Miss Manners on E-Mail Invitations

[Cypress]

I need help with understanding what the etiquette is with regard to receiving e-mail invitations to weddings, birthday party, etc....

I am going to take the old fuddie path and say I find it highly objectionable to see such an invitation in an e-mail box. How does one respond? Especially if the connection is thin. My e-mail box contained a message that I am not sure is a hoax or legitimate. My elder brother has never sent me an e-mail. In fact, he declined for several years to share his personal e-mial with all family members save one. That's fine with me. However, I am uncertain if what I have is a hoax of some kind. The golden rule in the digital world for me is if in doubt, don't click.

Has anyone else received invitations in this manner? What's okay?

[fidgiegirl]

Well, I think a wedding vs. a birthday party are two different things. Birthday party, no biggie. Wedding, that's another story, maaaaaybe. Mostly, I'd prefer to avoid any paper that I can avoid in my home. Easier to keep track of an e-mail invitation than a paper one.

I'd say it depends on who it is. Sadly, in most cases, I get irritated when I get invitations from people I haven't seen in a long time whether they come in e-mail/FB or in the mail on paper, since 9 times out of 10 these have been to showers or to one of those annoying ladies-selling-crap parties. I feel the people are just fishing for my money and become mighty disappointed. In that case, I simply ignore.

Now recently, I was invited to an old friend's wedding. I thought this was somewhat strange but they guy was kind of awkward and didn't have a ton ton of friends in high school so it wasn't outside of the realm of understandable. I did not attend any of the events because of weird historical drama but feel I still need to send the couple a card. There is a case of I lost the invitation and missed the actual events in order to get a card there in somewhat of a timely manner, and so now when I send it I will feel I have to make all kinds of apologies and explanations.

However it sounds like in this case due to the weird backstory about your brother's e-mail that you had best give him a ring. Email miscreants are super creative these days and I've been getting a lot more messages from friends accounts that have clearly been hacked. I'll admit - usually I can spot them, but a few times I clicked. They were just so believable. Luckily my has Mac escaped unscathed. Where's some wood to knock?!?!

[Miss Cellane]

When the telephone was invented, there was concern about using it for invitations. Eventually, it was deemed permissible to call someone to issue an invitation to a casual event, like a birthday party or a BBQ.

I think email invitations are in a state of flux. My take is that they are appropriate for casual things, like a family birthday party, a movie or bowling or something like that. I still like a written/printed invitation for a wedding or other more formal affair.

Cypress, in your case, since you think your brother's email may have been hacked and the "invitation" might carry a virus, I'd pick up the phone and call your brother, to check on the validity of the email. Or email him, if you have his email address.

[Tussiemussies]

Yes, I agree with Miss Celene, giving your brother a call seems the easiest way to handle this!

[Zoebird]

Well, in this instance, I would call the relative and ask whether or not it's a hoax. If it is, then don't click. If it isn't, he'll tell you and you can click.

I also am of the mind set that it really depends about "formal" events via email. For example, I have friends with whom nearly all communication is email (most of them, btw have some form of mild aspergers). If one of them sent me an e-vite, i would be totally cool with that. It's how they roll. And, the weddings that I have gone to that were e-vite were all casual weddings. My own friend sent one inviting us to a "camp weekend" at a camp that he liked (free of charge), and when we got there, they happened to get married. They figured everyone would be "hells yes free holiday!" and they got the wedding that they wanted (also with no gifts, though later I sent them a case of shampoo/conditioner of their favorite brand). Another had a date at a casual restaurant with a JoP presiding. Also a nice wedding. I bought them a share at the CSA for a gift.

I'm such a romantic, aren't i?

Anyway, my original plan for my own wedding was not needing invites because it would be family only and we would organize a little dinner with them after going t the courthouse. But no one ever listens to me really.

[goldensmom]

A young relative recently got married on a shoe-string budget. She mailed invitations but asked for a reply on their wedding website. I knew it was a legitimate invitation and RSVP and had no problem with it. Personally I would go the formal, Miss Manners route but have no problem with whatever route another would choose.

[Float On]

I just have to say that in the mail (like the mail box - real paper stuff) I rec'd the most beautiful handmade card inviting me to a backyard tea and hat party. I'm tempted to go just because she went to the effort - I'm so tired of getting Facebook Invites to major events like baptisms, weddings, grad parties, etc.

[sweetana3]

I got a formal invite to a friend's son's wedding but the RSVP directed us to let them know in a variety of ways, paper, electronic, etc. The whole family is involved in technology in work and education. I just talked to our friend and told her we were coming.

[ToomuchStuff]

An Evite to a wedding to me, would probably be one from someone far away, where they will be sharing the wedding via webcam. Otherwise, typically paper.
Casual stuff, especially with various schedules and all, and email is pretty normal for my group!
Not having someones email and then you get one from out of the blue, would make me think either the spouse did send all (doesn't know all the family history, drama), or someone who is wanting stuff (don't come just send money/presents).