View Full Version : I guess we were poor
Did you ever hear your grandparents talk about growing up without most of what we consider "needs" now and they say, "We were poor--we just didn't know it." My MIL used to say that a lot. She grew up in Scotland and they went through their days with the little they had, working and keeping house and trying to keep the kids fed and clothed. My grandmother-in-law walked three miles to get a certain chicken that her husband's gut could tolerate--he had had 3/4's of it removed. But, that was just day-to-day life--that wasn't "being poor."
The new Census stats came out and noted that there has been a decline in the poverty rate--except for in my state, where it increased slightly. I think the numbers are something like, if you are a family of 4 making under $25,000 a year, you're under the poverty line. (not the exact number, but very close).
I do remember when my kids were small, I was making $28,000 as a word processing supervisor--and I was happy to have gotten a promotion to that high salary! I know life was tough, it was touch-and-go. Would the electricity be cut off this week? Would one of the kids ambush me with a need for a check for a field trip? Would any of the kids get sick?
But I also didn't think of myself, even then, as "poor." Maybe I was. But I had a job! I was actually a supervisor! I had decent friends. We may have had no snacks, but we had food.
What made me feel poor was the neighbors dropping off cast-offs. When I had to tell my son he couldn't go on the field trip. When my debit card wouldn't go through for $11, and the school counselor was right behind me in the check-out line and offered to give me the money.
Has anyone else felt that they were poor, and they knew it, or poor and they didn't know it, or are poor now and know it? How do you define it? It's not just the dollars. I think it's also the feeling of shame, the feeling that you are on the lower rung. The feeling that something bad could happen to you that money could fix easily, but you don't have it.
If you have been through these tough times that some people call poverty, how did it change your relationship with money?
I am poor, by just about any criteria you choose. Does not bother me much, except for the occasional moment like you share. I would love more resources to help make my life easier, but o manage because my needs are reasonable and I can ...mostly :)...control my wants.
I am considering selling my car to afford dental care and to replace some things lost during a recent series of moves. I can live well without just about antthing, except for my cat.
However, should anyone have a wagon-load of cash they cannot use, bring it over.
I respect money for what it provides me and the freedom from worry. I have only what I have and that has to be enough.
decemberlov
9-13-12, 4:50pm
When I was growing up we were poor. More so than I realized at the time.
We lived with a friend of my mother's church for years and then finally got our own apartment.
The apartment was Section 8 and even then the church would help pay our rent often.
Although we didn't have much, somehow my mom always provided vitamins and the healthiest food she could afford (with food stamps).
Health was more important than wealth and this is something I'm very grateful for having instilled in me.
Sometimes there wasn't food at all and we had to go to a food bank - almost every Thanksgiving dinner was dropped off in a cardboard box as a donation.
In my early 20's I made a decent amount of money and I spent it carelessly. I think I had this mindset that I had it (finally!!) and I was gonna spend it!!!
I no longer look at money this way and am way more careful about how I spend it (and save it!)
However, I think the biggest thing that I'm still working on is what I call "food hoarding" not in the sense that I keep bad food in my fridge or anything but I would get anxiety over not having my pantry overflowing with food. Most of it hidden in the back and not even getting touched or seen but having everything packed to the brim makes me feel secure. I work really hard now at trying to use everything and not waste it. Might seem silly but this is tough for me and something I struggle with.
Tussiemussies
9-13-12, 4:59pm
When I was growing up we were poor. More so than I realized at the time.
We lived with a friend of my mother's church for years and then finally got our own apartment.
The apartment was Section 8 and even then the church would help pay our rent often.
Although we didn't have much, somehow my mom always provided vitamins and the healthiest food she could afford (with food stamps).
Health was more important than wealth and this is something I'm very grateful for having instilled in me.
Sometimes there wasn't food at all and we had to go to a food bank - almost every Thanksgiving dinner was dropped off in a cardboard box as a donation.
In my early 20's I made a decent amount of money and I spent it carelessly. I think I had this mindset that I had it (finally!!) and I was gonna spend it!!!
I no longer look at money this way and am way more careful about how I spend it (and save it!)
However, I think the biggest thing that I'm still working on is what I call "food hoarding" not in the sense that I keep bad food in my fridge or anything but I would get anxiety over not having my pantry overflowing with food. Most of it hidden in the back and not even getting touched or seen but having everything packed to the brim makes me feel secure. I work really hard now at trying to use everything and not waste it. Might seem silly but this is tough for me and something I struggle with.
December, I could see someone struggling with wanting to have a lot of food since they grew up with just enough to get by. Think we all try to fill some hole in us from our childhood that wasn't filled for whatever reason whether it be physical, mental or sometimes spiritual.
Tussiemussies
9-13-12, 5:01pm
I am poor, by just about any criteria you choose. Does not bother me much, except for the occasional moment like you share. I would love more resources to help make my life easier, but o manage because my needs are reasonable and I can ...mostly :)...control my wants.
I am considering selling my car to afford dental care and to replace some things lost during a recent series of moves. I can live well without just about antthing, except for my cat.
However, should anyone have a wagon-load of cash they cannot use, bring it over.
I respect money for what it provides me and the freedom from worry. I have only what I have and that has to be enough.
Hi Jilly, sure hope you don't have to sell your car to get dental care. Maybe there is an agency that could help you where dentists devote free time? Wish you the best, Christine
I never felt poor growing up. I lived the 1960-70s middle class life, dad worked mom stayed home, small cirty house, one car. Mom will swear we were "poor" to this day. I did not get new clothes but at september, no extras ever. I do not think we were poor. Todays standard, it would be considered Poor or at best deprived? I suppose when I was unemployed and expecting a baby and the Doctor I paid $20 cash to each month to see, told me I needed to sign up for free food and stuff, I was poor. I never felt poor and did not take anything, I got a job.
Today I hear Poor tossed around a bit to often, sorry but that is how I feel. Poor, yet I see cars/cell phones/tattoos. I know that if I was struggling those are three things I would not spend money on. Ok done judging, sorry for my bad thoughts.
DH and I were talking with a friend recently about "coming from money." Her definition of that is way different from how DH and I perceive "coming from money."
DH and I are from a place where it's common to be land-rich and cash-poor. People like that don't (necessarily ) "have money" and their children do not necessarily "come from money."
Our friend thinks that anyone who has, in their family, land worth a million and up "comes from money." She cant grok that that kind of small business farm doesn't throw off much income and in fact may lose money some years. And it took decades for the land to reach that value. She thinks of herself as not having any money, and it is true that she blows through everything she's got including a nice little inheritance of $300,000. she makes a good income, too, over $100,00 annually.
I am completely middle class but never felt poor and pretty much feel rich, even though back in the day I couldn't provide any measure of being "rich." Now I could come up with a couple of markers that might put me toward the richie end of the spectrum.
But it is remarkable how our internal feelings color our relationship with money. One thing that has always struck me about our friend is that she views almost everything in terms of monthly payments. I don't even know how much things cost, to live on a monthly basis, I think in terms of annual income and expenditures and growing net worth. I don't buy ANYTHING based on how much it will cost each month. As I think about it, another friend also spends exclusivly based on what she can afford per month, and she like friend #1 hasn't got much net worth after all of these years.
try2bfrugal
9-13-12, 7:57pm
I used to think of my grandparents as rich but they were just smart about money. They had a two bedroom, 1,000 square foot house, one car and never took vacations. They just took a lot of day trips to shop, go out to eat some place cheap and visit relatives. They gardened for a hobby.
We have thought about their life as we think about downsizing. They never seemed worried about money or thought of themselves as poor. They lived in a nice neighborhood with well kept houses all the same size as their house. That is just the size they made houses in those days and one car families were probably more the norm.
I grew up with enough clothes to wear and food to eat, but every car break down and furnace repair was always a household crisis.
My father made about 55k in 1980. At that time that was a pretty good salary. There were 5 children in the family (4 living home @ the time) and we lived like we were poor.
He gave my mother an "allowance" of $375 per month for ALL the household expenses including food for a family of 6.
We never had money to do anything and we all wore hand-me-downs or homemade clothing. We never went on a vacation when my mother wasn't working unless it was camping.
I make about 10k less than my father did and I live a lot better now than we did when I was a kid.
What a drag that was.
Back in the 40's, 50's, and 60's, most people were in the same boat... "real-estate rich/money poor", yet everyone seemed to happily plod-along from day-to-day with little said, however, our generation has become very needy. Talk to most people nowadays, and they NEED a house, they NEED a car, they NEED a holiday, and the list goes on, but a generation or two ago, aside from home-ownership, a majority of people never knew what a holiday was, or money in the bank per se, and for a few, personal vehicle ownership was out of the question. It simply was not affordable or doable, and people respected their status, unlike today, where everyone busies themselves putting on a show. (An empty show, displaying their debt).
I blame the general populace of today for much of how we, "just gettin' by folks" feel, i.e., lesser-than, etc, related to financial status and so on. High numbers of those living in brand new fancy-schmancy homes are in the hole right up to their wazoo, and all the brand spanking new vehicles you see from day to day (fancy ones, plain ones, and everything in-between) are leased, financed, and added to existing mortgages, so to feel shame, no way! No one who works hard for a living and puts in effort should ever feel ashamed, because we are competing with a class of shallow people nowadays who hinge their lives (and status) on materialist things and possessions, and I like to think that "real", down to earth people like us, see through such false facades. We're better than that.
Money (per se), does nothing for me. Sure, we need money to live, and eat, and survive, but aside from that, to stockpile dollars for the sake of saying "I'm rich", or, I'm well-off", to me, is shallow. Nest-eggs are good, but in speaking for myself, eating, from day-to-day, having a roof over my head, warm clothing, and a handful of modern conveniences, is what life is all about. Short of not having a Cadillac in the driveway of our McMansion, we have it all. We have everything! Good health topping the list!
I would rather wake each morning and remind myself of "all that I have", rather than "all that I don't have", and gee whiz, what a miserable and boring life it must be to wake each day reminding oneself of how tight next payday is going to be (payments, etc), because "we're too busy trying to look cool".
One thing I have learned Re: life, is that for a majority of us (and I do mean a majority), making our way through life (without bazillions at our disposal), is reality, but if you can remind yourself (even for a minute) as to what you truly have, you'll forget about all the things you don't have. :)
In the process of cleaning out my Granparent's home, and then later my Mother's home, I got a chance to see the reality of their lives. It was quite interesting to see their tax returns and property records, utility bills and correspondance, and to try to reconcile the lives they were able to lead on what now seems like such a small amount of money.
My Mother and my Aunt went to very good schools. They traveled extensively. My Grandmother's home was nice enough that I'd be very happy living in it today. It wasn't Fancy it was well built and pleasing to the eye.
All the things that I remember happening through my younger years happened on what now looks like so little based on the numbers.
It's hard for me to imagine what people looking through my records will think in 50 years.
Mighty Frugal
9-13-12, 10:30pm
We grew up poor and we knew it. 5 kids. I grew up in a lower middle class rural town and most of the folks were pretty poor but we felt like the poorest-even if we weren't-we were 1st generation Cdns so felt 'lower' than the 'English people'
There were weeks when we kids had to raid our piggy banks so my parents could go grocery shopping-once they had only $11 for a family of 7-this was mid 1970s.
We weren't aware of any food banks or any kind of assistance-again, probably because I was reading forms for my non-English speaking parents when I was 7 years old-and kinda hard for 7 year olds to find aid:(
I hated being poor. Hated that we didn't have a 'trailer' or 'cottage'. Disneyworld was for royalty. :cool:
Each week, my mom would buy fruit for the week and the 5 kids would dole it out-3 apples, 2 bananas, 2 oranges, etc. We each had a paper bag and put our fruit for the week-I'd eat all of mine in a day. Then spend the rest of the week stealing from my siblings. Smart sister took to stapling her bags shut, but bananas don't need a lot of room to slide out!
My parents always owned their own home-and nothing else. When I was 11 we moved into a huge home-fit for the 7 of us. But it was the early 80s and interest rate was about 14%.
They worried about 'the MORTGAGE' all the time. MORTGAGE is such a dirty word to me. I used to have fretful sleeps worrying about how my parents would pay for the MORTGAGE.
So, yeah, we were poor and knew it!
I'm not poor now. And in young adulthood pulled a Scarlett O'Hara ('God as my witness') shtick. And I will 'never be poor again'
I worked really hard and earned a #$#load of money. I was very frugal with the #$#load of money.
Rather than blowing my money on status symbols and trips and fancy cars I'm more the squirrel-storing, storing, storing so I will never worry about the MORTGAGE and never have to steal fruit again
and like the OP, I don't feel good unless my fridge and cabinets are filled with food-ahhhhh
awakenedsoul
9-13-12, 10:51pm
This is a great topic. I grew up in a family that had money, but my father was very frugal. He would drive my great uncle's 1967 Chevrolet Bel Air that he inherited. We would duck when we saw our friends. We asked him to drop us off a few blocks away from the school and we would walk the rest of the way. He would drive to deliver the utility bills to save money on a stamp. He wore my great uncle's clothes, shoes, and slippers after he died. We were teenagers, and we thought if was morbid. My mother was the opposite. She grew up poor, so after she married my dad she would shop with a credit card at I Magnin. He would freak out at the bill. She was a compulsive shopper. My dad did the grocery shopping at Safeway and he spent $100. a week for a family of six, with three boys. We got our meat from cattle that he owned.
I didn't experience the feeling of being poor until I went from performing as a professional dancer to teaching dance. My income dropped 50%with that transition, and I was always about $300. short a month. Once I studied Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, and simple living, I got it together. I hated being poor! It was such an awful, depressing feeling. I would have enough money to pay all of my bills except for food. I didn't realize that I could have had enough money, if I'd cut my expenses. It's so mental. I always used to struggle to pay for home repairs and property taxes. Back then I never would have thought of riding a bicycle or taking the bus. I didn't realize I could grow so much food, and that I really don't need a landline or television. I've learned to live on half, and now my finances are in good shape. I also stockpile, and that gives me great peace of mind.
Some of these stories are so sad! Lack of money causes a lot of emotional pain and low self esteem. Good money habits build confidence.
ApatheticNoMore
9-13-12, 11:17pm
I grew up middle class, one income for much of my childhood, though that income was semi-professionalized (college educated) AND unionized. Vacations were mostly camping, clothes were usually new but never fashionable, I wasn't allowed many toys or much money spent on me period (I stole a few inexpensive things I knew they'd never let me buy), was taught not to want such stuff for the most part really, going out to eat was once a month, couponing was compulsive, money stressed over by my mom, until my dad had to join in with the rejoiner, it's only money, it's not the end of the world, you can't take it with you. My dad given a hard time by my mom for any non necessary spending (and yes my dad was main the wage earner).
And yet on this middle class income I was made to feel rich, I don't mean that in a good sense like there was so much love I felt rich or something, I mean that with every possible negative connotation. I was made to feel very very very guilty that I had it so well. The starving people in the world were a constant presence. It was wrong to want fancy clothes etc.. I was spoiled (though I will never figure out why I was spoiled, I had very few toys, but I heard it 1000 times growing up, that I was spoiled rotten). See buying something for a kid ever will like spoil them rotten or something but telling them a thousand times they are spoiled rotten is totally benefical for them. So really I grew up thinking we were wealthy, we were rich people, must be, and I felt very guilty and sorry for it ....
Through my 20s I felt rich and successful but not because I had come from rich people (which I hadn't, it was pure professional middle class all the way), but because I had a professional job, could meet all my bills easy, plenty of play money (all this acheived through effortless frugality - of course I bought a very used car, duh, of course furniture was minimal and hand-me-downs or cheap). Then I learned what "middle class expectations" of an adult growing a little older (hitting 30) actually are in this society. Your not supposed to be renting an apartment, your supposed to buy a house! Your supposed to have a million dollars in retirement accounts when you retire! Your supposed to ... and then I felt poor and no longer very sucessful at all.
catherine
9-13-12, 11:37pm
Each week, my mom would buy fruit for the week and the 5 kids would dole it out-3 apples, 2 bananas, 2 oranges, etc. We each had a paper bag and put our fruit for the week-I'd eat all of mine in a day. Then spend the rest of the week stealing from my siblings. Smart sister took to stapling her bags shut, but bananas don't need a lot of room to slide out!
Mighty Frugal, this reminds me of the times DH and I would "treat" the 4 kids (and us) to a dozen Dunkin' Donuts. Now, you do the math. You have 6 people in the household and a dozen donuts, you don't have to be a genius to figure out that each person gets TWO donuts.
But it never failed, at least one person would go to get their second donut and it would be gone!! Obviously someone--a beloved sibling for Pete's sake--had to have eaten 3 donuts, knowing full well they were cheating someone of theirs. That used to drive me crazy! I guess a full stomach is thicker than blood.
Thanks for your stories, everyone.
These have all been interesting stories to read. We never know what life has tossed at others. What made each of us stronger.
My family was pretty solidly middle-class growing up (dad was an engineer at Boeing) but my parents were very frugal so sometimes that felt like poor. We got a very small allowance -- I recall $1/month when I was in elementary school. Any toys or other treats we wanted went on a list for Christmas or birthdays, and there was a dollar limit cap. Most of our clothes were home made or hand me downs. Mom shopped for most of our groceries once a month and there were few splurges. We hardly ever went out to eat. Once in awhile dad would turn off to Dairy Queen on the way home from church and that was a huge big deal for us. Vacations were camping trips and we even ate spam (I actually have a fond memory of those spam sandwiches and LOVE spam in Sichuan hotpot to this day).
At the time it was sometimes hard, but in retrospect I'm grateful for the lessons my parents taught us about living below our means. Because they did that and planned well, my mom didnt have to re-enter the workforce when my dad died at 52. She was able to pay off the mortgage with his life insurance proceeds, and still have enough left over to invest and live on after the SSI survivor benefits ended when I went to college.
Our kids know we are not poor -- I would never pretend to be as we live a pretty luxurious life. But we also plan our spending and don't indulge their every request. They know we have a budget, and that we save prodigiously for both retirement and their college funds. I try to talk about it in terms of choices we make that others dont -- because they can't (too poor) or they won't (too self-indulgent, not interested in /able to plan ahead). Seems to be working with both of them. They both get a much more generous allowance than I did (they get their age in dollars every week), but it pretty much goes into their savings accounts and they rarely ask to touch it. DS has over $2000 in his account, now, and DD over $1000.
lhamo
I used to think of my grandparents as rich but they were just smart about money. They had a two bedroom, 1,000 square foot house, one car and never took vacations. They just took a lot of day trips to shop, go out to eat some place cheap and visit relatives. They gardened for a hobby.
We have thought about their life as we think about downsizing. They never seemed worried about money or thought of themselves as poor. They lived in a nice neighborhood with well kept houses all the same size as their house. That is just the size they made houses in those days and one car families were probably more the norm.
I grew up with enough clothes to wear and food to eat, but every car break down and furnace repair was always a household crisis.
Though my grandparents finances are still very hush-hush, I always had the feeling they were quite well off. It was all due to their hard work, good investments and the fact that they NEVER carried debt. They lived in apartments until they could build their house with cash. I wish they were still around so I could ask them more about the type of day-to-day decisions they made. I know they always bought on sale, never full price anything, they canned but didn't garden, mostly cooked from scratch and both worked full-time. They also were world-travelers--but I bet every trip was paid with cash before they left, and probably a great deal to boot!
Mighty Frugal, this reminds me of the times DH and I would "treat" the 4 kids (and us) to a dozen Dunkin' Donuts. Now, you do the math. You have 6 people in the household and a dozen donuts, you don't have to be a genius to figure out that each person gets TWO donuts.
But it never failed, at least one person would go to get their second donut and it would be gone!! Obviously someone--a beloved sibling for Pete's sake--had to have eaten 3 donuts, knowing full well they were cheating someone of theirs. That used to drive me crazy! I guess a full stomach is thicker than blood.
Thanks for your stories, everyone.
Oh my gosh, that's funny (and awful!) about the donuts. It reminds me of when my mother would cut a box of icecream into slabs, and put each slab in a tupperware sandwich container with our names on it. There were 6 of us at home (including my parents) and I would try to dole my ice cream out but it always was the first empty dish. It's my downfall. I don't remember if I snuck spoonfuls from other's boxes; probably but I like to think I had more empathy than that!
I grew up in an upper middle class family. To my mind, they spent some of their money wisely and some of it very frivolously. We grew up in a reasonable house and my parents drove reasonable cars and spent a lot of money on educational opportunities for them and us. My mom also had a bit of a shopping problem and they spent between $500 and $1000 a month on my sisters ballet education. She did dance briefly professionally, but was done with that by the time she turned 20.
My Dad's side of the family were middle class and my mom's side of the family are quite wealthy, so, ridiculous as it sounds, in comparison to my mom's family I felt poor. I know now that it was a ridiculous standard to set, but sometimes it still creeps in a bit. I'll go to visit and everything is perfect and grand and beautiful and I have to remind myself that I have a perfectly normal life. There is nothing wrong with it.
Interesting stories, I grew up solid middle class. We always had enough food but I recall my mom getting so frustrated and putting her foot down with my brother. He played sports year round and at 13 was already 6'2". So that kid could eat. What the problem was that he ate all of something on a regular basis. He would easily drink a gallon of juice and a gallon of milk a day. So she had limits on those so he had to drink water more. When there was only one of something left at dinner like a roll or peice of chicken you had to ask if anyone wanted it then it was split or negotiated. Well he used to pick up the last roll and lick it, return it to the plate and then ask. We got over germ issues really fast ;)
goldensmom
9-14-12, 8:48am
Growing up our family was rich comparatively in the community where we lived. As an adult I have everything I need and much that I don’t need and this is by choice. I am considered poor by some because I don’t have the latest and greatest. I am considered rich by the homeless lady who was cleaning up in the restroom at the laundr-o-mat where I went to washing sleeping bags.
My wife and I both grew up middle-class. My dad was a teacher and my mom was what would later be called an "office manager". My wife's dad worked in manufacturing and her mom was a health-care aide. Both sets of parents had three kids and a dog or two, though my dad also was paying alimony for two kids from an earlier marriage (that was rarely discussed). Our parents owned their (modest) homes in far-flung suburbs and each household had one car (never new). A family vacation further than a day or two by car was a once-in-a-childhood event, and takeout dinners were infrequent -- like maybe once every two or three weeks. We ate pretty well (though my folks knew where to buy a brick of frozen vegetables for 11 cents on sale). I remember that my parents did not own a color TV until I bought them one in the early 80s as a partial thank-you for letting me live at home after college sans rent (and sans job). Otherwise there was very little extra, very little fancy, but enough. We knew we didn't take fancy vacations and the only reason there ever was a "new" car in the driveway was that the $75 car they bought was beyond economic repair. But there was enough. We never thought of ourselves as poor. Really, we weren't.
My wife graduated from college into a world of severely-low-paying jobs. By then she also was a single mother. Some of the jobs were live-in, so room and board at least were covered. But since my wife's family and most of her friends did not come from wealth, there was little of the expectation that accompanies higher standards of living. My wife got to be really good at FFF -- if DD wanted to ride up and down the escalator, why, that was free; why not let the kid go? :) She and her college friends stayed in touch and shared meals and babysitting and coupons and skills. My wife finally landed a career-type job and stuck to it, got promotions, and scrimped and saved and finally bought a house -- which she stayed in with DD for 30+ years, making improvements as she went along. Her cars were always used. Almost nothing in the house had a brand name on it, and if it did, it likely was Kenmore. But it worked. DD was smart and special enough to graduate from a private college in four years with no debt and mom has already put away a chunk of money for an eventual wedding. She knew she was poor early on; it's not a term she would use to describe herself now.
Me? Totally different story. Never poor. Thank God.
Growing up, I was aware of various money classes, but always felt like we were somewhere in the middle. After my parent's divorce, my mother moved us to a little house in an old money school district and though I grew up with millionaire's kids, I was painfully aware that we were not of that status. I saw a slice of life that stayed in my head of how the rich really lived at that time - maids, chauffeurs, country clubs, debutante parties etc. My best friend at the time would have outfits from Neiman-Marcus delivered every fall to try on at home and I would watch as she chose what she wanted to keep. I recall very vivdily one hot summer afternoon when she cleaned out some of her belongings - perfectly good - and threw them in the trash can. I asked if I could have them and she said absolutely not. Then I would head home to our dumpy house and wait for my mom to return from her late night shift at a hospital. It was a schizophrenic existence for a kid.
As a married couple, we were very poor one year as we both lost our incomes, had no savings, and then lost our house. We moved to an apartment and had to use a hot plate when the stove stopped working. To get to our new jobs, we had to buy an old beater with a huge embarrasing dent in the side of it.
Standards have changed so much these days. Just about anyone can go buy a luxury car and it would appear they have money, but who knows?
awakenedsoul
9-14-12, 11:46am
So much of it is perception. Yesterday I was at the Salvation Army and noticed that they had a nice used Maytag fridge for $199. It was 50% off day, so that would have been a really good deal. My fridge is 15 years old, but it's going strong. If I time things right, I may get my next one there. So many of their appliances look barely used. As I've gotten older, I've learned that a lot of financial success is being organized. I've learned to plan ahead for car repairs, home repairs, and servicing appliances. I read that a lot of women just budget in their monthly expenses: utilities, rent/mortgage, etc. They don't have categories for saving, retirement, or repairs/property taxes. That was my mistake when I first bought my home. Switching to buying more things used has really helped me hang on to my money.
decemberlov
9-14-12, 2:21pm
My best friend at the time would have outfits from Neiman-Marcus delivered every fall to try on at home and I would watch as she chose what she wanted to keep. I recall very vivdily one hot summer afternoon when she cleaned out some of her belongings - perfectly good - and threw them in the trash can. I asked if I could have them and she said absolutely not. Then I would head home to our dumpy house and wait for my mom to return from her late night shift at a hospital.
pinkytoe - this almost made my cry :(
We grew up poor and we knew it. 5 kids. I grew up in a lower middle class rural town and most of the folks were pretty poor but we felt like the poorest-even if we weren't-we were 1st generation Cdns so felt 'lower' than the 'English people'
There were weeks when we kids had to raid our piggy banks so my parents could go grocery shopping-once they had only $11 for a family of 7-this was mid 1970s.
We weren't aware of any food banks or any kind of assistance-again, probably because I was reading forms for my non-English speaking parents when I was 7 years old-and kinda hard for 7 year olds to find aid:(
I hated being poor. Hated that we didn't have a 'trailer' or 'cottage'. Disneyworld was for royalty. :cool:
Each week, my mom would buy fruit for the week and the 5 kids would dole it out-3 apples, 2 bananas, 2 oranges, etc. We each had a paper bag and put our fruit for the week-I'd eat all of mine in a day. Then spend the rest of the week stealing from my siblings. Smart sister took to stapling her bags shut, but bananas don't need a lot of room to slide out!
My parents always owned their own home-and nothing else. When I was 11 we moved into a huge home-fit for the 7 of us. But it was the early 80s and interest rate was about 14%.
They worried about 'the MORTGAGE' all the time. MORTGAGE is such a dirty word to me. I used to have fretful sleeps worrying about how my parents would pay for the MORTGAGE.
So, yeah, we were poor and knew it!
I'm not poor now. And in young adulthood pulled a Scarlett O'Hara ('God as my witness') shtick. And I will 'never be poor again'
I worked really hard and earned a #$#load of money. I was very frugal with the #$#load of money.
Rather than blowing my money on status symbols and trips and fancy cars I'm more the squirrel-storing, storing, storing so I will never worry about the MORTGAGE and never have to steal fruit again
and like the OP, I don't feel good unless my fridge and cabinets are filled with food-ahhhhh
I related to this post so much!
Especially the raiding the piggy bank for groceries part!!
And it feels good to know I'm not the only one with the "food hoarding" issue :laff:
Back in the 40's, 50's, and 60's, most people were in the same boat... "real-estate rich/money poor", yet everyone seemed to happily plod-along from day-to-day with little said, however, our generation has become very needy. Talk to most people nowadays, and they NEED a house, they NEED a car, they NEED a holiday, and the list goes on, but a generation or two ago, aside from home-ownership, a majority of people never knew what a holiday was, or money in the bank per se, and for a few, personal vehicle ownership was out of the question. It simply was not affordable or doable, and people respected their status, unlike today, where everyone busies themselves putting on a show. (An empty show, displaying their debt).
I blame the general populace of today for much of how we, "just gettin' by folks" feel, i.e., lesser-than, etc, related to financial status and so on. High numbers of those living in brand new fancy-schmancy homes are in the hole right up to their wazoo, and all the brand spanking new vehicles you see from day to day (fancy ones, plain ones, and everything in-between) are leased, financed, and added to existing mortgages, so to feel shame, no way! No one who works hard for a living and puts in effort should ever feel ashamed, because we are competing with a class of shallow people nowadays who hinge their lives (and status) on materialist things and possessions, and I like to think that "real", down to earth people like us, see through such false facades. We're better than that.
Money (per se), does nothing for me. Sure, we need money to live, and eat, and survive, but aside from that, to stockpile dollars for the sake of saying "I'm rich", or, I'm well-off", to me, is shallow. Nest-eggs are good, but in speaking for myself, eating, from day-to-day, having a roof over my head, warm clothing, and a handful of modern conveniences, is what life is all about. Short of not having a Cadillac in the driveway of our McMansion, we have it all. We have everything! Good health topping the list!
I would rather wake each morning and remind myself of "all that I have", rather than "all that I don't have", and gee whiz, what a miserable and boring life it must be to wake each day reminding oneself of how tight next payday is going to be (payments, etc), because "we're too busy trying to look cool".
One thing I have learned Re: life, is that for a majority of us (and I do mean a majority), making our way through life (without bazillions at our disposal), is reality, but if you can remind yourself (even for a minute) as to what you truly have, you'll forget about all the things you don't have. :)
Mrs. M - what a wonderful post!
You are so correct in the fact that this generation is very needy!
If you asked my mom about how things were when she was raising us she would definitely not say that we were "poor" she believed that we were very lucky that we did have food on the table (even if it did happen to come from a food bank or was paid with food stamps). We didn't have a car for a long, long time and she would take the bus everywhere with 2 small children in tow. I never heard her once complain about any of it but would thank God that she had healthy children and a roof over our head.
I once heard my DH's mother make a comment basically saying "it's now how much money you have, but how much you can borrow." I was appalled when I heard this (and luckily DH does not feel the same may as his mother). I think this sort of thinking is what has gotten so many people is such terrible situations.
Being so young I had no idea about loans or credit cards or things of that sort so anyone that had nice cars and I house I thought of as being rich. Not realizing that not everyone "owned" them. My mother never bought anything on credit, has never owned a credit card and has no debt! If we couldn't pay for it we didn't get it.
I use to feel shame when I was younger about not having as much as other children did. Now at 30, I feel that I had way more the majority of others, maybe not material things but the things that mattered. I never went to bed without hearing how loved I was, I was taught values and manners. Much of which seems lacking is children these days. I was given unconditional love and proper guidance. I feel that my childhood has made me grateful for what many seem to take for granted. And as I stated above my mother never once complained about our situation but instead was grateful for the things we did have.
Many people these days feel that they have to buy and spend and show off what they have materially to be someone of importance. Seems many have forgotten how to do even the basics of things. For example at Back to School night the teacher told us that the kids algebra books needed to be covered. One parent raised her hand, with the most confused look on her face and said "Where do we buy book covers?" DH and I both looked at each other and tried our hardest not to laugh. What happened to covering books with paper bags? Apparently people purchase "book socks" not made out of fabric for $5 a piece!! But my point being that even just the most simple of things have been forgotten!
decemberlov
9-14-12, 2:27pm
December, I could see someone struggling with wanting to have a lot of food since they grew up with just enough to get by. Think we all try to fill some hole in us from our childhood that wasn't filled for whatever reason whether it be physical, mental or sometimes spiritual.
Yes, very true!! I'm lucky it's not drugs or an abusive relationship that i fill that void with. The pantry is a much easier thing to overcome :~)
loosechickens
9-14-12, 3:40pm
It's very true that perception of "poor" is often separated from the actuality of how much money/belongings, etc., were available.
I grew up solidly middle class, but in a very affluent area, where my family was less educated (my mother had graduated, horrors of horrors, from a state college), and my father in the grocery business as opposed to our neighbors who were independently wealthy, highly paid professionals, or high up in government, Congressmen, Senators, etc. So, despite being quite comfortable, I often felt a bit "poor", since I knew my clothes did not come from the correct stores, we did not vacation in the correct places, and our maid didn't live in, hahahaha......
My sweetie, in comparison, grew up in a small town as the child of the town's major attorney, with a mother whose family owned several of the prominent businesses, etc., so he always felt almost TOO privileged, although, in truth, his family was very similar to my own in income, etc.
I think a lot (other than actual poverty of not enough to eat, etc.) has more to do with how your family is in relationship to the other families around you. Which makes us realize why so many during the Depression said later, "we hardly knew we were poor, because we didn't know ANYONE who had money".
rodeosweetheart
9-14-12, 6:40pm
"Has anyone else felt that they were poor, and they knew it, or poor and they didn't know it, or are poor now and know it? How do you define it? It's not just the dollars. I think it's also the feeling of shame, the feeling that you are on the lower rung. The feeling that something bad could happen to you that money could fix easily, but you don't have it."
I think this is a really interesting topic.
I grew up with parents how had been traumatized by the Depression, my mom more than my dad. Both grandfathers lost their businesses in the Depression. My mother was scarred by the Depression and what it had done to her family socially--basically, they lost all status and were relegated to some sort of Southern dust heap, metaphorically speaking.
She did say something so wonderful about that the other day, though--I had never heard her say this--she said that when her dad lost his business, the family lost their membership in the Country Club but that she was still allowed to swim in the pool because "that nice man, Mr. Jones, bought all his produce from my dad." That nice man was Bobby Jones.
Personally, I felt somewhat "less than" growing up, since I remember getting my first non handmedown dress for Christmas at the age of 9 and feeling extremely sophisticated about it.
I did not ever feel poor until I left my abusive husband, who cleared out the checking account and I had to pawn my engagement ring for groceries for the kids. And I had no money to pay the pediatrician. I felt poor, and traumatized after the divorce.
It has definitely changed the way I deal with money. I am like other posters, want to have a full pantry so that can feed the children, even though the children have grown. Feel very rich when I have gone to the grocery store and stocked up. I also have a very difficult time banking on the future, taking on future debt, etc. I have felt very poor when my brother has mocked me about this, mocked me to his children, saying "Do you still think you can play with your cousins? They only have one bathroom." My brother feels I made a mistake leaving the abuser, because i walked away from his money. I don't know what to say about him, other than he hurts me quite a bit.
So yeah, after I divorced my abusive and rich husband, I felt poor and the kids felt poor, and it hurt us. We went to live in a house with one bathroom, and he moved into a house with five bathrooms, along with his live in girlfriend.
On the other hand, the kids are pretty good with money as adults. They learned some skills along the way.
reodosweetheart, your brother is a jerk!
I grew up solidly middle class, but my mother was a 'simple liver' way before it was cool. She absolutely didn't buy into advertisement, and would never get us the latest cool thing just because our friends had it. She had a garden, sewed our clothes,(and insisted we do the same, although I never really liked, or became good at this)
For the most part, I was an 'unaware' kid.. Didn't really want the latest trendy thing, or clothing, but then I guess i was one of the uncool kids, so it didn't matter. I do believe my sister harbors some resentment for the things she didn't get that her friends got. But then, she was more stylish than me. Although I do remember coveting a friends Easy Bake Oven, and really wishing I had one. I believe when I mentioned this to my mother, she only replied, 'You have a real oven, and know how to bake. Bake something!' She just didn't get it!>8)
Overall, we were not poor, but some would have thought we lived 'poor' in that we didn't subscribe to all the trappings that our parents incomes warranted. My folks are still frugal, and now we all admire this, and are grateful for the lessons we learned in childhood.
I don't know if the depression, which both my parents went through 'poor', had anything to do with their later ideals, but whatever, it works for us now.
rodeosweetheart
9-14-12, 8:45pm
Thanks, Peggy! And I remember the Easy Bake Oven, with those cool tiny pans.
Originally posted by Decemberlov.
I use to feel shame when I was younger about not having as much as other children did. Now at 30, I feel that I had way more the majority of others, maybe not material things but the things that mattered. I never went to bed without hearing how loved I was, I was taught values and manners. Much of which seems lacking is children these days. I was given unconditional love and proper guidance. I feel that my childhood has made me grateful for what many seem to take for granted.This is darling, and applies (so well) to my own upbringing. Kids, for the most part, are naive and unaware of a lot of what we as adults feel and see, so throughout the kids years, not much means much, but like yourself, whenever I look back on my own young and growing years, I count my blessings as to all that I had, because even to this day I still remember the many kids who truly had nothing.
ToomuchStuff
9-16-12, 2:06am
I would say my parents were middle class. I grew up with some friends who were similar to where we were, and others who were poor. To give a few examples, I remember a girl who got two new pairs of overalls, a pair of shoes and if her mom could swing it, a few shirts (most likely from the thrift store). Another whose father was a detective but whose mom was a construction worker, with substance abuse issues. Family friends were mostly middle class (grandparents knew each other for decades at least, parents grew up together, I grew up with their kids) They rose up together. (I only wish those connections would have stayed)
My grandmother, (mom's side) and the area that I grew up in more, was mostly poor. I learned more from them, then I did from my "do as I say, not as I do" parents. Some here, have mentioned allowances, mine was to use my lunch money for food, or for stuff. Their money wasn't mine and I was expected to get my own. (dad grew up poor and "made good" to make middle class, his view was go mow lawns, but you can't use my mower, you have to get your own) Money didn't matter much to me for the longest time, as I expected to be dead by 30. The only question was by whose hand. It was only after hitting that milestone, after almost loosing everything, that I realized I may not be, what I was taught I was, or was going to be.
I grew up running fur trap lines for $$$, fishing after school for food for the family dinner, and hunting rabbits and squirrels for us to eat.
I spent a good portion of my time, while my parents were working, at my grandparents house. They lived in a single-wide trailer. Behind the trailer was an endless array of junked cars my grandfather used for his auto/engine repair business. Whenever the junk got too close to the trailer, he'd move the trailer up on the lot another couple hundred feet. We didn't live in a trailer though - we lived in a different house every year. Dad would buy some trashed place, and we'd untrash it, sell it, and move on to the next project.
I thought we were rich beyond compare.
I LOVE reading everyone's stories about how they lived in their childhoods,young adult lives and what they have learned through the years. We grew up quite poor. My parents divorced when I was 12.My Mom was a single mother when it wasn't a fashionable thing, and divorce was decided by a jury and published in the local newspaper.
she grew up very poor --right down to the dirt floor in the kitchen. She graduated valedictorian of her class. For her and my aunts and uncles, they had to board with other families in order to go to high school. Their room and board was paid by them working for the families that they boarded with. My Dad grew up on a different farm every so many years.None of our relatives had money, they were all farmers.
Growing up, we had hand me down clothes from cousins or Mom made ALL of our clothes including pajamas.We were never on welfare of any kind as it was a really bad memory for my Mom. To this day, I do NOT know how she raised 4 kids, on the little that she made.We were never cold or hungry. We always went to the doctors when we were sick. WE did not h ave a car until I was in the 4th grade and then it was a 1946 Desoto.That was one cool car!! Vacations were to the lake to a cottage rented with another family for several years. Then after the divorce, we did not go on any vacations at all. When we were all able to work, we pooled our money to go camping in Nova Scotia. My brother and I had to pay room and board once we got into high school and buy all of our own clothes (or for me...make them).IF we ever went out to dinner it was once a year and was such a big deal that I always got sick from the stress and anticipation. That took me many yrs to overcome. We had one 13 inch black and white TV. Never had cable. Mom never had any debt.Snacks were graham crackers and koolaid made with REAL sugar.
My favorite places to go were to our relatives that had farms. spent many a day playing in the barn, swimming in the river, or sitting by the pot belly stove in the dining room of that beloved farmhouse.
The one BIG splurge that we did have was: Mom would buy books for all of us once a month and we got them as rewards for good grades, helping out around the house, or for birthdays.
We did not feel deprived and none of us have any debt. Credit cards are for real emergencies, and most vacations are at home.
To this day, my Mom (who is 80) still has the same living room set that she bought when I was a senior in high school that was a window display. I told her it was time she got new furniture...and she laughed. Still looks like new after all of these years.
My DH and I drive the cars that we get for 15-20 yrs.Sure, we can afford a new car if we want one, but what's the point if they still look like new and run well? We do not have the latest and greatest, but we have what we want, and spend money on what makes us happy.
A full pantry and freezer is the most important thing for us!! We both know what it is like to not have a full pantry from our early years.While we may have a house, we pride ourselves on owning it outright and having the gardens and flowers that we want to enjoy.And most importantly, not having debt as we go into our retirement years.
My parents were both first generation Americans. They grew up during the Great depression and lived very different lives. Mom was the child of a vegetable farmer. They always had enough food because of that but didn't have much else. Their home was heated by the stove, they had to use an outhouse and each child had two sets of handmade clothes so they had something to wear when something was being washed. Only the oldest got new and everyone else got handme downs. They got 5cents for their birthdays but had to share it with their siblings (There were four kids in the house). Lunch every day was soup and you never got seconds.
My father's family had money. My grandfather owned a movie theater, a pharmacy and an apartment building. Food was in great abundance, plenty of store bought clothes and they got the newest in inovations. First on the block to own a car, etc...
I grew up fairly upper middle class. Plenty of food,summer cottage by the lake, name brand clothing, parents never drove cars more than two years etc....
Today I'm what you would call lower middle class. Dh and I own a home (or rather the bank owns it). We drive older paid for cars, one of which has the seal-coat peeling off of it. We don't have any debt outside of the mortgage but we have about $80 for the month left to buy groceries and it's only the 16th. We can't help our son with college costs much and we don't go out often. If we do it's well planned months in advance or it's a free night. We don't own a television set, we don't have smartphones or data plans and we buy all our furniture and clothes second hand (save for socks and underwear).
decemberlov
9-17-12, 12:01pm
I grew up running fur trap lines for $$$, fishing after school for food for the family dinner, and hunting rabbits and squirrels for us to eat.
Just like Billy from the book Where the Red Fern Grows! My most favorite book in the whole wide world!
I think you shall always remind me of him now :~)
Just like Billy from the book Where the Red Fern Grows! My most favorite book in the whole wide world!
I think you shall always remind me of him now :~)
I had beagles though, not coonhounds - my Mom was too smart for that :-)
Oddly, my wife and I have been discussing what our Next Generation of dogs should be, and she so far hasn't spotted the flaw(s) in my "so, what about large hounddogs" plan... I was thinking old-fashioned Blueticks, not Redbones though :-) Or maybe just a pair of bloodhounds.
Plott Hounds are a great choice... Can't go wrong with a hound. I also love Bearded Collies.
Loving reading all the stories.
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