View Full Version : Well, it finally came to pass.....
We found out on the 19th that DH has terminal lung/intestinal cancer. Non-operable, maybe chemo, but DH refuses to go thru it. I support anything he wants to do because he has already decided this a long time ago.
We have been married 10+ years and he has been hospitalized 5 times for heart stents and once for non-malignant colon surgery. So I have worried for, well, 10 years. Too much smoking, too many chemicals where he has worked in he past. Funny, even tho I have expected and waited for the day, It was like a kick in the gut when he told me. He went to the Dr for a stomach ache! They found a huge mass in his lung and a blockage in his small intestine. Lymph nodes are involved in both. His father lived and died the same way and he said that he would not go through treatments that would make him wish he was dead for a few more months of life. (the drs said it would come back, anyway, so there really wasn't much of a decision).
So I am dealing with losing my partner/best friend and trying to keep my job as I will need it! I will not be able to keep my house as the payments are not possible for me to meet alone. SO I am going to have to figure that out, too. But I do know that I have finally come to the place where I will actually have to put my simple living hat on permanently and firmly. I have enough faith that things will work out.
SO, be sure that you hug your loved ones everyday and show them how much you love them. While you can. Things can happen sooooo fast.
Sherry
Thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.
Oh Sherry, big hugs to you. I am so sorry.
You will have a lot to work through in the coming months, and I hope you know we're all here for you whenever you need us.
Sherry, I am so sorry. I hope you have a strong network of friends and family to help you get through the coming months.
You are in our thoughts. I believe you can walk through the next chapter in your life. Sending you strength for when you need it.
I'm praying for you and your family for the strength and wisdom to get you through this difficult time.
domestic goddess
7-6-12, 4:08pm
Oh, Sherry, I am so sorry! My dh died 3 days short of our 31st anniversary. It is so hard.
Give yourself a little time to absorb all this, then you can start to make a plan. Will you be able to stay in your house for the time being? Or do you have to something about housing now?
Do rely on family and friends for support.They can be helpful. Let them know what you need! When they ask if there is anything they can do, say "Yes!", and give them a task. It may seem impossible at times to do, but eat well and rest, and take care of yourself. You can't help your dh if you don't take care of yourself. Schedule yourself some breaks, while someone else tends to the household chores, or whatever. You will need to get out and about at times, and you will possibly feel guilty for doing so. But it is how one retains one's sanity in the midst of a world gone mad. Allow yourself time to enjoy a hobby, because you will need that respite, too.
One thing to think about: home owner's insurance policies sometimes have a provision where if one of the owners dies, the insurance will pay the remainder of the house off, so you don't have to move. Ours did, but dh died about 1 month after that clause expired, so I didn't really benefit from that. But do check it out.
I'd like to be able to give you some spiritual support, but my head just is not there right now. My mom is in bad shape, and I have to stay mired in the practical, so I don't fall apart and become completely useless. You can get through this; just don't bite off more than you can chew at any given moment.
Big hugs, sissy.
It's sad times on the boards these last few days. :(
(((Sissy))) I am so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am very sorry to hear this. I wish you and your family strength.
I am so very sorry to hear of this great sadness for you. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
I am also very sorry for this sad news. My thoughts and prayers are with you..
You must be reeling. Life can be so hard.
Sissy, I'm so sorry.
The business of finishing up here on Earth is not easy. I'm sorry you are being left with so many responsibilities and decisions. ((hugs))
While it's a very difficult time, I hope you feel free to vent your thoughts and feelings here anytime. That way at least this cyber community can give you some support. Best to you in the days ahead.
Sherry how awful! You and your husband and the rest of your family are in my prayers!
You're in my prayers, Sherry. How awful to lose both your husband and your house.
Big & gentle hugs, my dear. Please keep us posted as you can. I'll add your DH to my prayer list...
loosechickens
7-6-12, 7:33pm
Just so terribly sorry to hear your news. Many cyberhugs heading your way. This is a sad week on these boards with much sad happening.
early morning
7-6-12, 7:41pm
Oh sissy I am so sorry. You and your DH are in our thoughts. (((( ))))
We are both very grateful for you prayers and good wishes. DH says that he knows that cyberspace is praying for him, lol. He does have a sense of humor! Anyway, he is still having mostly good days and we are so grateful for this. I know that tough times are ahead, but will have to trust in God to help. I really am not afraid. There are many places that I can go. I would rather stay here, but I don't know how to manage that. We will just wait and figure it out later.
Thanks, you guys are really great and ready to support whoever is in need. Cyberspace is a unique way of reaching people, but I do believe that the positive energy is there.
I came to this late but want to say how sorry I am that you must both go through this. Of course, you must know, you have lots of virtual support here so please post when you can about the ups and downs of your journey.
Sissy, I'm soooo sorry to hear this. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Really sorry tohear this. My thoughts are with you both.
It's sad times on the boards these last few days. :(
+1.
Sherry, I'm sorry to hear about your husband's illness and your situation. My wife and I have been together only four years, but I can't imagine my life without her now. We're sending prayers your way. Take things at the pace you need to, and keep your husband engaged as much as he can be.
Here for you Sissy any time you need to talk, we are all here....
Take it one day at a time even one hour at a time....and try to take care of yourself......
Easy said then done during a time like this. Hugs!!
awakenedsoul
7-7-12, 12:15am
I'm sorry you have to go through this, Sissy. You sound like you are handling it really well. It's sad what smoking can do to people. I understand why your husband doesn't want to do the chemo. My grandfather died of lung cancer and he smoked, too. It's a tough addiction. I know things will work out for you and you will find the right answer regarding your home. Simple living is grounding and healing...
Sissy, I feel so very sorry about your troubles.
You seem like a strong person who is able to face up to what the future brings, but just be sure to stay healthy yourself.
I can't imagine the pain you are going through and sincerely wish that I could do something to help you.
Sherry......I don't know what to say. I am SO SORRY!. I can't imaging loosing my DH. ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) to you both.
Sending prayers, energies and hugs to all.
Simpler at Fifty
7-7-12, 7:54am
Sissy- I am sorry to hear about your DH.
I'm heartbroken for you, Sissy. Extending prayers and caring thoughts.
I'm really sorry to hear this. My sincere condolences.
Sissy, I am so sorry. Will your husband accept hospice care? The hospice workers that I am familiar with help the whole family as they go through this difficult time. You are surely in all our thoughts and prayers. Post anything you need to here and you know we'll be with you if only in cyberspace.
Dear Sissy, like everyone else, I am so sorry for your husband and for what you are going through now. Be gentle with yourself, please. Prayers and love to you, your DH, and your family.
Thinking of you and your family; use us as a support if you have time;
yes, Florence we will go the hospice route. They are Angels! We are not there yet, but we will definately call them in.
I am sorry because I don't know which one of you posted about home insurance and mortgage payoff. We have State Farm and I can't find anything about it. What kind of insurance do you carry? I guess this sounds kinda like I am money grubbing, but I need to make plans. I would rather not make any plans at all!
Cissy, do you have any car loans? I've heard the same thing for auto loans.
A call to your State Farm agent would tell you for sure, but you don't want to give them reasons to cancel on you.
I am sorry because I don't know which one of you posted about home insurance and mortgage payoff. We have State Farm and I can't find anything about it. What kind of insurance do you carry? I guess this sounds kinda like I am money grubbing, but I need to make plans. I would rather not make any plans at all!
I didn't write the original post, but I think the person who did probably meant mortgage insurance rather than homeowner's, which usually only covers property damage and liability. Mortgage insurance is something that lenders often insist upon these days, which is a guarantee to them that the mortgage will be paid off. The bank that holds your mortgage should be able to tell you more. I would if I could, but I'm not very familiar with mortgage insurance.
I'm sorry to hear about your DH Sissy. My Mom passed away due to lung cancer that eventually metasized into brain cancer, but she lived many. many healthy years with inoperable lung cancer - and had no treatment for it deciding to forgo chemo or radiation - before she contracted pnuemonia and passed away quietly - and quickly. She was able to travel the world from one end to the other and remained healthly, strong and independant for over 7 years after her diagonoses - even though he doctor told her she only had 6 months to live if she didn't have treatment. So don't give up hope yet...doctors are often very, very wrong!
I'm sorry to hear about your DH Sissy. My Mom passed away due to lung cancer that eventually metasized into brain cancer, but she lived many. many healthy years with inoperable lung cancer - and had no treatment for it deciding to forgo chemo or radiation - before she contracted pnuemonia and passed away quietly - and quickly. She was able to travel the world from one end to the other and remained healthly, strong and independant for over 7 years after her diagonoses - even though he doctor told her she only had 6 months to live if she didn't have treatment. So don't give up hope yet...doctors are often very, very wrong!
An excellent point. I'm really suspicious of all the cancer "cures" - radiation, chemo, and surgery - and believe that they often hasten death instead of giving the person a bit more time. May your husband be one of those who defies the odds, Sherry!
I also think that chemo/radiation just wears down an already weak body. Let him do what he can when he feels well and enjoy your time together. If he's open to it, there are places where people will give free Reiki treatments; this may help him, as they offer Reiki in hospitals and hospices.
So very sorry. Praying for strength and guidance for you.
chrisgermany
7-8-12, 7:26am
Thinking of you and sending best wishes to DH and to you.
gimmethesimplelife
7-8-12, 10:22am
Wishing you the best as you progress through this difficult time.....Rob
Thanks, Spartana! Yes, my little fellow is quite tough and loves life. He has endured a brain aneurysm, a stroke, heart attacks and colon surgery. I am the one that is the basket case. Maybe he will hold this at bay. Your mother must have been quite a woman.
Thanks you all again. Sherry
Dear Sherry, You and your husband and family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Gardenarian
7-9-12, 11:56am
Blessings and hugs to you and your dh Sissy. I'm so sorry. Please let us all know if there is anything we can do to help.
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