View Full Version : Lunch with Co Workers
While I am fortunate to be employed and able to meet all my expenses, I am working far under my ability and struggling with the adjustment. I have previously sought advice on how to work when there is a light duty roster. I’ve discussed this thoroughly and cordially with management and I am assured some day, there will be too much to do. I have received a number of mixed messages from management since my start 5 months ago. Yes, I am actively seeking to change my employment.
The first surprise was a $10 per week parking fee. I asked twice during the interview about parking issues as every city business encounters this problem. I was assured there were no concerns. Nevertheless, this has taken a bite out of my income. I said out loud that the $40 a month constituted lunch money. My income is modest.
Well, the majority of the staff in this office make at least 2 to 3 x my wage. Every week there is another lunch and all go trotting off to enjoy. This is the office culture. I spoke directly to my supervisor and said I’d like to be able to go but my finances tend to prohibit the expense. This is starting to get awkward.
Being a long time SLN person, I brown bag and spend the lunch hour taking a brisk walk outside. I am the only person in this office that maintains this habit. Unless my coworkers go to the lunch, they do not leave there desk all day. I am a little put off as I cannot find a way to fit in to this group. My concern is this coming back to haunt me on a review. Part of me wants to go, part of me realizes the expense and part of me would rather enjoy my time alone. Why does this bother me as much as it does?
It probably bothers you because you know if will likely impact you in the future, not being a "team player" and all that.
As an alternative, can you suggest other things to get people out of the office at lunch? Maybe a potluck picnic? Taking a walk with you? Or (I'm assuming you are in Worcester) the art museum (with you getting a free pass from the library). Starting up in July, there will be concerts behind City Hall weekly, maybe you can suggest a group take their lunches there on Fridays. Or you can decide that this is an investment in your career and go, say, once a month instead of going every week.
The weird thing about today was the other office admin is feeling the economic pinch and had to turn down the lunch, typically she goes. I left the office for my walk, she was sitting at her desk. I returned and found the office empty. A half hour later she walked in with the group. Her boss had still been in the office when I went for my walk. From what I could hear, her boss invited her along. I am not sure but I get the impression she was "helped" with the cost. This happened once before. It's socially awkward.
Nobody here takes the time to pack a lunch for the day. There is a cafeteria in the building for a quick bite. I will suggest the city hall lunch on Friday and see how that goes over.
Let's face it, at the corporate game I tend to fall flat.
I'd suggest detaching from any investment in "the corporate game", and just be yourself. Being present and relaxed goes a long way towards building positive relationships with others. And, perhaps you can initiate going out for a walk every so often after work! Something along those lines.
So many offices have these weird socio-political lunch cultures. I like redfox's advice to just be yourself, however, I do think it would be smart to pick one day a week when you join the others for lunch. One day a week will show them you "care about the team." I also like what redfox said about being "present and relaxed." That counts for a lot.
I'm playing off of Herbgeek's idea. By the way I'm near worcester. Have a stone soup lunch (remember the kids book?) Do a group salad and each person is assigned one or two things already prepped to go into a huge salad bowl. This is team building and lunch building...I'm sure others can come up with themes other than salad.... Tell everyone to keep it simple because it is the act of having lunch that is important than the $$$$
This is a touch sitch. Do you coworkers truly do not other socializing than through the lunches?
There's no way I'd go out to lunch even 1X weekly to stay in good with the group. Maybe 1X monthly, maybe. Lunch costs kill your pocketbook.
I feel ya. I hate the corporate game too!
Cjones mentions the socio-political lunch culture - funny, and so right on! I went through so much crap over that at my previous job. I was being hit on by weird guys who wanted to go to lunch with me, but I didn't want to go to lunch with them. When I decided I wanted to have lunch with a nice lady in my department, she rejected me - once, then twice. After the second turn-down I figured I wouldn't ask her again. Then I saw her all the time having lunch downstairs with a different person on our team, somebody who obviously made the grade. It was kind of heartbreaking, and genuinely puzzling for me!
Once I just got so desperate to have a lunch buddy, I accepted the invite of a person who turned out to be low-status - kind of an untouchable. He was a heroin addict and everyone knew it but me, though I was enlightened later. People were just thrown by the fact that I had made this public statement of solidarity with the most undesirable employee in the company. I'd say my reputation suffered, but it couldn't have gotten any worse. Going to lunch at that place was like pricking your finger and exchanging blood with the other person. These pairings were always noticed and commented on, and your status in the organization was adjusted accordingly. Batcrap crazy if you ask me.
Long way of saying I getcha. It sucks...agree with others above who recommend spending some time with your co-workers, if not every lunch hour. It is a game, and it's a pain, but you can be comforted knowing that you're getting something out of it :)
ApatheticNoMore
6-1-12, 4:16pm
As an alternative, can you suggest other things to get people out of the office at lunch? Maybe a potluck picnic? Taking a walk with you?
You can suggest this if you have "friends" at work (ok, someone is a huge cynic and thinks true friends are something for outside of work :)). Because this type of stuff can work with a SMALL group. Especially some small group that feels they need to watch their weight or something (then again does anyone really want to hang out with people who just talk about their weight all the time? ugh ... I can think of little worse than that!)
Have a stone soup lunch (remember the kids book?) Do a group salad and each person is assigned one or two things already prepped to go into a huge salad bowl. This is team building and lunch building...I'm sure others can come up with themes other than salad....
Again this might work with a small group of people you know, I can't imagine it working with a large group in a corporate environment. People have money, they know they are well paid. And with that in many corporate cultures comes a desire to go out to eat a lot. I mean the stone salad is the type of thing I'd personally love to do but ..... most everything I love in life is everything that is 180 degrees away from corporate culture KWIM!
But you know the feel of the place you work, I don't, I'm just basing on my many corporate experiences!
There may be some people that eat lunches they bring in the lunch room, you could join them. An important question is if you WANT to join the group restaurant lunch. If you do, and you're really sad you can't, then maybe save money to do so ocassionally, it will only help your career. If you don't even want to, then I have no problem with staying true to introvert nature! Though it may have some cost in career advancement.
I've never worked anywhere where there was a lot of workplace socialization. Some workplaces go out for drinks ocassionally after work - ha that will probably cost you more than the restaurant and not even provide a meal for your expense! Other than that the only real socialization I have seen is people taking ocassional breaks to make some small talk to someone in their cube. You can do that (unless you are indeed a hopeless introvert) Corporate life is the ultimate barren dessert, but it's a living.
I used to be one of those go-out-to-lunch-every-day types. We had a pretty tight group and enjoyed one another's company. Pretty much everyone would go, except one woman who always, always brought her lunch. One day one of the geeky programmers asked her (on the group's way out) why she never "hung out with us," and she said, "Because I'm saving for a house. In a year, you guys won't remember a single one of these lunches, but I'll own a house, and you probably won't." (not in a snotty way, believe it or not, just with a shrug) This was in San Francisco, where home ownership is a dream very few attain.
When she bought the house, she invited everybody over for a lavish brunch. I was so jealous I stopped going out to lunch and started bringing my own most of the time, and started saving in earnest. About once every other week I'd go out for a cheap meal somewhere just to catch up with everyone, and I'd order budget-appropriate stuff from the menu (salads/soups etc) And I've owned four houses since :)
I would go to lunch every once in a while with the group...that way you can get to know them on a more personal level and then maybe have other chances to connect. From your post it sounds like you feel its starting to affect your work relationships on a professional level, not just personal. That way you mostly get to keep the brown bag thing going but the fact you go once in while will help lose the standoffish feeling vibe you are getting from some of the coworkers.
Unfortunately, I am one that has extreme difficulty turning down a lunch out! Definitely one of my gazingus pins. Kudos to you for sticking with it.
I hate the office lunch. Aside from the money, I disliked spending my one break during the day with co-workers. Ugh. Isn't eight hours enough?? I never participated and it didn't seem to harm me too much. I always just said "no thanks, I brought my lunch today" or "no thanks, I have some errands to run" or "no thanks, I need to get through the work stacking up on my desk." That seemed to be sufficient.
I don't think there's anything wrong in being honest either. There's nothing wrong with saying lunch is too expensive or that you are saving money. I always thought that honesty works, even in a corporate environment.
"I always thought that honesty works, even in a corporate envionrment"
HAHAHAHAAHHAAHAH! That is funny. I understand what you meant but it SOUNDS LIKE you are saying that honesty is an *odd* thing in corporate america. hehehehehehehhe.
I finally gave up eating lunch out with coworkers when they could never find any restaurant but the one next door and the food was awful and expensive. So I continued to eat my Lean Cuisine or leftovers and it never hurt my career. They only gossiped anyway. No work was done.
awakenedsoul
6-23-12, 6:11pm
[QUOTE=puglogic;84165]I used to be one of those go-out-to-lunch-every-day types. We had a pretty tight group and enjoyed one another's company. Pretty much everyone would go, except one woman who always, always brought her lunch. One day one of the geeky programmers asked her (on the group's way out) why she never "hung out with us," and she said, "Because I'm saving for a house. In a year, you guys won't remember a single one of these lunches, but I'll own a house, and you probably won't." (not in a snotty way, believe it or not, just with a shrug) This was in San Francisco, where home ownership is a dream very few attain.
This is a great story! Smart lady, and she achieved her goal! She will probably be able to retire early, too. I like her honesty and self confidence!
When I worked part time selling produce at a farm, I brought my lunch everyday. I had a start up business, and the farm job covered the cash I needed for gas, groceries, etc. I heated up my leftover dinners for lunch. I love to cook, so they were quite delicious! I also brought a thermos of coffee for my coffee break. I remember one of the supervisors making a comment that she thought I should "bring coffee for everybody, not just myself." I told her, "I can't afford to do that. I have cc debt and I'm paying off my SBA loans." She would bring donuts for everybody, and gum for the men who worked in the fields. After questioning her further, I found out her family had financial problems. Yet she still felt this need to treat everyone once a week! A lot of people where I live are like that. They work as volunteers for charities, etc...but don't do the pragmatic. They seem to think they will be rewarded for their generosity, but are very unprepared for any emergency or problem, financially. There was a lot of pressure there to do things for the group. I paid off my SBA loans in 2 years instead of 10, and the cc as well! Now I have my own little farm...(at home.)
I also noted that those who could least afford the lunches or complained the most about money were the ones going out.
You say you're actively looking to change jobs. Keep that in mind as you make your decision.
I think that if you can't afford to go, you can't afford to go. I also think the less detail you go into when you decline and do your own thing, the less awkward it will be for everyone involved.
I would not suggest you do as your coworker and go along as the charity case. Nothing is free and she will pay dearly (in some way) for that--if she hasn't already.
Personally, I'd do what you're doing given the choices you appear to have. It's cheaper and healthier and I'm guessing spiritually reinvigorating to take a walk each day. If the culture of these daily outings is petty and gossipy I'd rather stay away from that during my lunchtime, anyway.
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