NICU. The hospital allowed stuffed animals, and we would balance a beeny baby on his little back. It seemed to comfort him, as it must have felt like a hand caressing him. That little guy is now 3 years old, and one would never know he had such a start in life.

[morning girl]

Do the parents live close to the hospital where the baby is? The baby really doesn't need anything but the parents do. How about a gift card for a restaraunt close to the hospital. The parents will be spending as much time with the baby as possible. A nice meal that is not from a cafeteria or fast food would be appreciated. Something to support the parents at this difficult time would be wonderful.

[Mrs-M]

Awww... I second calling the NICU, just as I second a stuffed animal. IMV, a stuffed animal would be a lasting gift, one that would see many years use, and what a nice way to provide a little love and comfort to a helpless baby starting out with so much against it.

[redfox]

And a massage gift certificate for the parents! They need it.

[iris lily]

It strikes me as fairly useless, and possibly insensitive, to attempt to pile "stuff" into the NICU. While I know that your motivation is to try to recognize this birth as you normally would and you are coming from a good place, it's NOT a normal birth event. This is a very sick baby.

See, this is just my own reaction and in a similar situation when my father died, I resented those who tried to foist crap on me. Like the rose bush I was supposed to plant in his memory and the tree I was supposted to arrange for in the park. Ugh, thanks for more work and stress--NOT.

I also thought of gift certificates to chain resaurants in the city where their baby is, preferably a chain that is very close to the hospital. While sure a stuffed animal would be ok, the kid is going to get scads of those becuase that's the easy gift. It's also entirely possible that your stuffed animal will be The ONE that mom likes best, but that is entirely a crapshoot.

The best thing you can do is to call them and find out: what would they find helpful? If they are eating out at a lot of restaurants, the gift cert is good. If they need money for a hotel, give them money.

[domestic goddess]

Depending on how sick the baby is, there may be too much in the way of equipment in use to allow much stuff sitting around. You might send a small plaque with the baby's name on it, but for now I would send a card acknowledging the birth and a gift card of some type for the parents. This baby may still be in shaky circumstances, and may not survive, so in that case the parents may not want to have to drag a bunch of stuff home later. As time goes on and the baby gains some weight and begins to move out of the incubator, an outfit in a preemie size is nice and not always easy to find. You don't say if the baby is on a ventilator, but if so, it may be awhile before he/she can be weaned off it, and that is yet another piece of equipment. A pretty blanket or a little hat can be used later to keep baby warm once out of the incubator. You might ask the parents or their families what they need; if the baby has been transferred to a hospital some distance away, they may need money for gas or other travel expenses.

[CeciliaW]

I was going to second the gift card to restaurants until I read Iris Lily's response. Call them, tell them warm and wonderful things, ask them.

My first grandchild was a preemie and couldn't come home for 6 weeks. The parents spent a LOT of time on the road. I paid for gas when they'd let me.

I know it's not a typical gift, but it's what they needed at the time.

Eventually the baby will come home and then you could send a card for diapers or something. :~)

Gah, I'm just too practical.

Anyway, yeah, they don't need anymore Stuff, but if you want to send Something, send a letter or card.

[Nella]

I second all the responses that mention a gift card of some sort for the parents. Also, how about making a small donation to a charity in the names of the babies. Both the one who survived and the one who was lost, whether or not that baby was actually named. Something like, "In honor of Twin Babies Smith, May, 2012." That way you can express your condolences for their loss, and acknowledge the joy of their new baby.

[Miss Cellane]

My nephew spent 6 months in NICU.

If there is a coffee shop in the hospital (check their website), call and see if you can order a gift card over the phone and have it mailed to their house. If not, check for Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, Tim Hortons, whatever, that is close to the hospital and send them a gift card for that shop. Restaurant gift cards are a nice idea, but if they are spending all their free time at the hospital, coffee shop gift cards will more appreciated. Or a pizza place that delivers to the hospital.

I know, the parents would be better off with a restaurant meal. They may not want to "waste" the time sitting in a restaurant eating, when they could be with their baby. The reality is that I had a hard time dragging my SIL out for a half-hour walk at times, even though she knew she needed the exercise. She spent 14-18 hours a day at the hospital for months and my brother spent every waking hour that he wasn't at work there.

It was not a good time. However, my nephew will be turning 13 this year. He wasn't supposed to survive 24 hours. Modern medicine can do some amazing things.

[razz]

Gift card with a "thinking of you" note and baby birthday card.
I am thinking that a condolence card for the little one that did not make it is important as well. Both babies were expected so remember them both.

[Anne Lee]

A care basket? Bottled water, a few magazines or puzzle books, some healthy snacks or fruit, hand sanitizer, a box of stamped blank notecards, wipes, and maybe an exercise band so Mom can stretch and do exercise.

[Dhiana]

How about a book of children's stories for the parents to read to their child?

[Mrs-M]

I guess I must be the exception among everyone here, but I find there to be something soothing and comforting about setting out, one, two, even a handful of cute/warm stuffies (for baby), knowing they were given (from the heart) as a token of love and thoughtfulness. Just knowing people care and have you in their thoughts and prayers can mean all the difference in the world.

Furthermore, not everyone thinks to sit down and brainstorm for ideas when it comes to matters such as this. Usually, it happens matter-a-fact like, like a passing thought, and it's the thought that counts IMO.

Lastly, even something as simple as a hug and embrace can change-up the mood, spirit, and happiness, of any parent, riding a wave of upset and turmoil. Just being there for others is important. Support.

[djen]

My oldest was in the NICU for 16 weeks. I got a couple of plants, they didn't make it.

I got a fruit basket and Swiss Colony sausage/cheese package. Those were really helpful, until we got our heads back together and got out food shopping. I'm ashamed to say it, but I think that's all we ate for about a week!

There isn't a lot they can keep at the NICU, usually the baby's personal space is only the inside of the crib/isolette, and maybe a shelf or something. So, most things you send won't actually end up at the hospital.

One thing you can't live without in the NICU is lotion. They'll be washing their hands a lot, and with very caustic soap. A nice not-really-smelly lotion will come in handy (scents aren't really a good thing, even if their baby is OK with them, others might not be, and their all in pretty close quarters.)

My daughter was born in '95, so things have probably changed a lot, but at the time most books on the subject of preemies weren't very helpful. The field was changing so quickly, that the procedures they were using on her weren't listed, and a lot of the statistics were out of date. :(

Money, although it sounds crass, is always a good gift. We spent a small fortune in parking fees, eating in the hospital cafeteria (for those iffy days when you didn't want to go far) and gas to and from. Plus, we had to rent a breastpump, and then buy a small freezer to keep her milk in. And that's all for a baby for whom things went really well! Anya also came home with oxygen and a breathing/heartrate monitor, fortunately these were covered by our insurance. This family may not be well-covered and a LOT of stuff comes out of their pocket.

"Preemie" clothes at regular stores aren't really very helpful for a long time. They're usually way too big (for example, Anya didn't fit into some of her preemie outfits until she was 10 months old!) and they don't leave enough room for monitor leads and IV's to go in and out. There are tons of patterns for preemie gowns and such on the internet if you're crafty. My mom made a bunch of little dresses for my daughter in no time at all, because she sews. That was a HUGE help. It's always more heartening to see your baby dressed, even when they're hooked up to a zillion things :)

I hope that helps.

[Acquius]

You could instead make decorations for the little one's space. Maybe a decorated heart to put where the NICU staff OKs that says "An Angel Watches Over This One" or..something like that, or decorative angel wings. Something that's endearing, empowering, but nothing that's really painful, nor anything to be forgotten amongst the rest. Or, heck, you could even go the same route and put something like, "You Are Loved" three very powerful words, even if you guys aren't close. It may help for them to SEE them.

[domestic goddess]

Is there an update on the little one?

[fidgiegirl]

djen, how kind to offer firsthand suggestions. I never would have thought of the lotion, but it makes so much sense. Nice to see you again around the forums, as well.

I, too, mtnlaurel, would be curious to know how things are going . . . and hoping the answer is that they are going well . . .

[steve s]

Can you arrange to bring a nice meal to the NICU for Mom & Dad?

I worked in a Ped. ICU in Milwaukee for a few years & I noticed the families rarely get decent food while they are spending so much time on the unit.

[mtnlaurel]

Is there an update on the little one?

She's doing really well! She'll be there for a couple of months.
Thank you so much for asking and thank you for the suggestions.

We have gotten a sweet little card that has knitted socks hanging on a clothesline and I am enclosing a restaurant gift card near the hospital for the parents and a digital download for lullaby covers of rock bands of their choice. It's a really young couple and they are super tech savvy.
http://www.rockabyebabymusic.com/ecom/review/product/list/id/32/category/3/

I thought these would be things that could be mailed easily and not a hassle to pack up when they go home.

I had a CD of the Pink Floyd & U2 lullaby's and still listen to them when I want to calm the kids down (or myself :)



See, this is just my own reaction and in a similar situation when my father died, I resented those who tried to foist crap on me. Like the rose bush I was supposed to plant in his memory and the tree I was supposted to arrange for in the park. Ugh, thanks for more work and stress--NOT..

Iris Lily -- I could so relate to what you had to say about the gift of the memorial tree...
The exact same scenario when my mom passed.
My sis & I knew it came from a place of love, but planting a tree was the last thing I wanted to do after surviving the ordeal of my mom's painful passing.
But then to NOT plant it and let it wither was a little too symbolically weighty for us too and really messed with our heads.
We planted it, but I could no more tell you which tree it is than another -- we were in a haze through most of that period of time.

[Mrs-M]

Great news, Mtnlaurel.

[domestic goddess]

So glad to hear that things are looking good! Not to be the voice of gloom and doom, but the journey to get to go home is rarely a straight line of progress. There will be some days that seem discouraging. Remind the parents to keep their eyes on the prize (being a family together at home) and not to get hung up on every tiny thing that seems to go wrong. It is hard, I'm sure, but in the long run it will be easier on them. This is one reason why I don't suggest toys for baby in the NICU; they get knocked off shelves and lost, or have to be taken out of the incubator for a procedure, and lost. Things like that are better left for later, IMHO.