Health and connecting with old friends

[Life_is_Simple]

I have chronic health conditions that affect everyday life.

I've run into old friends on Facebook, who want to reconnect. There is one in town this weekend on a short vacation with her family, and asked me if I wanted to do something with them.

At first, I thought it would work. But they are going to be downtown of a large city, doing active touristy events, in possibly hot weather. :sick:

So even though I expressed interest in seeing them, and threw out an alternate lower impact activity, they really have to stick to their schedule.

I don't tell people much about my health, I just make accommodations where I can, and people post-illness go with it.

People pre-illness... this is a whole new ballgame. Plus, this group is an athletic, robust, highly active family. :treadmill: I think I have to seek out old friends who are out-of-shape and slothful. ;) Or where I only see the friend alone, where we work out a low-impact meeting

The whole thing is making me stressed. I think I have to say no.

[fidgiegirl]

"I've had some health things start up since I saw you last, and I just don't think I will be able to keep up. Please enjoy your visit, I'll be sad to miss you, and please know that the offer to (have a coffee, meet for breakfast before the big day begins, come over and see my house, go to the X museum) still stands."

What do you think? Too much sharing? This sounds like a bummer. I would be sad. But remember, it goes both ways. Would your health allow joining for a portion of the day, at least? Or one site?

Hugs.

[Life_is_Simple]

"I've had some health things start up since I saw you last, and I just don't think I will be able to keep up. Please enjoy your visit, I'll be sad to miss you, and please know that the offer to (have a coffee, meet for breakfast before the big day begins, come over and see my house, go to the X museum) still stands."

What do you think? Too much sharing? This sounds like a bummer. I would be sad. But remember, it goes both ways. Would your health allow joining for a portion of the day, at least? Or one site?

Hugs.
Actually, it's not enough sharing :laff: What it really is bluntly is, "I can't take public transportation for an hour+, then do a 45 min walking tour, in possibly hot weather, then go to a restaurant where I can't eat anything on the menu but I have to eat SOMETHING or I'm going to pass out...And could you please call 911?"

I tried to break it down. I'm better off driving, with AC, and bringing my food, and an ice vest, to a non-urban location. But if I have to go into the city, better to drive to a hub, and take public transportation a short distance with no transfers. However, I looked, and it's very hard to get to, no matter how I look at it.

Then to do the walking tour - that is very iffy, and I can't find out enough online to see what that entails - if I could stand it or not.

Then the restaurant... I really don't want to be in the city at night, and try to take public transportation back, and I don't do well if I do any kind of activity at night.

Plus, just seeing people I haven't seen in 20 years would be stressful enough, plus their teenage sons.

Actually I like your phrasing later where you said, "Would your health allow joining..." I would say, "My health doesn't allow me to..." or I could say, "I know I didn't explain a lot about my health before, but it's very taxing on me to do X, Y, & Z... blah blah blah"

Ugh ugh and double ugh.

Funny you jump in fidgiegirl, since my friend and I are originally from Minnesota :)

[Tiffany]

I would be sad, too, if old friends were so close...and yet not close enough! Things like this drive me crazy, and I end up cramming too much in to visits. Knowing your limits when it comes to your health, and even just comfort-wise, is a good thing.

[treehugger]

I certainly understand not wanting to go into detail about health issues, but I think it's important to remember that good friends care about you and want to know what's going on. That still doesn't mean you need to share more than you are comfortable with, but at least give your friends the benefit of the doubt that they might want to try to accommodate your needs. They absolutely cannot accommodate you if you don't ask them to and don't give any specifics. People naturally don't think about being unable to do things that they can easily do, unless they have had experience with it.

Best wishes to you,

Kara

[Life_is_Simple]

I certainly understand not wanting to go into detail about health issues, but I think it's important to remember that good friends care about you and want to know what's going on. That still doesn't mean you need to share more than you are comfortable with, but at least give your friends the benefit of the doubt that they might want to try to accommodate your needs. They absolutely cannot accommodate you if you don't ask them to and don't give any specifics. People naturally don't think about being unable to do things that they can easily do, unless they have had experience with it.

Kara - Ok, I wrote back and said that health issues affect my ability to do the afore-mentioned things, due to heat, walking, public transportation transfers, etc. But they were doing something in a more accessible suburb the day before, so I asked about that.

[treehugger]

Kara - Ok, I wrote back and said that health issues affect my ability to do the afore-mentioned things, due to heat, walking, public transportation transfers, etc. But they were doing something in a more accessible suburb the day before, so I asked about that.

That's great. This definitely falls under that category of "never hurts to ask." This is somewhat analogous to when one friend has no money and another thinks nothing of planning expensive outings. It's easy to get annoyed and feel left out when one is on the "have not" side (which I know from experience), but I also know from experience, that good friends are will to compromise once the situation is explained.

By the way, I am honestly not lecturing you and I don't mean it to sound that way. I really hope your friends can compromise and you can make plans with them that work for you.

Kara

[Life_is_Simple]

That's great. This definitely falls under that category of "never hurts to ask." This is somewhat analogous to when one friend has no money and another thinks nothing of planning expensive outings. It's easy to get annoyed and feel left out when one is on the "have not" side (which I know from experience), but I also know from experience, that good friends are will to compromise once the situation is explained.

By the way, I am honestly not lecturing you and I don't mean it to sound that way. I really hope your friends can compromise and you can make plans with them that work for you.

Kara
Kara

Oh, I didn't take it as lecturing. It's just very hard educating people on what I can and can't do. That is where you read my "heavy sigh" between the lines ;)

[awakenedsoul]

That's too bad. I would listen to your body. I have a friend with health issues and he doesn't have the energy to talk on the phone right now, but I understand. He also gets exhausted on public transportation, especially if he can't get a seat. I hope they are sensitive to your needs.

[Spartana]

I personally wouldn't go into details. Just say something like - "right now I have an (injury, illness, whatever) and can't do much, but if you are going to be in the area near my home I'd love to meet up at (suggest a place that's near by and comfortable for you) if you ahave n extra hour or 2 of free time." Either they can or they can't. In any case you shouldn't put yourself thru alot of stress and anxiety about it.

[treehugger]

Oh, I didn't take it as lecturing. It's just very hard educating people on what I can and can't do. That is where you read my "heavy sigh" between the lines ;)

Whew, I started to get worried when I re-read what I had written. Anyway, I do get it, definitely. I feel your heavy sigh and I empathize. Hang in there!

Kara

[fidgiegirl]

Life_Is_Simple - best of luck!!! I get a veeeeeeeery small taste of what it's like to join in a big social event now that I'm gluten free. I'm sure not even close to what you are dealing with, and most of the time when it comes to restaurants now, I feel anxious. So I can appreciate, even in small way, your conundrum!! Let us know how it works out.

[Life_is_Simple]

I personally wouldn't go into details. Just say something like - "right now I have an (injury, illness, whatever) and can't do much, but if you are going to be in the area near my home I'd love to meet up at (suggest a place that's near by and comfortable for you) if you ahave n extra hour or 2 of free time." Either they can or they can't. In any case you shouldn't put yourself thru alot of stress and anxiety about it.
Thanks Spartana, you are right. This has caused me stress, and I don't need that.

I really don't like going into details about my health, unless I think there is a good chance that we can make a visit work, and that I just need a minor accommodation.

[Life_is_Simple]

That's too bad. I would listen to your body. I have a friend with health issues and he doesn't have the energy to talk on the phone right now, but I understand. He also gets exhausted on public transportation, especially if he can't get a seat. I hope they are sensitive to your needs.
Awakenedsoul - yeah, thanks for reminding me about public transportation. It's not that good for impaired people. A person can end up standing

[Life_is_Simple]

I would be sad, too, if old friends were so close...and yet not close enough! Things like this drive me crazy, and I end up cramming too much in to visits. Knowing your limits when it comes to your health, and even just comfort-wise, is a good thing.
Tiffany, Thanks. Most of the time I live within my limits, and don't even think about it. It's like "The New Reality." I don't yet feel equipped to bump up against people from "The Old Reality," and don't even want to yet.

When the old friend emailed that one of the events they might do is a 5k run, I laughed out loud. I used to run 5&10ks many years ago, but now I can only run for 6 to 8 seconds. But I can golf, and that's good enough for me.

[Life_is_Simple]

Hi Everyone:

I met the friends this afternoon at a mutually agreed upon location. It was great!

Thanks for helping me with this :thankyou: cow-hi

Now I gotta rest ;)

[razz]

Glad that you were able to work something out to both your benefit.

[treehugger]

Thanks for sharing the good news with us! Enjoy your well-deserved rest.

Kara

[nswef]

I'm so glad you were able to meet them and not be so stressed out about it. Now you will be encouraged for the next time!