View Full Version : Nighttime eating
domestic goddess
8-4-12, 2:08pm
To piggyback on the "messy children" thread:
I want to say first that it is entirely possible that I am overreacting, and please tell me if I am. I am finding that this is something I have been doing since my mother died. Not because I am such a neat-nik, but because of the stress involved, I thnk.
I live in a household with some late night eaters. I understand that dd often eats at night. Because of her Crohn's, she cannot eat in the mornings, or for most of the day. Well, actually I buy the morning bit, but I thnk the rest is habit. But she is good about cleaning up after herself, or at least, not leaving a huge mess.
The problem is the adult construction worker males in the place (though "adult" may be not the most accurate of words). I understand that they work hard and get hungry, because they are burning lots of calories. But the mess! Apparently, it is easier to get food out of the fridge than to put it back, though I can't say that I've found this to be true. I try to leave here with a relatively clean kitchen, but I return home to a sinkful of dirty dishes, food left out on counters, dirty socks on the kitchen table (!), Empty drink containers on the table and counters, etc. Any dirty socks I find in the kitchen will just be thrown out. I really don't think I should have to tell adults how gross and unsanitary this is. I have already thrown out quite a bit of left-out food, but am leaning toward putting it away for the culprits to eat and suffer food-poisoning from. I just can't imagine throwing away any more food. I am tired of coming home from work in the morning, longing for bed, and having to clean this mess up. If I don't make or replace the food I have to throw out, they just go out and buy something from some fast food place and leave the bags and wrappers siting around.
I don't want to have to rant and rave and treat adults like children. Part of me says that if they want to be treated like adults, then they will act like adults. Another part of me wonders if that will ever happen. We have 4 adults and 2 children in a small space, and the dirty kitchen is really getting to me. I sometimes think it is bad enough that every morning I have to clean up after the guys make coffee, and I know that this is their mess, because no one but them drinks coffee, But they spill grounds, sugar and creamer on the counter, as well as drips of coffee.
Oh I hear ya, I am sending strength to get through it.
I can't help but go off on a tangent. I did a summer program at camp based on the Electric Company show on PBS. Very cool and fun, however we moved to 5 different schools being used for camp and did 3 rotations of activities 2 times a day. So I showed the videos associated with the program 15 times by the end of summer. They were 10 minute videos reinforcing literacy skills. One video had 2 guys working on the 's' sounds and one beat boxed sentence was 'toss that sock in the sink'. OMG these songs are stuck in my head and now I have visions of socks in the sink at your house!
I have few answers. I had my kids put alarms on their phone for 5 pm so they would get the kitchen clean before I came home. I tried once to put all the dirty stuff on a kid's bed and she just moved it back to the coffee table.
I would have a family meeting however. I have done this on a regular basis and not just for negative things. Sometimes we plan meals or grocery lists, talk about our work and activity schedules. Sometimes we talk about the effect of PMS on the household! I would come with facts, such as 15 cups were in the kitchen that morning or it took an extra hour to clean up. Also the box it up idea works great. Just box up the socks and trash left out and they can get it back when they clean up.
I've nearly swallowed my filter, and now I'm sitting on my hands.
I have no idea how to get someone who doesn't give a cr@p to give a cr@p.
Good luck.
I've nearly swallowed my filter, and now I'm sitting on my hands.
Heck, I'm not!
DG, your problem isn't nighttime eating. It's the fact that you live with a bunch of pigs who should be in a barn or a shack rather than a house!
I don't remember the particulars of your situation, so I'm sorry I don't remember why you have so many adults living with you. It is financially necessary for either you or them? You might suggest that the homeless shelter wouldn't tolerate such slovenly habits, either.
What got me is not the dirty dishes, but the fact that they can't even be bothered to get off their lazy @sses and throw their fast food wrappers away.
I'd suggest a meeting where all living there sit down. If you financially don't need them there, I would tell them they have a choice - either start cleaning up or they're out. Period.
The rule in our house is that everyone cleans up their own mess. I do our dinner dishes and if anyone gets anything out after that, it needs to be cleaned up before I get up in the morning.
Domestic goddess, I agree with some other posters. You come here often with (completely warranted!) rants about the people in your household, and I think it's time to accept that you cannot change them. And since you cannot change them, for your own sanity you need to make some changes. Either find some place else to live, or, if that isn't financially feasible, at least separate your food and cooking from the rest of the household. Lock up your food and dishes in your room. Clean your mess and only your mess. And go about your life as separately as possible. I am sorry for the harsh advice. Truly I am. But it makes me sad to see you so downtrodden all of the time.
Best wishes,
Kara
I have no idea how to get someone who doesn't give a cr@p to give a cr@p.
Good luck.
yup.
DG, I remember you having your own home in the past and living alone. Why not go back to living alone - it seems your family is just using you for cooking, babysitting, and cleaning up. I think you deserve better. I remember a happier DG in the past....
I have that experience on a minor level. I only live with DH but he's a night-time eater. We'll have dinner and I'll clean up (he very frequently does the cooking), but then later on he might go back for late-night seconds, and I'll usually be up when the pans come out again, and the knives and the cutting board, etc. If I'm not THAT tired I'll clean up again, but often I just wait until morning and I hate coming downstairs to a messy kitchen.
I don't say anything because he does most of the cooking and I'm grateful so I figure my role is to clean up. HOWEVER, I've been thinking about suggesting that AFTER dinner, if you make a mess, you clean it up. Seems reasonable. In your case, DG, have you said anything to these people at all? is it because you just expect that they should know how to act like adults but don't, or have you encountered resistance in the past? Why don't you say something--even in a nice "Hey guys, it would be great if...." kind of way and see what the reaction is.
But I think the best suggestion would be to simply state that you feel that living in a communal situation, people have to pitch in and do their part, and that as a group, you all need to come to an understanding about how to co-exist, which includes cleaning up kitchen messes and getting their icky socks off the kitchen table.
I remember I actually had to tell my brother in law that his dog is not allowed to stand on my kitchen table. He apparently lets his dog walk around on his table, while he eats. Some people are just clueless and have to be told. Others are just disrespectful.
You deserve so much better, Domestic Goddess. Hugs.
domestic goddess
8-6-12, 12:39pm
Thanks to you all. You are right. I need to speak up and not just stew in my own juices. I am very non-confrontational by nature, and this is something that is very difficult for me. I really need to work on this, but am afraid of coming off as too strident or something, and then no one will listen, anyway.
There are children, including neighborhood children, in the kitchen right now, using the blender. I am afraid to go in, and apparently so is their dd. I did just tell them to quit wasting food, if they don't know what they are making and how to do it. Most of the time I love it here with my family, but this is not really one of those times.
Domestic Goddess. I wonder what your family would think (and how they would feel) if you hinted around moving out?
domestic goddess
8-6-12, 4:44pm
Mrs-M, that would certainly be an idea to keep in mind! DD and dsil have a big mortgage, and really can't manage it without the help of the rest of us. It would really throw them into a panic, and just might work. If the direct approach doesn't work, then this just might be next!
I missed the part where you're staying in someone else's house to help them pay their mortgage. Unless it's part of the deal, I don't get why you clean up after them. Communal living is my idea of a waking nightmare anyway, but throw in unpaid and unappreciated labor and I'd be packing up. They can find another housemate.
domestic goddess
8-6-12, 8:34pm
I live with my dd and her family and another "tenant". We help with the bills, and things mostly go okay. I don't mind doing a sizeable amount of the cleaning, because it is important to me. I think part of the problem is that it is summer, the kids are home, and there are extra people coming and going until very late (apparently dd and dsil's friends work later in the day, so are up late at night). They don't keep me up, and are careful not to be too loud, but the dishes pile up and I have a sinkful most mornings. I haven't been working regularly due to a back injury in February, that is finally getting to be pretty manageable, so I'm picking up more hours, and hope to have 40+ by fall. So I won't be able to really move out for awhile. Also, dd has Crohn's and can't really manage all the housework, especially right now when she is having a flare-up.
I realize that part of my problem is my inability to be confrontational with others. These are people who need to hear that this has to end, and I need to put on my grouchy old lady panties and make myself heard.
dsil realizes that I am non-confrontational, and he tends to blow me off. No more.
You are paying part of the expenses. You should put all your food in your own room. Get a mini frig. And don't even enter the big kitchen. You are renting a room to help them out. Don't do anything except to keep your own room clean.
DG, do you think you could stand a little experiment?
What if you suspend your Live-In Housekeeper services for just a short period of time, so they can see what happens when you stop doing what you do?
Think about it: They do whatever they want, and the things they leave around, leave dirty, just magically disappear before they get home or get up.
What if they didn't? I know it's mostly YOU who doesn't want to live in a pigsty (I wouldn't either), but if you could stand it, I think they might get a better idea of what's going on.
And you don't have to be a grouchy old lady to be assertive. You just have to say -- or even just write down -- what you are & aren't going to do any more. No anger required. Then take yourself out for a good meal and let somebody else do the dishes! :D
Good luck. Not standing up for one's self is the root of a lot of unnecessary stress.
P.S. My brother is a Crohn's sufferer and even during flare-ups can still bring himself to clean up after himself.....just sayin'.
Did you sell your own house? I remember you having your own house and you lived alone.
They are way taking advantage of you. I hope you put a stop to it. You deserve better...
These are adults. Let them figure out how to manage and pay for their own household, and take care of their own problems. You are enabling them. My own DD's best friend has Crohn's and she is able to be responsible, take care of her kids and home, clean up and pay her own bills. She just paces herself, as anyone does with a chronic disease. BTDT. Let your DD and SIL grow up and be responsible for themselves. It's not your job...
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