View Full Version : My Best Buddy has passed away
Last wednesday, the 15th of Aug. My DH passed away after a brief (7weeks) but painful bout of cancer. I posted when I found out he was sick, but it was all so fast that I didn't have a lot of time to update. All I can say is that it was the worst thing I have ever been involved in. He was in terrible pain for the last 4 weeks. The doctor contacted Hospice and all I can say is that they are angels. They supplied almost everything we needed and more. They became family in that short time.
I feel lost and all alone and it feels like I always be. I know that isn't true, but he was my true love and a wonderful guy. I still wish I could have gone with him! 10 wonderful years that I wouldn't trade for anything.
I went back to work today because I have taken the last 2 weeks off and things had started backing up. I thought it would at least give my mind something else to think about. It worked a little, but soon I will have to go home and I dread it. I feel sick emotionally and physically all over. I am still trying to process the fact that he was so sick, but he died so quickly that I can't wrap myself around it all.
I am in the middle of contacting everyone about accounts, insurance, mortgage, waiting for the death certificate, et al. My girls have been wonderful with a lot of the leg work. My mom stayed with Dale some days and with me after it was all over. I had his body cremated and don't have a clue as to the next step. But I am not going to do anything until I am ready.
Well, this is sorta garbled, but I am sure you can understand.
Sherry
treehugger
8-20-12, 5:45pm
Sherry, my heart is with you. I am so sorry for your loss.
Kara
I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you strength and comfort for the next chapter of your life.
Cecilia
So sorry to hear about your loss Sherry. I know its hard to think about yourself at times like this, but please take good care of you during this most difficult time. Sending everything positive your way.
I am so sorry for your loss. You will find a way to pick up the pieces, but I'm sure that is hard to believe right now. Try to just take it one day at a time and give yourself time to be as much of a mess as you need to be. Just showing up at work is plenty for now.
And let EVERYONE who asks to help you. xxoo.
My deepest condolences. I'm very sorry to hear this.
rosarugosa
8-20-12, 6:37pm
Sherry, I am so very sorry for the loss of your best buddy and partner.
I can't even imagine the difficulty of what you have gone through and what you are going through now. I hope you keep in touch with us on the forum. I'm sure I'm not the only one who remembers you from many years on the previous forum. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
fidgiegirl
8-20-12, 6:47pm
So sorry, Sissy.
((((((Sissy)))))))
Thank you for telling us, Sissy. Please remember we want to know how you continue.
Oh, my dear. I am so sorry to hear this but so glad that you posted. Please give yourself all kinds of time and space to feel what you feel. And find people to talk to about that....friends, family, a counselor, maybe a group later on. When you want to talk, that is...and we are here, including some who have had experiences similar to yours, though of course all griefs are unique.
I am sending good wishes, and the hope for peace and gentleness in your life as you come to terms with what has happened and start to take steps forward.
Oh Sherry, I'm so very sorry for your loss. ((((big hugs))))
We are here for you!!
Thank you for sharing your sorrow. Losing one's life partner has to be the most difficult thing...I can only imagine. I hope you will keep us posted and write whenever you need to.
Been there and I know how hard it is. You WILL get through it but not right away. Grieve on your own timetable, not anybody else's. It hurt me so much when people would expect me to be "over it" in a few months or less. Or when well meaning friends suggested I take medications to ease the pain. I felt that I owed him every tear and didn't want to medicate my feelings away, but that is a decision that only you can make for yourself. Losing your best friend/love is the hardest thing you will ever have to get through, you have to do it your own way. Be kind to yourself, take all the help that is offered, and know that you are cared for by everyone here.
I did find the program that the local Hospice runs for grieving people to be helpful to me. It gave me the support of others going through the same thing, just when I needed it most.
So sorry for you too Tweety. That's wonderful advice for Sissy.
try2bfrugal
8-20-12, 8:36pm
So sorry to hear about your loss, Sherry. Losing a spouse has to be one of life's tougher situations to get through.
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are getting rest.
Wildflower
8-20-12, 8:47pm
Sherry, I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.
Sherry,
was very sorry to hear this - cancer can be so brutal. I'm posting a link to a speech by Joe Biden to military families who had suffered a loss. As you probably know, Biden's first wife and young daughter were killed in a car accident, so this man knows about deep grief.
It's long, but I found it very moving, and I hope it might help you in even the smallest way today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwZ6UfXm410
Take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
SteveinMN
8-20-12, 10:07pm
My condolences, Sherry.
Wow, a lot to cope with. My deepest sympathy for your loss.
happystuff
8-20-12, 11:06pm
I am so so sorry for your loss. As other's have said, take all the time for everything and anything that you need/want. As for the ashes (or anything else for that matter!), you don't need to "do" anything until you are ready and you will know when you are ready! Hugs to you!
Dear Sherry...please know we all care. I do understand what you are going through it has been 8 months now for me.
As someone else said cancer is brutal, it will take you time. Everyone told me this; and at first I thought they were all nuts.
I would never understand or get past it. But, I am only now really getting better and there are still bad days.
Take care of yourself and do what feels right for you.
Oh, SHerry, I'm so sorry.
Please treat yourself tenderly.
Tussiemussies
8-21-12, 4:27am
Sherry, I am so sorry about the sickness and loss of your beloved husband. I hope you have a lot of support for awhile. Will pray for you and your family. Christine
chrisgermany
8-21-12, 6:11am
I am so sorry about your loss.
Get all support you can and take good care of yourself.
Chris
I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.
Oh Sherry, I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathy to you and your daughters.
rodeosweetheart
8-21-12, 8:27am
My deepest sympathies, Sherry, for your loss. My prayers are with you.
All my condolences to you, and hope for healing of this painful loss.
Very sorry to hear about your loss.
Oh Sherry! I am so, so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers!
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Take care.
shadowmoss
8-21-12, 11:33am
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending healing thoughts your way.
Thinking of you. I'm so sorry to hear this.
I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your husband are in my prayers.
domestic goddess
8-21-12, 6:02pm
Oh, Sherry, I am so sorry for your loss. In addition to the many other wonderful services they offer, Hospice offers grief counseling and support. This might be very helpful to you, and give you a place to vent with others who understand what you're feeling. Think about it, ok?
My dh died almost 10 years ago. It does get different as time goes by, and you become used to the pain. I still hear something on the news and think, "Oh, I should tell David that." I think we never really lose those habits of thought that included our loved ones. But after a while, the pain isn't so sharp when we think "oops, can't do that."
Sherry, I am so sorry. I wish I could offer words that would make this time easier for you. Just know we're here to help in any way possible.
Simpler at Fifty
8-21-12, 7:32pm
I am so sorry for your loss Sherry. Hospice is a wonderful thing and I am happy they were able to bring you some comfort.
frugal-one
8-21-12, 8:49pm
Condolences.... my thoughts are with you!
I'm so sorry to hear this. Good thoughts your way...
A coworker of mine (34) lost her DH (mid-40s) in May - very suddenly. She was off for a month, but has later said she wishes she had come back to work sooner, as simply having the routine of having to get out of bed to go to work, as well as having something else to concentrate on, has greatly helped her.
So sorry to hear this news. Like your husband, my mom passed away from cancer in a shockingly short time from diagnosis to gone . . . I second the idea that a grief group can be very helpful. Sending thoughts of peace and strength your way.
Oh my friend, I am so sorry. I can not imagine the state of shock you must be in. We are all here for you any time you need to reminisce or vent or need a second opinion. Many hugs and our thoughts are with you.
I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss.
You guys are the best. I just wanted to let you know after posting about his being sick. I was so busy for updates at the time and just didn't feel like it.
Yes, working is theraputic. I am the only bookkeeper in a small company, so I am pretty protective of my "stuff", lol. The boss managed to get a girl that had worked for him years ago to come in and keep the posting up so that I wouldn't have a mountain waiting for me. (we do things totally by handwritten ledgers and files, ooolllllddd school). I fell totally responsible for my part of the operation and we are like family (except the bosses wife is insanely jealous and doesn't like me). Nothing is perfect, right?
Going home is very hard. But, I have to so there we are. He is a happy little spirit and I want him to stay around a while :).
I have a lot of support for which I am so very thankful. You guys are just icing on the cake!
All I can say is :thankyou:
Sherry
I'm so sorry to hear about your husbands passing Sissy - I hope you have some peace knowing that you could be with him through it all to give him comfort, support and love.
I'm so sorry, Sissy. I'm thinking of you and your family.
Sherry, I am heartbroken for you. I'm so sorry this has happened, and you are in my thoughts.
So sorry, Sherry. Be gentle to yourself during this time, and give yourself plenty of time to heal.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
lhamo
Sissy/Sherry
I pray that as you journey on without your beloved, that you remember what a treasure he was, what a blessing it was to having him for ten years. I pray also that the love that you shared has been a beacon to others and that its memory sustains you when you feel alone. And the love of those of us still living sustains you as well.
The only thing worse than losing a loved one is never to have loved at all.
Your friend,
Fawn
frugalone
8-29-12, 10:34pm
Sherry: I am just reading this now. Please accept my deepest sympathies for your loss. We are here for you if you need us.
Sherry, I am very sorry for your loss.
catherine
8-31-12, 10:17pm
I also just read this, and I am so sorry. You have my deepest sympathy, and I wish you peace and consolation over time. God bless.
I'm so sorry, Sissy. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Gardenarian
9-6-12, 3:05pm
Sherry - I just read your sad news and I am so, so sorry. I'm glad you have support at hand, as well as here.
Your husband sounds like a terrific guy, and such a great loss. Peace and blessings to you both.
Sherry, I 'know' you also from Innermost House :). Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
I am sorry that I haven't been on for a while. I have been emersing myself in another website hoping to find comfort. I think that I am about finished with it and came back to tell everyone how I am doing.
I had DH cremated and have just now been able to decide what else to do. We are to have a graveside memorial next Saturday and he will be buried by his father. I have ordered a small double headstone and will be buried in the same plot someday. I am really dreading it, but I see now what people say about needing closure. I have 2 major things left to do (after all of the insurance, medical, etc. stuff) and that is the memorial and I need to sell his pickup. It has been a very, very difficult thing. I had no idea at all it would be so hard. It still is. But things have pretty much fallen into place or or just taken care of themselves. I am very grateful for all of the prayers, and help that has been sent my way. I am ok financially as I have cut way back and I am still working. I guess now that I just need time. Thank you guys.
rosarugosa
11-2-12, 7:36pm
Wishing you the best through these difficult days, Sherry.
try2bfrugal
11-2-12, 7:42pm
Sending warm thoughts your way. I hope life gets a little easier each day for you.
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