For Ladies Only: To Dye or not to Dye?

[frugalone]

I'm considering letting my grey hair grow in. It's about halfway there now (my hair is short and somewhat curly). However, every time I see it in a photo or mirror, little springy gray hairs are sticking up and I think "witch."

I hate the *process* of having it dyed--it is smelly and uncomfortable. But I have a rather youthful face (I am in my late 40s) and I'm afraid the hair would age me quite rapidly. I guess I am youth-centric enough not to want to look "old."

Your take? Do you dye? or not? if not how old were you when you stopped and do you have regrets?

Thanks!

[Tussiemussies]

Hi frugal one, I am going through the same question in my mind. My hair dyed makes me look so much younger, I am 51, but when I don't dye, it really ages me. The reason I don't want to dye is because it's such a messy process thatI always put it off and wind up most of the time with the skunk stripe down the middle. I am also very concerned about the chemicals in the dye and in shampoo/conditioners. In order for me to use a natural castille soap on my hair to wash, first I asked the company and they said that it will lift up the cuticle of the hair, that is why it cleans so thourghly. This was Dr. Bronner's that I had corresponded with. So when you dye your hair it also lifts up the cuticle of your hair that is one reason it won't work and the second reason is because when you use a soap like Dr. Bronner's you need to do a diluted vinegar or lemon juice rinse, which I'm sure with dyed hair would do something to the color.

So we each have our hair delemna, I don't want all those chemicals(I used to dye my hair with permenant henna) which has no chemiclals but takes over 2 hours to process and makes a huge mess. But I still want to look as young as I can. I know I am vain!!! Christine

[bunnys]

I've heard dyeing your hair dark colors is not good (healthy) but going with light or blonde is perfectly fine.

I am 48 and highlight my hair. I have a lot of fine gray in the front and have been putting low and highlights in my hair for awhile. Last time I had it done I had the stylist leave some gray showing so it would blend with the blonde. This was in mid-March. I am a teacher and no one has really seen how bad my hair looks now for 2 months. I'm having it highlighted again on Monday. I am going to have them do a really light ash blonde only (no lowlights this time) and see how that blends with some gray. I don't feel like I have to cover every single gray and that way I can go a little longer between colorings and not have those ugly gray roots looking like a flashing neon sign saying "color time."

Eventually, I am going to let myself go gray. I'm expecting this will be sometime in my mid-50's to 60 when my wrinkles get bad enough to make coloring it preposterous. But not yet.

I hope this new plan works and it looks good. I can't wait until Monday. I'm so in need of a cute cut, too.

[pony mom]

Organic color covers gray well, and no harmfull chemicals.

[Tussiemussies]

I wonder if I go back to using henna, which I know that it coats the hair, if I can use the rinses you need with a natural shampoo? Anyone know?

[Rosemary]

I'm in my early 40s and still just have a few gray hairs - but when it changes, it changes. I won't dye it. I have a general stance against using unnecessary chemicals.

[Zoe Girl]

How timely, I have been growing mine out to gray. I have been waiting 5 years and I am 45. Before this there was not enough white hair to think it would look good. So during that time I had fun dying it, and used some pretty dark colors. Back in march I started going lighter and lighter with my home dye jobs. Then a month or so before school was out I stopped (I work in schools). I did the pony tail thing all summer for camp so it is getting grown out. Then when we went back to training I got a cute shorter cut. I have actually had someone ask about my highlights, and it is just that I stopped dying it. But with going lighter and lighter every month I really do not have any line.

So I think if you have a lot of white up front it looks really nice, and plus it is a trend right now. But here is my secret. I use the manic panic virgin snow toner. It really only works on hair dyed the very lightest blond. Some of my hair is light enough that it is more white now. The manic panic toner makes very light dyed hair go white (not natural light hair). I put it on every 3 weeks and it has faded out that line very well. It is not permanent hair dye either, check out the details on their web site. I also use the white hair shampoo that makes it super shiny. All of these things are at Sally Beauty Supply.

[try2bfrugal]

I dye my hair. I have kept it blonde with light blonde highlights. It probably isn't the most healthy thing to do but I like the way it looks. I did find a much cheaper stylist than I used to go and I only have it done every 2 months or so. The gray roots do not show up very much mixed in with the blonde and the lighter highlights since the contrast isn't that great, so I don't have to have it done very often.

I have thought about trying to color it myself, but I have never done that before. I am not sure how it would turn out or even what product to use.

[lizii]

I had my natural blonde colour until I was 30 years old. It turned into a mousey brown colour, which looked horrible, so I started having it dyed a light blonde.

I did this through my working life to look younger, but once I retired I let it grow out a bit and then had the brown ends cut off until was all gone.

By then the grey hair started growing, and I just let it grow in (my hair grows very quickly), until it was entirely grey, which by then suited my ageing face.

A couple of weeks ago I walked up the street with a picture I'd found to have the same haircut by a lady barber. Now I have a very short and totally flattering haircut, so no more hair falling on my face. This haircut is exactly what I wanted and will keep it like this forever.

[morning girl]

We are almost never happy with our hair. If it's curly we want straight or curly we want straight. My Mother would moan that she never would have pretty gray hair. When she died at 77 her hair was salt and pepper. I lightened my hair for many years. I stopped to save money. I'm 60 and have just a few gray hairs. if my hair goes gray it will be OK. My grand daughter told her mom gray hairs were her magical powers. Attitude is everything!

[cattledog]

I'm considering letting my grey hair grow in. It's about halfway there now (my hair is short and somewhat curly). However, every time I see it in a photo or mirror, little springy gray hairs are sticking up and I think "witch."

I hate the *process* of having it dyed--it is smelly and uncomfortable. But I have a rather youthful face (I am in my late 40s) and I'm afraid the hair would age me quite rapidly. I guess I am youth-centric enough not to want to look "old."

Your take? Do you dye? or not? if not how old were you when you stopped and do you have regrets?

Thanks!

I think it's a fallacy that dyed hair makes you look younger. You will probably look 49 whether or not you dye your hair. You may pass for 45, but probably not 37. People claim they look young for their age, but I've never in my life met anyone who looks 7-10 years younger than they really are. Maybe three years younger, but that's it.

Same goes for men too.

[peggy]

I had blond hair naturally, but when I turned 40 it just seemed to go mousy overnight. I did dye it for several years, then decided to let it grow out cause I was tired of dying it and didn't like the harsh chemicals. Well, I had natural mousy grey hair for several years. it was shiny though and I though looked OK but seeing pictures of myself I could see how old it made me look. I'm in my mid 50's now and really don't have wrinkled skin, or look old in the face, but still looked tired, so i started dying it again about 6 months ago. The difference is amazing, really. But there I was with the nasty chemicals again, so I decided to try the demi-permanent dye. Much better, no smell or harshness, and I pretty much do it on the same schedule as with the permanent dye.
I think it works for me cause I'm not trying to make my hair significantly lighter or darker, it's pretty much the same tone, which was a kind of ash blond before I went grey. Talk to the folks at Sally beauty and see what they say. This might be something to try as it will slowly fade and wash out after a month or so, depending on how often you wash it.

[KayLR]

I tend to agree with cattledog...I quit dyeing my hair about 4-5 years ago. I have medium brown hair, with gray/white coming in slowly but distributed throughout. I just decided I wasn't really kidding anyone, and why go to the expense, take the time, or possibly be doing something unhealthy?

When I dyed my hair I rarely got compliments. Now that I'm older, have grown out my gray, and gotten a short, contemporary cut, I get compliments ALL the time! I may look my age, but I look GOOD! I think the way you carry yourself, your visage, your attitude, have so much more to do with how you're perceived in terms of age.

[awakenedsoul]

I'm 47, and I just started using henna again. I was letting the grey grow in, but I like it this way better. It's natural, and the color looks natural. I do it myself at home. I like the the way it bumps up the color and adds some shine and highlights. I don't really do it to look younger, I do it for beauty. I just feel better when I clean and polish my nails, and henna my hair. Taking fish oil has really helped it to look and feel softer, too.

[Wildflower]

I quit coloring my hear 11 years ago. The grey grew in pretty gracefully. At the age of 54 I have dark blonde hair with silver highlights. I get lots of compliments on it and it blends nicely. I am a Grandma now and am very ok with my aging looks. I think I look good for my age and that means keeping my weight down, exercising, eating well, and getting plenty of rest. I try to keep my life as stress free as possible, although that's not always easy. I've never been a make-up girl. I've always preferred the healthy, natural look instead. Moisturizer and hair conditioner are my only beauty aids. :)

[rosarugosa]

I'm 54 and I've been having my hair professionally colored since I was about 40. It unquestionably feels like the right thing for me, so I will continue for the forseeable future.
I tend to think that when something is a "non-decision" for me, that it's the right way to go. That's how I felt about not changing my name when I got married. It's funny though, because when I was younger, I probably would have guessed that I would not be someone who would choose to color my hair. I might feel differently when and if I leave the workforce.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I see the necessity in corporate america but it kind of disgusts me that it is another non-work thing done just to please (mostly male) corporate culture (you wouldn't have to if you were a man ...). Pretty toxic chemicals as well. Henna though I could see, IOW I could see getting into a non-toxic version of hair dying (but still would resent if I felt I had to just to eke out survival in the land of dark satanic cubicals).

Is henna really non-toxic? Haha, then maybe someday ... that will be me :) Depends on how all such things look I guess.

[peggy]

I think a lot of it also depends on HOW your hair greys. Some grey beautifully, like my sister whose blond hair has greyed almost white blended with the blond. Beautiful in my opinion, but she insists on coloring it. But my hair just turned mousy, kind of a yellow grey. Very unattractive.
My sister got my dads hair, which he still has a full head of at 86, by the way. (you're welcome son!:))
I got my moms hair. (thanks mom :()

Everyday you have to look in the mirror at yourself. If you don't like what you see, think you look tired or old or whatever, and the fix is simple like dying your hair, go for it. Screw everyone else's opinion! Ultimately we only have 1 (2) people to please. #1 ourselves. #2 our significant other. Every one else can go you know where!

[Zoe Girl]

I agree with liking how you lookreasonably. I wouldn't want to encourage hating ourselves for a few pounds or natural wrinkles, however for the 5 years i dyed my hair I really liked it. It waskinda fun to keep changing shades, I didn't mind the work since I was having fun. Then i got tired of it and it looked like I had enough of the silvery white hair to go with it. It was not my intent however I havebeen getting alot of compliments on my hair. Plus I have to say that I do get mistaken for someone 5-8 years younger. It balances out looking 16 until I was 24. It may be about my energy level and using good lotions (alot of genetics)

The only thing that has changed about my opinion for dying my hair or others choices as I age is the idea that there is a right or wrong to it, a more simple way that is one choice. So honestly I know some people and I would encourage them tokeep dying for various reasons, but others look great either way.

[awakenedsoul]

Apatheticnomore,
Henna is a plant. Cleopatra used it. I love it! It makes me feel sexy, and it's very natural looking. I have very thick hair, and I just don't like how it looks grey. I like grey on other people, I just think I look much prettier with the henna. I love short hair, but it doesn't look good on my shape of face.

It's different if you're doing it for yourself, and not to keep your job. I remember meeting Irina Kolpakova, a famous Russian ballerina when she was 73. She had long, gorgeous, chestnut colored hair. It was amazing! I don't know what she used, but I was blown away. She looked like a girl, but she wasn't trying to look young. She was very disciplined.

[Tussiemussies]

There is a website all about henna, I think it is henna for hair. It is totally natural, from a plant. Side-effects, there are no chemicals, but some people I would imagine could be allergic to it. It coats the hair instead of lifting the cuticle to deposit the color.

The only henna that you can use to dye your hair and it be permanent is henna that they use for body art . This is what they sell there and they go over some other things you can add to the henna like indigo to get more of a brown color. You can use straight indigo for jet black hair. The site is really great ! It isn't cheap though to dye your hair this way, I used to have to use more because I had long hair. But it could cost $40.00 for the materials and then it takes time for it to mix and bloom so to say and then you have to leave it on your head for about two hours, it could have been one hour but I forget it has been awhile.

Even though I used different items that they recommended I still got a red highlight to it. It wasn't too bad for my face...

Oh well, it might be what I do again as my hair is shorter. Presently I buy my dye from the health food store, it has less chemicals than commercial dyes but all-in-all still has chemicals.

Doing the henna once every 6weeks doesn't sound like fun to me but one thing is that my hair was ver soft, now it is not with the dye.

Just some info on the henna! :)

[Tiam]

When I was younger, I used to henna. Wonderful hair conditioner. Then as I got older I went to dying it, and as mentioned, I find I look much younger with dyed hair. Finally I decided to go natural. My hair is coming in silver grey, still mixed with dark. I think it ages me. But I have to say, I get SO many compliments on my hair. All the time. Never really when I died it. So, it's my personal take on it. I did a quick search for Henna and can't find the kind I used buy in the tin that was just the green powder. I can still kind of smell it.

[lizii]

I tend to agree with cattledog...I quit dyeing my hair about 4-5 years ago. I have medium brown hair, with gray/white coming in slowly but distributed throughout. I just decided I wasn't really kidding anyone, and why go to the expense, take the time, or possibly be doing something unhealthy?

When I dyed my hair I rarely got compliments. Now that I'm older, have grown out my gray, and gotten a short, contemporary cut, I get compliments ALL the time! I may look my age, but I look GOOD! I think the way you carry yourself, your visage, your attitude, have so much more to do with how you're perceived in terms of age.

EGGSACTLY!

[Spartana]

Haven't started coloring my natural blonde hair yet - just have the beginning of some light white hair rather then dark grey at my temples. Very tiny amount that blends in well with my natural (but very sun lightened) hair. But if it gets more white I may color it blonde.Maybe use one of those "washes out in X-amount of shampooing" box colors like Natural Instincts that is closest to my natural color. Don't know how well those work to cover white/grey hair but worth a try first before deciding if coloring is right for me or not. May end up being too much of a hassle to bother with. Not really sure why I'd want to color my hair, not really to look younger (although I think coloring does achieve that), but just because I like blonde hair on me.

[rose]

I let mine go gray at age 50. Before that my hair was dishwater blond and I used to get it foiled to highlight it. When my hair turned white around my face, the highlights wouldn't cover it. I dyed it blond all over but got that flat one color look. My hair is gray in the back with some dishwater blond still there and white around my face. I wear it in a long bob and get compliments. The young woman who cuts my hair tell me NOT to dye it. I'm not worried about how old I look. I think going natural takes some confidence.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I don't think it necessarily makes one look younger as such, I suppose it depends on the person. But you see plenty of people that dye and you wonder: why? Really why, who do they think they are fooling? It's so obvious it's a dye job. A lot of hair dyed hair is really monochromatic as well, it doesn't look like natural hair color, it just looks like they've painted on top of gray hair in effect, you know it's gray underneath.

That said I can easily believe for some people the colored haired might be more flattering than gray in the exact same way that certain colors of clothes are more flattering on some people than others. So I could easily agree that gray may be aging on some people for those reasons, wearing the color black is aging on me for instance, but I'm not sure it really stands up to a generalization about gray being aging and color not for everyone. And if you get a fancy salon job with lowlights and highlights and all that, it's probably going to look much better than the monochromatic thing, at an expense of course. I've seen colored hair done well (frankly FAR less often than I see ugly dye jobs, but I've seen it done well and it's pretty then). Me, I'll see how natural looks, if I hate that or if it's very unbalanced (a giant white streak rather than salt and pepper say) I'll try henna/indigo and only if I hate that (I might have to put up with the side effect of it making my hair straighter but if it's actually pretty and shiny and I hate gray then it may be worthwhile to go straight :)), would I get chemical dyes.

[artist]

I was in my mid 30's when I stopped. I'm 43 now and am completly gray. My hair is cut short and my face is young. I like the ease of taking care of my hair. No fuss hair cut and no need to dye it. I love it. Do I look older than I am... Yeah, but dh says he likes the natural look better than when I dyed my hair.

[JaneV2.0]

... I've seen colored hair done well (frankly FAR less often than I see ugly dye jobs, but I've seen it done well and it's pretty then). ... .

That's my take. Unless your hair grows slowly, you have roots showing within days of a dye job, and thirty year old hair framing a sixty year old face is disconcerting, but it can be done well and it's certainly a popular alternative for many.

Not that my opinion should matter one whit, but I feel the same way about dyed hair as I do about plastic surgery--if it looks right on a person, if it doesn't scream "fake done badly," or better yet if it's undetectable, I'm all for it. On the other hand, if the end result is Michael Jackson or Jocelyn Wildenstein... http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/artists/mother_goose/MG_102.gif

But what really matters is how the person involved feels about it.

[pony mom]

I work in a salon where most of the clients are over thirty. A well done haircolor that looks natural and flatters the person's skin tone can make a person look younger. If it's well done and maintained and the hair is taken care of properly, it looks healthier, which looks younger.

cattledog, I'm one of those people that looks ten years younger than my age.

I'm 46 and have some grays showing. I get very subtle highlights now and then because I want it to look natural and don't want it to look bad if I don't keep up with it. The grays are a bit depressing, but I'm excited that my hair's texture is changing. I've gone from pin straight to wavy/curly----and it's great! Now that it's long I feel really girlie and have different style options.

[awakenedsoul]

That's what I've found with the henna. My hair was getting really dry, like straw. Since I started taking fish oil, the texture is like when I was in my early twenties. The emollients make a big difference. I've never used hair dye, so my hair is healthy. Since I have freckles, the reddish tone works fine with my skin. (Henna will turn grey hair orange!) You can do a second coat, and that will cover the orange with brown or black.

[Blackdog Lin]

It's such a personal decision.

For me, I quit coloring 6 years ago, at about age 49. I feel that while I may not look more youthful, I sure as heck look more natural. (It helps that my curly coarse hair has come in as a decent looking salt-and-pepper thing, ash brown "frosted" heavily with grey.)

For me personally, not coloring just fits better with my current values. Less expense, less work, less chemicals, less consumerism. I'm trying to morph myself into a person trying to concentrate on what I AM, and what I DO, rather than on what I look like. (notice I say trying. it's a work in progress.)

That said, I have girlfriends that I sometimes envy their haircolor: they're doing the blonde thing, and the high- and low- lights, and the frostings.....and they look mucho fabulous and much more youthful than I do. And I don't judge or begrudge them this. I just hope to be able to continue on my own more-natural path.....

[domestic goddess]

I dyed once, and have never done it since. I know I won't take the time to keep it up so I just won't bother. There are too many other things I would rather do with my time than spend it dying my hair!

[happystuff]

I never dyed much in the first place, but the last time I did it was over 10 years ago (I think) - mid 40's, I guess. Don't miss it and love my hair - greys and all. I'm a no-maintenance type person when it a lot of these cosmetic aspects - no hair dye, no make-up, no manicures, etc. I rarely look in a mirror beyond leaving the house in the morning, clean and ready for work.

[mtnlaurel]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3m46mMhaH1r3k73wo1_500.jpg

I saw this today and thought this would be a good place to post it.
I remember on our last graying discussion Zoe Girl was looking for a snazzy do and I saw this tonight and thought of that thread.

I started getting occasional grays in early 20s and has increased over time, lately exponentially.
Now in early 40s about 35% gray and it seems to be blending ok with my auburn hair.

About 5 yrs ago I did a semi-permanent glaze with great results - the grays were like highlights.
Then have done auburn-y highlights to help blend more, not cover gray, two times and it grew out great.
No room in budget for it now and my fear of someone screwing up my hair prevails.

I can totally live with the grays, I just want it to be a bit more shimmery (sp) and to come in evenly.

I do need a good cut though. I also think I could use a good conditioning treatment... my hair just is looking dull lately.

[Kestrel]

Well. I have no vanity -- well, I do, but my standard is so low you can't tell -- I've always figured that if people don't hide their eyes and scream "Oh my GOD!", then things are OK -- so I don't color my hair, and never have. Except a few times as an insecure teenager, using a "rinse", but I got over that. Too darn much trouble! So is keeping my hair cut short, but short is more "freeing", so I make the effort, tho about a week or so later than I should, and I do like it short. I guess I'm basically lazy. I'm 68, and I do have the "nun in habit" look, which really bugs me when I think about it so I try not to. Hair is like shoes :~) -- not worth the trouble. Same with clothes. If they cover the body and I don't look like a clown, then all's right with the world. :+1: :) :) :)

edit: "nun in habit" means my hair is white on top and in front, but "dark grey" in back. Truly sorry if that offends anyone.

[Kestrel]

Well. I have no vanity -- well, I do, but my standard is so low you can't tell -- I've always figured that if people don't hide their eyes and scream "Oh my GOD!", then things are OK -- so I don't color my hair, and never have. Except a few times as an insecure teenager, using a "rinse", but I got over that. Too darn much trouble! So is keeping my hair cut short, but short is more "freeing", so I make the effort, tho about a week or so later than I should, and I do like it short. I guess I'm basically lazy. I'm 68, and I do have the "nun in habit" look, which really bugs me when I think about it so I try not to. Hair is like shoes :~) -- not worth the trouble. Same with clothes. If they cover the body and I don't look like a clown, then all's right with the world. :+1: :) :) :)

edit: "nun in habit" means my hair is white on top and in front, but "dark grey" in back. Hope that expression doesn't offend anyone.

[Kestrel]

Ah, I see I double posted. I'm not computer literate either. :|(

[frugalone]

Wow, what a plethora of responses!

For now, I have decided to go ahead and keep coloring my hair. I just think I look too old with gray hair and I'm not ready for it.

Maybe when I am 50...

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your stories.