I'm done chasing my tail to the grave

[jschmidt]

This may come off to some as just drivel, but I really wanted to post something for people to read, as well as for me to put a marker in my life of where I am at currently. Plus, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I have run a web firm for about 12 years. The money has been good, and probably better for us, since we are somewhat frugal. At 32 years old, I find us with no debt, about 150k in the bank ... and stressed / burned out.

We have $1500 or so monthly residually coming in (which will no doubt whither away with time) and our outgoing income of $3,000 a month

I have practically spent my entire adult life doing what I do now - working at home. Part of me thinks wow, have I got it made in the shade! And the other part of me continually frets about how the stresses of certain projects are really eating my lunch. Earlier this year, it all came to a head, when a massive project I was in was in the stages of failing. I ultimately got fired off the project, because the several programmers I had working for me ended up getting fed up with everything. Stress was getting really bad with it - I would nervously check my phone for emails all the time (a habit I still have) and this fear of lawsuit would loom over my head to the point of my main prayer each night was for protection from this sort of thing.

So far this year, I have lost a lot of money from projects I was supposed to get paid on. I have decided to take it easier this year. I am not actively looking for more projects, and am basically saying NO to any/all in person meetings (I hate them...right now anyway). Small projects are fine, and I tend to get maybe $100-200 a week from them, with projects that are a few thousand rolling in every now and then. It is a far cry from where I was. My definition of success has somewhat shifted from "we must have 50-75k more in the bank at the end of the year than we did at the beginning of the year" to - "I don't want to have less than what we did at the beginning of the year." I think a part of it is, that whether we have 25, 50, 100 or 150k in the bank - it really doesn't matter, because our lifestyle doesn't budge one bit, so we don't really feel anything at all.

It is such a weird situation, because, this business I have started has been a part of my identity for the past decade-plus, and now I feel like I am slowly starving it. I have always been in the mind set of "What am I going to do when I retire. Will we have enough money? What if we don't have enough money in a few years?" I simply can't imagine doing this for 30+ more years, but having been stuck in a dead end job that sucked the life out of me to the point of deep depression ... frankly, I'm terrified of that scenario. Heck, I'm terrified of way too many things in life. As the sole provider of a family of 4 though, and seeing how family around me are stuck in dead end jobs and *barely* making it, yet having friends all around me living in close to verifiable mansions, it is a strange mix of a situation. No one seems to understand my quandary.

As I have cooled off from work, I have found myself going to garage sales and buying/selling collectibles/etc. Granted, it isn't something I could pay all the bills off of, it does net me a few hundred dollars, which seems to help a bit in terms of making me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING. I must say, I have a ball at doing that stuff. I have also found myself wandering away from the home office more during business hours, without much stress attached to it also. Heck, I'm considering doing something that would have been unthinkable last year, and that is driving an hour round trip ... during the work day ... to pick up a knight statue!

So, with all this drivel I have written, I think it has helped me just to get it down on paper, so to speak. I guess one good thing I can take from all this is the realization that even though I may not be hitting my previous goal of growing a stockpile of cash by leaps and bounds, that maybe my goal should be more of enjoying life while making ends meet, albeit at a much reduced financial rate, but being thankful I can stay at home, have a low stress situation, etc. I have always worried about looking back at my life and thinking "wow, i sure did worry a lot ... and I could have had a great life ... if only I recognized it was great!" It is just so hard sometimes to walk away from something that seems like it was easy money though, you know? I spoke with someone the other day, and he said he and another colleague in my field were "really busy" with work. I am not really busy with work. I immediately thought "what's wrong with me? Why am I not busy?"

I guess I'll stop right there - I have a feeling that if I allow myself, I'd lose readership, by way of drowning you all in words!

[try2bfrugal]

If you plan on living to say 95, then you will either need around 36K X (95 - 32) = $2.3M (less Social Security) for the rest of your life, and that doesn't include things like college costs or long term care money. So you do not have enough to be FI now and I think it is possible, but not very probable you would make enough money reselling thrift shop stuff to support a family of four long term. I see many guys doing that right now because of the economy so the competition is fierce around me. I know a couple of guys who do the eBay reselling thing full time but they don't have families of four to support and both live at home with their parents.

So that still leaves many other options -

1. Continue working at a job you hate in the way you have been working now.
2. Get a regular job in your career field for a set salary.
3. Take some management courses or get a PMP certificate to learn to bid / manage projects better, stay in the job you have now but aim to have it be less stressful.
4. Start a new side business and as it makes more money transition over to that. Like open up an online store that sells merchandise in a low competition niche field too specialized for Amazon.
5. Go back to school nights and weekends to get a degree or training in a job you would enjoy more.
6. Live off your savings and go to school full time for a higher paying job you would enjoy more.
7. Do you have a spouse that could work? Two minimum wage jobs would be more than you make now on your own.

The common theme in The Millionaire Next Door is most of the the millionaires love what they do so it doesn't even seem like work. Life is too short to spend 30 more years doing something you hate and isn't working out for you. Could you do something like go to school to be a network administrator? That is a somewhat related career but it generally pays a lot better and you wouldn't necessarily have to manage people.

http://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes151142.htm#ind

If that doesn't appeal to you, the Job Outlook Handbook in the link above has salaries and projections for all sorts of careers to think about.

[jschmidt]

Thanks for the response! I don't really hate the field I'm in; I just hate the stressful big jobs. I think after taking a breather for the rest of the year, I may come back around to taking a part time look at the company (if I don't sell it). The one thing I do NOT want to do is to go to work for someone else. My thoughts are I could probably maintain close to $1000 residuals, bring in perhaps $1500 from it with minimal work, and sell $1000 worth of stuff each month. That should keep us afloat. I have also considered selling a car here and there, as well as possibly getting into property flipping.

[ApatheticNoMore]

If ever there were posts to make one recommit to hated wage slavery. Yea sure, I'll be doing it until I die. Everything else is worse.

[jschmidt]

going back to working for "the man" is definitely not on the table ... unless I feel God leads me there, and/or it ends up being a necessity!

[catherine]

I can kind of identify, because I worked as a market researcher for a corporation, then got utterly burned out and woke up angry every day, when led to my quitting and becoming a freelancer in the same industry. Waking up angry every day is no way to live. I think that's a red flag you need to pay attention to.

I'm experiencing far less stress now. I do have control over my life. If I wanted to I could turn down projects, but I don't want to. My balance is pretty good right now.

What stuck out for me was the huge disparity in income for you between the "pedal to the metal" life you are living and the couple of hundred bucks a month you could make on smaller projects.

Isn't there any inbetween? What specifically is stressful about your life? Is it the people? the timelines? The industry? Can you switch industries and develop your skills in a different environment?

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. See what you can change. Maybe you just think you hate web design because the projects are driving you crazy, but really, think about how you feel about web design. Why did you get into it? What are the good parts? What are the bad parts? See if you can change the bad parts and keep the good parts.

If you can make decent money at something you fundamentally enjoy, and control where and when you work, try to work it out and stay in web design! Meanwhile, try to carve out some time to explore other options and examine the income-producing opportunities in those areas and then pursue them without quitting your day job.

It's great that you have a frugal lifestyle and that wouldn't change. But no matter what, living close to the bone is not as much fun as having the CHOICE to save or spend. Been there done that (the no choice thing--yuk--not at all fun).

Good luck.

[Yossarian]

You only have as much pressure as the consequences of the alternative. People aren't necessarily stressed because they are doing something important (e.g. life of death medicine) at work, they are stressed because without success at work they won't be able to afford ___ [fill in the blank - pay the mortgage, afford braces for the kids, whatever]. Once I decided my alternatives are all OK, it's not as stressful to me even though I work in a "stressful" envioronment. If things tank here I just join the Peace Corps that much sooner. But ironically that has made it easier to keep working longer because it is not really that stressful to me.

[jschmidt]

Thanks so much for the responses, guys! Catherine, I like your idea of middle ground, because no, I don't have web design - I hate ... HATE stressful massive application projects. You have a good idea with middle ground. I think that is kind of what I'm doing now. Just coasting!

[herbgeek]

You could also take on a partner/associate who enjoys doing the part you hate. Might want to do it on a trial basis, before making any long term commitments.

[razz]

When my business caused my burnout and I retired, I wish, in looking back, that I had spoken to someone who knows and understands burnout triggers and remedies. I believe that I was stressed because I was doing aspects of my business that I did not do well (needed more training or relief) or find satisfying. I loved the hands-on and analytical but not the administrative manipulation parts dealing with contrary individuals.
Is there someone that you can talk to who can mentor your transition and offer suggestions of alternative approaches using your skills?

[ApatheticNoMore]

You only have as much pressure as the consequences of the alternative. People aren't necessarily stressed because they are doing something important (e.g. life of death medicine) at work, they are stressed because without success at work they won't be able to afford ___ [fill in the blank - pay the mortgage, afford braces for the kids, whatever]. Once I decided my alternatives are all OK, it's not as stressful to me even though I work in a "stressful" envioronment. If things tank here I just join the Peace Corps that much sooner. But ironically that has made it easier to keep working longer because it is not really that stressful to me.

love it. I mean sure there are bills (though mine are really just shelter, utilities, food for one (and ha even that can be dumpstered but *that* is a hard alternative to adjust to!), and sure whatever magical fantasy solutions we have, like earning all our money selling antiques may not exactly pan out, there is a real fine line between hope and naked self-delusion, between allowing any hope that anything could be different to exist at all (how often I feel hopeless!), and diving into naked self-delusion (and then the toothfairy comes ...) A real fine line.

But this is quite obviously perfectionism:

My definition of success has somewhat shifted from "we must have 50-75k more in the bank at the end of the year than we did at the beginning of the year"

I mean it is great if you can do that, but almost noone does. Sounds almost like a first born (both high acheiving and perfectionistic) but I might be wrong on that call :) Really sounds in your case that you really do just need to chill a little, as long as bills are getting paid, really that's most of it anyway, all the rest is kinda gravy.

[SteveinMN]

jschmidt, I've kinda been where you are -- except that I was working for "the Man" and was not the sole breadwinner. But I was on the precipice of burnout and had one leg hovering over thin air.

You need a break -- some time to sit back and figure out what's working and what isn't. You say you love Web design, but you obviously don't love every aspect of the work or you wouldn't be here now. Is it really the big projects? What about them? That it's not analysis and coding but it's Microsoft Project and TPS reports? Is it certain customers/projects you feel you'd be better off without? Short of walking away from all of it and selling stuff on ePay -- which comes with its own price -- you'll need to know exactly what you don't like before you can figure out how to fix it. It may be possible to hire out the parts you don't like. Or maybe you need to bone up on how to fire customers -- and just bob along until you land replacement work. Or it truly is time to consider something different. It doesn't sound like you're living paycheck-to-paycheck, so you have some options here, even if you feel you don't have much time.

When I realized I was burned out, I evaluated why. Most of the reasons were not fixable where I was; nor was it likely they would be fixed moving to another company or even freelancing in the field (in fact, that would have been worse because it would have been everything I hated about my current job plus the giant spotlight of having been hired for big bucks to meet heavy-duty deadlines). I didn't want to start over again in a different part of IT, either. And, frankly, I was just kind of worn out. 30 years in IT will do that.... So my choice was to get out. It was too early for me to retire, so I started a photography business. I'm still pretty close to a computer for image work and for running the business, but I'm a "user" now -- and in charge -- and that makes it all very different. The income is nowhere near what I was making (believe me, I thought long and hard about walking away from that, but the money had long ago ceased to be the real point of working). It felt a little odd telling people I enjoyed the basics of the job but hated the environment and the mechanics of it -- kind of like enjoying driving, but being stuck driving in a moving-sofa Oldsmobile during rush hour. But I'm happy and healthier now. I don't dread going to sleep knowing that the alarm would wake me for another long day at that job.

Many of us have been there, done that, and still have some of the T-shirts. You're among friends here. Let us know how we can help.

[Zoe Girl]

I have had some stretches of serious burnout. One threat to me right now with potential burn out is that my income is very low which makes me dependant on other sources (child support) that is currently a month and a half behind. That is another story.

I have worked for myself, it had its benefits, however there are a lot of stresses as well. I am in the education/childcare industry and I found out the hard way that working for myself does not count towards all the credentials and hours I need to diversify. So for all it's stresses I am glad to be working for someone else. I am proud of our organization even though we have glitches, and it is good to be able to find a person in our organization for support as needed. Basically i don't have to be the lone ranger on every issue. So however this looks in your business I would make sure you have a professional group or a work colleague of some sort. It makes a big difference to feeling less stressed.

[rodeosweetheart]

Some awesome ideas here. I really resonated with the op, I totally get where you are coming from and I think I'm pretty burned out right now. You were saying some of the exact things I am feeling--including driving around shopping (which is difficult to do if you are frugal) because I cannot stand to go home, because I work at home and I hate turning on the computer. I mean it has gotten where I';d rather be anywhere than home. I am doing my job in my sleep--literally wake up doing my job, so I can't even get away from it when I am sleeping. Have to take melatonin to sleep at night because my job wakes me up sort of springing up in anxiety when I lie down.

Okay, gotta get back to work, lol.

[cjones]

I heard a radio program about developers of iPad apps. The person they interviewed said that the internet is such a huge market you only have to reach a very very very tiny percentage of it to make money. This person developed a web browser that is blue and he has enough people using it that he makes a modest but reasonable yearly income, I think around $50,000. He has to maintain the app and upgrade it and do some marketing, but he has no direct interaction with anyone, no boss, no colleagues or co-workers, and he can do it in a few hours a day max. Sounds almost too good to be true, but the guys in my Tech dept. say that this interview checks out. Just a thought. I really wish you well and hope you will stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.